Hyperfocal Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 3 weeks ago we match on Tinder. We are ~36 y.o., in US, she came from East Europe a decade back. Her English and culture seem mostly Americanized, yet there may be Russian dating style qualities I am not experienced with, not sure. Her dress and beauty demeanor are about perfect for me. She is a self defined extrovert, and certainly is. (I am a strong introvert... INTJ) She is childless and doesn't seem to want to make any (I like). She is into dancing (Sorry, I just don't enjoy myself that way, possible obstacle) She has backed off when conversations get a bit intellectual, or on news topics she doesn't follow. I am ok with that, but I kinda like to dig into the deeper recesses of the brain by habit. She is not attune to my athletic, outdoorsy interests, has pretty well stated that. OK with me, not ideal, but OK. End of date detachment mode: Date 1: "Lets keep in touch," handshake, does not make it possible to walk her to her car (cautious). I thought it was over, but she met again? Date 2: "Going out of town, lets meet in a week," more positive tone, and she went for the hug. We're meeting again on Tues. What's odd: Her Tinder profile changes a few times, below are a couple of screenshots. Reading it leaves me wondering... https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B8ED-d7AJzeZbHNaWk9ZbVdTOXc/view?usp=sharing Questions: 1) I am sensing a bit of "high maintenance" or demanding qualities that might be under the surface. esp with the profile text in the link. 2) I don't know Russian culture enough to know if they have unique ways I am missing? I've read a little, but that's it. 3) Do you get any vibes from her profiles on the link that point you to a hypothesis? 4) Interest: Is she into me? Is she just getting started and keeping things light? Or viewing me as the 4th rung guy to hang around just in case? 5) Any feelings about the match potential between a strong introvert and strong extrovert? 1
Jabron1 Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 I have quite a lot of experience with Eastern European women. They can come across as 'tough' or 'cold'. But they are after a very dominant man. To the right man, they will be the most feminine women you will ever likely meet... Imagine the average woman, only more so. They can be a handful, especially for an inexperienced guy. If she's especially sexy, you might be in trouble You are an INTJ personality; I am (apparently) an INTP. We enjoy analyzing situations. It can be a real strength, however, there is a danger of over analysis. I think you are focusing too much on this woman. You need to split that focus by approaching more women, and focusing more on yourself. Be a bit more narcissistic Seriously, who gives a sh*t that she changed a few words on her Tinder profile? . Don't let that bother you, mate. I don't like the way your dates have gone with her. You are allowing her to set the pace. She will lose interest in you, if you let her set the pace. To answer your questions: 1. Oh hell yeah . These girls are hardwired to get a guy to look after them. You need to either have money, or be masculine and make her feel 'safe'. 2. I think I've addressed this. But you can ask me anything I might have missed. 3. I think you are worrying too much about her profile. 4. You are an option. No more - no less. Trust me on that 5. It's not a problem. She will probably get on your nerves a bit when you want your alone time though. But if it gets to that, you will be on the right track. 1
TXGuy Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 The only thing she really changed was eliminating that one line from her profile: "Tinder is my favorite hobby (outdoors of course)" That line screams she is a player interested in casual sex. First, "Tinder is my favorite hobby": I am on this hook-up site all of the time. Second, "Outdoors, of course". Means "having sex" is my favorite hobby indoors. I don't think this woman is looking for a serious relationship. She is exploring her options with a lot of men. If you are not a savvy guy (sorry, buy you don't come across as very savvy), you probably won't have much luck with this girl. She might let you buy her a few dinners and presents. If you are on top of your game one night, she might even hook up with you. But overall, I don't think this girl is for you. 2
Author Hyperfocal Posted March 25, 2016 Author Posted March 25, 2016 Thanks Jabron! You sound qualified on these types, thanks. Seriously, who gives a sh*t that she changed a few words on her Tinder profile? . Don't let that bother you, mate.I am cool with her still using online dating after date 2 and adjusting profile, not my property, ha ha! sure... but her profile just seems to be odd, "small talk professionals," what the heck? Is she even kind, it she being pretentious? You need to either have money, or be masculine and make her feel 'safe'.Actually I have all 3 of those traits. I've been hiding #1 a bit, well, the money is a parasite, and while I am fine there, I will not live upper income lifestyle, I live mid to upper, does that work with them... to not spend every nickel (Pound for you brits!)? I don't know what to do about the dancing interest... I simply don't do that, if she's grinding in a club 2x a month later on I'd be "not OK," with that... yet the incompatibility is mine, I just don't dance, I benchpress and run, but no dance Question: What is her aversion to physical training? Her looks are lean and ideal, but she has kinda spoken that my kayaking, biking, jungle time are not worth a heck of a lot to her "The most I do is a long walk in a park." Where does the desire for a handsome man, meet the dissing his obvious but not "Shown off," athletic daily life? Jabron, do you feel that your iconic Russian as you present here, is someone you'd date, prefer more or less than say a brit or american? Seeing how intense this is likely to get. Thanks 1
Author Hyperfocal Posted March 25, 2016 Author Posted March 25, 2016 "Tinder is my favorite hobby (outdoors of course)" That line screams she is a player interested in casual sex. First, "Tinder is my favorite hobby": I am on this hook-up site all of the time. Second, "Outdoors, of course". Means "having sex" is my favorite hobby indoors. LOL, a friend of mine had the same words. I don't know, if she's just hooking up, I'd pass. I guess time will tell. Savvy or not, the nuanced innuendo of her profile just seems more disconnected than the classic hookup line on Tinder. I mean most people won't get it. 1
Satu Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 I don't think that she's seriously looking for a partner. Are you?
