ashley1990 Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 I met this guy two years ago, and he took me out to dinners all the time, and told me he was "courting" me. We were on and off for these two years, seeing each other for maybe 4 or 5 months out of the two years and not talking to each other for almost a year. This is mostly because i also rejected his many offers to go out because I thought he would never forgive me for betraying him and now only wants s**. At the time, I was seeing somebody else and I lied to him. The thing is, i thought he was as well but now i realize he might have not been at that time. The thing is, at the beginning he said we were friends with benefits but then introduced to to his friend as his girlfriend. After he caught me lying to him, he seemed only interested in s**. I was deeply hurt by this because I was starting to fall for him. I was also very confused about us because while he said fwb at the beginning , he would take my phone from me and constantly check who I was talking to. He would also tell me "I won't ever catch you lying to me again right". He also told me he wants kids and won't use protection just before I cut contact with him last year. Then I went no contact and disappeared. He messaged me on Facebook when I reactivated my account and I gave him my new number. He asked me out for coffee and just to talk as friends "or more". I would say things about other guys and he said he is extremely jealous. After I mentioned other guys flirting with me,he asked me if iI'm interested in NSA. I said no and we have been texting for 4 months now? He initiates contact every time and said he wants to be the only one I sleep with. I rejected him every time and he's asked me out more than 20 times. Last month, he made it clear to me that he's stalking me. Then he told me " don't tell me a lovely lady like yourself doesn't have a boyfriend" I said "no, I want a good guy" and he said "I'm a good guy, just saying" I don't know what he meant by this. He is very clingy and persistent. And I lied to him and told him I'm dating someone eelse and send him the picture of me and my guy friend. He got mad but hasn't messaged me since then and that was 5 days ago. I admit I still have feelings for him but I don't know what to do here. Someone please help me out...
smudge21 Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 Confused... you say you have feelings for him, but don't want him. You hang out with him and stay in touch, but push him away. He openly stalks you and will not take no for an answer, but you don't run away. You've closed the door on him, but keep opening it again. It's very toxic this and not good for either of you. He's being very scary in his chasing and you're keeping him around which in turn is encouraging his attitude. I don't see anything good in this one and think you both need to let go and find people that you can have a healthy relationship with. If you want to be with someone, you be with them. if you don't then you end it and move on. 2
Author ashley1990 Posted March 24, 2016 Author Posted March 24, 2016 How do I move on? its not so easy as I still have feelings for him. I cut contact once before and I don't have any more willpower left to do it again.
smudge21 Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 If you cut contact before, then how come you're still talking to him now? You must've allowed him back in and even if you didn't, you have responded to him. Even when he asked for sex you still stayed in touch despite your feelings on that matter. As much as you may feel you have cut contact before, clearly you've stayed in contact and therefore not truly walked away yet. If you truly want this man, this chaser, out of your life then you truly have to cut all contact and if he gets in touch, you don't listen or read it and you definitely don't reply. When someone's addicted to another, they can take any tiny signal as a queue to carry on, even sometimes a total negative. To them, any contact is good contact. You want him out of your life, then no contact is no contact, at all. 1
PegNosePete Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 If you don't cut contact, this on and off thing will carry on forever. You've both been playing immature games for a long time now. If you carry on doing what you've been doing, you'll carry on getting the results you've been getting. It doesn't take willpower to cut someone off. Just delete his number and block him on all social media, and get on with doing other things with your life. 3
ExpatInItaly Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 Just delete his number. You've lied to him. You've purposely tried to make him jealous. You've rejected him numerous times. What exactly are your motives here? It all sounds very juvenile. 1
Author ashley1990 Posted March 24, 2016 Author Posted March 24, 2016 I don't know whether I should be with him or not. This relationship is making me sick I cant even sleep because I think about what I should do all the time.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 I don't know whether I should be with him or not. This relationship is making me sick I cant even sleep because I think about what I should do all the time. I don't see what your big dilemma is. You reject him over and over, and you broke his trust a long time ago. A relationship with this guy isn't going to work. There's already far too much drama. May I ask how old the both of you are? 1
Author ashley1990 Posted March 24, 2016 Author Posted March 24, 2016 Its not that easy to let go of feelings. I cant just lose them overnight. I have changed but you are right, there is too much drama...I know it..I am just having a hard time accepting it. I am 24 and he is 38.
ilovemefirst Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 This post is very confusing....u want him? why did u disappear and reappear? 1
Author ashley1990 Posted March 24, 2016 Author Posted March 24, 2016 I disappeared because I was confused about the relationship. I didn't reappear..he found me on facebook when I reactivated my account.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 Its not that easy to let go of feelings. I cant just lose them overnight. I have changed but you are right, there is too much drama...I know it..I am just having a hard time accepting it. I am 24 and he is 38. Wow. You are both far too old for this, especially him. Of course you can't lose feelings overnight. But you won't get anywhere by continuing to engage in this either. You don't sound at all ready to be in a relationship, if I may be blunt. Disappearing and rejecting him repeatedly and lying to him when you claim to have feelings for him are all signs you've got a lot of maturing to do, OP. And he sees this too. Which is why he's only offering NSA sex now. He knows you're not ready to be committed. 1
smudge21 Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 Its not that easy to let go of feelings. I cant just lose them overnight. I have changed but you are right, there is too much drama...I know it..I am just having a hard time accepting it. I am 24 and he is 38. I was guessing he was much younger! You've pushed him away so much and yet he keeps coming back - we all struggle to let go, but we all should know when enough is enough. Sadly, you're in the same boat. As much as he chases, you let him chase because of your feelings. You have to see that this isn't right for either of you. Acceptance that something isn't right is the hardest part followed by finally letting go, but you have to weigh up your options here. You know this can't continue. 1
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