guitar_jam86 Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 So long story short, met this amazing girl (her 28, me 29) last summer, we hit it off pretty quick and after a couple weeks I asked her to be exclusive (should have let her ask I know) and she agreed. First few months were fantastic, we talked a lot, she was reaching out to me all the time, and we spent pretty much every weekend together (she lives at home with her parents, I have my own place) even though we lived 40 minutes apart. Put together a list called “XX & XX’s Never Ending List of Things to do” and started talking about her coming out to visit my family on the West coast. Come my birthday in November, things peaked when she showed up at my place the night before my birthday with homemade cupcakes (love cupcakes). She told me she had never done something like that and I was smitten by her actions (I hadn't either). After that, things slowly started to decrease in her affection and interest. She slowly started getting less talkative and told me a few weeks later that she thought we were talking too much! I was stunned because she always said she loved to talk and I did a good job of listening and asking her questions when she was talking. I mistakenly told her I loved her after she told me about the talking (I did..) and her response was "i thought that's what it would be" and asked me what would happen if she never got to that point. She only had been in one serious relationship (ended about 5 months before we met) and had thought she was going to marry the guy (3.5 years) but he treated her pretty crappy and what not. Anyway, I understood and told her we'd handle it as needed then pulled back in the talking department to let her calm down. We plodded along another month into January and after a snowstorm (snowed in together Friday-Monday), she got extremely antsy about going home and then told me when she could leave that she was struggling with finding her feelings romantically for me. She mentioned that her friends had thought maybe she was scared to fall in love, or simply that I wasn’t the one (yet she told me I was amazing, incredibly nice, and we had so many things in common). I told her to take some time to herself and we could see what happened next. After a few days of no contact, she asked me to come with her to a concert I got tickets for as her early birthday present. Things rebounded that night and seemed good for a few days, but then a slow and steady depreciation happened through the end of February. At the end of that month, she started getting involved again (talking more and paying for small meals here and there), she even surprised me with store-made cupcakes she found.. Well about two weeks ago, she comes up and spends the night, the next morning I wake up and she comes in to tell me that she can’t keep things going because of her feelings not being there, despite her caring for me, liking me, and saying I was an incredible boyfriend. Unfortunately, I was still waking up and reacted semi-poorly. She left after a little bit and I texted her what I got her for her birthday (bad move I know) after she left. She apologized for ruining everything and I told her its your life have fun. A few days later I texted her “Just wanted to say Happy birthday. I hope you have a great day. Sorry things didn’t work out.” She responded fairly quick with “Thanks. I really appreciate that. I know I’m sorry too ” Then sent me a picture of what her coworker gave her. I responded the next day and asked if we could meet and talk. She said that was fine if I wanted to. We figured this past Monday would be best, I didn’t text her the time and place until Sunday, but she was fine with the time and liked the place (salad joint we went to together). I debated giving her the present I had gotten her, but ultimately didn’t because I didn’t think it would be appropriate. I mostly wanted to meet to tell her that I accepted her decision despite my thoughts and that it was for the best of us. I also told her that she is a great girl and I want the best for her. She was surprised we didn’t talk long (she was expecting a lot of questions from me). I told her that its the past now and we have to move forward. I did tell her that if she ever wanted to get together again to give me a call, then she said that if I ever needed anything I could get in touch and I dittoed it. We walked outside and she started crying a bit because she felt horrible and sort of eluded to her wondering if she’d regret this because I was such a great bf and had treated her so well (she had never been taken to a hotel before, which I did a few times). She mentioned that I had taught her there were nice guys out there as well. We hugged a couple of times and after saying our goodbyes I said I’ll see you when I see you and left. I feel like part of what didn’t help us was that she probably wasn’t over her ex and then my aggressiveness early on put too much pressure on her. Also with her having some personal issues (health and not happy with work), I feel it was kind of a trifecta of it just not being the right time for her. So I’ve entered the NC now with her (day 3 FML). We’re friends on Facebook and Pinterest , though I don’t plan on communicating/liking/pinning her pins at all through any of it. She liked my new profile picture a couple of days after we changed our status and has pinned a few things I pinned, but that's it otherwise. I guess the sum of all this, I’m not really expecting anything to happen, but is there at least a chance of reconciling down the road? We ended on good terms and I don’t hate her (I told her I wasn’t mad at her at all). I am using this time to get myself healthy (ankle injuries from running), taking guitar lessons, and looking for a new position in the area (already getting some hits!). I know in a way I won because the relationship was dying and stressing me out, so now that it’s over I shouldn’t be sad. I’m just bummed because her initial appearance was everything I wanted in my significant other (athletic, mellow, not materialistic, open to new things, etc).
Author guitar_jam86 Posted March 25, 2016 Author Posted March 25, 2016 Any insight/advice would be greatly appreciated..
LostGrl Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 I think you handled it maturely and like a gentleman. One thing though is don't agree to be her 'friend'. It will kill you if you have ANY romantic feelings left for her. I am hoping through the same thing with my ex. We are doing very limited contact right now because it prevents us from getting into 'deep' discussions about the past. You already know if you're around her you're going to want more, so don't delude yourself into thinking you can go from romance to friendship. That being said...all you can do is become a much better version of yourself. For YOU. Whether she comes back or not. It's got to come from a place of self worth. There is a guy in Youtube named Corey Wayne...he does videoes mainly for men asking for relationship advice. I would check them out. You'll get a lot of good stuff there.
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