Jabron1 Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 Thanks Jabron! You sound qualified on these types, thanks. More than you'll know, mate Dated 2 of them in just the last 6/7 months. My ex was Polish - same thing. We have a lot of immigration into England from Eastern Europe. They are some of the best game players you'll ever meet - you need to be warned about that. Especially if you would consider yourself inexperienced. but her profile just seems to be odd, "small talk professionals," what the heck? Is she even kind, it she being pretentious? Learn the art of ignoring women. It will serve you well Actually I have all 3 of those traits. Then you are potentially the f*cking man. I've been hiding #1 a bit, well, the money is a parasite, and while I am fine there, I will not live upper income lifestyle, I live mid to upper, does that work with them... to not spend every nickel (Pound for you brits!)? You don't really need money... You just need to be a man (most men aren't anymore), and have some game. But, longterm, the money helps. Mid to upper class is just fine. I just don't dance, I benchpress and run, but no dance Eh, you are what you are. I personally like dancing to house music, but not in the typical clubs that play hip-hop or pop crap. I'm talking raves or old-school clubs. I took my ex (who was Eastern European) to her first illegal rave . The point is you should be bringing her into your world. Do what you want to do, and don't change for nobody. Jabron, do you feel that your iconic Russian as you present here, is someone you'd date, prefer more or less than say a brit or american? Seeing how intense this is likely to get. I suppose that I do prefer them in a way, because I am attracted to really feminine women. I don't go out of my way to approach them or anything. It just seems to happen randomly. Eastern European women typically don't give a damn for feminism, but they sure as hell know how to work their sexuality to get what they want - more so than the average woman. This will be a learning experience for you at least. She might school you, if your game is bad Like I said, It's like woman +. Ever seen or read 'A Clockwork Orange', where they have milk + and that extra that they put in the milk makes it a bit... special? Yeah that's what I would liken it too 1
Author Hyperfocal Posted March 25, 2016 Author Posted March 25, 2016 Thanks! So I've had intearactions (realtionships) with 2 american women. These handpicked gems I allowed into my life, i.e. alone at my home without me being there, from fairly early on. I trusted that they would not snoop my filing cabinets or do creepy stuff. They did the same for me. Trust is an attraction point for me. Is what I am gathering that these E.Eu. types are not to be afforded that trust so easily? I hear you on the femininity, it's there, acutually I think she's afraid to get her hands dirty at all! But trust is a key part. Reliability: The litmus test of some of these matters is: If I lost a leg in an accident, after they were with me 2 years, would they stay with me or split? Hypothetical, but illustrates a position on things. Where do they fit in the adultery spectrum? I work hard to remain attractive, mentally and physically, but I also value enduring monogamy once a rel has started. Do you feel they are more cheat-y, or the same? Satu: I am definitely looking for keeps in my rel's, I've never been a casual dater. I quizzed her on this prior to meeting, she approximated my goal via text, but words and actions don't have to agree.
