soph-walker Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 If you're romantically interested in a woman? Would you know after the 1st date? Would you bother making a 3rd? Bit of background to this question: have been on 3 dates with OLD guy, we have both been actively in contact to arrange said dates, he has seemed nervous throughout all 3 but has suggested we meet up again. He gave me a nervous peck on the lips at the end of the 3rd but I don't get the sense he's all that into me. Guys, why would you see a woman 3 times if you weren't initiating any physical contact, would it be to keep your toe in the water so to speak, or just for the ego boost?
elaine567 Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 If you're romantically interested in a woman? Would you know after the 1st date? Would you bother making a 3rd? Bit of background to this question: have been on 3 dates with OLD guy, we have both been actively in contact to arrange said dates, he has seemed nervous throughout all 3 but has suggested we meet up again. He gave me a nervous peck on the lips at the end of the 3rd but I don't get the sense he's all that into me. Guys, why would you see a woman 3 times if you weren't initiating any physical contact, would it be to keep your toe in the water so to speak, or just for the ego boost? I am guessing lack of experience here, or perhaps he really likes you a lot and is nervous because he is just worried that he somehow spoils it. 2
SwordofFlame Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 I would know after the first date. This guy just seems socially awkward. If you're interested in him, try to make him feel more comfortable by perhaps initiating yourself? 1
Hyperfocal Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 This is going to vary between types. I am like a robot. Date 1, no expectations, I don't allow my feelings to influence what I learn on that date. Date 2 I allow feelings to play a part, after I ruminated date 1 a fair bit. Date 3, I pretty well know where things are heading. He might not be that into you, or more likely is a bit reserved in the touchy feelies (me too at first) Those types can be fine, give it a month to find out. 1
salparadise Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 I usually have a pretty good idea within a few minutes of meeting, usually confirmed as the date continues. Probably just a bit of nervousness because he IS into you and not wanting to blow it by coming on too strong. Just a guess.
central Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 How old is he? He may just be very inexperienced and unsure how to proceed, or simply very shy and is nervous because he's outside his comfort zone. Sometimes on a first date I'll know if I'm romantically interested - more usually I'll know if I'm not. Even if I feel that I am, the next few dates will usually confirm this - or I'll find a deal breaker.
Author soph-walker Posted March 25, 2016 Author Posted March 25, 2016 I am guessing lack of experience here, or perhaps he really likes you a lot and is nervous because he is just worried that he somehow spoils it. I guess that could be a reason. Re the experience part though, I've had more dates than I can count but I still find it tricky to initiate physical interest in a guy I've met from the Internet- it's always in the back of my head that some men can be sexual predators so I always like to get to know a guy properly if I've met him via OLD. I have often wondered if this part of my dating behaviour has stopped a few potential 'relationships' in their tracks as guys are reading it that I'm not physically interested when I am, I am just totally cautious. Please note, I don't mean I'm sat there on a date wearing a chastity belt and my arms folded haha, I'm open and friendly, just not willing to throw myself at anyone until maybe the 4th date!
Versacehottie Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 How old is he? He may just be very inexperienced and unsure how to proceed, or simply very shy and is nervous because he's outside his comfort zone. Sometimes on a first date I'll know if I'm romantically interested - more usually I'll know if I'm not. Even if I feel that I am, the next few dates will usually confirm this - or I'll find a deal breaker. Good points. I'm not a guy but I think many people use process of elimination BEFORE they even start to consider falling in love with people (especially guys if I was to generalize). They are checking to see that you meet a certain threshold of interest, connection and deeper feelings are built later and along the way. The real question for OP is how do you feel about this guy?
Author soph-walker Posted March 25, 2016 Author Posted March 25, 2016 Good points. I'm not a guy but I think many people use process of elimination BEFORE they even start to consider falling in love with people (especially guys if I was to generalize). They are checking to see that you meet a certain threshold of interest, connection and deeper feelings are built later and along the way. The real question for OP is how do you feel about this guy? He's early 30s. I like him but there's something I can't put my finger on. I feel I may like him more of he was more assertive but given that our interactions have been platonically based, it's hard to assess. I could imagine myself getting 'to know' him haha
Author soph-walker Posted March 25, 2016 Author Posted March 25, 2016 I often feel like with OLD both parties are reluctant to let their feelings for someone be known and its a case of one risking rejection, which is often too much for some to deal with so they'd rather let something pass them by.
