What did I do wrong?

[crystalhoon]

Hi guys, I am new here. I just recently experience a breakup and do no have any supportive people in my life I can talk to this about. its especially hard for me today since its my birthday:(

Recently my (ex)bf broke up with me because he's moving to a new country in a couple days. He told me he's unsure if he wants to be with me or not and that he just wants to focus on his future and nothing else. I was devastated to hear this news. We've been going out for about 7 months now and in the beginning everything was going well. Until he recently came back from a trip. We got into a huge argument and he ended things saying he needed space. I tried to push him to talk to me about this but he refused. I keep asking him to meet me up and not break up with my through text but he said he is not going to do that. I dont want us to be on bad terms before he leaves but I dont know any other way to reach out to him. He goes and say how we will see if we will still be talking when he comes back and see what happens. I'm smart enough to know that I shouldnt have to wait for him.

It just hurts so bad that he's not even willing to see me to talk. We havent seen each other since the beginning of the month and today is my birthday and he won't even acknowledge that I existed. I felt like I put in so much and i dont understand how someone can be so cruel.

How do I move on from this and let it go?

[Steven1]

Happy birthday first of all, as much as it's probably not happy, wishes to you all the same.

 

Sadly I think he's put the writing on the wall for you with regards to how he feels, he may feel that being in a relationship is something that he doesn't need if he is going to be moving to a new country, long distance relationships can be very hard and are not for everyone and he may feel that it's not going to work or that he can't fully commit to going into a long distance relationship and focus on his future at the same time. ??

 

You did nothing wrong, sadly it's just one of those hands that get dealt that we can do very little about. If it brings you peace of mind, try to end it on good terms with him, just a text to say good luck etc, it doesn't have to be much but you will know you did your part to end it on good terms.

 

Moving on takes time and comes differently for different people, but try to keep yourself busy to start with and try not to let yourself get preoccupied with thoughts of what he is doing etc.

[crystalhoon]

Happy birthday first of all, as much as it's probably not happy, wishes to you all the same.

 

Sadly I think he's put the writing on the wall for you with regards to how he feels, he may feel that being in a relationship is something that he doesn't need if he is going to be moving to a new country, long distance relationships can be very hard and are not for everyone and he may feel that it's not going to work or that he can't fully commit to going into a long distance relationship and focus on his future at the same time. ??

 

You did nothing wrong, sadly it's just one of those hands that get dealt that we can do very little about. If it brings you peace of mind, try to end it on good terms with him, just a text to say good luck etc, it doesn't have to be much but you will know you did your part to end it on good terms.

 

Moving on takes time and comes differently for different people, but try to keep yourself busy to start with and try not to let yourself get preoccupied with thoughts of what he is doing etc.

 

I tried to end it on good terms however i let my emotions get the best of me and texted him angry text these last couple of days and getting into big fights with him because i feel like i deserved better understanding from him. Should i just leave it alone for now until he contacts me?

[Steven1]

If contacting him is leading to fights then I would leave it. Again maybe just text to say good luck etc if he goes and then leave it at that.

[basil67]

You say that he ended things after you got into a huge argument. What was the argument about? You may find solace somewhere in that.

[crystalhoon]

You say that he ended things after you got into a huge argument. What was the argument about? You may find solace somewhere in that.

 

We were fighting a lot during the last month of the relationship over stupid things. I believe the last argument was because I felt like he didnt really pay attention to things I have to say. I know he was going through a lot at the time and I tried to be there for him and be supportive but he never really appreciated it.

 

I just sucks and hurts to bad to give so much into a relationship to have it end like this.

[Steven1]

I know how much it hurts. I think if you know that you deserved better then sadly it's just a case of letting go as much as you want it to work. You can't say you didn't try.

[crystalhoon]

If contacting him is leading to fights then I would leave it. Again maybe just text to say good luck etc if he goes and then leave it at that.

