gothedistance Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 Hi, 6+ years together, I relocated for him, talked about getting engaged, found out he is cheating, we tried to go back to normal for months, he continued being secretive, and he broke it off because we fought so much. He is angry at me that he has lost many freinds and his family is made because they found out thru me what he did. I am sad because it looks like the end though I dont want it to be. How did u get thru it? How long does it take to stop feeling lonely? How did u know u were feeling better and moved on? Even when Im sitting with ppl I still feel empty like I cant connect with anything.
Steven1 Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 I think for the time you were together and for him cheating then sadly there is little recourse but for you to try and move on. It's admirable that you even gave it another go after he was caught cheating. You can try as hard as you like but you have to be incredibly strong and trusting mentally to forgive someone who has cheated and to trust them from that point on. He has no right to blame you at all as he is the one who ruined the relationship, not you. After 6 years together it's also inevitable that families are involved... I suppose in a way they had a right to know that the two of you had broke up...me personally I may not have told them why. Sadly relationships of this long term can take a long time to get over. My relatonship of 7 years just recently ended 8 weeks ago, and it still feels as though it happened just yesterday. I've found in my experience anyway that with a long term relationship ending you find a level of acceptance after a while before you can think clearly again. As you said though, he's cheated and you still give him a chance and from the sounds of it he is not going to change. Definitely don't get involved with him any longer.
lychee Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 Hi, 6+ years together, I relocated for him, talked about getting engaged, found out he is cheating, we tried to go back to normal for months, he continued being secretive, and he broke it off because we fought so much. He is angry at me that he has lost many freinds and his family is made because they found out thru me what he did. I am sad because it looks like the end though I dont want it to be. How did u get thru it? How long does it take to stop feeling lonely? How did u know u were feeling better and moved on? Even when Im sitting with ppl I still feel empty like I cant connect with anything. Time. Going NC and letting time do its work. Theres nothing else that will help, you wont magically feel better. You need to cut your ties to him ( his family/his friend) unlink your social media to his.. You'll get over him.
Rachel39 Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 I'm 10 weeks in and 7 days no contact! I can eat and sleep now I'm still tearful! I cried earlier today but I don't feel the need to contact him any more. My emotions are still all over, anger denial, hope then tears I'm still grieving over my future and loosing another family I'm not sure how long it will take for me
basil67 Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 When you start to get mad at him, it will become easier. As in "How dare he get mad at me when HE was the one cheating!" It's the point where sadness becomes good riddence.
thespacey1 Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 Time and doing things that make YOU happy, are healers. 1 & half years post BU, and I still have my dad moments. I broke up with him because of his temper, jealousy, background and we were just more fundamentally different than I truly realized. Needless to say he held lots of anger toward me during our breakup and right after. I reached out to him then, but he wouldn't reciprocate at first. Then he would initiate contact on his own a few times. So we both were doing bread crumbs, but that faded. We've seen each other only a few times post BU and started seeing other people, etc. Now, there's no contact... I think I miss the idea of us/or having a companion. I DO NOT miss arguing, his mid swings, waking on egg shells some days, his jealous rants, his controlling ways, coming (for him) skill the d@mn time,etc. However, the details of our day to day activities together, refuse to get out of my head. Similar to what the previous poster said, I no longer feel the strong desire to make contact with him anymore, but I do some days think "it'd be nice to hear from him". I'm almost certain that will never, EVER happen again. Appreciate this time you have to be with yourself. I know it sounds dumb right now and you don't wanna hear that, but you'll see what I mean in a few moths. Please don't expect to be able to completely be healed at this stage. Grieve... But always be good to yourself!
louxor Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 Hi, 6+ years together, I relocated for him, talked about getting engaged, found out he is cheating, we tried to go back to normal for months, he continued being secretive, and he broke it off because we fought so much. He is angry at me that he has lost many freinds and his family is made because they found out thru me what he did. I am sad because it looks like the end though I dont want it to be. How did u get thru it? How long does it take to stop feeling lonely? How did u know u were feeling better and moved on? Even when Im sitting with ppl I still feel empty like I cant connect with anything. As everyone has said previously, time is how you get through it. As to how you approach this time, focus on the things that make you happy, and cut out those that don't. Everyone gets through these things at a different rate, so I wouldn't see much point in saying it took me x amount of time to feel a certain way because that may be completely different for you. As for how I knew I was feeling better and moved on - When the thought of my ex being with someone was a thought that no longer made me feel down, and was on about the same level of importance as the thought of what I was going to make for dinner, that's when I knew I had moved on.
Itspointless Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 He is angry at me that he has lost many freinds and his family is made because they found out thru me what he did. I am not the one who pleads for revenge, but with this action you showed him that actions have consequences. It perhaps makes him think twice if he wants to cheat to someone else in the future. It sounds like he needs to grow up and put on big-boy pants. Be kind to yourself.
Firefly91 Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 I think it just kinda hits you one day. I'm obviously dealing with a breakup now in a situation I would have never seen myself in. But I think it's just time like the others has said. Don't talk to him. Get out of the house. Do things that make you feel better about yourself. Anything you need to do. Life never stops. You have to keep rolling with it and eventually you realize you're over it one day. and its a super good feeling.
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