camel Posted June 15, 2005 Posted June 15, 2005 GUYS -- Advice please! Who should call who?? After flirting for a few weeks with a guy, he offered to give me his #, I suggested that he take mine instead. He took my #, but then also gave me his. As we ended the conversation and I was walking away, he said "call me." Should I call him, or wait him out?? When a guy says "call me" is it the same as when he says "I'll call you" ie -- I probably won't call you, but that is a good way to end the conversation. Today is day #2, should I call?
agnf666 Posted June 15, 2005 Posted June 15, 2005 The thing is with this is that the guy won't call you right away because of the fear of looking to desperate. So, he may wait until day 4 or 5 to call you. I would go with if he doesn't call you by day 4 then go ahead and call him. So, that gives him time to call. Doesn't this thing suck!!!
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted June 15, 2005 Posted June 15, 2005 Personally, I like the 72 hour rule for first call backs. Since he said "call me", take that at face value. If you get his machine, say "Hi ____. You said "call me" so I'm calling <insert giggle>. How have you been since I last saw you? Give me a ring if you get a chance. Ciao!" Leave it short and simple. Then he knows your interested, but not panting by the phone waiting for him to call.
crazy_grl Posted June 15, 2005 Posted June 15, 2005 I've seen a few guys use 'call me' as a way to leave themselves off the hook when they want to blow you off. It isn't their responsibility to call you, so you can't be upset that they don't call. Then when you call them, you talk, and it turns into another 'call me' or 'I'll call you later *if* [insert some excuse here]'. That's just a few of my loser friends though. I can't say for sure it that's why this guy did it. I can't think of another reason why he would have right now, but I'm sure there must be one.
alphamale Posted June 15, 2005 Posted June 15, 2005 Originally posted by jen_jen_heartbroken <insert giggle>. If CAMEL is under 23 she'll have to insert a lot more giggles than one, J_J_HB.
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted June 15, 2005 Posted June 15, 2005 Originally posted by crazy_grl I've seen a few guys use 'call me' as a way to leave themselves off the hook when they want to blow you off. It isn't their responsibility to call you, so you can't be upset that they don't call. Then when you call them, you talk, and it turns into another 'call me' or 'I'll call you later *if* [insert some excuse here]'. I can't say for sure it that's why this guy did it. I can't think of another reason why he would have right now, but I'm sure there must be one. Remember, she said that the guy offered his number first. Guys don't offer numbers and say "call me" unless they want you to call. Let's not be too high school about this. If she calls, what's the worse thing that could happen? If he's interested, there will be a date. If he's not interested, there won't be. Big whoop.
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted June 15, 2005 Posted June 15, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale If CAMEL is under 23 she'll have to insert a lot more giggles than one, J_J_HB. True. It would be more like several "tee hee"s Us "older" ladies don't worry about who the he!! calls who first. We've grown tired of the stupid high school games.
crazy_grl Posted June 15, 2005 Posted June 15, 2005 Originally posted by jen_jen_heartbroken Remember, she said that the guy offered his number first. Guys don't offer numbers and say "call me" unless they want you to call. Let's not be too high school about this. If she calls, what's the worse thing that could happen? If he's interested, there will be a date. If he's not interested, there won't be. Big whoop. I didn't say she shouldn't call. I just know my loser friends do that kind of thing a *lot*. I said I know there must be some other reason why he did it. That's because he did give her his number. I just can't think of why a guy would emphasize that she call him instead of calling her himself. Not that it matters really.
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted June 15, 2005 Posted June 15, 2005 Originally posted by crazy_grl I didn't say she shouldn't call. I just know my loser friends do that kind of thing a *lot*. I said I know there must be some other reason why he did it. That's because he did give her his number. I just can't think of why a guy would emphasize that she call him instead of calling her himself. Not that it matters really. Well, if this guy is like your "loser" friends, then he won't bite, and then she can stop worrying about some guy calling her who really is a loser.
crazy_grl Posted June 15, 2005 Posted June 15, 2005 Originally posted by jen_jen_heartbroken Well, if this guy is like your "loser" friends, then he won't bite, and then she can stop worrying about some guy calling her who really is a loser. Yes. I never said she shouldn't call. If she's interested in him, she should call and find out if he wants to go out. If he doesn't, then move on. But the fact that he in essence refused to call her and made her be the one to call seems a bit off to me. (That's why I was trying to figure out reasons why'd he'd do it.) Not that he should be written off immediately because of it. But, camel, if you do go out, be a bit more on the look-out for signs that he's controlling.
Author camel Posted June 15, 2005 Author Posted June 15, 2005 Originally posted by crazy_grl Yes. I never said she shouldn't call. If she's interested in him, she should call and find out if he wants to go out. If he doesn't, then move on. But the fact that he in essence refused to call her and made her be the one to call seems a bit off to me. (That's why I was trying to figure out reasons why'd he'd do it.) Not that he should be written off immediately because of it. But, camel, if you do go out, be a bit more on the look-out for signs that he's controlling. Thanks for all the advice so far!! Keep it coming. First, I am definately over 23, but have been in relationships and havn't played the dating game in a while. Second, he may have put calling on me b/c I have a higher professional position than he does. Possibly not sure if I would be interested? So should I call or wait??
