heavily_caffeinated Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 Im going to keep this as short and concise as possible: Backstory: With boyfriend of nearly a year. A few months back he contracted this condition causing the left side of his face to excessively swell - he is still trying all available treatments since developing this condition. He has not been to work and refuses to leave his home - he has been working remotely and it affects his ability to eat and as a result i have not seen him in weeks. In my opinion he is likely depressed as a result which is understandable. Which leads me to my current issue How does one expect to maintain a relationship without seeing each other? He contacts me less and less - if i do not initiate days will go by without us talking. Ive stopped trying to see him as i am shot down every time. I recently went on a vacation where i was out of cellphone/internet range - i received a message from him once i landed home which i responded to but never heard from him. After 3 days of him not contacting me asking how my trip went, etc i lost it and picked up the phone yelling at him. His explanation was that he thought i would message him as i must have been jet lagged. For 1 day sure - but 3 days and no contact? He apparently also developed some new complication and said i need to be understanding - im not asking him to whisk me away - all i wanted was a goddamn text message because i was out of contact for 10 days. Since the phone call he has not initiated contact nor have i - its been 4 days. Thoughts?
d0nnivain Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 He has a medical condition that has literally turned his world upside down. He's probably scared & embarassed. He can't work. He has trouble eating. Right now while he's getting this under control stop focusing on what he's not doing for you & figure out what you can do for him. Your behavior to date hasn't been good. Instead of being supportive you are making this all about you. Can you go over there & sit with him? Make him smoothies so he can eat something? Just show up at the door with soup or some other peace offering. I can almost guarantee he's wallowing & thinking you are going to leave him because of this illness. Your behavior to date seems to back him up. He may very well be trying to push you away but you can't let him. If you can't see past his cries for help, just let him be because in his hour or need he needs compassion not negativity 4
Maxtor Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 If I were him I would do the same. I would feel like a weight, and I would contact people less and less.
Author heavily_caffeinated Posted March 27, 2016 Author Posted March 27, 2016 He has a medical condition that has literally turned his world upside down. He's probably scared & embarassed. He can't work. He has trouble eating. Right now while he's getting this under control stop focusing on what he's not doing for you & figure out what you can do for him. Your behavior to date hasn't been good. Instead of being supportive you are making this all about you. Can you go over there & sit with him? Make him smoothies so he can eat something? Just show up at the door with soup or some other peace offering. I can almost guarantee he's wallowing & thinking you are going to leave him because of this illness. Your behavior to date seems to back him up. He may very well be trying to push you away but you can't let him. If you can't see past his cries for help, just let him be because in his hour or need he needs compassion not negativity He can now eat normally and the swelling is touch and go. He has never invited me over to his place since the condition started. When the disease first appeared i made him a few days worth of smoothies for him to take home with him when he came over on more than one occasion. Ive also researched this disease extensively and forwarded countless studies to him over the past few months - ive spent more time researching than him by a long shot
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