Coming on too strong after first date? Can't tell who is overreacting.

[katiegrl]

Well, exactly, and many have said this, too. If you had been sincerely interested in her, you would've been happy to hear from her, regardless of "pacing." I think pacing in general is a way to keep someone at arm's length.

 

Gonna have to disagree with you on that one LA (see my last post).

 

I fell very hard for my ex the first night we met... harder than I had ever fallen for any man prior... but nevertheless was uncomfortable with how often he was calling/texting, basically "coming on" and told him so (nicely of course).

 

I did not do so to keep him at arm's length, I did so because I was uncomfortable with the fast pace... and actually wanted this RL to work out, and had I NOT said anything... I would have either eventually felt too suffocated OR he would have lost interest.... as he told me later in the RL his history had been to rush in fast and lose interest just as fast.

 

We all need different things, and what may work for one may NOT work for others.

 

I think it's important to express boundaries, especially in the early stages so the other person knows what to expect and is not left confused and wondering about what the hell is going on, when the other person isn't responding as we would hope or expect.... and jumping to the wrong conclusion as a result.

Edited March 26, 2016 by katiegrl

[Imajerk17]

I only skimmed the other posts in this thread so far but OP the way you handled this situation was clumsy at best.

 

Six of one and half a dozen of the other. You were clumsy and she overreacted a bit. When you told this woman that "I just like to pace communication early on" though, did you consider how it would make her feel? Sounds to me like a buzzkill after a great first date. Especially after she put herself out there as she did.

 

The smoother thing for you to have done would be to have a flirty conversation for maybe 10 minutes and solidify the 2nd date plans. Then gracefully get off the phone and go about your day everyone in a great mood.

 

By the way, "expressing a boundary" is for when she decides to hang out w an ex or her mother unexpectedly decides to visit you both for a month, not when it comes to a phone call after a first date.

Edited March 26, 2016 by Imajerk17

[Versacehottie]

idk, I definitely don't like clingy types myself personally. However, no matter what you said exactly (can't be bothered to go back and read your OP because not trying to flame you just further explain things from her or some person's potential point of view). ok, so you didn't tell her directly not to call--but having a discussion about needing to go slower because you received a phone call is akin to the same thing, albeit indirectly. I can see why that put her off. To bring up a slower pace because of a phone call is pretty extreme--even if you felt that way. IMO you both acted too sensitive about a small thing.

 

Much better to bring it up if she is prematurely asking for "where are we going with this"/"what is our status or can we be exclusive". If you felt that way, like someone suggested, ignore the call and respond in the time frame that is your pace. You did ask if you were the one overreacting---so don't be upset if you don't like what you are hearing. It was not the best time to drop the pacing bomb on her in response to a phone call. You could have come to the same conclusion, ie not into her because she seems clingy or pushy or wants too much too soon, all the same but have taken a higher road in doing so. It was a very small thing that you would have likely overlooked if you were into the girl. It just caused your real feelings to rise to the surface. Fair enough.

[Emilia]

I only skimmed the other posts in this thread so far but OP the way you handled this situation was clumsy at best.

 

Six of one and half a dozen of the other. You were clumsy and she overreacted a bit. When you told this woman that "I just like to pace communication early on" though, did you consider how it would make her feel? Sounds to me like a buzzkill after a great first date. Especially after she put herself out there as she did.

 

The smoother thing for you to have done would be to have a flirty conversation for maybe 10 minutes and solidify the 2nd date plans. Then gracefully get off the phone and go about your day everyone in a great mood.

 

By the way, "expressing a boundary" is for when she decides to hang out w an ex or her mother unexpectedly decides to visit you both for a month, not when it comes to a phone call after a first date.

 

I think you should read the OP's last two posts. Make perfect sense. Crazies do tend to invest too much very early on because they think you save them from themselves. He felt during the conversation that she was far too into it for only a first date. Lack of emotional control is never a good sign. All the unstable 'relationships' I had started off with men expressing far too much far too early. They turned out to be the most fearful and insecure.

 

Stable and secure people pace themselves because they don't need saving. They want to see whether you are worth their investment because they are strong on their own and aren't looking to latch on. The crazies have no emotional boundaries and just jump you. Very important to keep your head and boundaries.

[Sara1989]

Damn! A lot of responses on this thread.

