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He updated his profile pic on OLD after telling me he wanted to focus on other things

Bobbi7

By Bobbi7
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hippychick3 Established Member

hippychick3

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If he was interested, no time would have passed since you last heard from him and you two would be spending time with one another.

 

That's how you gauge interest--they act interested, not indifferent. They call. They keep in touch. They make time to see you. They do things with you. They show interest in your life and your plans. They increasingly share their life with you.

 

^^^this

 

There would not have been any time that had passed if he were interested.

 

Interested guys would NEVER let someone go and risk another guy taking his place.

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Bobbi7 Established Member

Bobbi7

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No contact means just that. No contact. It's not "Let me bait this hook to see if you will bite". No contact is for creating the necessary distance needed to get over heartache and disappointment so that you're not bringing that baggage into the next relationship and blowing it to hell.

 

He understands that you played a manipulation game and lost, whether you admit that truth or not; therefore, he's no longer interested. Anytime someone says "I'm not going to contact you anymore", then days later, there they are again, popping up on text or email--it's off-putting and desperate and demonstrates that they were attempting to manipulate you into an action they know you weren't interested in taking in the first place.

 

It would have been better had you just kept your mouth shut and ghosted on him. You arrived at the same place anyway: not in a relationship with him and him not being interested in a relationship with you.

 

You reaching out to him also indicates an inability to take "no" for an answer. Kind of bunny-boiler there...

 

Well, he just left me hanging there with false hope. I mean, why not just answer with, "leave me alone." Now, I think if I would have still contact him after he said that-that would be bunny boiler.

hippychick3 Established Member

hippychick3

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Well, he just left me hanging there with false hope. I mean, why not just answer with, "leave me alone." Now, I think if I would have still contact him after he said that-that would be bunny boiler.

 

He was trying not to be cruel. Most people try to be as nonconfrontational and nice as possible when they end a relationship.

 

Focus your energy and time elsewhere.

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SoulCat Established Member

SoulCat

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So, are you saying if he was interested-he would still want to get together no matter what? After all this time has passed?

 

That's entirely moot Bobbi, since his actions show that he is not interested, he does not want to get back with you and he does not want to be in contact with you.

 

 

You'd be best served leaving him be and move on.

GemmaUK Established Member

GemmaUK

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S'funny.

This and another thread have reminded me of a bloke from my past today.

He would not take no for an answer and drove me up the wall. I ended up pretending to reconcile just to give him some of the s*** he gave me and to act like a psycho to get him off my back.

It kinda didn't really work completely as he was still contacting me 4 years later. The police sorted that for me though...or at least my threat of calling them did. :)

 

Bobbi, he was never really into you from the start sweetie.

Don't go back. Move on to someone who wants to date you.

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MidwestUSA Established Member

MidwestUSA

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Since I've been reaching out to him that means I've move on-from what I said and that I forgot about him contacting ne first.

 

No, reaching out to him means you haven't moved on.

 

Move on now. Four months wasted.

kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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Well, he just left me hanging there with false hope. I mean, why not just answer with, "leave me alone." Now, I think if I would have still contact him after he said that-that would be bunny boiler.

 

we stopped seeing each other since November.

 

I said no contact. I texted him right after I left to {do damage control}. He replied, "I'll let you know when." I've been reaching out to him and nothing.

 

He didn't leave you with anything. You generated your own false hope by purposely refusing to see the situation for what it was.

 

You told him that you were going no contact. He owed you nothing from then on. You played yourself out, not him.

 

I'm not getting why he has to go beast mode on you for you to understand that he is not interested.

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inthevalle Member

inthevalle

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This is not hard, sweetie.

 

He didn't want to date you anymore.

 

He's back looking for someone ELSE to date (not you).

 

There's no hidden agenda. He's doing what people do.

 

You are owed nothing.

 

Drop it.

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whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

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Please move on and forget about him. He isn't interested for whatever reason.

 

The more you think about this the more time you're wasting on someone who isn't thinking of you at all.

 

There are tons of great guys out there, forget this one!

ff12343 Established Member

ff12343

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Well, he just left me hanging there with false hope. I mean, why not just answer with, "leave me alone." Now, I think if I would have still contact him after he said that-that would be bunny boiler.

 

I PMed you Bobbi. I was on the same page as you at the exact same time in November.

 

Take my advice and focus on other guys. Trust me.

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Bobbi7 Established Member

Bobbi7

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I doubt that he was "never into me." I mean, we hung out, he wanted me to introduce me to his friends, asked me to do other stuff then just sleeping together.

ff12343 Established Member

ff12343

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I doubt that he was "never into me." I mean, we hung out, he wanted me to introduce me to his friends, asked me to do other stuff then just sleeping together.

 

Well there's nothing you can do now regardless. Only thing you can do is disappear and once you see 6 months goes by and he doesn't reach out, then how can you even care about someone like that?

 

Stick up for yourself.

