No_Go Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 I ruined my chances with 2 guys like this. First was super smart, Doctor, Indian, 39. Very gentlemanly (drove me home, opened doors, payed etc). 1st date - just talk. Waited 3 days to invite me to date 2. Date 2: nice restaurant, no physical contact besides cheek peck that I initiated. Waited 2 days to invite me to date 3. Date 3: bowling, try to touch my palm haha in high five, tried to give me a cheek peck, got embarrassed and said we'll figure it out next time. Invited me for date 4 next day, but I rejected him because the whole platonic feel and 'science' of planning left me cold. Next guy -29. Very smart too. 100% sure he has 0 experience. Dates 1-3 - zero physical contact. Date 4 - start kissing the air In front of me, never initiated a kiss, just saw his head movements and... I weirded out. He kept contacting me up to date, years after I rejected him ... So he was likely interested and didn't know how to express physically. Although, there was never romantic gesture - our dinner dates were mainly talking... For hours ... For work and family. Paid Dutch every time. No touch or even leaning close. IDK. Maybe your man is one of these guys. Inexperienced ... And/or socially awkward. I know is super hard to develop romantic spark with people like this... Have to agree with you here Katie. I think anyone that goes on 3 dates with a woman and doesn't show physical interest is just not that into you. I talked up how muscly he was (he's very brawny!) and I'm sure he would have taken than to mean that I'm warm for his form. I'm a 3 date wonder!
Author soph-walker Posted March 25, 2016 Author Posted March 25, 2016 I ruined my chances with 2 guys like this. First was super smart, Doctor, Indian, 39. Very gentlemanly (drove me home, opened doors, payed etc). 1st date - just talk. Waited 3 days to invite me to date 2. Date 2: nice restaurant, no physical contact besides cheek peck that I initiated. Waited 2 days to invite me to date 3. Date 3: bowling, try to touch my palm haha in high five, tried to give me a cheek peck, got embarrassed and said we'll figure it out next time. Invited me for date 4 next day, but I rejected him because the whole platonic feel and 'science' of planning left me cold. Next guy -29. Very smart too. 100% sure he has 0 experience. Dates 1-3 - zero physical contact. Date 4 - start kissing the air In front of me, never initiated a kiss, just saw his head movements and... I weirded out. He kept contacting me up to date, years after I rejected him ... So he was likely interested and didn't know how to express physically. Although, there was never romantic gesture - our dinner dates were mainly talking... For hours ... For work and family. Paid Dutch every time. No touch or even leaning close. IDK. Maybe your man is one of these guys. Inexperienced ... And/or socially awkward. I know is super hard to develop romantic spark with people like this... Do you not feel that both of your guys should have taken the plunge a little more in terms of verbally expressing their interest? I'm starting to learn that most interested guys will not be able to resist grabbing you and kissing you passionately. I've got to 3 dates with 2 different guys recently and neither have been touchy geeky with me- the second to last guy told me I wasn't very forward and he didn't feel there was a spark but for he'd have been interested in me realistically he would have made a move especially seeing as we had 3 dates.
spriggan2 Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 I was/still am socially awkward to a large extent. I struggle with breaking the physical barrier on early dates, can never find the right moment, can never build things up to a kiss, but once the barrier is broken things are usually pretty good. I wouldn't recommend trusting your gut with this though if you think the guy is awkward. Both my recent ex and the current girl I'm seeing told me they thought I wasn't attracted to them because I never touched them and didn't kiss them until the fourth date. The truth was I was crazy about them. I just had little to no experience. If you're into this guy and you feel like being patient then keep seeing him, take some initiatives, give him nudges, hint at physical escalation in texts. Hopefully soon you'll get a clear response either way. 1
Author soph-walker Posted March 25, 2016 Author Posted March 25, 2016 I was/still am socially awkward to a large extent. I struggle with breaking the physical barrier on early dates, can never find the right moment, can never build things up to a kiss, but once the barrier is broken things are usually pretty good. I wouldn't recommend trusting your gut with this though if you think the guy is awkward. Both my recent ex and the current girl I'm seeing told me they thought I wasn't attracted to them because I never touched them and didn't kiss them until the fourth date. The truth was I was crazy about them. I just had little to no experience. If you're into this guy and you feel like being patient then keep seeing him, take some initiatives, give him nudges, hint at physical escalation in texts. Hopefully soon you'll get a clear response either way. Don't be too hard on yourself in terms of being socially awkward when it comes to being physical- it's scary! I'm not at all socially awkward and I struggle (as I mentioned) to break a physical barrier with a guy I've met through online dating- because I don't know this person at all and until I know them in more depth than I'm reluctant to ramp things up physically. That's not being socially awkward, that's just being pretty sensible. I don't feel there's enough interest where common ground lies, he's lovely but I don't think we'd be a match in general. I know I've been on 3 dates with him but because I don't like to discount any possibility of getting to know someone more and more before making any decision.
