Lily1234 Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 (edited) I know this guy from an online dating app, we started to chat through text about three weeks ago and we haven't met up yet. Overall the chat goes well, we don't talk everyday but every time we talk it's always a long conversation. One thing makes me concern is that he talk to me very intimate from the very beginning, he always say something like "woof woof I'm your little doggie" or he really wanna cuddle me, share blanket with me, etc. He says most of those things in a cute way. I'm a little bit worried that those texts would create a wrong level of intimacy if we gonna meet someday. If someone read our text, they would think we are already bf and gf, but we haven't met yet!! I mentioned this concern to him today and then he didn't reply me. Am I over thinking? And is there any other way to solve this problem? Thanks in advance. Edited March 24, 2016 by Lily1234 1
lilmissjava Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 Be upfront with him. These texts are inappropriate at this time. You mention not meeting him any time soon and if you let it continue, it is going to give you a false sense of attraction to someone you haven't met yet. Be careful. 1
basil67 Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 You're a better woman than I. "Woof woof, I'm your little doggie" would have sent me running for the hills. 8
Toodaloo Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 Cut out any sexual or overly intimate texts at the start. If you have not met yet then it is really inappropriate. Also I have learnt that when guys do this they rarely have any intention of meeting and it will soon fizzle out. Do not be their "special sock" fodder. There are plenty of other women who will do that. You are worth more.
hippychick3 Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 Ewww, what a total turn off. The fact that you're allowing him to speak to you that way is only encouraging him to continue. Online is only a medium to meet people. If you're not going to meet (I wouldn't even want to meet this particular dude), then don't waste time texting. Until you meet, they are strangers.
Author Lily1234 Posted March 25, 2016 Author Posted March 25, 2016 You're a better woman than I. "Woof woof, I'm your little doggie" would have sent me running for the hills. I always think people may all have different habits in texting, but I guess in this case he is total inappropriate at all. I should stop finding excuses for them
takajedna Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 I wonder why didn't you meet yet? If he is not suggesting getting together after 3 email exchanges that is a BIG red flag! Is he hiding something? Are you his FREE "sex phone" entertainment? It doesn't matter how sweet it seems if he is not dying to meet you.
Author Lily1234 Posted March 25, 2016 Author Posted March 25, 2016 I wonder why didn't you meet yet? If he is not suggesting getting together after 3 email exchanges that is a BIG red flag! Is he hiding something? Are you his FREE "sex phone" entertainment? It doesn't matter how sweet it seems if he is not dying to meet you. I guess people have different in the time of meeting up. I actually feel more comfortable to meet the guy after some chats over the phone. I don't like rush meeting and feel text can help distinguish some crazy people?
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 I guess people have different in the time of meeting up. I actually feel more comfortable to meet the guy after some chats over the phone. I don't like rush meeting and feel text can help distinguish some crazy people? Yet he's making you feel UNcomfortable with his intimate suggestive chat? You know you need to stop this, right?
Author Lily1234 Posted March 25, 2016 Author Posted March 25, 2016 Yet he's making you feel UNcomfortable with his intimate suggestive chat? You know you need to stop this, right? Yeah I already stopped texting him back. I'm just talking about the overall meeting up time. So is meeting up as soon as possible better?
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 In my opinion, yes, but always behave and act in a safe way. Meet in a public place, in daylight, the first few times. And talk, make eye contact and listen to your gut.
morrowrd Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 No, you're not overthinking. What you're experiencing here are poor online habits. One of the things about the online world, dating included, are that people become comfortable behind the computer screen in the comfort of their home. They forget that they are speaking to live people, with feelings and the desire to be respected. The comfort level he has isn't all that uncommon for people who talk like that to others online, you're one in a long line of women he has "woofed woofed" to. You have to decide, how does that make you feel knowing that? The same type of thing happens in these forums, and more so in unmoderated others. My feeling when it comes to actually meeting a person, in person via online dating is to pay attention to how respectful they are before you meet. You are wise to see the red flags.
Cherryz Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 You chose how you want to be treed. So tell him rigth away that you dont like. And often guys give you a hint about why they are interested in you. But many woman ignore it or dont take time to pay attention. I dont know how you guys text or that you give him the feeling that he can chat like that a bit with you. If not, maybe he is warming you up for what hes about to try to do to you. But either way just tell him straight up. So there wont be false hope at the meeting. And i would even say dont meet him if he is sexually to you whole time out of the blue. You dont have to meet everyone that you like or are chatting with. Beside meet at day light and in open places if you gonna meet strangers.
fred123 Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 have you spoken on the phone yet? also i dont entirely agree just because you haven't met so quickly its a red flag. what if there is ute distance between them?
SwordofFlame Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 Yeah I already stopped texting him back. I'm just talking about the overall meeting up time. So is meeting up as soon as possible better? Yes, the sooner the better. Texting too much creates a false sense of intimacy and may also cause your expectations to skyrocket.
hechicera Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 I can only talk from my experience, but when starting that kind of intimacy through text it's only natural for him to expect it to continue when you meet, so like the other people commented, I wouldn't want to meet that particular person, but it has happened to me before where I met someone online and the texts were all sexual and I was enjoying it and I liked the person so when we met it continued to be sexual and has always been. If you ever meet him (which again, I wouldn't) make sure you be very clear with him and set boundaries and be careful.
katiegrl Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 One thing makes me concern is that he talk to me very intimate from the very beginning, he always say something like "woof woof I'm your little doggie" or he really wanna cuddle me, share blanket with me, etc. Not only would this be a huge turn off for me.... but IMO also indicates he may have some rather kinky sexual inclinations... like maybe he enjoys the dominatrix type woman... I mean he wants to be your little doggie? And share a blankee? Come on now. Probably enjoys getting down on all fours (literally) and begging too!! Are you into that OP? Not judging, just asking....
preraph Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 You have a higher tolerance for it than I do. You need to set some boundaries in general and not base it on minutae like it's in a cute way when it's too late and already happened. Try to remember that guys texting this much are on the other end masturbating at least part of the time. And for some, that's all they want -- or they find it a challenge to see how much free porn and talk they can coax out of you. None of it is appropriate. That would be fine if you'd been dating for say 4 months or so.
PaperCrane Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 Maybe the dude is into pet-play and is getting over excited?
Almond_Joy Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 Do not be their "special sock" fodder. There are plenty of other women who will do that. You are worth more. Never occurred to me that guys would try to get regular sexting girls queued up for self-service in lieu of an actual girlfriend/ONS/FWB. Learn something new every day.
kendahke Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 Yeah I already stopped texting him back. I'm just talking about the overall meeting up time. So is meeting up as soon as possible better? IMO, I think it is--because there's less chance of either of you building the other into who you want the other to be. Usually when a lot of time has transpired before meeting and you finally meet them, there is usually disappointment because they're not who you built them up to be in your mind.
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