Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 I have found sometimes that more people are more curious why men have stayed single for a long time than woman. My boyfriend ( or kinda boyfriend) had been single for three or four years, before his two year relationship with his ex girlfriend he had been in a relationship for three years but there was a seven year gap from his first girlfriend to his second. I think there is nothing wrong with that, but my friend wondered why he was single for so long. I answered " well why is anyone single, they just sometimes are" I have been single for much longer than my boyfriend is, but no one really asks why. Seems like men on the whole, get more of a bad rap for being single for a long time and is it just me, or does anyone agree that long term single men, get more stigmatized?
BlametheIrish Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 "is it just me, or does anyone agree that long term single men, get more stigmatized?" No, I see it the other way around quite often though.
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted March 24, 2016 Author Posted March 24, 2016 "is it just me, or does anyone agree that long term single men, get more stigmatized?" No, I see it the other way around quite often though. as in, woman are more stigmatized if they've been single for a long time?
BlametheIrish Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 Yes, sorry I should have elaborated. When a guy is single for a long time often times you hear things like, "He's just sowing his wild oats" But when a woman is single for a long period of time you hear things in regards to her shelf life, her biological clock, Etc. 4
carhill Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 It's a well-known and often-repeated fact that single men die younger and have poorer health than partnered or married men. Hence, people are curious if and why a man has a death wish. Heh. Kinda like staring at a wreck looking for the bodies. 1
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted March 25, 2016 Author Posted March 25, 2016 when I was dating, I would say I haven't had a boyfriend in 12 years. The guys would be curious in asking why, but they wouldn't pry about it. I just find that some men get more of an interrogation... like " hmmm, that's unusual, why have you been single for all this time" and I always think " isn't that a bonus? like they have been really selective, they've taken their time" my Bf has only slept with four people in his life, I think that's awesome! and that is actually less than me! so it's weird... meh, society! it's a strange world we live in!
Erik30 Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 I don't know if single men are more stigmatized than women, but I guess some people will label single men. I think they will automatically assume there has to be something wrong with the guy if he's single for a long time. (Like your friend) Like; he has commitment issues, he's a player, probably gay that's why he's never with a girl, or that the guy is just too unattractive to get a girlfriend. These thoughts probably come from people who are pretty much always in a relationship. 2
loveweary11 Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 (edited) It's a well-known and often-repeated fact that single men die younger and have poorer health than partnered or married men. Hence, people are curious if and why a man has a death wish. Heh. Kinda like staring at a wreck looking for the bodies. This is an interesting fact and having entered "single guy" status after 12 years and several multi year relationships that took up my entire life... I'm wondering why this is? Are some men unable to cook healthy food and eat garbage? Is it all the extra late nights we have to deal with to have a sex life? Is it the extra dinking or drugs that go along with those late nights? Is it some sort of depression? Is it all the work and household chores you now are doing all of that once you shared? Why? Surely it isn't the many stressful times we have in relationships being yelled at., nagged or otherwise stressed out by our women. Why is it single men have shorter lives? In most ways, I feel happier single without having to always worry about keeping someone happy. Edited March 25, 2016 by loveweary11
thecrucible Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 I think it happens to both men and women. I don't wear my single status on my sleeve but I sometimes feel left out when socialising with female acquaintances as I don't have a man in common. The women I am friends with don't make that a criteria for friendship but I can just sense when I am not part of the club in certain groups. I know that sometimes I will be judged on my single status. I get judged as soon as I put any weight on as some women I know will point it out straight away; whereas I know women who are already overweight (which I don't judge anyone on) and they don't have their appearance pointed out to them. I sometimes feel I am being scrutinised by others who don't understand that I was single for a long time by my own volition (i.e. as much as I deeply desire a relationship, it would feel wrong to get into one for the sake of it). When it comes to men I think I would get judged too. I certainly don't indulge in talking about past relationships with men I am dating. I have nothing to hide but I just don't want to open up a line of questioning. I have dated for the past five years but not been in long-term relationships - sometimes the guy wasn't right for me (i.e. treated me poorly) or I didn't want that kind of commitment. I think some men would be very judgemental of that as they think we should remain completely virginal and suppress all sexual desires until the perfect man comes along. Unfortunately it has not been that way for me. If I went on a date tomorrow I'd be vague and say "I've dated a few people over the past few years but it didn't work out and I've been focusing on my career".