 

Others are welcome to analyze all they want and project their own preferences and reactions into my situation. I don't feel it's appropriate though to start making caricature statements ("weirdo", etc...) when you have a different approach than mine.

 

We had a fun date. We texted the next morning saying we had fun and would like to do it again soon. So then when my phone rings a few hours later with a "just calling to say hi and see how your day is", I'm feeling very confused and alert. If there were no text prior then I might have reacted differently. She felt way too involved to me and too soon. I let her know I was glad she called but that I liked to pace things slower. She got angry and wanted to talk about it. Red flag to me. I got off the phone and said I'll talk to you soon.

 

She texted me today and said she doesn't want to meet again because a follow-up phone call after the first date is that damn important to her. Good, and thank God! I am not that into someone after one date. Just no. I can understand she feels rejected (which is why I tried to reinforce I think it's cool she called) but I'd rather play it right then repeat getting too close too soon. Been there done that. It doesn't end well. And this girl had clinger written all over her I feel. So yeah, I'm glad it's over.

 

Flame away.

 

Well I am glad she said she didn't want see you again, if a guy reacted how you did I would see that as a red flag. Also kind of you to call her a clinger just because she dared to phone you! I had men phone me before, if I came out with a speech like yours I am sure there would be some stunned reactions/questions coming from the other person but yes lets judge her.

 

 

Good luck for your future dates as it seems you have a very big chip on your shoulder.

[Cherryz]

Hahahahahahahhahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 

Really? first date, and you broke all the "rules" by meeting at your house, and mess around with her.

But something simple like phone call is to much for you?

 

I can understand her being hurt/ turned off by it.

 

You both where going to fast on emotions. But ddnt use the date/ dates intentions right. Which is for you to get to know the person and what she like and dont like and so on and what type of person you both are. Also to learn how to approach each other.

Even thou i dont know if call each other should be such big deal since you was messing with her in your house first date.( you kind of broke all boundaries or rules etc. for some one to think they shouldn't do whatever they feel like to do.

 

You wanted A but you where doing the whole alphabet and giving her a different impression. And once she start giving you same or react on it the ways she feels about it, you address her right away and be surprised.

 

You all confuse me . lol.

 

I dont think this is going to end well if this is the start.

So better move on. And if there is need to apologize do that. And learn from this!

Give yourself and the other person enough space to get to know you. And if you

not into something dont go do things that can mislead the other person.

 

And really use your dates to get to know the person have real conversations and so on.

Fooling around and meeting at your house which you know well what can happen there, is not part of knowing each other on a "healthy" way for someone you are dating and try to know especially for a serious relationship.

[Timshel]

I think you should read the OP's last two posts. Make perfect sense. Crazies do tend to invest too much very early on because they think you save them from themselves. He felt during the conversation that she was far too into it for only a first date. Lack of emotional control is never a good sign. All the unstable 'relationships' I had started off with men expressing far too much far too early. They turned out to be the most fearful and insecure.

 

Stable and secure people pace themselves because they don't need saving. They want to see whether you are worth their investment because they are strong on their own and aren't looking to latch on. The crazies have no emotional boundaries and just jump you. Very important to keep your head and boundaries.

 

^This and that they have a life beyond their underwear.

[mrldii]

Well I am glad she said she didn't want see you again, if a guy reacted how you did I would see that as a red flag. Also kind of you to call her a clinger just because she dared to phone you! ...

 

Actually, I was the one who introduced the term "clinger" to the thread; I did so NOT because she called him the day after their first date after exchanging several texts back and forth in the morning in which they'd both indicated they'd had a nice time and in which he made it clear he'd be contacting her again in a couple of days to arrange another date

 

but because she got angry and wanted to argue with him about how he handles himself and his part within a blossoming relationship

 

 

after their first date.

 

 

 

 

I called her a "clinger" because I'm assuming (since it was their first date), that both she and he had a life before their first date...a life that each of them would continue to live and operate within until such a time that their two separate lives became one co-mingled life.

[Sara1989]

Actually, I was the one who introduced the term "clinger" to the thread; I did so NOT because she called him the day after their first date after exchanging several texts back and forth in the morning in which they'd both indicated they'd had a nice time and in which he made it clear he'd be contacting her again in a couple of days to arrange another date

 

but because she got angry and wanted to argue with him about how he handles himself and his part within a blossoming relationship

 

 

after their first date.

