Blue08 Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 I found my boyfriends old cell phone and i plugged it in and looked at it. There were messages in there to his ex girlfriend. This was from 2012 three months before we got together. In the messages he said the same stuff to her that he says to me! I kinda of saddens me. Do you think that I should say something? Also there is messages from one of his girlfriends and they are calling each other sexy, and honey, and baby......its weird and I think that had something going on between them.. 1
smackie9 Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 That was before your time and you have absolutely no business invading his privacy like that. If you dare say anything, he's gonna kick yer $%& to the curb. Shame on you. 16
NJtoDC Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 I found my boyfriends old cell phone and i plugged it in and looked at it. There were messages in there to his ex girlfriend. This was from 2012 three months before we got together. In the messages he said the same stuff to her that he says to me! I kinda of saddens me. Do you think that I should say something? Also there is messages from one of his girlfriends and they are calling each other sexy, and honey, and baby......its weird and I think that had something going on between them.. No. You shouldn't say something abou it You shouldn't have been snooping. If you speak to him be prepared- he might be rather upset with your violation of his privacy. 6
acrosstheuniverse Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 No, don't say anything. This situation is your fault for snooping. To go through his messages is a huge invasion of privacy. Those exchanges had nothing to do with you. Take this as a lesson and live with the way it makes you feel, what's the alternative? Tell him? What could he possibly say to make you feel better about stuff he said to someone before he got with you? There are only a limited number of romantic exchanges, so of course some of the stuff was similar to what he says to you, I'm sure plenty of the stuff my partner and I say to one another wasn't exactly invented for this relationship. If you look, you will always find something to upset you. Learn your lesson and never do it again. You must be very young. 7
kgcolonel Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 Blue, just trade places for a second with your BF....you likely said some of the same things to your past BFs that you say to him.....he is with you now....that is what matters today. He choose you after being with them. 4
Author Blue08 Posted March 25, 2016 Author Posted March 25, 2016 yup you guys are right, I shouldn't have snooped I was absolutely wrong for doing so. I do have trusts issues for whatever reason. Saying the same thing to me that he said to her, isn't entirely the issue, The concern I have is how do you go from telling some one that you are madly in love with them and blah blah blah, to breaking up with them less than three months later, just seems odd. I don't like things just being said... 1
Author Blue08 Posted March 25, 2016 Author Posted March 25, 2016 and I didn't mean to a message from one of his girlfriends I meant to say from one of his friend's girlfriends. A few months ago before I read the messages she came around, and she was handing him something and they touched hands, but they acted akward about it. Idk, I just feel like something was and is strange. And if he did have an inappropriate relationship with his friends girlfriend, than he's not some one I want to be with... 2
PaperCrane Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 What made you decide to look in the first place? Was it what was in your most recent post? 2
preraph Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 Just because he has a new woman doesn't mean he has new "game." If it worked before, why would he change it, plus giving him the benefit of the doubt, maybe that's just his personality. I certainly wouldn't confess to him, although I might be tempted to say back to him one of the things she said back just to freak him out a little and keep him on his toes. 2
PaperCrane Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 I certainly wouldn't confess to him, although I might be tempted to say back to him one of the things she said back just to freak him out a little and keep him on his toes. That's a bit manipulative and shady imho. 10
soph-walker Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 Act like you have no memory of what you have done here... That's his past and of course he would have referred to his ex in endearing terms. It's like reading someone's diary. Put the phone away and don't think anymore of it!! 1
kendahke Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 I found my boyfriends old cell phone and i plugged it in and looked at it. There were messages in there to his ex girlfriend. This was from 2012 three months before we got together. In the messages he said the same stuff to her that he says to me! I kinda of saddens me. Do you think that I should say something? How is it that you even have an old cell phone of his in the first place? Yes, I think you should say something so that he knows the kind of person he's dealing with. 3
Satu Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 You should be aware that violating a persons right to privacy is not a small thing, and not necessarily forgivable... “Things without all remedy should be without regard: what's done is done.” ― William Shakespeare, Macbeth Take care. 5
LostOnes05 Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 Ok, you looked at something you weren't supposed to without his consent...whatever. What's weird is that you say he said the same thing to his ex....really???! I guess no one has ever said I love you to an ex. If you did shame on you...do you see what I'm getting at here? 2
kendahke Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 Ok, you looked at something you weren't supposed to without his consent...whatever. Invading someone's privacy isn't "whatever". Seeing a boyfriend's old phone, then charging it up to see what is on it and saying nothing to him (lying by omission) speaks to a breathtaking level of deceit. 3