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted March 25, 2016 Author Posted March 25, 2016 I think it happens to both men and women. I don't wear my single status on my sleeve but I sometimes feel left out when socialising with female acquaintances as I don't have a man in common. The women I am friends with don't make that a criteria for friendship but I can just sense when I am not part of the club in certain groups. I know that sometimes I will be judged on my single status. I get judged as soon as I put any weight on as some women I know will point it out straight away; whereas I know women who are already overweight (which I don't judge anyone on) and they don't have their appearance pointed out to them. I sometimes feel I am being scrutinised by others who don't understand that I was single for a long time by my own volition (i.e. as much as I deeply desire a relationship, it would feel wrong to get into one for the sake of it). When it comes to men I think I would get judged too. I certainly don't indulge in talking about past relationships with men I am dating. I have nothing to hide but I just don't want to open up a line of questioning. I have dated for the past five years but not been in long-term relationships - sometimes the guy wasn't right for me (i.e. treated me poorly) or I didn't want that kind of commitment. I think some men would be very judgemental of that as they think we should remain completely virginal and suppress all sexual desires until the perfect man comes along. Unfortunately it has not been that way for me. If I went on a date tomorrow I'd be vague and say "I've dated a few people over the past few years but it didn't work out and I've been focusing on my career". It's funny, I wish we could all be very honest and open and not get judged for it but unfortunately that is not the world we live in. It's funny how you say that you met some men that expect you to be completely virginal and supress all sexual desires until the perfect man comes along, I.E, ( themselves). I was with a guy like that. Seems like he LOVED the fact that I had been single for a long time, sort of game him some weird ego boost. Not sure why, but it did, like he's dating someone that has kept her legs crossed and hasn't been successful in the dating department. Somehow my single status made him even MORE interested in me, though I'm not sure if it was for healthy reasons. Perhaps it was because it made it seem he had more of a chance? Apparently his ex wife slept around before and after they married and split. Which then I would assume, it was more of his issue than hers. But that didn't stop him from being quite bitter about her and more interested in me. When the " how many men have you been with" question came up, and I honestly answered it ( though it hadn't really been that many) my value in his estimate went down quite a few notches. He still pursued me, but he kept asking how long ago it was that I slept with so many guys etc... and why. Needless to say, that dating experience with that guy did not last terribly long as he couldn't give it up and I felt controlled and smothered. Sorry, Just felt i had to say " hey I related to that" not that, that, story really relates to the question I asked! sorry guys!
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted March 25, 2016 Author Posted March 25, 2016 I don't know if single men are more stigmatized than women, but I guess some people will label single men. I think they will automatically assume there has to be something wrong with the guy if he's single for a long time. (Like your friend) Like; he has commitment issues, he's a player, probably gay that's why he's never with a girl, or that the guy is just too unattractive to get a girlfriend. These thoughts probably come from people who are pretty much always in a relationship. Quite funny because none of those things relate to him at all. I feel that the " are you a closeted homosexual comes up often" and i'm sure a lot of single guys get really annoyed by that weird comment. My guy is definitely not gay, eats really healthy, never been a player, been with a few girls and really attractive. Some people just jump to conclusions! nature of the beast. Human curiosity 1
Larryville Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 I have found sometimes that more people are more curious why men have stayed single for a long time than woman. Like; he has commitment issues, he's a player, probably gay that's why he's never with a girl, or that the guy is just too unattractive to get a girlfriend. These thoughts probably come from people who are pretty much always in a relationship. A number of publications, particularly those written by more feminist women who just simply want to attack dudes write articles like this one: TOP 12 Reasons “Good Men” Are Single https://www.stephanspeaks.com/top-12-reasons-good-men-are-single/ Don’t blame me I’m just sharing… Then you have articles like this: 17 Reasons Men And Women Choose To Stay Single 17 Reasons Men And Women Choose To Stay Single I have been single for almost 7 years now, only (1) serious relationship. Once I got to the point where I felt that I did not NEED to be in a relationship I got more comfortable and stop settling and doing the serial dating thing. Once I did that found someone I am really into, I really like and finally see some long term potential with. She is someone who has stated that she has been single most of her adult life (older than I am) but has always wanted to be in a relationship. Women are more independent and can frankly handle being single far better than men, why men typically die early. Most strong, together, independent women are not going to sit on their @$$es and get fat and mope. They stay active, exercise, engage, volunteer and women are far more likely to have a strong circle of friends where men usually don't.
