PolarCrash Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 I met this girl on OKC around 2 months ago. On our first date, we sensed we were both attracted to each other but not looking for anything serious or long-term on either side. She was actually upfront in that she was seeing other guys and just wanted an open/casual sort of relationship, and we've been seeing each other on that basis ever since. The thing is, we haven't gone on any "real" sort of dates after that; we've pretty-much just been going to each other's places for sex and hanging out once or twice a week ever since. I thought it would be a thoughtful gesture to take her out on a "real" date out of the blue this or next weekend (thinking a gallery visit, dinner at an upscale restaurant and maybe a dance club afterwards); just to show that I enjoy being around her, don't see her as "just a piece of meat" and that I appreciate what we have, even if it's just a casual, uncommitted FWB sort of deal. Do you think this would be a good idea? Or is there a risk that this might be interpreted the wrong way (like I'm trying to escalate things to a more serious boyfriend/girlfriend situation, or something along those lines)? I've tried to "girlfriend" FWBs before and it's always backfired, so I don't want her to think I'm trying to do that with her.
Erik30 Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 Bad idea if you want to continue sleeping with her. (Casually) She might think you're starting to get feelings for her, so she'll stop seeing you. 2
smackie9 Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 When it comes to casual/FBW, there needs to be set rules in place so everyone is on the same page. You need to ask her how she would feel about going beyond sexual encounters but still acknowledge there are NSA. If she says OK, then you need to further discuss expectations, like no fancy dinners, but see a movie is OK, etc. How many times a month is acceptable, and when it needs to not continue. It will only work if you have open honest communication, best of luck. 3
Author PolarCrash Posted March 25, 2016 Author Posted March 25, 2016 When it comes to casual/FBW, there needs to be set rules in place so everyone is on the same page. You need to ask her how she would feel about going beyond sexual encounters but still acknowledge there are NSA. If she says OK, then you need to further discuss expectations, like no fancy dinners, but see a movie is OK, etc. How many times a month is acceptable, and when it needs to not continue. It will only work if you have open honest communication, best of luck. Thanks! Do you think these are things that should be discussed BEFORE the date? Or do you think I can do it ON the date?
smackie9 Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 You need to discuss your intentions before, then after you can discuss it further if she wants to continue and how...like I said if you want this to work you need to make sure expectations are discussed. Not all FWB/casual arrangements are the same. This is why it is so important to communicate so nothing is misinterpreted.
Standard-Fare Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems like you might actually BE interested in progressing things beyond FWB into more normal dating. Maybe not like, you two get exclusive and call each other BF and GF, but you like this girl and you want to spend time with her, right? There's nothing wrong with that if that's what you're feeling. And a lot of online things start as casual at first anyway. I think if this is the case just go with your instincts and try for a more normal "date" and see how she responds to that. If it scares her off, you guys aren't on the same page. 1
joseb Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 The first thing I'd ask yourself is what are you looking for from this? Do you maybe want more than fwb? 1
SammySammy Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 Depends on the level of friendship. Close friends, I don't see the problem with sharing things we enjoy. Sometimes FWBs are true friends and are involved in each other's lives. Participating in mutual interests together is just part of the friendship, not dating. Like two friends of the same sex hanging out. If you're just occasional lovers, then it might be better to keep things that way. If one person may be confused about what going out together means, it might be a good idea to avoid the confusion. By not going out or by having a good heart-to-heart conversation.
fitnessfan365 Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 Bad idea if you want to continue sleeping with her. (Casually) She might think you're starting to get feelings for her, so she'll stop seeing you. THIS. You have nothing to feel guilty about IMO. Both of you were upfront about expectations and she's been keeping the status quo for a few months now. So if you really are fine with the f**k buddy arrangement, just keep doing what you're doing.
soph-walker Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 THIS. You have nothing to feel guilty about IMO. Both of you were upfront about expectations and she's been keeping the status quo for a few months now. So if you really are fine with the f**k buddy arrangement, just keep doing what you're doing. I agree. Flip the tables OP. Would you expect her to start initiating romantic style dates for her to show you you're not just a piece of meat to her? IMO it's rare that FWB ends up as just that..normally one of you starts to develop feelings or something goes awry. FWB always has an expiry date whether you would like it to or not, so try not to rock the boat if you have a good thing going!
elaine567 Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 I thought it would be a thoughtful gesture to take her out on a "real" date out of the blue this or next weekend (thinking a gallery visit, dinner at an upscale restaurant and maybe a dance club afterwards); just to show that I enjoy being around her, don't see her as "just a piece of meat" and that I appreciate what we have, even if it's just a casual, uncommitted FWB sort of deal. I guess YOU are catching feelings here and so you need to reassess where you stand in this FWB arrangement. I feel it is probably better to tell her that, with the risk she stops seeing you, than for you to end up deeper involved and badly hurt at the end.
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