katiegrl Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 (edited) I have quite a lot of experience with Eastern European women. They can come across as 'tough' or 'cold'. But they are after a very dominant man. To the right man, they will be the most feminine women you will ever likely meet... Oh my goodness.... I am Eastern European (Lithuanian)... and this is me to a TEE. Most men cannot figure me out at first (which apparently adds to my appeal according the them).... on the way hand, I am very feminine and girlish, on the other, I need tons of space, am very independent and can appear "cold" and confusing (and mysterious - again according to them), until they get to know me better! And although I am very friendly and may appear outgoing at first, I am actually a HUGE INTROVERT. I like dominant men but NOT controlling. It's a fine line apparently. Edited March 25, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Lithuanian 1
Jabron1 Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 (edited) Oh my goodness.... I am Eastern European (Lithuanian)... and this is me to a TEE. Most men cannot figure me out at first (which apparently adds to my appeal according the them).... on the way hand, I am very feminine and girlish, on the other, I need tons of space, am very independent and can appear "cold" and confusing (and mysterious - again according to them), until they get to know me better! And although I am very friendly and may appear outgoing at first, I am actually a HUGE INTROVERT. I like dominant men but NOT controlling. It's a fine line apparently. I get it I am a bit drunk, and going out tonight for a laugh. I have a rule about drunk texting, and I will stretch that rule to drunk posting. So, I will return to post something more substantial for the OP later, I promise. OP, you seem like a cool guy, and I will try and help out. Right now, I'm thinking like that guy in Human Traffic: Jip: The weekend has landed. All that exists now is clubs, drugs, pubs and parties. I've got 48 hours off from the world, man. I'm gonna blow steam out my head like a screaming kettle, I'm gonna talk sh*t to strangers all night, I'm gonna lose the plot on the dancefloor. The free radicals inside me are freakin', man! Tonight I'm Jip Travolta, I'm Peter Popper, I'm going to never-never land with my chosen family, man. We're gonna get more spaced out than Neil Armstrong ever did, anything could happen tonight, you know? This could be the best night of my life. I've got 73 quid in my back burner - I'm gonna wax the lot, man! The Milky Bars are on me! Yeah! Edited March 25, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Philosopher Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 3 weeks ago we match on Tinder. We are ~36 y.o., in US, she came from East Europe a decade back. Her English and culture seem mostly Americanized, yet there may be Russian dating style qualities I am not experienced with, not sure. Her dress and beauty demeanor are about perfect for me. She is a self defined extrovert, and certainly is. (I am a strong introvert... INTJ) She is childless and doesn't seem to want to make any (I like). She is into dancing (Sorry, I just don't enjoy myself that way, possible obstacle) She has backed off when conversations get a bit intellectual, or on news topics she doesn't follow. I am ok with that, but I kinda like to dig into the deeper recesses of the brain by habit. She is not attune to my athletic, outdoorsy interests, has pretty well stated that. OK with me, not ideal, but OK. From what you have said it seems there are quite a few differences between the two of you in terms in interests and personality and therefore I am afraid I am not sure you two are the best of matches, at least for anything long term. You sound like you are quite into deeper intellectual conversations, however she backed away from intellectual conversations. It may be that it was because she did not follow those news topics, but it could also be because she does not like those conversations in general. You are into athletic, outdoorsy interests, she is not while she is into dancing, however you are not. The biggie however that you are a strong introvert and she is a strong extrovert. To me this is the chalk and cheese of dating. Being an introvert or extrovert impacts not only on how much alone and social time we require, but can influence what hobbies and activities you like, what you enjoy talking about, who you socialize with, etc. In fact some of the differences in what activities you both like and what you both enjoy talking about could be due to this very reason. If you were slightly introverted and she was slightly extroverted, then it could work, however since you two are at opposite ends of the spectrum, these differences may be to big to overcome. I am not saying you should end it, you may well have a few fun filled dates with her, however these differences, in my opinion mean that there is little long term potential so I wouldn't get your hopes up too high.
preraph Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 What stands out to me is Tinder is her favorite hobby. That's scary.
Author Hyperfocal Posted April 1, 2016 Author Posted April 1, 2016 I agree about the I/E differences, and this not being an automatic fit, yet I am motivated to press on and figure out if there is any hope, spent a month already, might as well give it a chance... She is attractive, super so, yet I know, extroversion/intro at the extremes can be a prob. So she strung me along for 10 days, there was one date-time conflict, now "Maybe Sunday evening, lets talk Sat, to see how my schedule develops." She goes a week or so w/o texting, very infrequent. I ended up finding an Armenian friend at work (She is Armenian), I am getting that it is customary for them to stall-delay the man along, and provoke pursuing behavior in the man. He see's her conduct as normal. My hunch and my American friends suggest she has me at bottom priority for a reason, lack of interest. Time does an excellent job of telling in these things. And although I am very friendly and may appear outgoing at first, I am actually a HUGE INTROVERT.Thanks Katie. I know one person, who when single she joins all the social groups, in reality she is a huge introvert; admits to disliking group settings. I feel that this current lady might be similar, if she were to settle into a rel, the need for such frequent group socialization might turn down a little, might, not sure & I am not in the business of changing people, they have to be happy as who they are. I'm not really invested in this one, just interesting to analyze.
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