deckard11 Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 I have found sometimes that more people are more curious why men have stayed single for a long time than woman. My boyfriend ( or kinda boyfriend) had been single for three or four years, before his two year relationship with his ex girlfriend he had been in a relationship for three years but there was a seven year gap from his first girlfriend to his second. I think there is nothing wrong with that, but my friend wondered why he was single for so long. I answered " well why is anyone single, they just sometimes are" I have been single for much longer than my boyfriend is, but no one really asks why. Seems like men on the whole, get more of a bad rap for being single for a long time and is it just me, or does anyone agree that long term single men, get more stigmatized? I'm single because women just don't want me. I've tried asking many women out, but all I get is the standard blow off responses. I assume it's because I'm short, fat and ugly.
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted March 26, 2016 Author Posted March 26, 2016 I'm single because women just don't want me. I've tried asking many women out, but all I get is the standard blow off responses. I assume it's because I'm short, fat and ugly. It's not a perceived confidence issue? Or if it's all of those three things, do you do something to help you with those issues like a counselor?
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted March 26, 2016 Author Posted March 26, 2016 A number of publications, particularly those written by more feminist women who just simply want to attack dudes write articles like this one: TOP 12 Reasons “Good Men” Are Single https://www.stephanspeaks.com/top-12-reasons-good-men-are-single/ Don’t blame me I’m just sharing… Then you have articles like this: 17 Reasons Men And Women Choose To Stay Single 17 Reasons Men And Women Choose To Stay Single I have been single for almost 7 years now, only (1) serious relationship. Once I got to the point where I felt that I did not NEED to be in a relationship I got more comfortable and stop settling and doing the serial dating thing. Once I did that found someone I am really into, I really like and finally see some long term potential with. She is someone who has stated that she has been single most of her adult life (older than I am) but has always wanted to be in a relationship. Women are more independent and can frankly handle being single far better than men, why men typically die early. Most strong, together, independent women are not going to sit on their @$$es and get fat and mope. They stay active, exercise, engage, volunteer and women are far more likely to have a strong circle of friends where men usually don't. I agree with this.
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted March 30, 2016 Author Posted March 30, 2016 I think men and women both can sometimes catch some flack for being single long periods of time. Of course, this all depends on the person in question though. No one questions why my fat buddy has been single for...always, but when my better looking friends are single, people start to think they have something wrong with them. So sad. Why can't we celebrate dating differences? i know that my friend didn't waste any time in between boyfriends. No one questions her. But now that i have a boyfriend, some ( not all) are acting weird around me. They aren't sure how to accept that i am no longer just one but I come with another at different events. But over all, I have coped a lot less flack from it than my boyfriend who was single for lot less and has mentioned to me that his buddies are congratulating him for ending " the drought". He actually did more things with his life than his friends did while they were in relationships. It just goes to show that society is more comfortable seeing people in relationships than if you're single. They are more accepting of you and can accommodate for you more. If you are in a relationship after being single for along time, some people I notice, have to learn to accept something different in your life. I have had some condescending remarks, but over all the response has been mixed. Not harsh. Just mixed.
