acrosstheuniverse Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 Don't assume that there's not an underlying reason she doesn't trust him. There's likely lots more to the story than the little paragraph she wrote about their year-long relationship. Maybe her trust-issues are all self-inflicted, but not necessarily. Sometimes we sense things are wrong and have a difficult time confronting reality. She's reacting to something bigger than his partytime week in Mexico. She just needs to figure out where the doubts are coming from. The snapchat thing you mentioned is kinda bothersome. I can see how he wants to be "fun" for his friends and encourage them to get girls' snapchats or whatever, but his response did sound a little eager. Given that the whole issue here is his fidelity, I am sure if there was a reason she thought he was cheating, she'd have brought it up. The snapchat thing I just don't see a problem with. If my single friend was joking about getting loads of guys details on a holiday I'd joke back with 'yep, don't let a single one escape' or something like that. Just cos you're not single anymore doesn't mean you can never discuss your single friends' exploits! 2
elaine567 Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 Big question. Why did a man in a "serious" relationship for a year, decide to go on vacation to "Spring break in Cancun" with a single friend??? Cancun Mexico Spring Break Party Schedule Cheap drugs, all-you-can-drink bars and huge nightclubs: Young Brits go berserk for spring break in Cancun
katiegrl Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 (edited) Big question. Why did a man in a "serious" relationship for a year, decide to go on vacation to "Spring break in Cancun" with a single friend??? Cancun Mexico Spring Break Party Schedule Cheap drugs, all-you-can-drink bars and huge nightclubs: Young Brits go berserk for spring break in Cancun Wait, didn't OP say he told her it was cuz he's *depressed*? And needed to get away? What a coincidence .... he suddenly gets depressed during Spring Break! LOL He's good. Edited March 26, 2016 by katiegrl 2
Author kkl12 Posted March 26, 2016 Author Posted March 26, 2016 Yeah, I mean I could tell he wasn't happy with his work but the timing is definitely nice for him... the resort that he seemed to be at looked relaxing and not like those crazy spring break places.. But how would I know ? Maybe he is there.
Author kkl12 Posted March 26, 2016 Author Posted March 26, 2016 (edited) His single friend just came back in his life so they've been hanging out more. my boyfriend likes this guy and says that he's 'cool' so he kind of looks up to him in a way, which I find annoying. also, he told me he's just there to relax and he showed me pictures of the tv he's watching while lying down. To me and from all the pictures he's posted nothing has looked like a wild spring break.. Even his snap stories that he posts for friends to see .. It's looked nothing but relaxing at a resort. Maybe there's a chance he's actually not at those crazy parties? Edited March 26, 2016 by kkl12
AMJ Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 Yeah I mean, there's a chance he's not cheating on you, yes. There's also a chance he is cheating, or will in the future. You can't go on analyzing his posts and snapchats this way, it will drive you nuts. You can't have a relationship with him if you can't trust him, and if you accuse him of things or need constant reassurance from him that he's being faithful, none of that works. Its a recipe for disaster. No one here can predict what he's doing, and unless you're a wizard, you can't either. Relationships without trust just do not work. To get yourself though this hump, just assume the best- assume he's being faithful and just having a good time with his buddies. But when he comes home, you need to reassess why you don't trust him.
truth_seeker Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 No one here can predict what he's doing, and unless you're a wizard, you can't either. Relationships without trust just do not work. To get yourself though this hump, just assume the best- assume he's being faithful and just having a good time with his buddies. But when he comes home, you need to reassess why you don't trust him. Why didn't the boyfriend invite OP on Spring Break? I wouldn't go on vacation without my girlfriend unless I was looking for some fun with other women. Just saying...