 

 

 

 

I called her a "clinger" because I'm assuming (since it was their first date), that both she and he had a life before their first date...a life that each of them would continue to live and operate within until such a time that their two separate lives became one co-mingled life.

 

Yes I agree I found it strange she got angry and argued with the op but I still don't believe the girl did anything wrong, all she did was phone the guy. I am pretty sure now she be scared to do the same to the next guy she dates and that's sad.

[GravityMan]

The OP's phone incident is a good example of how overthinking and being too rigid can cause problems and ruin the moment (and possibly have irreparable future repercussions).

 

OP, you (and her, too) gotta learn not to overreact to minor things...once you learn that, then dating and romance will become easier, more fun and more successful for you.

 

Overreaction will transform non-issues into issues.

 

That said, I do think that she got too emotionally invested too quickly, and yes that's a red flag. You should learn how to handle this and other sensitive matters with more grace...that'll come with more experience, hopefully.

[katiegrl]

Yes I agree I found it strange she got angry and argued with the op but I still don't believe the girl did anything wrong, all she did was phone the guy.

 

 

 

--

**I am pretty sure now she be scared to do the same to the next guy she dates and that's sad.

 

^^Fabulous. And in turn, OP has learned that when he is not ready to get comfy cozy with a chick after a first date *over the phone* (after already texting with her throughout the morning with each expressing interest), he should just ignore her call and let her wonder, as some other posters have suggested. Tell her later how he feels.

 

OR, just hold back how he truly feels, lest she takes what he says (that he prefers to pace things out in early stages) personally, gets offended, behaves disrespectfully and ends up dumping him!

 

And some of y'all wonder why so much lying goes on in dating and relationships. 'eyeroll'. Because apparently many women can't handle the truth, become offended, over-react and dump the guy simply because he was honest about what he needs. WTF.

 

And what exactly would ignoring her call and telling her later have served, again as others have suggested?

 

After wondering why he has ignored her call, KNOWING he is around to pick up as they had *just* been texting... do you think she is gonna react favorably when he does finally return her call in a day or two? Really?

 

And what if the genders were flipped? And after texting all morning after a first date, each expressing interest, the man proceeded to call the woman and SHE had been the one who told *him* she perferred to pace things out more slowly. That is ME and many other women.

 

Women have been advised up the ying yang to pace things out with a guy, as men who come on fast, have a tendency to disappear just as fast.

 

Would y'all be criticizing "her" for simply telling the guy she would prefer to pace things out?

 

Remember, they had just been texting all morning!

 

I for one hope she *does* learn to not call a guy after texting with him all morning and already expressing interest... after the first date.

 

Don't push it! Big mistake. Give him time to think about you, think about the date for heaven's sake.

 

Allow for the attraction to build, slowly, gradually, naturally.

 

Basically, relax! You had ONE date.

Edited March 28, 2016 by katiegrl

[katiegrl]

And after reading OP's post again, he did *not* get turned off because she called.

 

He got turned off after telling her he prefers to pace things out, and she proceeded to take offense and argue with him about it ... argue about HIS feelings... which would turn anyone off.

 

Had she reacted like a mature adult and simply accepted what he said graciously, he would not have gotten turned off, scheduled a second date, and they might still be dating today.

 

And to those who said he told her this too soon, when IS a good time to tell someone you prefer to pace things out more slowly?

 

After the second or third date or fourth date?

 

Why wait? Why not tell them as soon as you see signs that are moving a bit too fast for you?

 

Which calling to "chit chat" with him after texting with him all morning after one date would suggest?

 

I dunno, I guess as usual I am anomaly around here re how I think and conduct myself in relationships.

 

I believe in honesty and early disclosure of needs/preferences to avoid confusion and misunderstandings later... this goes for both men AND women. And let the chips fall where they may.

 

Which has without exception always worked out very well for me.

 

To each his own though.

Edited March 28, 2016 by katiegrl

[clia]

And after reading OP's post again, he did *not* get turned off because she called.

 

He got turned off after telling her he prefers to pace things out, and she proceeded to take offense and argue with him about it ... argue about HIS feelings... which would turn anyone off.

 

Where does he say she argued with him about it? He said she got irritated. That doesn't signify arguing to me.

 

Had she reacted like a mature adult and simply accepted what he said graciously, he would not have gotten turned off, scheduled a second date, and they might still be dating today.

