edgygirl Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 I'm talking with a man who lives in a town I go often for work. I change the location of my online dating profile to that town whenever I go there and have been chatting with men who live there. He told me he loves my city and plans on coming to an opera show that's up until mid of April. I mentioned I love opera, but never been to a show. He asked me if I want to see it. I told him that would be an unusual first date... he told me the two dates he's available and that I let him know if either is okay. Now, I looked online and the tickets range between US$140-480 depending on the the area (balcony, orchestra, etc.). Let me put it out there that I am one of those women who prefers men paying on a first date, not because I need - I have my own money thank you - but because I probably haven't shaken up biologically the feeling that I prefer a man who has his stuff together and can provide if needed, etc. What is the etiquette here? He is 49. Should I offer to pay for my ticket? Would it be rude? Is the person who's inviting supposed to pay? Don't think I can buy the ticket myself or we'll be seated in different areas. I haven't responded yet and not sure how to handle this.
jen1447 Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 I'd offer to pay for a big dollar item like that. It's more than just dinner. If he insists he's got it, fine, but you'd look a little precious IMO just sitting there like he's expected to drop a couple hundred on you. 2
Author edgygirl Posted March 26, 2016 Author Posted March 26, 2016 Yes I thought so... but how do I even say it? "The tickets are probably expensive, how do I pay you back?" or so? English is not my first language, got lost in the "look a little precious" translation. I'd offer to pay for a big dollar item like that. It's more than just dinner. If he insists he's got it, fine, but you'd look a little precious IMO just sitting there like he's expected to drop a couple hundred on you.
LydiaLong Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 Tell him, "Please let me know how much my ticket is. Is a check ok?"
jen1447 Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 That, or I'd say sth like "Can I help you pay for this?" Then when he says no, show your gratitude genuinely and graciously accept his hospitality and generosity. The worst thing to do is start fighting about pay/don't pay. (Also you have to mean it tho - if he says "well yeah" then be ready to float the cash/check/whatever.) "Precious" just means acting like a princess - someone who believes they deserve unreciprocated acts of generosity and even expects them.
Author edgygirl Posted March 26, 2016 Author Posted March 26, 2016 Thank to both. I did offer to pay, he just replied "I'll see if I can get tickets" and that it would be fun It's a weird situation in my opinion... but I guess it's okay if he tells me how much I owe him... or maybe I pay for dinner/drinks or something.
jen1447 Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 Thank to both. I did offer to pay, he just replied "I'll see if I can get tickets" and that it would be fun It's a weird situation in my opinion... but I guess it's okay if he tells me how much I owe him... or maybe I pay for dinner/drinks or something. Sure. Just pay if he gives you a figure (altho that would be a little unexpected and cludgy imo but whatever) and/or offer to pay for dinner/drinks. Or maybe even just tell him you want to take him out another time.
Author edgygirl Posted March 27, 2016 Author Posted March 27, 2016 It would be, if I didn't state clearly that: "I live in _______ (city #1) and am often in ________ (city #2). I love the ______ (area of city #2) and am open to meeting someone local. ^ Which I did. It's in my profile for people in both cities to see. No one complained yet and I am preferring guys from city #2 lately. it's dishonest to keep changing your location
Author edgygirl Posted March 27, 2016 Author Posted March 27, 2016 I will pay if he tells me. Hopefully he won't get the $500 ticket haha. I haven't met him yet, so not sure date #2 is in the cards, but perhaps I can pay for dinner on the same night in case he refuses to accept money for the ticket. Sure. Just pay if he gives you a figure (altho that would be a little unexpected and cludgy imo but whatever) and/or offer to pay for dinner/drinks. Or maybe even just tell him you want to take him out another time. [/url]
itstoni Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 You should pay for your own ticket, shows that you're independent and he'll like you more for it - especially since it's a lot of money for a first date. Either tell hin directly that you're paying for your own, or have him pay then give him the money.
jen1447 Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 I will pay if he tells me. Hopefully he won't get the $500 ticket haha. I haven't met him yet, so not sure date #2 is in the cards, but perhaps I can pay for dinner on the same night in case he refuses to accept money for the ticket. That'd be fine but just avoid 'fighting' over it if he says no, he's got it covered. (Assuming you see anything at all to salvage from the experience.) Nothing wrecks the mood of a nice evening quite like fighting over money. The best response to generosity is always gracious acceptance of it.
Author edgygirl Posted March 27, 2016 Author Posted March 27, 2016 Agree 100% That'd be fine but just avoid 'fighting' over it if he says no, he's got it covered. (Assuming you see anything at all to salvage from the experience.) Nothing wrecks the mood of a nice evening quite like fighting over money. The best response to generosity is always gracious acceptance of it.