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Bobbi7 Established Member

Bobbi7

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Well, I was brave and I sent him a message on OLD, he didn't respond. I know he's online and the funny thing is-is that he changed his profile picture to what he had before and deleted the new one he put up. This sucks.

faithfully Established Member

faithfully

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Well, I was brave and I sent him a message on OLD, he didn't respond. I know he's online and the funny thing is-is that he changed his profile picture to what he had before and deleted the new one he put up. This sucks.

 

 

let it go darling........ its not worth it. stop sending messages coz you start looking crazy and crazy is not a good trait.

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ff12343 Established Member

ff12343

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Well, I was brave and I sent him a message on OLD, he didn't respond. I know he's online and the funny thing is-is that he changed his profile picture to what he had before and deleted the new one he put up. This sucks.

 

Being brave is doing something that requires courage and in this case that would be to disappear knowing you may never speak to him again.

 

After 90 + responses to this thread, it seems the messages being given to you are not sticking.

 

Good Luck.

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Mrin Established Member

Mrin

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Well, I was brave and I sent him a message on OLD, he didn't respond. I know he's online and the funny thing is-is that he changed his profile picture to what he had before and deleted the new one he put up. This sucks.

 

This makes me cringe. Just stop. Move on and forget him

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Rejected Rosebud Established Member

Rejected Rosebud

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Bobbi7, people break up with or move on from other people ALL THE TIME. That's why most of us don't end up married to the majority of people we went out with in our lives!!

 

The guy was trying to politely let you know he IS NOT INTERESTED in anything further with you. He didn't say "just leave me alone" because that is very hurtful and rude and not the kind of thing people normally say to each other!! But since you didn't get the message (though it was very clear) he might end up telling you to leave him alone soon. :(

 

You should leave him alone without him having to make a big thing out of it. That is humiliating.

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kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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Well, I was brave and I sent him a message on OLD, he didn't respond. I know he's online and the funny thing is-is that he changed his profile picture to what he had before and deleted the new one he put up. This sucks.

 

Oh dear... and it would appear it didn't give you the results you were after.

 

Listen, I get it. This guy has your nose wide open for whatever reason and you really wanted something to work out with him. It got all messed up in November and has never recovered and despite whatever hope you've been cultivating for it, he wasn't doing the same thing on his end all this time.

 

He's been managing your expectations and perhaps what he really needed to do was go beast mode on you and hurt your feelings so you drew back a nub. Some people just don't get hints (because they want to believe the narrative in their heads so badly) and you have to go extra on them to get it.

 

I'm hoping that for your sake and the sake of your dignity that this is the nail in the coffin of this and you grieve it and move on. It's time to "let Jack sink to the bottom of the Atlantic and for you to swim to the lifeboat" before he has to say something to you that you're not strong enough to take and shake it off. It doesn't need to go there, but if you force this, as you've been forcing it all along, that's exactly what is going to happen.

 

You should love yourself enough to not put yourself in this position.

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Bobbi7 Established Member

Bobbi7

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I'm done contacting him, but still makes me wonder why he decided to change his profile picture back to what he had before when I messaged him today.

ff12343 Established Member

ff12343

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I'm done contacting him, but still makes me wonder why he decided to change his profile picture back to what he had before when I messaged him today.

 

Because he gets better results with it. Is that what you wanted to hear?

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ilovemefirst Established Member

ilovemefirst

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When will you give up? You are holding on to someone that clearly wants something else. Please focus on yourself first. You are putting this guy on a pedestal, when YOU should be there. The faster you accept its over, the better for you. Not to sound harsh, but you are in denial. This is very unhealthy.

scorpiogirl Established Member

scorpiogirl

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I'm done contacting him, but still makes me wonder why he decided to change his profile picture back to what he had before when I messaged him today.

 

Because when you messaged him with his new picture, he thought you didn't realise it was him, and that he'd dumped you 4 months ago. So he changed it so you could see it was him and then you'd stop contacting him.

 

He just thought you didn't realise it was him.

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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I didn't mean, "no contact" as in not ever speaking, just meaning, that I'm going to wait until he reaches out to me...I figured we could at least chat.

 

This is not rocket science. How can you not know what "contact" is? You told him you weren't going to contact him, then you told him you weren't going to contact him but he could contact you, and then you contacted him. Listen to yourself!! Consult Webster's Dictionary online if you really don't know at your age, which I understand is over 30, not some teenager, what basic words like "contact" and "manipulate" mean. Your behavior is very weasely. And don't ask me what that means. Look it up.

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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^^^this

 

There would not have been any time that had passed if he were interested.

 

Interested guys would NEVER let someone go and risk another guy taking his place.

 

Right. And they would never say "I don't want a relationship" or "I don't want anything serious" or "All I want is sex, and I only want that from you as long as I don't have to leave my house for it."

kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
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I'm done contacting him, but still makes me wonder why he decided to change his profile picture back to what he had before when I messaged him today.

 

You're trying to assign a self centered reason for something that he was probably going to do anyway whether or not you contacted him.

 

But the answer is: because he felt like it.

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