Saracena Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 . He gave me a nervous peck on the lips at the end of the 3rd but I don't get the sense he's all that into me. How spaced out were the dates? This would help shed more light on his level of interest. He definitely sounds attracted (he wouldn't bother with 3 dates if he definitely weren't) but nervous to me and I'm wondering (from experience of a similar situation) if something is holding him back from getting more deeply involved. What do you know about his past, in particular most recent-relationships? Not saying this is the reason but it would be one I'd like to rule out. Of course he may also be unsure of your level of attraction. 1
Woon Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 No way I go on 3 dates if im not interessted. Like previous posters have said, just a bit of the nerves me thinks 1
Larryville Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 I usually have a pretty good idea within a few minutes of meeting, usually confirmed as the date continues. I would know after the first date. I’m like Sal and Sword I know almost immediately. However having said that, if you are not REALLY ready for a relationship (addressed this in a rebound thread) if the woman is fairly attractive, reasonable smart, attentive and decent company you might warmly date her to alleviate boredom and to have constant company someone to hang with. Example: Guys, why would you see a woman 3 times if you weren't initiating any physical contact, would it be to keep your toe in the water so to speak, or just for the ego boost? Also if someone has been striking out on OLD for a time let's face it some dudes will say "you'll do, for now" Typically if a dude really thinks he has hit a home run, the woman will know, you can read it in his face, in his body language eye contact and you will have his full attention. No ghosting, no ambivalence, no doubt, confidence… He gave me a nervous peck on the lips No…
Author soph-walker Posted March 25, 2016 Author Posted March 25, 2016 How spaced out were the dates? This would help shed more light on his level of interest. He definitely sounds attracted (he wouldn't bother with 3 dates if he definitely weren't) but nervous to me and I'm wondering (from experience of a similar situation) if something is holding him back from getting more deeply involved. What do you know about his past, in particular most recent-relationships? Not saying this is the reason but it would be one I'd like to rule out. Of course he may also be unsure of your level of attraction. We had 3 dates in about 3 weeks. I don't know much about his past relationships other than his last relationship was 2 years ago and they grew apart. I've been on 3 dates with a guy previously to this one and he turned around and said he didn't feel a spark which makes me think it's possible that a guy will see a girl for 3 dates despite not fancying her just for the hell of going on 3 dates.
loveweary11 Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 I know from the moment I see her. From then on out, she can only *disqualify* herself. I wouldn't be going on any dates with women I don't like. Your guy sounds nervous or inexperienced or possibly like he's taking it slow.
Saracena Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 We had 3 dates in about 3 weeks. I don't know much about his past relationships other than his last relationship was 2 years ago and they grew apart. I've been on 3 dates with a guy previously to this one and he turned around and said he didn't feel a spark which makes me think it's possible that a guy will see a girl for 3 dates despite not fancying her just for the hell of going on 3 dates. OK. I just wondered if it were a rebound situation. In my case he'd been very hurt by previous break-up (9 months before) and was scared to take the plunge again, something he later admitted when we (finally) got together a few weeks later! On the other hand, although current boyfriend looked positively terrified(!) he still went ahead and kissed me on first date! I also knew, by his actions ie lots of physical contact which I reciprocated, he was attracted. Of course he may not have been fully sure of my level of interest! He also set up another date for two days later. Hmm...I now wonder is he's seeing other(s)? Has he set up a 4th date?
truth_seeker Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 There are times if I am really into a woman, I will stumble, get very nervous around her... then there are times I'm not into her and force myself to be polite which comes off awkward and uncomfortable. To answer your question ... even the most shy guy will find a way to connect with you if he really likes you. It's up to you to help get him there
Author soph-walker Posted March 25, 2016 Author Posted March 25, 2016 OK. I just wondered if it were a rebound situation. In my case he'd been very hurt by previous break-up (9 months before) and was scared to take the plunge again, something he later admitted when we (finally) got together a few weeks later! On the other hand, although current boyfriend looked positively terrified(!) he still went ahead and kissed me on first date! I also knew, by his actions ie lots of physical contact which I reciprocated, he was attracted. Of course he may not have been fully sure of my level of interest! He also set up another date for two days later. Hmm...I now wonder is he's seeing other(s)? Has he set up a 4th date? I guess it's a possibility, but everyone's been hurt though right, he's a 30something year old man, I would expect a bit more from a guy that age? My thoughts lean towards him not fancying me but has met up with me 3 times because he's bored/is playing the field. There's no talk from him of a 4th date.
preraph Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 He just sounds nervous to me. Now, at his age, that's a bit unusual. But he did the obligatory kiss on the third date, so he's trying to follow protocol. If it doesn't seem like he's really into it, he could be anxious to the point of having a disorder or he could even be closeted and trying to make himself date, or have some other disorder that makes him awkward. Anyway, next date, why not sort of bring it out in the open. Ask him all about himself and ask what his longest relationship was, etc.