Poutrew Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 (edited) I've only been asked why I was still single only once in my life. [] Edited March 30, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language ~6
risjurad Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 For whatever good it'll do, it helps to steer clear from groups where majority of folks are in relationships. They either "pick on" single people to make themselves feel superior, have some misguided notion that you really need to be with somebody, or can be genuinely concerned otherwise that yeah, maybe you could be doing a bit more.
neowulf Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 This is an interesting fact and having entered "single guy" status after 12 years and several multi year relationships that took up my entire life... I'm wondering why this is? Are some men unable to cook healthy food and eat garbage? Is it all the extra late nights we have to deal with to have a sex life? Is it the extra dinking or drugs that go along with those late nights? Is it some sort of depression? Is it all the work and household chores you now are doing all of that once you shared? Why? Surely it isn't the many stressful times we have in relationships being yelled at., nagged or otherwise stressed out by our women. Why is it single men have shorter lives? In most ways, I feel happier single without having to always worry about keeping someone happy. Well, the reasons I've heard given are thus; Loneliness is the kiss of death. Social isolation has a very physical impact on physical health. Men are more likely to depend on their significant other for emotional support. Under stress, many woman's natural inclination is to build support networks. Under stress, many men begin to isolate themselves instead. That emotional and social isolation eventually leads to depression. That depression leads to men simply failing to take care of themselves.
Toodaloo Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 I know quite a few older single people. They have a different reason. They married the person they loved and when that died they just had no interest in anyone else. There are so many people treating others badly out there that those who don't want to get involved in that step back. Problem is with the better people stepping back and the worst of humanity stepping forward gives it all a very skewed view... Right now I am taking a break from it all because you get fed up with it after a while and it shows. I get asked why I am single regularly. The chaps do not... I find for guys its more acceptable to be a "lone wolf" where as women are expected to be nurturing and more family oriented.
phineas Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 Well, the reasons I've heard given are thus; Loneliness is the kiss of death. Social isolation has a very physical impact on physical health. Men are more likely to depend on their significant other for emotional support. Under stress, many woman's natural inclination is to build support networks. Under stress, many men begin to isolate themselves instead. That emotional and social isolation eventually leads to depression. That depression leads to men simply failing to take care of themselves. Sorry, i'm 44 and the exact opposite of what you describe. so are most of the guys in my social circle my age that are single. We are in good shape, work on our houses, projects, and out there meeting women, dating, banging. I get so much done around the house when i'm single and in better shape due to having time for gym. plus i can play some video games. Once i get even a FWB i see once a week things start sliding because there is only so much time to do things.
elaine567 Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 Women are more independent and can frankly handle being single far better than men, why men typically die early. Most strong, together, independent women are not going to sit on their @$$es and get fat and mope. They stay active, exercise, engage, volunteer and women are far more likely to have a strong circle of friends where men usually don't. When my grandmother died, my grandfather had all the stuffing taken out of him, my grandmother was the centre of his world, he tried his best but he was a shadow of his former self and I guess died of a broken heart soon afterwards. If my grandmother had been the surviving spouse, I know she would not have reacted like that.
elaine567 Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 I have found sometimes that more people are more curious why men have stayed single for a long time than woman. My boyfriend ( or kinda boyfriend) had been single for three or four years, before his two year relationship with his ex girlfriend he had been in a relationship for three years but there was a seven year gap from his first girlfriend to his second. I think there is nothing wrong with that, but my friend wondered why he was single for so long. I answered " well why is anyone single, they just sometimes are" I have been single for much longer than my boyfriend is, but no one really asks why. Seems like men on the whole, get more of a bad rap for being single for a long time and is it just me, or does anyone agree that long term single men, get more stigmatized? I think it is because men are seen as the chasers, so a woman who is single is probably not attractive to men or she wants to be single. Men on the other hand are perceived as being able to pick and choose women at will, so a man opting out of that, is seen as odd. Can't get a woman? What is wrong with him?
lino Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 A long term single man has no social proof. I mean genuinely single as well, not a 'single' guy who is porking a different girl every month. Those guys are valued highly and often envied. A guy who has every thing ok except a love and/or sex life is seen as 'not enough' Women especially will look at him with the' If no one else wants him, why should I???' lens. It's likely the same reason men are looked down on for living longer with parents, earning less, not being super ambitious, showing emotion, etc where as women generally are not. Men have a much higher degree of expectation and pressure. It shouldn't be this way but it is.
lino Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 People don't celebrate differences, period. Well said. Anyrhing deviating from what is mainstream acceptable is instantly looked at with scorn.
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