Author Blue08 Posted March 25, 2016 Author Posted March 25, 2016 My 4 year old found the phone in a bin that I have in the bedroom, I thought it was my boyfriends son's old phone... I have seen this phone hundreds of times and never thought anything about it, i plugged the phone in to see if it would work, I was going to give it to my son to play with, but when I turned it on there was like 34 "new" messages and I opened it up and her name was right there and I read the messages.... I realize that it is none of my business and I do appreciate the responses. Maybe it is not entirely the fact that he says the same things. My issue is, the honesty. How could he say these things to her less than three before breaking up with her? I feel as though he says things because he thinks it what the person wants to hear rather than being honest. I know he had a dating website before we got together, I am not upset about that or crazy jealous or anything. but here is another example...his dating profile says he is a christian (his ex wife is huge on the church thing) His dating profile screen name has both his and his ex wifes birth year? When he and I started dating I had expressed I don't believe in God, and he agreed and said he doesn't either. He also voluntarily told me about his past relationship and it doesn't add up to what I saw. I don't want to be told what he thinks I want to hear, I respect honesty and I have a hunch he lies to me about stupid stuff. It just seems like a whole lot of bs and I am getting to the point where I think I don't want to be in one. Here is another thing, I have cleaned out his drawers twice! I do his laundry and put them away, I found not 1 but 2 pairs of underwear( separate occasions) in his drawer that are NOT, without a doubt, not mine! I brought this up to him and he has he doesn't have a clue...hmmm... ( he has a panty fetish) but am I crazy? possibly? maybe his sons gf left them and they got stuck to the clothes...who knows.... He is handsome he has women hitting on him ALL the time. 1
kendahke Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 (edited) My 4 year old found the phone in a bin that I have in the bedroom, I thought it was my boyfriends son's old phone...and instead of bringing it to him and asking him whose phone it was, because you knew it wasn't yours or your 4 yr old's, you chose to invade the privacy of the owner? If he lies to you about things, then you needed to have had a talk with him a long time ago about that and determined if life with a liar was worth you eventually stooping to deceit--when it's much easier to leave a liar alone, no matter what they look like. I dont' see how having arm candy is a sane trade-off when they lie like they draw breath. Edited March 25, 2016 by kendahke 2
Satu Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 OP: This isn't about him, his old phone and his ex. This about you and your issues. 5
Author Blue08 Posted March 25, 2016 Author Posted March 25, 2016 Its not the fact of saying I love you. Its the fact he said I am madly in love with you and then broke up with her less than three months later. It's the fact he called me the same made up names as her. I thought that, that was something between me and him. 1
Author Blue08 Posted March 25, 2016 Author Posted March 25, 2016 I shouldn't have looked at the phone I agree. it was the wrong choice, I invaded his privacy and that is wrong. 1
Satu Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 I shouldn't have looked at the phone I agree. it was the wrong choice, I invaded his privacy and that is wrong. If I were you I'd tell him. You might need to discuss other issues afterwards, but that might be a good thing. 1
LostOnes05 Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 Invading someone's privacy isn't "whatever". Seeing a boyfriend's old phone, then charging it up to see what is on it and saying nothing to him (lying by omission) speaks to a breathtaking level of deceit. If you beat a dead horse...does it die again?? I said whatever because everyone already said blah blah his privacy, etc. So it's whatever, I'm sure she got the point. But getting upset about him saying something he said to someone else warrants some concern. Personally, if I was living with a woman and she found an old phone...ok, wouldn't upset me. I've got nothing really to hide unless she wants to see pictures of my dog. If you live with someone and don't think you're sacrificing some level of privacy, you're kidding yourself. To what level depends on the couple and the boundaries they have set. Should she have looked...nope, but that's done. But she can work on why she did it and how to deal with those feelings for the future. Her reaction to old text messages would bother me, however. It speaks more to her being jealous and possibly controlling more than anything. BUT, I'm sure the story would change if she checked and found recent messages on there, and I'm sure the responses would too. 2
preraph Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 That's a bit manipulative and shady imho. And your point is? And I should care why? 1
katiegrl Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 Its not the fact of saying I love you. Its the fact he said I am madly in love with you and then broke up with her less than three months later. Maybe SHE did something that warranted him breaking up with her - like say, cheating... or he caught her lying (or snooping) and lost trust so broke up with her... 2
LostOnes05 Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 If I were you I'd tell him. You might need to discuss other issues afterwards, but that might be a good thing. I agree with Satu here. I'd tell him I saw it. It will ease your conscience and open up a lot for discussion....especially given the timeline you gave. But I will say that it's nothing new for someone to say those things and then break up with the person. It's happened to me twice, the day after they said I love you and a bunch of other things which obviously wasn't the case. Talk about it and communicate, don't hold onto those feelings until you get into an argument and explode. 1
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