exvike75 Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 Everyone says that everything happens for a reason. Often throughout life I had dreams of this perfect girl, the dreams came a few times a year at the least. We're sitting at a table with a teenage girl and a younger girl just having dinner. After dinner we go into a living room and that's usually the point I'd wake up. I never thought nothing of it until fate brought me right to her. I was working 12 hour days at a dead end factory job and it ran my body down, I ended up having two surgeries back to back and the factory let me go. I ended up filing bankruptcy and having to move around 20 miles away. One of the first places I was able to get a job at was a grocery store, upon coming in for my first morning shift there she was. I couldn't believe that the girl I'd dreamed about so many times was right there in front of me. Over the next year and a half I learned her backstory. She was currently married, had a 7 year old daughter with someone who refused to get a job. She was badly neglected, they were both unfaithful to each other numerous times. Her history included hard drugs, cheating, and sexting multiple people at the same time... All major red flags and yet I was still infatuated with her. Now as of getting to know her over the year and a half, my own marriage was going downhill fast due to my wife's alcoholism and our financial issues. I left my wife and we later made the decision to divorce because we grew to far apart over our 10 years together. As soon as I broke the news to people at work my dream girl gave me her phone number. We began texting, she started sending dirty pictures and saying that one day she wants me to change her last name. She had many affairs before but none like what we had, I fell so much in love with her I'd have done anything. Eventually she asked if she could come over, I said okay. She showed up and told me that she had left her husband (for the first time in their 16 year history) and that she wanted to be with me, forever. Everything was coming together, she started counseling to get over her issues from the past. She was very open and honest with me at all times, life seemed great. At this point, she is a month away from her final divorce hearing. She has turned into someone who talks your ear off in person and then barely replies when she's gone. The shady flag went up and I asked her about her lack of communication only to start a big fight. We broke up because apparently I'm too emotional... Then I asked her about her ex, it turns out that she had been texting him over the past month trying to work things out. She went back to him to correct "her mistake" of leaving. She was beaten, mentally abused, neglected and used for her money.... She went back to him. The whole big fight was intentionally caused so she could break up with me without having to tell me the truth. How could I fall so hard for someone who could do something so terrible to me? How did he manage to convince her that this was her fault and that she needed to change... More so, why do I now feel like the worst person in the world for breaking up a marriage now. I'm 30, I've tried doing everything right in my life. I've never been in trouble and I've never wronged anyone, but this situation I can't help but feel terrible. I learned who she was, I knew all her flaws and I still wanted her more than anything... and now I can't just let it go. She's making a huge mistake. She's an admitted sociopath, so I know she doesn't feel bad for hurting me yet why can't I get over it. I'm sorry there's a lot of missing information in here and I tend to skip around, but my mind is shot right now and I just needed to vent.
duncsvoice Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 I learned who she was, I knew all her flaws and I still wanted her more than anything. So did I. Two years later I have emotional, and physical scars, and I've just started counselling to recover from this kind of relationship. It hurts to part from someone with these issues as you care so much for them, and when it ends you have nowhere to put the feelings. I've broken through the other side, and let me tell you, getting here has been the hardest thing I've ever done. Don't torture yourself with what you did or didn't do wrong. You'll soon come to realise that "The One", wouldn't treat you like this. It will hurt you to think of what she is going through, I am trying to disengage that part of my brain of caring about my exes well being, but it out of yours and my control. Speaking from experience, you were never going to "save" here and fix her issues, as much as you were convinced that love would prevail. PLEASE take care of yourself and put yourself first from now on.
Zahara Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 If anything, this should be an eye-opener for you -- turning your focus inward and reflecting on your patterns of staying and getting attached to bad situations/toxic people. You jumped from one unhealthy relationship and dove straight into another, even when the red flags were flying high. What does that say about you? It's her mistake to make but it's also your mistake wanting to be with someone like her. She thrives on dysfunction. She's been conditioned that way. You have a choice to remove yourself from that, make a change and seek healthier and positive people to connect and have a relationship with -- don't make the mistake she's making. It's going to take time to detach and heal from this. You need to stay NC with this person -- block all contact and make sure she doesn't have any access to you.
Toodaloo Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 You have not lost the "one". You have had a lucky escape because your rebound girl was not all that and you got hooked. I know it doesn't feel that way right now but that is how it is. Take time out. Get yourself in shape and for goodness sake listen and heed the red flags...
Rachel39 Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 I dated a narcissist some years ago and it was hard to walk away I'd learned addictive behaviour, pushing and pulling. Abuse he was evil too his core ! I was trauma bonded to him as I recused him from a bad place he ended up in hospital where he constantly fitted and had to be resuscitated through taken drugs ... I'd only just met him too so what did that say about me, but id also come out of a 16 year relationship so my head was a mess These relationships are terrible to walk away from and you are left on the floor you have had a lucky escape but these people will pull you in constantly when they can it's called gas lighting and spit you out You have to find the strength to understand this is no good for you and is unbelievable painful but will make you feel worthless they cheat constantly have no feelings are selfish they make you question your whole being and guess what they convince you its you !!!! Please please please walk away from this whilst you have a chance and do not endure what you could be put through they are amazingly chanting passionate and make you feel amazing will love bom you all day long but the discard you like you never existed when they find the next victim Mine was 4 years ago and guess what sure enough he sent me a message through Facebook just last week asking if I'd meet up with him and have sex ???! That's what they are all about they think they can have who they want when they want !! I wished I never met him because I guess I have some of his traits that I'm so working hard to remove
Itspointless Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 How did he manage to convince her that this was her fault and that she needed to change... He probably didn't. It is her history that makes her do that. People can change, but usually we choose the path of least resistance. She still was attached to him, which is not a big surprise when jumping from him to you. Apparently you got something that she found interesting, but chemistry often is not enough. She's an admitted sociopath, so I know she doesn't feel bad for hurting me yet why can't I get over it. I'm sorry there's a lot of missing information in here and I tend to skip around, but my mind is shot right now and I just needed to vent. It apparently was a nightmare when you dreamt of her. She has a lot of problems that she needs to work on. For you she came at a moment that you needed a positive note. It sounds like you better leave it at a note and not a book. Sorry man, be kind to yourself.
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