 

I texted and asked him why he isn't willing to see me before he leaves because I want to have some sort of understanding, but he never replied. It sucked because I really saw potential in him. Everyone always told me I was too good for him but I believed in him and he wasnt was any says. I know he has a hard time trusting people due to getting hurt and abandoned when he was younger and I was the first girl he trusted and cared for in a really long time according to him. He wasn't doing anything with his life and I motivated him to get a job and think about his future, which led him to decide to move back home to focus on his future. When he came back from his trip a month ago, visiting family, he was sad for awhile because he missed his family. He became distant. I tried to be there for him but I didn't know how to get through to him.

[crystalhoon]

I know how much it hurts. I think if you know that you deserved better then sadly it's just a case of letting go as much as you want it to work. You can't say you didn't try.

 

Yeah, it sucked because I actually believed in him. He said not seeing each other is better for both of us, but I still dont understand how any of this was better for the both of us. He basically asked for a break for a couple of days to think things through, and didnt even mention anything to me then decided to make the decision that it should be over without giving me an understand as to why.

I mentioned to him plenty of time that I'm willing to do anything in my power to make it work and he keeps saying he just doesnt know.

[Steven1]

My recent break up with my ex who I was with for 7 years ended on a kind of similar thing..., she broke up with me out of the blue and I never got any real explanation at the time..., we went about 8 weeks of no contact and only yesterday/today did I really get an answer as to why we did.

 

I think similar to you it's hurting you more because you need an answer as to why he is making this decision etc and that's the hard part, not knowing is worse sometimes.

[crystalhoon]

My recent break up with my ex who I was with for 7 years ended on a kind of similar thing..., she broke up with me out of the blue and I never got any real explanation at the time..., we went about 8 weeks of no contact and only yesterday/today did I really get an answer as to why we did.

 

I think similar to you it's hurting you more because you need an answer as to why he is making this decision etc and that's the hard part, not knowing is worse sometimes.

 

It does suck really bad to no get the closure and answers.

during a particular fight we had I told him how he cant hurt people and expect them to be okay just because he is and he said he's not and that i should just stop asking all these question.

I keep making excuses for the way he hurt me telling myself that maybe he is really going through a lot and he's really stress with all these big changes in his life. Im not sure if thats the smart thing to do.

do you think he'll reach out to me again when he's ready?

[Steven1]

I think from his view he might be mad/confused/stressed etc over everything. It's probably a big change for him too but he shouldn't take it out on you, he might not be directly meaning to do it, he may be mad that he is having to put the relationship to one side etc it's really hard to tell.

 

I think he probably will contact you again, it does sound as though this whole thing is based around him moving and not over anything that's directly been between the two of you.

[crystalhoon]

I think from his view he might be mad/confused/stressed etc over everything. It's probably a big change for him too but he shouldn't take it out on you, he might not be directly meaning to do it, he may be mad that he is having to put the relationship to one side etc it's really hard to tell.

 

I think he probably will contact you again, it does sound as though this whole thing is based around him moving and not over anything that's directly been between the two of you.

 

I think there were times when he was gone last month where i was needy and clingy and I guess that took a toll on him. I just felt like I was giving so much in teh relationship and he barely acknowledge or cared about the little things about me. I guess i messed up when by becoming needy.

I took your advice and sent him a long text apolizing for acting liek a crazy monster and letting my emoitons get the best of me and saying i wished him nothing but the best and good luck with his future. I told him i cant be reaching out again because i dont want to fight anymore. I dont like who im becoming because of this.

this somewhat helped on my end because at least I got what i needed to say to try to end this on good terms.

I just hope once hes officially moved, he'll have time to reflect on this relationship, but it just sucks and hurts knowing i wont get to see him before he leaves and not knowing when he will be back.

 

Thank you so much for your advice steven1.

[Steven1]

You've at least ended it or let your feelings bee known and if anything you've given yourself what you needed by at least ending it on good terms from your side and you got your feelings and thoughts off your chest which I think will help you in the long run.

[crystalhoon]

You've at least ended it or let your feelings bee known and if anything you've given yourself what you needed by at least ending it on good terms from your side and you got your feelings and thoughts off your chest which I think will help you in the long run.