 

You are reading so much into this. Who said she didn't act like a mature adult? Because she was irritated (and probably hurt) that OP essentially told her she shouldn't have called him yet? She's good enough to take home and make out with, but not good enough to talk to on the phone for a few minutes? She probably felt like total crap.

 

Which calling to "chit chat" with him after texting with him all morning after one date would suggest?

 

Who said they were texting all morning? He said they exchanged texts. That doesn't seem like texting all morning.

 

I dunno, I guess as usual I am anomaly around here re how I think and conduct myself in relationships.

 

You just seem to be reading a lot into it that he didn't actually say in his OP.

[Timshel]

Just me...reading a lot of the dating threads on ls, people seem to be moving along at an unrealistic pace. Sex and 'intimacy' all happening very quickly. Each to their own but I find myself thinking slow down....just slow it the blank down a little.

Also, it's baffling the amount of time spent anxiously speculating, worrying and texting over a person who is really a stranger. Don't people have anything else to do?

People take time to get to know, trust and build sincere intimacy. What is all the hurry to be in a relationship and sharing body fluids with someone you have only known face to face for less than a week?

[katiegrl]

Just me...reading a lot of the dating threads on ls, people seem to be moving along at an unrealistic pace. Sex and 'intimacy' all happening very quickly. Each to their own but I find myself thinking slow down....just slow it the blank down a little.

Also, it's baffling the amount of time spent anxiously speculating, worrying and texting over a person who is really a stranger. Don't people have anything else to do?

People take time to get to know, trust and build sincere intimacy. What is all the hurry to be in a relationship and sharing body fluids with someone you have only known face to face for less than a week?

 

Perhaps I was reading too much into it, my bad.

 

But frankly Timshel so did you by suggesting in your previous post that he was "essentially telling her she shouldn't have called," which he did not.

 

What he actually said was this:

 

>>I told her I think it's super cool she called but I usually pace communication frequency a little slower early on.<<

 

Which I see nothing wrong with, even if it does "essentially" say she shouldn't have called (which I am not even sure it says or what he meant to suggest).

 

Frankly IMO she shouldn't have called! What he said was honest and direct, and I am sorry but I totally respect men who are honest and direct, even IF it's not particularly what I want to hear at that moment.

 

That said I DO agree with your above post... people are moving too fast these days, and perhaps the OP recognized that too ...which is why he expressed to her he prefers to set the pace a bit slower.

 

Which again, I don't see anything wrong with quite frankly. I have said that to men and they respected it and took things more slowly.

 

I have never had a man say this to me but if he had, or ever did, I too would respect his boundary, and if we both had a great time on the date, I would not take offense or take personally, or become irritated (geez) I would respect him for being honest and telling me, and move forward more slowly from there.

 

Just me ..... if others don't wish to react or behave the same way, and choose to take offense and/or become irritated or anything else, their prerogative.

 

Just my $.02 as always.... and after this post... I am pretty much done saying my peace.

 

No one agrees with my perspective on this, except for perhaps one or two, so there's no point.

 

Ciao!

Edited March 28, 2016 by katiegrl

[Jabron1]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0CYJNw9YJQ

[Timshel]

Katie, I agree with you just fine. There are lot's of posters in this thread that I agree with and my post was not in contradiction to yours...just my .02.

 

I can understand OP for being either a little or a lot put off by a first date being zealous the next day. I can also understand that after 'fooling around' on the first date, a person may make assumptions that are presumptive. OP should take note if this is not desired behavior.....to slow the train.

 

That is all.

[katiegrl]

Katie, I agree with you just fine. There are lot's of posters in this thread that I agree with and my post was not in contradiction to yours...just my .02.

 

I can understand OP for being either a little or a lot put off by a first date being zealous the next day. I can also understand that after 'fooling around' on the first date, a person may make assumptions that are presumptive. OP should take note if this is not desired behavior.....to slow the train.

 

That is all.

 

Okay Timshel, thank you for clarifying and I agree with you!

 

Lesson learned for both!

[katiegrl]

Ironically, this same thing just happened to me this weekend.

 

I just spent what was supposed to be a three-day weekend with a man I have been dating. He rented a cottage in the country for us for three days (we have had five dates prior to this). No sex yet, just a lot of touching and kissing.

 

I really like him! However, after spending two days straight with him, I realized it was too soon to be taking a long weekend together.

