Rachelxxx Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 Hi guys I wanted some advise on my relationship, me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly 2 years, we always used to fight a lot because I have trust issues and he used to lie to me a lot about where he was and who he was with. A few month ago we I went on holiday to visit my family, I came back to find that he had made a fake Facebook account and was adding random women asking for photos and to meet up with them. I got really angry and was screaming at him, obviously he was denying it saying that it wasn't his account but there was enough proof there to say that it was. I got angry and pushed him out the way and he slapped me across my face, at this point I was 15 weeks pregnant with his baby (yes he knew I was pregnant). I moved out and after a few days I begged for him back and he didn't want me.. I found out he jumped straight into bed with someone else 3 days after we broke up. I was stuck with the baby and didn't know what to do, so I moved back to the uk. I started to get over him a little bit then he contacted me saying he wanted me back. Yes I took him back but I'm finding it really hard because when I look at him all I see is them 2 together I'm completely broken. Pls help me 1
seekingpeaceinlove Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 It's hard to believe that this a real post. You're have difficulty with the reconcilliation because he was with another girl AFTER you broke up? What about the fact that he slapped you? What about the fact that he was seeking other girls while with you? Yet, you still took him back? Most importantly, what about your child? When you say you were "stuck" with the baby..does that mean you decided to go through with the pregnancy and keep him/her? What about your bf..did he claim the child..is he being supportive of the child now? I just don't even now where to begin with this mess. More details are needed. 3
Rachel39 Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 From an outsider looking in with no emotion involved this is not going to be good for you and you child. He will continue to cheat and the abuse will become more He will be on his best behaviour for now but his old ways will slip out You and your lil one deserve better and a happy life please give yourself that opportunity and not be with someone who is capable of violence. You do not want you child to be part of that. Nobody wants to be the one to split the family up but he already did that when he hit you and cheated and I know how after having a baby you just want that family unit. You can be happy on you own and provide you little on a loving caring environment When the time is right you will be ready to meet a good man 1
Satu Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 This won't get any better; it will only get worse. Cut your losses and do whats best for you and your baby.
Zahara Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 (edited) I started to get over him a little bit then he contacted me saying he wanted me back. Yes I took him back but I'm finding it really hard because when I look at him all I see is them 2 together I'm completely broken. Pls help me If only you loved yourself enough, gave yourself a chance and pushed through detaching from him. But instead you chose to go back to him. You know what should be making it hard for you to be with this man again -- it's the realization that you're going to expose your child to a man that is emotionally stunted and physically abusive. The realization that your child is going to be witness to dysfunction. The realization that YOU moving forward with the choices you make will have an impact on your child. The realization that he probably doesn't even love you because someone that does, won't treat you that way. Instead you're worried about him and some woman he slept with. Look at the bigger picture -- your child. This is not the end of your drama with him. Edited March 25, 2016 by Zahara
Author Rachelxxx Posted March 26, 2016 Author Posted March 26, 2016 Sorry guys I should of been more clear. I didn't keep the baby, I was 17 weeks and completely on my own. I grew up having a terrible relationship with my mom and the rest of my family lived in another country.. I begged him to talk to me because I didn't know what to do, I sent him atleast 15 messages about it and ignored every single one. I was lost and broken. Of course I hate myself for having the abortion and I regretted it straight away but in a way it was the right choice in everyone else's eyes.. The reason I can't let him go is because I have an obsession still because i didn't get that love and attention when I was younger..
ShootingStarlet Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 I've been in that place of obsession with someone before, where you literally feel stuck and if you stay you know you'll be unhappy but if you leave you know you'll be unhappy too (for a while) People around you think you should just leave because there's nothing tying you but you are being tied by your mind...the best thing that happened to me was that my emotionally abusive ex actually left me with no hope of reconnecting and I was forced to be on my own and it was like jumping off a cliff but instead of hitting rocks, i actually hit the water and I swam...I made one good friend and I just slowly learned to be on my own and I am so grateful I did and I started volunteering at a dogs shelter and I was able to love those animals and feel loved by them too everytime I went there and now I am so completely content by myself at last If I had stayed one more year with him, my soul would have been crushed possibly for good. You need to save yourself, because he's not going to save you, he's just going to take the love and attention you give him and feed off your insecurity and neediness because it makes him feel powerful. Real love isn't the relationship you described and it's worth taking that leap of faith yourself into the unknown just to find that, and you'll find it from places and yourself and be so much happier because of it
Zahara Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 The reason I can't let him go is because I have an obsession still because i didn't get that love and attention when I was younger.. Unfortunately, you aren't going to find love and attention from him. Just abuse. You have a warped sense of what love is -- yours is a toxic perception. You teach people how to treat you. You just taught him that you'll accept mistreatment just to have him. Guess what? You just gave him a pass to do whatever he likes moving forward. Anticipate more bad behavior. If you can't love yourself, no one else can and will. It starts with you. Until you do that, you'll always settle and accept poor treatment because you believe you deserve nothing.
Author Rachelxxx Posted March 28, 2016 Author Posted March 28, 2016 Thanks guys I'm very thankful for your help. I'm just really stuck, when he left me I started to get over him a little bit then he contacted me again and ruined all the progress I had made.. He still wants to be with me now but I'm breaking inside giving him all these chances:( I know it's wrong but I actually can't control it. I don't know where to start
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