Author soph-walker Posted March 25, 2016 Author Posted March 25, 2016 OK. I just wondered if it were a rebound situation. In my case he'd been very hurt by previous break-up (9 months before) and was scared to take the plunge again, something he later admitted when we (finally) got together a few weeks later! On the other hand, although current boyfriend looked positively terrified(!) he still went ahead and kissed me on first date! I also knew, by his actions ie lots of physical contact which I reciprocated, he was attracted. Of course he may not have been fully sure of my level of interest! He also set up another date for two days later. Hmm...I now wonder is he's seeing other(s)? Has he set up a 4th date? He just sounds nervous to me. Now, at his age, that's a bit unusual. But he did the obligatory kiss on the third date, so he's trying to follow protocol. If it doesn't seem like he's really into it, he could be anxious to the point of having a disorder or he could even be closeted and trying to make himself date, or have some other disorder that makes him awkward. Anyway, next date, why not sort of bring it out in the open. Ask him all about himself and ask what his longest relationship was, etc. On our third date as we said goodbye, I suggested we hangout again soon and he made an agreeable sound and didn't say much else. I think he's not interested.
WaitingForBardot Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 Add me to the camp that knows right away whether I'm willing to pursue a relationship with someone. I wouldn't even bother with a second date if I didn't feel that way after the first. That's not to say things can't fizzle out moving forward, but each time I ask it's because I see the potential.
Versacehottie Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 We had 3 dates in about 3 weeks. I don't know much about his past relationships other than his last relationship was 2 years ago and they grew apart. I've been on 3 dates with a guy previously to this one and he turned around and said he didn't feel a spark which makes me think it's possible that a guy will see a girl for 3 dates despite not fancying her just for the hell of going on 3 dates. hmmm, it's all fine and good to try to analyze and gather some data but bottom line, guys are different human beings. There is variety here in the answers guys have provided and suspect there would be even more with more replies. Some guys jump in quick, some guys mean it when they jump in quick, some don't, some guys don't jump in quick but mean it when they do and some guys move slow and never know WTF they want. Pretty much. LOL. That's why I say the important thing is how you feel and what you want. I generally don't think people waste time on 3 dates unless there is something there but it's not abnormal to discover in the first 5-10, let's say, that there is not enough glue there to want to move forward. That's for a variety of reasons---some of which have nothing to do with you. Sometimes a very typical one is that a guy is not really ready or wanting a relationship, in spite of what being on a dating site may indicate. Sometimes they need to be hit over the head with such a spark and are desperately in search of that (like a dysfunctional or out of this world spark). Sometimes they smartly realize that you just aren't the best of matches--something that a lot of women (not saying you) overlook in the desire to be in a relationship. All of what i said applies to both genders, I think. The biggest point is that there is variety in how humans act. Your guy sounds nervous (because of the peck) and that could be a good thing. There are several threads on this site where people have given examples of their now bf's being so nervous at the beginning that they were slow physically at the beginning. Or your guy could be ambivalent (because he's too hurt from something recent, likes someone else or not really into getting into a relationship) so he is keeping you at arm's length. I think you have to take things in totality with him. And most importantly, if he asks you for another date. Make sure you inject fun; maybe kiss him first and take pressure off yourself and him by not wondering where this is all headed. Just date and have fun. good luck
smackie9 Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 He's a shy dater....be a little more assertive physically/flirty with him, he will finally catch on. 1
katiegrl Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 He gave me a nervous peck on the lips at the end of the 3rd but I don't get the sense he's all that into me. Follow your gut here.... if more people did that, especially at this early stage, a lot less people would end up confused, hurt, disappointed, and even angry down the line. 1
Author soph-walker Posted March 25, 2016 Author Posted March 25, 2016 Follow your gut here.... if more people did that, especially at this early stage, a lot less people would end up confused, hurt, disappointed, and even angry down the line. Have to agree with you here Katie. I think anyone that goes on 3 dates with a woman and doesn't show physical interest is just not that into you. I talked up how muscly he was (he's very brawny!) and I'm sure he would have taken than to mean that I'm warm for his form. I'm a 3 date wonder!
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