AMJ Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 Eh, I don't think there's anything wrong with him going solo, just a guy's vacation. Especially at their age. If all his friends are single or not bringing girlfriends, it wouldn't be fun for her anyway. If you trust someone, you trust them completely, no matter where they go or who they go with. 2
Jabron1 Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 It's looked nothing but relaxing at a resort. Maybe there's a chance he's actually not at those crazy parties? Depends... Never been to spring break, but I have been to Ibiza. The days are chilled, but the nights are very different
kendahke Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 OP--just lock him in an underground room and never let him out. That way you will know for sure he's not cheating on you. But seriously--the whole trust issue that was in full bloom before you two started dating? Not his baggage to sort. That was yours to deal with and resolve before you got into a relationship because you've chosen a guy who keeps your distrust in full bloom--and that means your man-picker is busted. When your man-picker is busted you seek out guys who keep you locked in a dysfunctional mindset because that's normal to you--and it's not.
Author kkl12 Posted March 26, 2016 Author Posted March 26, 2016 Yes, you're right about the trust issues being mine to sort out. It's made me stuck in this cycle and I don't know how to stop. What would you suggest I do? I know this isn't healthy
Empire87 Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 Yes, you're right about the trust issues being mine to sort out. It's made me stuck in this cycle and I don't know how to stop. What would you suggest I do? I know this isn't healthy You need to just remind yourself that your boyfriend is your boyfriend for a reason. He's shown you the qualities that prove he respects and will be loyal to you and hasn't had instances that made you feel otherwise. If he was hanging out with other girls or caught flirting, trying to hook up or did hook up with other chicks in the past then you could worry... But he hasn't.... If you love him and you actually want your relationship to last long term, then you need to develop the confidence in knowing that you don't have to monitor or worry about what he's doing or might do because you just know that he's a good guy and not going to do anything stupid to hurt you. Most importantly which girls and guys also don't understand if they're the jealous or insecure type... Is thst no matter how much you worry, or check up on, or get reassurance, or ask about what your BF is doing... None of it matters in preventing them from cheating. If they're gonna cheat, they're gonna cheat. You're not gonna stop that by getting upset about seeing a girls arm in a snap chat photo. You're not going to stop that from checking his phone. Either you realize that the moment you get into a relationship with someone you accept the risk that they might break your heart and you're ok with it bc you want to take that risk. Or you become the girl who freaks out about her BF loyalty and makes him break up with her when in fact she had nothing to worry about and created a problem where there wasn't . If your BF is going to Mexico with his friends... You just got the freebe to go away with your friends. Happy couples that last are able to go away with their friends every now and then and not even think about worrying their partner is disloyal. Strive to be that couple 1
QueenDafine Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 Reading through this whole thread makes me want to laugh and be sick at the same time to be honest. All of these people commenting for you to break up with this guy; they're JUST as insecure about themselves as you are. I think you need to take a good look at yourself and put some trust into this relationship, some faith or it's never going to work. I don't see why you're so insecure and jealous over this, let him have some friggin fun, he needs to relax after what he's been through. You're so lucky he's even taking the time to message you on a regular basis on his holiday to keep reassuring you. This is what makes a guy, or anyone, resent their relationship when they feel their partner can't even trust them. Do you really have that low of respect for him and thought to think he would cheat? I guess it's a one in a million guess. You know what, maybe you should break up with him, for his sake. He's probably getting sick of you nagging him and wouldn't mind cheating. Maybe it's your gut telling you something. But if you're killing yourself over it this much, go ahead. I'm not guessing it will last that long now. 1
joseb Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 (edited) When I read your post first I thought this was just about you and your anxiety. But I thought he was just in Mexico, not on a spring break trip. Big difference. I think there are two issues You seem to be naturally anxious and assume the worst. This is from before you met your boyfriend right? You need to work on this problem or you might never be able to have a decent relationship. Sounds like either due to this or just because he can/wants to, he is looking to have some "fun" outside the relationship. I'm all for independence and having guy time but if I was in a relationship and wanted that in Mexico id head to check out the ruins and do some scuba diving, not head to the cancum for spring break. Edited March 26, 2016 by joseb 1
elaine567 Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 Sounds like either due to this or just because he can/wants to, he is looking to have some "fun" outside the relationship. I'm all for independence and having guy time but if I was in a relationship and wanted that in Mexico id head to check out the ruins and do some scuba diving, not head to the cancum for spring break. Yes. The OP may be the the jealous/anxious type, but the bf heading directly for the party central of sex, sea and sand, that is Cancun, doesn't help at all.