Author edgygirl Posted March 28, 2016 Author Posted March 28, 2016 (edited) He got the tickets... what do I wear??? opera date outfit - Google Search Seriously? Do I have to dress like that? Long fancy dress on a first date? Oh my this is going to be awkward. Or this "Opera / Ballet / Gala"? Ahhh: http://babe-budget.blogspot.com/2014/06/16-first-date-outfit-ideas.html Oh lord... that's what people wear to the Met: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-3244192/Jessica-Chastain-Brooke-Shields-lead-way-stars-glam-opening-night-Verdi-s-Otello.html Edited March 28, 2016 by edgygirl
SunnyWeather Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 (edited) of course he got the tix! I can't imagine a gentleman asking you to the opera and accepting payment for the ticket. that would be really bad form... I also can't imagine going to the opera for a first date, but wth? being adventurous can be fun sometimes... as for outfits, unless it's opening night do not wear a formal! without knowing your city and how casual it tends to run eg west coast is very casual even at the opera, I suggest a nice dress, knee length or just below, not too sexy but not matronly either. something similar to outfit #2 on the second link ETA- I was referring to US standards, if you're from the UK you might have different dress protocols, more fancy perhaps... let us know how it goes. which opera is it? Edited March 28, 2016 by SunnyWeather 2
Author edgygirl Posted March 28, 2016 Author Posted March 28, 2016 Thank you! Right? - Seems like a gentleman indeed. Who asks you these days for a night at the opera? Men are downgrading to coffee as far as I know haha. Did you notice the opera outfit is the second row at the second link, the black one? Yeah I guess that would be okay as it's not the opening night. My city is fancy and in the East Coast... And we're going to see Madame Butterfly! Exciting - love anything related to Japan! Thanks again of course he got the tix! I can't imagine a gentleman asking you to the opera and accepting payment for the ticket. that would be really bad form... I also can't imagine going to the opera for a first date, but wth? being adventurous can be fun sometimes... as for outfits, unless it's opening night do not wear a formal! without knowing your city and how casual it tends to run eg west coast is very casual even at the opera, I suggest a nice dress, knee length or just below, not too sexy but not matronly either. something similar to outfit #2 on the second link let us know how it goes. which opera is it? 1
SunnyWeather Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 "Did you notice the opera outfit is the second row at the second link, the black one?" yes! hot and classy! way to go. Madame Butterfly should be fantastic! looking forward to hearing how it went
Author edgygirl Posted March 28, 2016 Author Posted March 28, 2016 Thanks! It's about 10 days from now but I'll resuscitate this topic "Did you notice the opera outfit is the second row at the second link, the black one?" yes! hot and classy! way to go. Madame Butterfly should be fantastic! looking forward to hearing how it went
jen1447 Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 Quick tip - find out what he's wearing. It'll more more important that the two of you match on the dress up level. 3
Versacehottie Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 Yeah I was going to say unless it is opening night don't wear an evening gown. Cocktail-ish look is fine. My parents go and that's what they wear. Usually the opening nights are major benefit gala type things and pretty sure the tickets would be considerably more on opening night because it's a benefit (also impossible to obtain). If you are in a city like NY or Boston, I would also think fashiony-edgy look (good for edgy Japanese girl ) would be good too. Probably same as art gallery opening. Have fun! 1
Leigh 87 Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 Oh yuck. I HATE the opera:sick: I like the ballet though. It is not like I do not have a refined taste....but trust me, the operah is def an aquired taste:lmao:
lana-banana Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 Oh yuck. I HATE the opera:sick: I like the ballet though. It is not like I do not have a refined taste....but trust me, the operah is def an aquired taste:lmao: Is it really helpful to barge into a thread and tell the OP you don't like their hobbies? Besides, this makes no sense. "Opera" is not a refined taste any more than books or movies are an acquired taste. It's a genre, not a style. You really think an opera as classic and popular as Madame Butterfly is acquired? It's not like she asked him to Lady Macbeth of Mtsensk (which is fabulous, by the way, but would be a terrible first date). OP: do NOT wear a gown. Black tie attire at the opera is only appropriate when it's part of a gala event. Business clothes are standard, and in many cities people wear business casual. If you can wear it to the office or church it will be fine. 4
Author edgygirl Posted April 2, 2016 Author Posted April 2, 2016 lol thanks lana... but it's okay... I found it funny in a way. I love listening to opera. Oh my, how can someone not like Maria Callas i.e.? But I've never been to a show so not offended. Looking forward to it. Thanks you guys are all right. I'll probably just go with a little cool/edgy dress Is it really helpful to barge into a thread and tell the OP you don't like their hobbies? Besides, this makes no sense. "Opera" is not a refined taste any more than books or movies are an acquired taste. It's a genre, not a style. You really think an opera as classic and popular as Madame Butterfly is acquired? It's not like she asked him to Lady Macbeth of Mtsensk (which is fabulous, by the way, but would be a terrible first date). OP: do NOT wear a gown. Black tie attire at the opera is only appropriate when it's part of a gala event. Business clothes are standard, and in many cities people wear business casual. If you can wear it to the office or church it will be fine.
Author edgygirl Posted April 2, 2016 Author Posted April 2, 2016 Yeah... trying not to think about the fact that I never met him, as I am well aware it might get awkward. Seems Mme. Butterfly is more than 3 hours long... Crossing my fingers it's not too awkward, happening a week from now. Am I reading right that you haven't met yet?
Arieswoman Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 EdgyGirl, I'm not very happy about this for a first date, especially if you've never met. Suppose he looks like Herman Munster? Is there any way you could meet for coffee or brunch, just to break the ice, before you embark on anything so formal? Just my 2 pence....
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