Merin Posted June 15, 2005 Posted June 15, 2005 It seems like so many Guys have the "3 Day Rule" where they will NOT call until at least 3 days have passed since getting the digits.. Personally I hate this rule and think it's retarded and it's why when I first met my BF and he asked for my number I gave it to him and told him IF you're into me, don't wait 3 days to let me know.. But I digress.. Today is day 2 right? So give him one more day to work it out.. if he hasn't by then, then go ahead and call him. Eh.. just my 2 cents
Author camel Posted June 16, 2005 Author Posted June 16, 2005 Thanks all. I called. Date set up immediately. Cheers.
Craig Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 Well I guess the 72 hour rule isn't valid. Back to the drawing board.
justagirl1121 Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 this whole phone call thing......what's it mean when you're guy friend from work (neither of us work there anymore so that opens up the whole 'i dont date coworkers thing' if in fact he would be interested in me) doesnt call u back? The first time it took him like 6 days, and when i called on monday, i said 'hey its me, was chking on the job, give me a call back okay, ttyl." and its been 48 hrs.....no call. i want to invite him to the bar with my friends, but i cant do that telepathically, what do i do??? Do i call, is he not interested, or ignoring me or what? twice he's made comments like 'so do we get to be invited again or are we shunned b/c we cant make it this time" so that seems to me that he wants to hang out but he already had bonefied plans..... i am so lost and in a crummy mood. he shouldnt be able to have that effect on me
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 Are you old enough to be going to a bar? Or is this a juice bar?
clynn Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 CAMEL... Yay!!! I'm SO Happy you went for it!! Now....can't wait to hear about the DATE! Tee, hee.
BrotherAaron Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 Originally posted by Craig Well I guess the 72 hour rule isn't valid. Back to the drawing board. Guys don't care when a girl calls. I've had girls call me two hours after getting my number - which is unusual already, since I prefer to get numbers, seeing how women will take your number as a way to blow you off. It doesn't bother me one bit. I have, however, seen many girls get turned off when the guy calls too soon/too much. I've also noticed that, if a girl was truly into me when she gave me her number, then it doesn't matter how long I wait. I got one girls number, and (honestly) lost it. Two weeks later, when doing the laundry, I found it in my key pocket. I almost threw it away, but then thought "Aw, what the heck" and called her. She was ecstatic to hear from me. Later, her friend told me that she was dying becuase she was 'sure I wasn't going to call'. My point is that the rules are pretty much invalid anyway. I think calling too often causes much more problems than calling too soon - it's just a struggle to create the right balance of being chased and chasing. The problem is, the more you try to artificially create something like that, the more likely you're gonna f*** it up. It seems like so many Guys have the "3 Day Rule" where they will NOT call until at least 3 days have passed since getting the digits.. Personally I hate this rule and think it's retarded It's pretty much considered common knowlege. I remember the first phone number I ever got, back when I was in high school - the first words out of my best friend's mouth were "You've gotta wait three days to call her, or else you'll seem desperate!" You try undoing years of that kind of conditioning.
noname Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 my three cents... the whole rule about calling vs. waiting is pretty much retarded. it is a bit of high school that has permeated our adult lives. i admit... i used to do it. it was part of my social conditioning. i used to wait for fear that i seemed desperate. then i grew up and said to myself, "if i am interested, and she is interested, do i care about rules?" i realized that i was displaying more desperation by trying so hard to figure out when the "right" time was to call her than just having enough confidence and go get 'em to be a man and just call. i made my time the right time. i call when i feel like it, and if i feel like it i'll tell the woman honestly "hey, i was thinking about how long i should wait till i call you, and then i thought... hold on... i am an adult. if i want to call somebody, i am not going to force myself to wait until i am in a safety zone. " besides, if a woman thinks that i am desperate because i called her before three days, then "F" her. i probably don't want to waste my time on someone that shallow in the first place. in answer to the original question. if a guy says "call me". you should assume that he has given you the ok to call him. call him when the hell you feel like it... and do it with confidence...
Author camel Posted June 17, 2005 Author Posted June 17, 2005 Update: Date went great. We talked for hours, had mad sexual chemistry, and he has called to "touch base" this afternoon. I have accepted however, that this call is probably b/c I have been put on the "fun to sleep with, not relationship" list. Agree?? That's OK for now, but eventually I need to show more physical restraint. Perhaps a chastity belt?
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted June 18, 2005 Posted June 18, 2005 Not necessarily. Perhaps he just doesn't want to sound desperate or too eager.....after all, wasn't that what you were worried about. Try to be patient and maintain a positive outlook. If it was meant to be, then it will happen. Give it time and don't rush things or jump to conclusion about your "status" with him.
Swamp Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Nothing is more sickening than a bunch of adults who are jaded by "games" and say they act like "adults" when it comes to this stuff. The truth is -- those games exist for a reason! There is a psychology to dating, to love, to ATTRACTION. People don't get turned off by someone who calls too many times for no reason. They get turned off by them because they appear desperate. The reason games exist is to keep yourself mysterious, attractive, and GUARDED. Relationships not built on a strong foundation of attraction will fail. Games are not disingenuous. They are a facet of successful dating.
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