 

It just sucks how I didn't even get a text or any acknowledgement on my birthdya. It's like I'm dead for to him and it just sucks. I feel so hurt and angry about this. For his birthday, I went out of my way to make him happy but it feels like he doesn't even give a crap about mine. Makes me wonder if he actual ever really cared about me

[Steven1]

I know, as I said thought at least you ended it the way you thought was best as such and you got to say what you wanted to say. If he hasn't even bothered to say happy birthday to you that should probably tell you a lot about him, even if he has got a lot going on, it can't be that bad that he can't spare 10 seconds to send a text.

[crystalhoon]

I know, as I said thought at least you ended it the way you thought was best as such and you got to say what you wanted to say. If he hasn't even bothered to say happy birthday to you that should probably tell you a lot about him, even if he has got a lot going on, it can't be that bad that he can't spare 10 seconds to send a text.

 

I guess you're right. Last night however I sent him a text during my birthday celebration becuase I was drunk saying I miss him and he never responded so I got mad and went off but yet no reply. Maybe it's my fault.

[crystalhoon]

Do you think I'll ever hear from him again or should I just give up hope of ever getting any sort of understanding and closure

[crystalhoon]

So my (ex)boyfriend have officially moved to a new country for six+month for work and to focus on his future. Before he left (my previous thread) we had a rocky time. In the beginning of March he asked for space to think about things since we kept fighting over little things then he made the decision to move in order to focus on his future. For the past three weeks I kept asking for answers about our relationship and we always end up fighting. Each time I reached out, he kept ignoring me or yelling at me as if I'm the one who caused this this thing. He never could give me an answer as to what is going on except that he's leaving. No reasons or explainations or even talked to me about t. The last two days before he left, we had an argument and he said he doesn't know how long he'll be gone and kept apologizing for hurting me. He said that he's dealing with a lot right now and doesn't have time to deal with this. He said we'll see if I'll still feel the same and how things goes when he comes back.

The question is should I wait for him or move on. Do you think he'll ever reach out to me once he's settled in his new home and have time to think things through?

I would like to say that we had a pretty good relationship. There was never any major problems and we had fights just like any normal couples do. I treated him with a lot of respect and did everything I could to make him happy. Before we started dating, he had a reputation of being a player. A lot of my friends warned me about him but I chose to believe him. And even until now I don't regret it and I'm glad I did. He always had trust issues and he told me I was the first girl he ever trusted to tell his problems too. He said that I was different and that there was sometbing about me. I saw him change for the better for me. He put in a lot of effort to change his old ways. Before he met me, he was out partying all the time and basically didn't know what he wanted to do with his life. After we got together, I pushed him to do better for himself. he got himself a job and started taking his future more seriously. He even admit to me that being with me changed him for the better. One of the reasons he decided to move to a new country was so he can gain some experience for his goals. Even when he told me he was moving, I never once got mad at the decision and told him I would support him. I would like to say I made an impact on his life.

The problem is, how much pain he put me through before he left hurts really bad and it made me feel like I never mattered to him. He basically took his anger abs stress out on me. Right now we're not even on speaking terms and it sucks. I felt like I was always there for him and he just cut me out so easily. I know he's going through a lot and have a hard time handling stress.

Should I just give him space for a couple of weeks and then try to reach out again for some sort of ubderstsnding? Or should I just go complete nc and move on?

Thanks guys

[Steven1]

To be honest it's entirely up to you. I would say if you were having a rocky end to your relationship before it ended and going from my answer/reading your previous thread, I would suggest that it may be better to move on. Now in 6 month when he is back, you may be in a position where if he does contact you, then any future relationship should be on your terms and not his. But the chances are slim imo. He's in a new country and will no doubt be meeting other people whilst over there.

 

The fact that you are also not even speaking to one another would suggest that waiting for him isn't the best of things for you to pin your hopes on imo.

[crystalhoon]

To be honest it's entirely up to you. I would say if you were having a rocky end to your relationship before it ended and going from my answer/reading your previous thread, I would suggest that it may be better to move on. Now in 6 month when he is back, you may be in a position where if he does contact you, then any future relationship should be on your terms and not his. But the chances are slim imo. He's in a new country and will no doubt be meeting other people whilst over there.

 

The fact that you are also not even speaking to one another would suggest that waiting for him isn't the best of things for you to pin your hopes on imo.