acrosstheuniverse Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 When I read your post first I thought this was just about you and your anxiety. But I thought he was just in Mexico, not on a spring break trip. Big difference. I think there are two issues You seem to be naturally anxious and assume the worst. This is from before you met your boyfriend right? You need to work on this problem or you might never be able to have a decent relationship. Sounds like either due to this or just because he can/wants to, he is looking to have some "fun" outside the relationship. I'm all for independence and having guy time but if I was in a relationship and wanted that in Mexico id head to check out the ruins and do some scuba diving, not head to the cancum for spring break. Depends what your friends' plans are. If my single best friends are headed to Cancun, then that's where I'm gonna go too, not alone to a more 'appropriate' area where it's just as easy to cheat. Whether I'm at spring break or in a nunnery, while in a relationship I know there's zero chance I'm gonna cheat. I honestly feel sorry for those of you who are so certain this guy will cheat based on his location. It kinda implies that in the right circumstances, no matter how into your partner you are, you'd risk all of that to cheat too.
truth_seeker Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 I honestly feel sorry for those of you who are so certain this guy will cheat based on his location. It kinda implies that in the right circumstances, no matter how into your partner you are, you'd risk all of that to cheat too. I'm the loyal type. That being said, I wouldn't go on a trip to Cancun during Spring Break where it's notoriously known for hooking up. I would go to a place much more tame.
truth_seeker Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 Eh, I don't think there's anything wrong with him going solo, just a guy's vacation. Especially at their age. If all his friends are single or not bringing girlfriends, it wouldn't be fun for her anyway. If you trust someone, you trust them completely, no matter where they go or who they go with. Yea, but we're talking about Cancun during Spring Break! If she said he was going to Lake Tahoe to ski and snow board, that would be different. I know what you're going to say, he can just as easily hook up anywhere if he wants to... but there is a difference. Lets say my girlfriend tells me her and her friends are going to spa resort for 4-5 days. I wouldn't think much about it. Now if she told me her and her friends were going to Cancun during Spring Break, ummm, that would raise my eyebrows. Immediately I would think they are looking for opportunities to hook up with guys. JMO...
AMJ Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 Yea, but we're talking about Cancun during Spring Break! If she said he was going to Lake Tahoe to ski and snow board, that would be different. I know what you're going to say, he can just as easily hook up anywhere if he wants to... but there is a difference. Lets say my girlfriend tells me her and her friends are going to spa resort for 4-5 days. I wouldn't think much about it. Now if she told me her and her friends were going to Cancun during Spring Break, ummm, that would raise my eyebrows. Immediately I would think they are looking for opportunities to hook up with guys. JMO... Trust is trust. For me at least, it's simple. But in this situation I think it's got less to do with where they're going and more to do with age and maturity. For example, my brother who's married goes on a fishing trip every year to Cabo San Lucas. It's a guy's trip, no wives or girlfriends, and everyone trusts everyone. Nothing exciting happens, just fishing and drinking. If I was in a relationship where my BF didn't trust me on a weekend away with my friends, I'd not be a happy lady.
joseb Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 Depends what your friends' plans are. If my single best friends are headed to Cancun, then that's where I'm gonna go too, not alone to a more 'appropriate' area where it's just as easy to cheat. Whether I'm at spring break or in a nunnery, while in a relationship I know there's zero chance I'm gonna cheat. I've only been to cancun to use the airport, so perhaps the whole spring break thing I've head about and seen on TV is greatly exaggerated?
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