I have a problem with pride?

[QueenDafine]

So, in my current situation right now I've been struggling alot to deal with this relationship im in right now, which only became official four months ago but I've been on and off with him for about a year now.

 

The distance is the biggest killer in our relationship and im a very physical lover and being physcial with my partner is really important to me, but I can handle it with him because deep down I know I love him.

 

But lately we've been having major issues and most of it is coming from me I guess. But the thing is I'm really sensitive to people and I know and can read him like a book, so easily.

 

For the last two months we've been long distance and that's put a huge strain on my trust on the relationship because of what he does.

He lies to me alot, unintentionally alot i guess, but he does it and then denies he lies knowing that i KNOW the truth and that pisses me off and loses my trust in him.

 

He always gets too comfortable and will never keep the romance on and I admit I'm pretty high maintenance, but we live so far apart and I need emotional stimulation I can't just stick to the same old things with a once in a blue moon romantic night or even talk or message that would make my day or make me happy to know I can share my feelings and that maybe he still wants to be with me...

 

I mean he always makes me feel insecure about our relationship and I'm always worrying about us and what's happening,

I literally cannot do any of my work and focus properly because it's always on my mind..I hardly talk to him about anything personal now because of this and I'm so self-conscious..

 

He constantly complains that I hardly tell him anything anymore and I tell him how am I supposed to feel comfortable sharing my whole world with someone I can't connect with on a level like that (lately)???

I don't feel comfortable doing that anymore it doesn't even feel right.

 

He also always seems so insincere.. like I said, I can see and read right through him..

And when he tells me things lately, it just feels like he's saying it because he has to or he knows I want to rethink things.

 

I've lost so much trust in him and this relationship because of how things are going right now and I honestly feel like he's just using me now.

 

Also because of some things in the past where he hurt me alot and badly, memories and feelings come back and I definitely do not ever want to relive that again and it's hard.

 

When we first got together I trusted him with my whole heart that he would be there and he would never hurt me again, he said it and I know he meant it, but after this long after not seeing each other, barely any phonecalls, broken and distant messages, I know we aren't gonna survive much longer.

 

And I guess some of it's my fault where I constantly start fights and get frustrated with him.

He is trying hard everytime to keep us together but I feel that's doing more pain than good (to both of us). I just see that this isn't the way it's supposed to be and at this moment I'm struggling with what to do.

 

I've been through so much with this man and we have had the best times and it'd be the hardest thing to let go, but i can see that things are slowly falling apart and we're drifting.

I have so many problems and the way Im handling this is pretty bad.

I always hold it in and end up letting it out on him and we fight.

 

It's almost been every second night now for the past two weeks.

I'm tired of this, hurting too much like this is the worst. PArt of me wants to fix it, but part of me wants to leave because there might not be any change, like the millions of other times thus has happened.

 

Right now I'm on the verge, my next move will tell if we split or not, he's waiting and I know he thinks I won't leave him.

 

I love him but I know I'm not in love with him like I used to be.

I'm not sure what I even tried to achieve with this but I guess I just needed to rant and maybe get some advice.

 

I know most of you will say to leave him but then again no one really knows the full situation you're in.

 

I know that I probably should, it'd be the best, but right now I can't find the strength that I need.. We'll see what happens.

Edited March 26, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[TaraMaiden2]

I had actually just finished typing a detailed response, but something happened to the thread, and it all disappeared...

 

Ok:

I read the whole thread, and I can see absolutely nothing at all that has anything to do with your Pride.

 

There's a massive lack of Trust (on your part) and a whole load of lack of Respect (on his).

 

These are two main stalwarts and indispensable supportive qualities of all and any relationship. The third 'leg of the tripod' (and just as important as the two above), is Communication, which is also distinctly lacking.

 

In brief: you are right. This is on it's last legs and has nothing going for it.

 

Coupled with the clincher that you don't love him like you used to, I'd go so far as to opine that this is no longer a relationship.

It's a habit.

 

A hard one to break, it seems you think.

But one I think you'd be better breaking sooner, than later.

 

I mean really - it's just not working, is it?

[QueenDafine]

I had actually just finished typing a detailed response, but something happened to the thread, and it all disappeared...

 

Ok:

I read the whole thread, and I can see absolutely nothing at all that has anything to do with your Pride.

 

There's a massive lack of Trust (on your part) and a whole load of lack of Respect (on his).

 

These are two main stalwarts and indispensable supportive qualities of all and any relationship. The third 'leg of the tripod' (and just as important as the two above), is Communication, which is also distinctly lacking.

 

In brief: you are right. This is on it's last legs and has nothing going for it.

 

Coupled with the clincher that you don't love him like you used to, I'd go so far as to opine that this is no longer a relationship.

It's a habit.

 

A hard one to break, it seems you think.

But one I think you'd be better breaking sooner, than later.

 

I mean really - it's just not working, is it?

 

 

 

Yeah I sort of noticed by the time I posted it the title was wrong...

I thinkyou're definitely right, this is a habit, leaving something that I couldn't imagine doing only a short time ago is hard. Communication is lacking alot on my part due to my issues I'm having about the past and me feeling like I'm being neglected in the relationship I guess. Good point though, it stopped working a long time ago I just didn't want to admit it.

[TaraMaiden2]

Yeah I sort of noticed by the time I posted it the title was wrong...

I think you're definitely right, this is a habit, leaving something that I couldn't imagine doing only a short time ago is hard. Communication is lacking alot on my part due to my issues I'm having about the past and me feeling like I'm being neglected in the relationship I guess. Good point though, it stopped working a long time ago I just didn't want to admit it.

 

Think: He's a liar and is in denial, or refuses to see that this thing needs sorting.

Trust is by far the hardest quality to re-establish. Communication takes work on both sides.

Respect is something he needs to cultivate (he clearly has no respect for you if he lies - and yes - lies are ALWAYS intentional - how can a person lie unintentionally??) but he doesn't seem to feel there's any call for it....

 

You pick arguments, but I think part of that is because you are frustrated and you want him to step up to the plate and admit his failings - and you are at a loss as to how to get him to do that.

 

Seriously: This is going nowhere, and you are wasting both your time and his.

You're clearly not happy as things stand.

I liken it to buying a pair of shoes and finding over time they pinch, rub, give you blisters and don't even really look all that good. No amount of flexing and wearing is changing them to anything remotely resembling 'comfortable'.

 

Would you persist in wearing them?

[bathtub-row]

LDR's are bad enough when a relationship is good. The relationship you have with this guy is far from good. Your instincts are screaming at you to walk away from this but for some reason you persist.

 

It doesn't matter if you love him or not. Sorry, but do not tolerate anyone lying to you, especially when they do it over and over again. And, btw, how does one lie without knowing it? I was a little confused by that.

 

Bottom line, a relationship cannot last without trust. This one is a goner. Cut out the cancer and move on.

[preraph]

No matter how in love both of you might have been, when you are separated by distance and not seeing each other regularly and you are both, say, under 30, the man is going to be looking at other women and more if he can. I hate to generalize like that, but it's been my experience that because most men are so visual, that it is "out of sight, out of mind." Be sure you're skyping at least. Skyping offers some hope to keep him remembering how attracted he is to you.

 

Honestly, my best advice would be for you both to date other people and just not fight about it, and then see if you end up in the same town again or not. If you do and neither of you has moved on, then you try it again.