 

Yeah he said he's dealing with a lot right now and don't have time to deal with this so i sent an angry text saying how he never even gave me an explanation and reason for this whole thing and I've been apologizing for getting hurt and told him that I won't bother him again and all he said is sorry and we left it at that.

[crystalhoon]

Do you think he'll eventually have time to think things through once evertbings settled? All these thoughts are killing me. It's not gettifn easier :(

[Steven1]

Maybe if you I tell you what happened with me, it may put some perspective on it, as at least yo will know someone else is going through the same thing.

 

I'll cut it fairly shorter than my question I posted a while back.

 

Me and my now ex were dating for 7 years, she came here in September to start Uni and more or less told me before Valentines day that we were over but left it in the air, 8 weeks of no contact she texts me to see how I am and we go through why we split. She said she no longer had romantic feelings for me and hadn't for a while, that she had started to speaking to someone else and thinks that something will happen with them soon. Before we broke up we had some great nights together, and she agreed but said she still had doubts about us. We were supposed to be moving in together in a year or so and going on a holiday this year. She's told me that there is realistically zero chance of us getting back together and to move on.

 

That was an extremely hard hit to my life, but I'm still here. Don't get me wrong, it hurts every day, and it will for a while. But you can get through this and move on from him. I think he's more or less made it clear that he doesn't want anything solid/steady with you or anyone for a while from what you have said. He wants to be in a different country etc and focus on himself, rather than having a commitment. I was, and still am some days, like you, I still hold onto some hope that she'll come back to me, even though she made it plain as day that she wouldn't.

 

I'm not saying he won't ever contact you again, but I think you need to try and start to move on from him, as you are putting a lot of hope that even in 6 MONTHS he will contact you and everything will be fine. I would suspect that if he hasn't contacted you by now, there's little chance he will before then, and if he does I doubt it would be giving you any kind of news you were hoping for sadly.

[crystalhoon]

Maybe if you I tell you what happened with me, it may put some perspective on it, as at least yo will know someone else is going through the same thing.

 

I'll cut it fairly shorter than my question I posted a while back.

 

Me and my now ex were dating for 7 years, she came here in September to start Uni and more or less told me before Valentines day that we were over but left it in the air, 8 weeks of no contact she texts me to see how I am and we go through why we split. She said she no longer had romantic feelings for me and hadn't for a while, that she had started to speaking to someone else and thinks that something will happen with them soon. Before we broke up we had some great nights together, and she agreed but said she still had doubts about us. We were supposed to be moving in together in a year or so and going on a holiday this year. She's told me that there is realistically zero chance of us getting back together and to move on.

 

That was an extremely hard hit to my life, but I'm still here. Don't get me wrong, it hurts every day, and it will for a while. But you can get through this and move on from him. I think he's more or less made it clear that he doesn't want anything solid/steady with you or anyone for a while from what you have said. He wants to be in a different country etc and focus on himself, rather than having a commitment. I was, and still am some days, like you, I still hold onto some hope that she'll come back to me, even though she made it plain as day that she wouldn't.

 

I'm not saying he won't ever contact you again, but I think you need to try and start to move on from him, as you are putting a lot of hope that even in 6 MONTHS he will contact you and everything will be fine. I would suspect that if he hasn't contacted you by now, there's little chance he will before then, and if he does I doubt it would be giving you any kind of news you were hoping for sadly.

 

 

I think what hurts the most is that he just up and left with no explanations and taking all his anger and stress out on me. everything felt so sudden. It just sucks not getting a reason for all this when I was nothing but good to him. I guess i should use this time to really see what I want. There were some days when I doubted my relationship with him when I was with him. Sometimes I would wonder if I deserved better because I would pay so much attention to him but when it came to me, I felt like he took a lot of the stuff I did for him for granted. I think right now, I'm going through the whole want-what-you-cant-have thing. I mean I was good to him and I know he can't just forget everything so easily. Maybe time is just exactly what we need right now.

[preraph]

Your relationship wasn't good even before he moved. No, you should not wait for him. Why put yourself through any more misery with him? Just move on and find someone new. Or spend some time alone and learn to be self-sufficient, or get a pet.