Geminigyrl_2003 Posted June 15, 2005 Posted June 15, 2005 I'm only 16 years old, pretty quiet, intelligent, and petite girl. Thats what bad thuggish boys like of course and i have to admit that i like those kind myself. However, i'm not sure if can handle it. My boyfriend is 19, he's indeed thuggish, but sexy and has not what i call problems but something he should take care of before i graduate. He drinks everyday and smoke from 4-8 blunts a day. He even offers me some in which i refuse each time. He controls himself very well but it bothers me sometimes i just can't pin point why exactly. We've been talking since last summer and been going 2gether for 6 months now. I really love him but i haven't told my parents cuz i know they'd kill me. How should i tell.....when? I mean what will they think about me...a smart quiet girl goes out with someone who drinks and smokes for a living but he has a job i must say. I just need some direction at this moment to continue this relationship. I really want this to last because i think he can do better. He's had a rough past i must say. All these girls wonder why i'm with him and some really dislike me because of him. A couple he's probably been with already...i just don't wonna be one of those good girls thats got turned out by this thug. What kinda reputation would that place on me? What the hell do i do?
westernxer Posted June 15, 2005 Posted June 15, 2005 You like him because you think you can slay his dragon. Good luck when the dragon breathes fire.
crazy_grl Posted June 15, 2005 Posted June 15, 2005 Originally posted by Geminigyrl_2003 My boyfriend is 19, he's indeed thuggish, but sexy and has not what i call problems but something he should take care of before i graduate. Why should he take care of it before you graduate? Does he think he should take care of it? Even if he pays lip service to it just to get you off his back and keep you around, I really doubt he does. And just because you think he shouldn't be doing it doesn't mean he's going to stop. You can't change him and make him better. He's not going to change for you, and he shouldn't be expected to. You also shouldn't be expected to be in a relationship with someone who does something you don't agree with. I mean what will they think about me...a smart quiet girl goes out with someone who drinks and smokes for a living but he has a job i must say. I just need some direction at this moment to continue this relationship. They'll think you're naive and putting yourself into a potentially bad situation. And they'll be right. But there's nothing wrong with you. We're all naive at your age. I really want this to last because i think he can do better. You think he can do better? The drunk pot-head can do better than the smart, quiet girl who seems to generally have her head on straight, who's main problem seems to be her choice in boyfriends? You've gotten that backward. He's had a rough past i must say. All these girls wonder why i'm with him and some really dislike me because of him. A couple he's probably been with already...i just don't wonna be one of those good girls thats got turned out by this thug. What kinda reputation would that place on me? What the hell do i do? Are you gonna stick around and be happy about it when he gets busted? Waiting nervously until his trial, then his sentencing to find out if he's going to prison? Waiting for him to get out of prison? Then adjusting your schedule around his probation (which would include a mandatory curfew *every* day, no exceptions)? That may be what you do when you love someone, but before you get involved with that person, you have to think about those possible situations that the person might put you in. There are tons of guys you can date and fall for where you'll never have to worry about whether you should wait for them while they're incarcerated. You'll also never have to fight to get them to stop smoking pot and acting like a thug. I know that people who do drugs and behave like thugs are not bad people like you may think everyone else believes. They're *all* just people who have a rough past. You can be friends with them and socialize with them, because they're people too. But you don't have to get intimately involved with them and let them drag you down. This guy isn't good for you, and that's probably what attracts you to him. You want to fix him, make him better, and show him that someone as good as you can care for him. Your love will show him the way and heal him. WRONG. It's not going to work. Save yourself the agony of trying. What the hell do i do? Stop seeing him and find a guy that won't make you have to worry about the kinds of things you're asking us about. Keep this rule in mind: Don't date someone if you don't want to become like them.
