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Feel so low just need to talk

Rachel39

By Rachel39
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Rachel39 Established Member

Rachel39

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In short I've been in abusive relationships since I was 16 and as you know if you've been following I have just split with my ex of 2 years.

 

He has been the only one who has never been this way with me and I must admit my life wasn't great before I met him. Whilst been with him I became close to his family and felt like they were my sisters ect and adored his dad. We did a lot together and for the first time in my life I felt happy and looking forward to the future.

 

He'd been off for a while blames it on work ect and then just after new year we got into an argument and I ended it, I felt he didn't want it anymore and manipulated into making the descision one that I didint want but he just seemed to have lost interest.

 

Fast forward 10 weeks Iv tried to reach out to him in which I feel has been to much and have come across desperate needy stalkerish ect he has said he doesn't love me when we first split but I though he'd said it anger .

 

He has since told me it's over and to move on but in the beginning is get the odd text .... I need some time of I contact I'm angry with you but it will pass .... So I was holding on ....Iv asked before I went nc why he has ignored me for the lasts 8 weeks and he said he was angry over the things Iv said and done? He said he would meet to talk about everything and maybe be friends later on down the line but he kept cancelling

 

Why did it make him angry if he didn't want this anymore... My point is I know it's over and I'm in my 4th day if no contact but I am so low....

 

I'm still crying on and off and is 10 weeks I have no zest for life at the moment and can't concentrate. I feel my life is just going downhill as been with him lifted me out of my life that I hated..... We had so many plans just like everyone I'm pretending I'm ok to everyone but I'm not

 

I just don't see at the moment that my life will get any better because been in this place I am reminds me of my past and it wasn't a nice place....been with him I seen a future wirh plans and that made me happy.

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smudge21 Established Member

smudge21

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Sorry you're going through this. Life does sometime seem to just be a series of downs without many ups doesn't it? Whatever his reasons are for acting like that you may never know, and all that thinking about it will do is hurt you more and hold you back. It's only been 10 weeks which is nothing after a long relationship. We all heal in different ways and at different times - I know I personally took a full year until I could honestly say I was healed.

 

 

Your life will get better as that's what always happens, but you can't force it to. Expecting miracles won't help so just accept that you are hurt and that it's okay to feel this way for as long as it takes. Start doing small things for yourself, things that make you happy, even if only for a short time, they will all help in the long run. Healing, as with any injury, takes time. No one breaks a leg and goes running the next day. Stay strong, don't reach out to him (as you know that only sets you back and makes you feel low) and continue to post here - vent if you want, get it off your chest. It will get better.

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Toodaloo Established Member

Toodaloo

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Hang on a second.

 

So you had an abusive childhood and now this guy admits that he doesn't love you but you want to go back because he is the only person that has been kind to you?

 

There are lots of people who will be kind to you. You just have to make sure you shut down the ones who are not.

 

Change your life. Change the whole lot. Make better friends, educate yourself, involve yourself in proactive activities and really go for it.

 

You have started making better choices time to continue doing that and settling for someone just because they are nice is not a good choice to make.

 

This guy is not ready to talk to you yet. He is still hurting. Leave him be. Clearly you still have to learn about how people treat each other in good relationships to educate yourself. Read, study happy couples, talk, discuss ideas and scenarios...

 

Give yourself time, heal and get back up.

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Rachel39 Established Member

Rachel39

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I probably do not know what a healthy relationship looks like as I don't think I have ever experienced one untill him. I seen his independance and strength as a threat but at the same time admired.

 

Thats the person I used to be many many years ago before getting into these relationships.

 

I have done so much work on myself whilst with him and continue to do so. I am well educated and work for myself.

 

I have gone no contact from Sunday still hurts like mad but he's confused me completely it was only at new year he asked me to move to his home town thousands of miles away if he bought a house.

 

We had agreed that I would after my son finished his education here and that has been our plans for over a year ...so yes I'm so hurt and confused and wanted to try and work with what was wrong with us but I kept asking him if things where ok and he said yes it was just work.

 

I can't just turn my feelings off and I don't think he will be hurting at all he's told me he doesn't love me and for me to move on!

 

That's what hurts me the most because you just don't stop loving someone he has felt that wAy for a while so to ask me to move with him knowing this is just a terrible thing to do

  • Like 1
Toodaloo Established Member

Toodaloo

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Well then Rachel I am afraid to say that something has come up that has made him realise that the pair of you will not work in the long term.

 

You have to trust him with that and go back to looking after you.

 

Do everything you can to get over this and hold your head up and move on. Its all you can do.

 

Great news though. Your picker has got better so you can use those skills to grab another of the good guys.

 

Chin up chook. It sucks like a dyson right now but it will get better.

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Rachel39 Established Member

Rachel39

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Yes probably me, maybe I'm hard work!

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Toodaloo Established Member

Toodaloo

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More great news...

 

You are allowed to be.

 

After all if its too easy what is the point at all? ;)

 

It could be something daft like a throw away comment. I knew I could never continue with someone once after they said something derogatory. Not towards me but I just stopped that day and thought, this guy and I are on totally different planes of thought. He went from being attractive to not at all. Not a bad guy just thinks differently to me. Thats all and I could not live with that.

 

It could be something silly like the sugar bowl or butter dish habits...

 

What ever it was. It doesn't matter. What matters is that you do not fall into the trap of getting too down about it and that you take lessons learnt about the type of person you want to be with and keep those in mind for the next one.

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Rachel39 Established Member

Rachel39

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Thankyou ..... It does get me down because I think i ruined us .... But as said before Iv done nothing but contact in for the last 8 weeks so I guess Iv just pushed him further away and said things that have made the whole situation worse! Lesson learned !'

 

It's not attractive I know! I need to get a grip of myself emotionally and mentally and go no contact I'm 4 days in so far.

 

I have furniture and a bike at his in the garage but I'm in no place to be going to get them or going in his apartment with all the memories .

 

so I think in a couple of months when I feel like I can face it, il ask if he will leave the key for me to collect them when he's not in.

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Toodaloo Established Member

Toodaloo

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Get a mate to pop round and pick them up for you. Then its over and done with. Nothing worse than dreading that moment when you eventually have to sort stuff like that out. Just get it done.

 

Everyone has doubts but you are right. Dripping about thinking the whole world is against you IS unattractive. You are better than that right?

 

Its OK to feel these things as long as they are passing feelings and you pay attention and kick those emotions to the curb, fast!

 

Sometimes you can learn a lot but just shutting up and listening hard.

 

Forgive yourself. Perhaps you did do something, perhaps you didn't but when push comes to shove you are who you are and if he doesn't want you bells and whistles and all well so be it because someone WILL!

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Rachel39 Established Member

Rachel39

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Thank you for your support xx

Toodaloo Established Member

Toodaloo

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You are welcome.

 

Glad you are feeling better and more positive. Hang around and pop back again if you need us.

 

Its a rocky road but I suspect your journey is going upwards most of the time. ;)

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While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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