 

I felt a bit suffocated, and I told him (nicely). I explained why .... that my nature is to take things a bit more slowly, but it did not mean I wanted to stop dating him.

 

My bad actually ... as I should have thought the three day weekend through more carefully and perhaps suggested one day and night away in the country instead.

 

Anyway, long story short last night I got very quiet and he asked me what was up and I told him -- too much too soon, that I am not used to so much "togetherness" this early on. So we drove home last night, instead of today.

 

I never have been, ever. I told my ex (whom I was with for six years) the same thing when things moved too fast.

 

He understood, did not take offense and thanked me for my honesty!

 

The good news is that my new guy and I had sex for the first time Saturday night... and totally click sexually!!

 

And have another date scheduled Saturday. We may have lunch together during the week too, as he works in the office right next door to mine (different law firm).

 

No more long weekends away for awhile though...

Edited March 28, 2016 by katiegrl

[fitnessfan365]

Looks like she's one of those insta-relationship type of girl. Looks like you're not one of those insta-relationship type of man.

 

This seems like a bit of a leap IMO. I mean it's one thing if she starts to profess strong feelings, asks him where he sees it going, etc.. But all she did was simply call to touch base so that he'd make plans with her again.

 

There wasn't any need to start taking about "the right way" or talking about rules of keeping space, having to talk in a few days, etc IMO.. It's not really that hard to say "Hey! It's great to hear from you and last night was fun. Let's do it again. When are you free?" Then you make plans and get off the phone.

 

To be honest I am still a bit surprised at the OP's harsh reaction when he said that he had a good first date with her. Wouldn't it be a good thing for her to reach out so he could make plans with her again? Still seems like an unnecessary reaction over a simple phone call.

Edited March 28, 2016 by fitnessfan365

[hippychick3]

Ironically, this same thing just happened to me this weekend.

 

I just spent what was supposed to be a three-day weekend with a man I have been dating. He rented a cottage in the country for us for three days (we have had five dates prior to this). No sex yet, just a lot of touching and kissing.

 

I really like him! However, after spending two days straight with him, I realized it was too soon to be taking a long weekend together.

 

I felt a bit suffocated, and I told him (nicely). I explained why .... that my nature is to take things a bit more slowly, but it did not mean I wanted to stop dating him.

 

My bad actually ... as I should have thought the three day weekend through more carefully and perhaps suggested one day and night away in the country instead.

 

Anyway, long story short last night I got very quiet and he asked me what was up and I told him -- too much too soon, that I am not used to so much "togetherness" this early on. So we drove home last night, instead of today.

 

I never have been, ever. I told my ex (whom I was with for six years) the same thing when things moved too fast.

 

He understood, did not take offense and thanked me for my honesty!

 

The good news is that my new guy and I had sex for the first time Saturday night... and totally click sexually!!

 

And have another date scheduled Saturday. We may have lunch together during the week too, as he works in the office right next door to mine (different law firm).

 

No more long weekends away for awhile though...

 

I think that it's different when the situation is in reverse. Guys typically do move faster when they're really into someone, and it's expected (and healthy) for the woman to slow it down to a reasonable pace. Most guys wouldn't get offended as much as a woman in that situation. If a man says to slow down at the beginning, that's a HUGE red flag that he's not really feeling it. If a woman says it, it doesn't necessarily mean she's not feeling it (although it could mean that). It may be gender bias, but we are wired differently.

 

Anyway...glad things are going well for you and you were both able to quickly recover from the premature weekend away

[katiegrl]

This seems like a bit of a leap IMO. I mean it's one thing if she starts to profess strong feelings, asks him where he sees it going, etc.. But all she did was simply call to touch base so that he'd make plans with her again.

 

There wasn't any need to start taking about "the right way" or talking about rules of keeping space, having to talk in a few days, etc IMO.. It's not really that hard to say "Hey! It's great to hear from you and last night was fun. Let's do it again. When are you free?" Then you make plans and get off the phone.

 

To be honest I am still a bit surprised at the OP's harsh reaction when he said that he had a good first date with her. Wouldn't it be a good thing for her to reach out so he could make plans with her again? Still seems like an unnecessary reaction over a simple phone call.