Author Geminigyrl_2003 Posted June 16, 2005 Author Posted June 16, 2005 I saw him today and he was holding a 24oz Budwieser out the window of his car and that thought rushed thru my head but left because he was being sweet as usual though but i guess i brought this whole situation upon myself. When we first started talking he was living in another state but would visit so often but since it's summer he's not leaving until the year's just about over and reality has hit and now i really know what life with him is really about. I still love him but i really think that it's gonna be hard for me to move on but i'll do it just for the sake of my reputation in the future. Besides, who wants to be known as the pretty smart girl who's boyfriend in prison for Possession of Marijuana or sumthin. No! Maybe i was just quick to fall for him because he's older and the boys my age play games but it seems that no one is that perfect guy to be w/ in your teen years so its best to explore your options. Thanks for the advice...brought up some whole new aspects, possibilities, and situations that i should consider now!
noname Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 Originally posted by Geminigyrl_2003 I'm only 16 years old, pretty quiet, intelligent, and petite girl. Thats what bad thuggish boys like of course and i have to admit that i like those kind myself. However, i'm not sure if can handle it. My boyfriend is 19, he's indeed thuggish, but sexy and has not what i call problems but something he should take care of before i graduate. He drinks everyday and smoke from 4-8 blunts a day. He even offers me some in which i refuse each time. He controls himself very well but it bothers me sometimes i just can't pin point why exactly. We've been talking since last summer and been going 2gether for 6 months now. I really love him but i haven't told my parents cuz i know they'd kill me. How should i tell.....when? I mean what will they think about me...a smart quiet girl goes out with someone who drinks and smokes for a living but he has a job i must say. I just need some direction at this moment to continue this relationship. I really want this to last because i think he can do better. He's had a rough past i must say. All these girls wonder why i'm with him and some really dislike me because of him. A couple he's probably been with already...i just don't wonna be one of those good girls thats got turned out by this thug. What kinda reputation would that place on me? What the hell do i do? quick question... what exactly is thuggish about him? drinking and smoking do not make a thug. is he doing something illegal? or endangering your safety? he may be just acting out with his friends and those things can be changed. however, if he is putting you in situations that may cause legal or physical harm, you need to address it right away...
crazy_grl Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 Originally posted by noname quick question... what exactly is thuggish about him? drinking and smoking do not make a thug. is he doing something illegal? or endangering your safety? he may be just acting out with his friends and those things can be changed. however, if he is putting you in situations that may cause legal or physical harm, you need to address it right away... Smoking pot in the same location as her is putting her into a situation that may cause legal harm. Though pot is now socially acceptable, the fact still remains that it's illegal (My ex is now a fellon and has 18 months probation for it). If the cops show up to arrest him, and she's there too, they may not decide to make the distinction that she's a 'good girl'. Even if she didn't smoke any, they may have the choice to take her in and ask questions later. That involves arresting her and not releasing her until they get the drug tests back. And while the arrest may be taken off her record when she's 18 (maybe before), she'll still have been arrested, and people will know she's been arrested.
crazy_grl Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 Originally posted by Geminigyrl_2003 He drinks everyday and smoke from 4-8 blunts a day. Also, if he's drinking and smoking that much, he's most likely an addict.
noname Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 Originally posted by crazy_grl Smoking pot in the same location as her is putting her into a situation that may cause legal harm. Though pot is now socially acceptable, the fact still remains that it's illegal (My ex is now a fellon and has 18 months probation for it). If the cops show up to arrest him, and she's there too, they may not decide to make the distinction that she's a 'good girl'. Even if she didn't smoke any, they may have the choice to take her in and ask questions later. That involves arresting her and not releasing her until they get the drug tests back. And while the arrest may be taken off her record when she's 18 (maybe before), she'll still have been arrested, and people will know she's been arrested. you are absolutely correct in this. sorry. i worded my question wrongly. i was trying more to find out what the "thuggish" part was. ie. gang banging, selling drugs, armed robbery, excessive fighting, etc. sorry...
noname Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 Originally posted by crazy_grl Also, if he's drinking and smoking that much, he's most likely an addict. this however, i do not agree with. he may be and he may not be, but i do not know the whole story, so i will not try to judge whether or not he is...
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