No_Go Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 The reason I think they were interested but shy was that they both acted very disappointed upon rejection, especially the air-kisser... But I agree with you if they were VERY interested probably their shyness won't stop them. My current BF was very inexperienced, although 37 back then, but still kissed me on date one. But I've heard stories of people staying platonic for long time... Well, mostly very young people though, teens and like. I always thought if it is such a pain in the butt to kiss, the sex life later would not be flourishing... And even more important - decision making / assertiveness in general.. But I maybe passed on good men because of this thinking Maybe meet him once more if he calls you? This time in a romantic, private setting (like quiet restaurant or sth).. Do you not feel that both of your guys should have taken the plunge a little more in terms of verbally expressing their interest? I'm starting to learn that most interested guys will not be able to resist grabbing you and kissing you passionately. I've got to 3 dates with 2 different guys recently and neither have been touchy geeky with me- the second to last guy told me I wasn't very forward and he didn't feel there was a spark but for he'd have been interested in me realistically he would have made a move especially seeing as we had 3 dates.
itstoni Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 If you're romantically interested in a woman? Would you know after the 1st date? Would you bother making a 3rd? Bit of background to this question: have been on 3 dates with OLD guy, we have both been actively in contact to arrange said dates, he has seemed nervous throughout all 3 but has suggested we meet up again. He gave me a nervous peck on the lips at the end of the 3rd but I don't get the sense he's all that into me. I would know after the first date. From what you wrote - He is shy, he is unsure on what move to make next. He lacks experience. He's trying hard Don't mistake that for being mean, or that he is not into you. He is most likely trying so hard not to mess things up with you, that he is afraid that if he makes a move on you, you will assume that he is like all the other guys and only wanting sex. I'm assuming you want him to initiate something with you correct? What have you done to help him out? Have you shown interest? Smiling often, laughing at his lame jokes, touching him, standing close you're practically touching, maybe even trying to be sexual, eye contact, asking about him, open-ended questions? Guys don't see hints. You could give a million hints in the world and he still won't get it. You need to be direct with your intentions as well. He needs to know it in black&white. You could always take the male role and lead the way. Guys, why would you see a woman 3 times if you weren't initiating any physical contact, would it be to keep your toe in the water so to speak, or just for the ego boost? Something you should know about men - Men don't string women along, they want to bed you, simple. He wouldn't bother investing so much time, energy, and money in someone he wouldn't want to bed. So yes, he is fantasizing how he would make all the physical contact with you in his mind. Just waiting for the right moment...but he'll never know the right moment.
deckard11 Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 If you're romantically interested in a woman? Would you know after the 1st date? Would you bother making a 3rd? Bit of background to this question: have been on 3 dates with OLD guy, we have both been actively in contact to arrange said dates, he has seemed nervous throughout all 3 but has suggested we meet up again. He gave me a nervous peck on the lips at the end of the 3rd but I don't get the sense he's all that into me. Guys, why would you see a woman 3 times if you weren't initiating any physical contact, would it be to keep your toe in the water so to speak, or just for the ego boost? Doesn't 3 dates equal sex?
Author soph-walker Posted March 26, 2016 Author Posted March 26, 2016 Doesn't 3 dates equal sex? Not if all three dates have been in bar/cinema/public situations and both parties live rurally at least 20 miles from town!
Author soph-walker Posted March 26, 2016 Author Posted March 26, 2016 (edited) I would know after the first date. From what you wrote - He is shy, he is unsure on what move to make next. He lacks experience. He's trying hard Don't mistake that for being mean, or that he is not into you. He is most likely trying so hard not to mess things up with you, that he is afraid that if he makes a move on you, you will assume that he is like all the other guys and only wanting sex. I'm assuming you want him to initiate something with you correct? What have you done to help him out? Have you shown interest? Smiling often, laughing at his lame jokes, touching him, standing close you're practically touching, maybe even trying to be sexual, eye contact, asking about him, open-ended questions? Guys don't see hints. You could give a million hints in the world and he still won't get it. You need to be direct with your intentions as well. He needs to know it in black&white. You could always take the male role and lead the way. Something you should know about men - Men don't string women along, they want to bed you, simple. He wouldn't bother investing so much time, energy, and money in someone he wouldn't want to bed. So yes, he is fantasizing how he would make all the physical contact with you in his mind. Just waiting for the right moment...but he'll never know the right moment. I was really friendly and smiley and laughed a whole lot with him, he was sat across the table from me so short of mounting the table or strip teasing I'm not sure how he couldn't have taken a hint haha. Guys do string you along, I had a guy say to me he didn't want to string me along after a 2nd date so we left it at that and he then asked for a 3rd date a few weeks later..only to say he saw me as a friend after our 3rd when I asked him what the craic was (he knew that I was really into him). Edited March 26, 2016 by soph-walker
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