helo23 Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 Hey guys! Its amazing how since I write here and have your advices I feel so much better and less alone in this adventure! I have a serious problem is that I always but always dream about my ex and even if I think about the future he is always there ... I just hope he could go away from my mind... advices? Im thinking about starting a therapy (hypnosis). I have a new chapter of my life and I want to feel free... A good friend of ours the other day told me that that the two girls (he hooked up with one of them in front of me) he was often around me with he treated them very badly and she said that im the only one that understood his game and i know what he was doing but i just dont get why... Why would someone love you (even in the past) and want to hurt you so much...? He is the one who cheated and left me and acted that way ... and the crazy part is that no one saw that side of him before the break up with me ... and he looked terrible (hobo like, no offense to hobos..) and still doesn't look very good which is weird i think.. I still miss him... and I hate that ... I have amazing guys around me that cares and want to be with me but I just dont feel any connection to them or they just bother me ... Im gonna have this big and fancy party and I know I ll look good ! Im working out , eating healthy, taking care of my skin etc , you know the deal ! and I promise I do this for me . I just want his jaw to drop when he sees me ... He just hurt me so much and I will always feel hurt in a way towards him.. I had such a trust in him and Its rare that I give it to anybody ... 1
Steven1 Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 I still often have random dreams about my ex girlfriend and it brings all the emotions back the next day. Obviously for the most part what you dream about is uncontrollable, I've often found at times if I try to concentrate or think about something completely random, or if I watch a movie before bed and sometimes leave the T.V on timer to turn off after 20 minutes, I'll have a dream related to that movie. All a state of mind before sleep. It's natural to still miss someone when the relationship doesn't work, again as with most things, it will disappear in time. 1
preraph Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 If someone loves you, the last thing they want to do is hurt you, so not sure why you think he loved you. He may have just loved having sex with you. It's no joke, guys are often more in love with sex than they are with women until at least they reach a certain stage in life, if ever, and gain a little maturity. He's acting like a jerk in front of you. Maybe you were just too close to the situation to understand he was also acting like a jerk with you. Thing is, you're still planning your life around him. You need to use self-discipline and make yourself stop. Stop thinking about him. It's within your control. If he crosses your mind, then at least think of something bad instead of something good. Then distract yourself and stop thinking about it. Why waste your life thinking about this person who it sounds like is intentionally hurting you. Start being social, even if you don't feel like it. At least do hobbies and go places with friends. Keep your mind OFF him. Or you'll get your brain in a rut. Make new memories, whatever it takes to do that. Travel if you can. It's very good for making you realize there's a billion men out there and none of them but him have treated you like crap.... 1
Satu Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 Here is a clipping from my journals which is obliquely relevant, even though its about thoughts rather than dreams: If you had a broken finger, would you try to heal it by not thinking about it? "Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." — C. G. Jung Freud and Jung concluded that most mental and emotional pain comes from: Resistance Conflict and Failure to adapt. All you will achieve by trying not to think about this is the creation of terrific tension in your psyche. The thoughts come, but you try not to think about them = resistance. You try not to think about the thoughts but you do = conflict. Conflict + Resistance = Mental and emotional pain. Let the thoughts come and go just like any other thoughts. Let them come, let them go. If you don't they will slam in hard, at inconvenient times. Let them come, let them go. Gradually the thoughts are drained of energy, and become something of little significance. Then, having completed your process, you can properly and effectively adapt. You get what you resist. What you resist persists. Take care 1
Author helo23 Posted March 25, 2016 Author Posted March 25, 2016 If someone loves you, the last thing they want to do is hurt you, so not sure why you think he loved you. He may have just loved having sex with you. It's no joke, guys are often more in love with sex than they are with women until at least they reach a certain stage in life, if ever, and gain a little maturity. He's acting like a jerk in front of you. Maybe you were just too close to the situation to understand he was also acting like a jerk with you. Thing is, you're still planning your life around him. You need to use self-discipline and make yourself stop. Stop thinking about him. It's within your control. If he crosses your mind, then at least think of something bad instead of something good. Then distract yourself and stop thinking about it. Why waste your life thinking about this person who it sounds like is intentionally hurting you. Start being social, even if you don't feel like it. At least do hobbies and go places with friends. Keep your mind OFF him. Or you'll get your brain in a rut. Make new memories, whatever it takes to do that. Travel if you can. It's very good for making you realize there's a billion men out there and none of them but him have treated you like crap.... Im sorry but you can't say that.. i know he really loved me and not just have sex with me.. you have a weird perception of love but it's your opinion and i respect it. i think he was not handling the breakup really well or as he thought he would and each time he saw me i wasn't showing that i was affected and i wasn't reacting to what he was doing... but its not because he doesn't or didnt love me ... it was more to provoke a reaction from me and im sure of that.
Lifeissomething Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 Im sorry but you can't say that.. i know he really loved me and not just have sex with me.. you have a weird perception of love but it's your opinion and i respect it. Uhm, your boyfriend cheating on you and then leaving you is not love. There's no respecting of others opinions required, they're speaking the truth. On the surface I would say your perception of love is distorted. You have to stop thinking about him, worrying about him, and planning things with him in your thoughts. This party should be for you, you said so, yet completely contradicted yourself with your desire just to impress him. No wonder you're dreaming about him, your still concerned with a guy who did something you didn't deserve. Your mind is racing, just based on your post it's obvious you're thinking about him, and that won't help you move on. You're dreaming about him because he's constantly in your thoughts. He should be dead to you. Let him be a hobo, let him join the circus, get a sex change, become Mormon etc....to move on you can't be concerned about him anymore. Stop excusing him and try to stop trying to explain his actions for him. You deserve real love and to be with someone who won't do those things.
K2z Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 The thoughts and the hurt will persist to some degree -- though waning with time -- forever. It's a scar. But scars do fade. And the extent to which the hurt governs your actions and thoughts also fades. The crazy fades. It's now been four months since my ex married someone else, quite abruptly from my perspective; it's been three months since I wrote her a letter saying in no uncertain terms that we will never speak again. Yet every day I crave her presence, and perhaps every hour I think of her at least once. The difference is that I function. I don't crave gallons of alcohol to numb the pain. I don't spontaneously break out in tears once or twice a day. It's just kind of sad. And I don't expect that to ever go away.
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