 

Hey, ff, I don't recall the exact details, but do you remember a long while back (before your current gf) wherein you told us you had a super great date with a woman, got totally great vibes from her, and that after the date while texting you made a comment that you would call her (not right there and then as you were texting).... but then decided to call her immediately, like a few seconds after you were both done with texting? To surprise her?

 

And she ignored your call, I think you called again and she ignored that too.

 

I remember reading your post and thinking -- too much too soon! You had just got done texting, give it a breather!

 

Anyhoo...IMO this a perfect illustration how early "calling" on the phone after a first date, pretty much immediately after texting for awhile and expressing interest, can actually backfire on ya and appear PUSHY.

 

Not to everyone of course, but to few people (both men and women obviously). As I still think that is what happened with you chick from awhile back.

 

IMO it's best to err on the side of caution until you know what type of person you are dealing with, whether or not they actually like and prefer their dates to move forward quickly or hold back a bit, in the early stages of course.

 

I still think to this day had you waited a bit after texting... to call that woman, you may be dating her today!

 

Although it all turned out all for the best as you ended up meeting the woman you fell in love with and are [now] dating her! :bunny:

Edited March 28, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
typo - not to now

[candie13]

I'm funny about calling. I live in Europe. Men I dated usually call after the third date. Or around the second - but we chat and they ask me "is it ok to call and chat"?

 

I'm really funny about privacy. On the other hand, I don't usually fool around at the first date (although I have had periods of time when I would be somewhat more ... impulsive ).

 

To me, someone who calls out of the blue is someone who takes a lot of liberty with me. What if I'm busy? What if I'm on a date with someone else? What if I am in a bad mood? What if their call disturbs me?

 

As an impulsive person myself, I see how one could just give someone a ring to cheer them up, say "hey, how's things, saw this ad and laughed out loud because I remembered your joke, haha" but... it is risky. I am not exclusive with this person. I don't want to push the wrong buttons or give a false sense of intimacy.

 

It's too soon. One date, the best date on Earth, it's too soon. I need two or three dates, one two weeks, before moving from texting to the phone call. Do I like them, are they smart, what's their texting style, am I fine with that, do I want to see them again, etc etc.

 

I need time to make sure I like them and include them in my universe. Find out stuff about them, create that common ground, have a flirting style... that builds over time. After one date, they still are pretty much perfect strangers. What am i gonna talk to a perfect strangers that I just met one night ago about? What I had for breakfast? weird weird weird, sorry to snap so easily with my judgements.

 

OP... of course she called the whole thing off. She blew it.

[katiegrl]

I think that it's different when the situation is in reverse. Guys typically do move faster when they're really into someone, and it's expected (and healthy) for the woman to slow it down to a reasonable pace. Most guys wouldn't get offended as much as a woman in that situation. If a man says to slow down at the beginning, that's a HUGE red flag that he's not really feeling it. If a woman says it, it doesn't necessarily mean she's not feeling it (although it could mean that). It may be gender bias, but we are wired differently.

 

Anyway...glad things are going well for you and you were both able to quickly recover from the premature weekend away

 

Fair point, but if you want to speak of gender differences, I think men need a bit of space after a first date, to think about the woman, the date, and determine whether or not he wishes to pursue.

 

So for a woman to call immediately after texting and already expressing her interest, is a bit forward, and in the OP's case at least, he was a bit put off.

[jen1447]

This seems like a bit of a leap IMO. I mean it's one thing if she starts to profess strong feelings, asks him where he sees it going, etc.. But all she did was simply call to touch base so that he'd make plans with her again.

 

There wasn't any need to start taking about "the right way" or talking about rules of keeping space, having to talk in a few days, etc IMO.. It's not really that hard to say "Hey! It's great to hear from you and last night was fun. Let's do it again. When are you free?" Then you make plans and get off the phone.

 

To be honest I am still a bit surprised at the OP's harsh reaction when he said that he had a good first date with her. Wouldn't it be a good thing for her to reach out so he could make plans with her again? Still seems like an unnecessary reaction over a simple phone call.

 

OMG, I liked a fittyfan post! (Don't let it go to your head. ) You're no doubt ignoring the chilling subtext in the call tho FF.

 

In all seriousness I didn't think OP was particularly harsh in his reaction, it's just that anytime you essentially say "I'd rather not talk to you right now" to somehow who's stuck their neck out a bit on your behalf, it's never gonna go over well. Shouldn't really be a surprise.