Simon Phoenix Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 Hey guys, A few days ago I posted asking for clarification about my ex. She dumped me, went back to her ex. She continuously texted me after the breakup, and some people here advised me to go no contact completely, which I have been. This morning she calls me to tell me her dad passed away, and the only person she wanted to talk to was me because I "know how to calm her down". She has an estranged relationship with her father, and she told me I'm the only one who knows the full story (which is funny because her and her ex dated for 3 years..yes, the one she went back to and is currently with). So basically I gave her my condolences and calmed her down. She called me w couple of hours later to talk about it more, then said she was going to go pay her mom a visit. I told her to call me if she needs anything. I didn't hear from her for the next 5hrs or so so I give her a call to check on her- no answer. I then text her "Doing alright?" Yes she's an ******* and Im not her biggest fan, but her dad died..I'm not a bad-hearted guy. My question is where should I go from here? What should I do if she continues calling me to talk about it? Thanks for any help! Answer is the same as before -- STOP TALKING TO HER!!! She used you for your sympathy, got what she wanted, than ignored you. Stop being a spineless sap. You gave your condolences -- move forward. An "I'm sorry for your loss" was fine -- several hours of conversation was not. Being "not a bad-hearted guy" does not mean being an emotional tampon or a doormat.
Author Juggernut23 Posted March 24, 2016 Author Posted March 24, 2016 Thanks for the advice Zahara, I agree continuing NC is the best idea. Simon Phoenix you need to chill a couple notches dude Lol. I'm just looking for advice on a messy situation. I don't agree with the way my ex handled things, but what if I was the only person who could calm her down when her dad died? This might be difficult for you to comprehend, but not everyone who dumps you is the an evil monster who needs to suffer, alright? Relax man. No need to call me spineless and a tampon for talking to my ex the day her dad died. Thanks for the advice, but I think situations affect us differently, seems like you over-think and over-react to things. Im not an insanely emotional guy, I can handle talking to someone I dont necessarily like without it ruining my life. To be honest, you seem spineless judging by your extremely emotional opinion over a simple situation. PS I didn't talk to her for hours, she called me twice and the convos did not last more than 10min. I called her back a few hours later to make sure she's ok. Like I said, she has a history of mental health issues. I agree it's not my problem but I still care for the girl to some degree.. Later guys!
Zahara Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 PS I didn't talk to her for hours, she called me twice and the convos did not last more than 10min. I called her back a few hours later to make sure she's ok. Like I said, she has a history of mental health issues. I agree it's not my problem but I still care for the girl to some degree.. It's understandable that you still care for her but you must always take into consideration that she is manipulative and likely doesn't care for you the way you do for her. In that sense extending yourself has to stop because it isn't in your best interest to allow her access into your life, whether it's 10 minute conversations if you want to move on and heal. Someone like her will keep busting boundaries if you allow them to. Hopefully you see the reality of who she is and much as you care for her, it shouldn't come at the expense of your own self-respect and emotional wellbeing.
Author Juggernut23 Posted March 24, 2016 Author Posted March 24, 2016 Yeah you make some good points. Wasnt planning on talking to her again. I've been ignoring her msgs, I answered when she called the first time cause she blocked her number. Either way it's all good.. Thanks for the advice man
Simon Phoenix Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 (edited) Thanks for the advice Zahara, I agree continuing NC is the best idea. Simon Phoenix you need to chill a couple notches dude Lol. I'm just looking for advice on a messy situation. I don't agree with the way my ex handled things, but what if I was the only person who could calm her down when her dad died? This might be difficult for you to comprehend, but not everyone who dumps you is the an evil monster who needs to suffer, alright? Relax man. No need to call me spineless and a tampon for talking to my ex the day her dad died. Thanks for the advice, but I think situations affect us differently, seems like you over-think and over-react to things. Im not an insanely emotional guy, I can handle talking to someone I dont necessarily like without it ruining my life. To be honest, you seem spineless judging by your extremely emotional opinion over a simple situation. PS I didn't talk to her for hours, she called me twice and the convos did not last more than 10min. I called her back a few hours later to make sure she's ok. Like I said, she has a history of mental health issues. I agree it's not my problem but I still care for the girl to some degree.. Later guys! I'm actually very chill, just very direct. I did misread the couple hours part, my apologies. And if anything, this site has taught me not to over-think, so I think you're trying a bit too hard to flip the script there. I agree with you that most dumpers are not evil, but this chick has put you on blast multiple times during and since the break and you're still there as a safety net for her. It's just not intelligent behavior. Like I said, there's nothing wrong with telling her you're sorry for her loss, but the multiple conversations and the checking in afterward is not kosher. The fact that she didn't answer basically shows that she was looking to satisfy a need and once that need was done, she was done with you again. I talk harshly to you for a reason, probably because you don't know what spineless means j/k. Either way, once you decide to embrace and actually go No Contact, you'll be good to go. This girl is going to continue to use you for as long as you enable it. I hope you stop enabling it. You gave her your sympathies, now NO MORE. Edited March 24, 2016 by Simon Phoenix
Author Juggernut23 Posted March 24, 2016 Author Posted March 24, 2016 Lol yeah alright man, thanks for the advice Later guys
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