Juggernut23 Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 (edited) Hey guys long story short: gf left me, I didn't react, she got pissed at me because apparently me not breaking down=me never caring about our relationship. She started dating someone else in a week. So anyways, I've been distant with her. We unfortunately work in the same building, came across me one day and then texted me "can you not make it this so awkward? You barely said two words to me". As if I'm supposed to go crazy when I see her? I Then told her I had blood work done earlier, she goes: HER: oh great you're gonna find out I gave you AIDS (she was kidding) ME: Haha just AIDS? I Expected worse HER: Ouch. Was it worth it though She started volunteering at the same place I do randomly, and creeped my volunteering schedule. Conveniently, she signed up for the same days I'm volunteering. Also, she was chilling with my mutual friend yesterday and they came across a drunk girl that said to her "I LOVE YOU". And she tells our friend: look at that, a complete stranger loves me and my ex never did (as in me). What do you guys think?? Im honestly not sure how to deal with her. I still love her but I'm hurt she moved on so quick, yet keeps blaming me for not giving her the time of day? She texted me the other day "I haven't heard from you. It's weird not talking to you. I genuinely miss talking to you and hanging out. I miss the good times, not the bad." I ignore her, so she posts a profile pic of the guy she's dating and writes "we always knew ". How do you guys think I should handle this? Thanks for any advice. Edited March 19, 2016 by Juggernut23
lchf Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 1. Initiate NC totally 2. Let her sit and stew like a brat despite her being the one that ended the relationship. If she absolutely wanted the relationship to end she would not be pissed you aren't breaking down. Let her insecurities play out and see it as a positive thing you got out now. 3. If you absolutely HAVE TO speak to her working in the same building, be polite but don't linger in the conversation. 4. Move your attention to productive things that benefit your existence. 1
LostOnes05 Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 She is playing on both sides of the fence. She is trying to throw enough breadcrumbs your way to keep your interest and reassure the new guy of his (temporary) position in her life. If things don't work out with mr. new shoes, she'll have enough rapport and history with you to transition easily. Keep your distance and watch her implode.
mightycpa Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 You know she's stalking you online, so what you need is a good meme... one that really drives the point home. I'd suggest: Love means never having to say another word to your crazy ex. 1
Marc878 Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 Silence is golden. Block her on everything. I'd have already done it. It's like a gnat buzzing around your head.
Author Juggernut23 Posted March 22, 2016 Author Posted March 22, 2016 Hey guys I know I asked a similar question before, but this girl is confusing the f*ck outta me and I would like an outsiders perspective. I would just like to know if I should give her the time of day or move on completely. Pretty much she broke up with me, I said i kind of agree we weren't compatible and didn't text her for a few days. She then texts me saying she's hurt I took the break up so lightly and it must mean that I wasn't that serious to begin with. She then tells our mutual friends she's so over me, I suck in bed, Im a loser, etc. Here are the signs she's moved on: -Went back to her ex -Posts a profile picture of her and her bf a week after breaking up with me (I kept no contact since, she has contacted me a bunch of times) Things she does that confuses the f*ck outta me: -continuously texts my brother asking if I talk about her -Talks to our mutual friends about me and our relationship -tells my brother she's using her current bf to get a job -contacts me for dumb reasons and asks me questions she could easily figure out herself -She volunteers at the college I work at, and happens to volunteer the same nights I work (when she sees me she goes "it's weird not talking to you") -texted me saying she genuinely misses talking to me and hanging out, and she "misses the good times" -Started volunteering the same place I do and knows my schedule (she let it slip by accident once and I found out she's been creeping my schedule) -Flirts with me through text, even went as far as to talk about our previous sex life -Tells me brother how happy she is, how good she is doing, and how leaving me was the best decision she ever made I'm pretty much playing it cool: don't text her first, but play it nice. Act like her behaviour doesn't affect me in the slightest. She plays little games to find out if I'm seeing someone or what I'm up to. What do you guys think is going through her head? Should I just go completely no contact? Thanks for any advice. 2
Simon Phoenix Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 She's extremely immature and yes, you should go No Contact. And stop letting her text you, block her. 3
Satu Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 Block her. *No direct contact. *No sending or receiving of messages. *Block any means she might use to contact you. *No replies to anything that gets through your blocks. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. *No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. Take care. 4
Author Juggernut23 Posted March 22, 2016 Author Posted March 22, 2016 Hey guys i really appreciate the advice, but would just like some Input on what do you think she's thinking? Just playing games or genuinely misses me? Either way I dont plan on getting back together, just wondering if anyone's been in her position before and could shed done light on her actions. Thanks!
Simon Phoenix Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 Hey guys i really appreciate the advice, but would just like some Input on what do you think she's thinking? Just playing games or genuinely misses me? Either way I dont plan on getting back together, just wondering if anyone's been in her position before and could shed done light on her actions. Thanks! Trying to figure out what another person is thinking is one of the most worthless enterprises on the planet. You need to figure out what you're thinking instead of trying to crack the code on a girl who dumped you and is now acting like an immature goof. And if you don't want to get together, then stop trying to catch your own tail. Stop chasing the white noise. 3
Zahara Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 I would just like to know if I should give her the time of day or move on completely. Either way I dont plan on getting back together Which is it?
Author Juggernut23 Posted March 22, 2016 Author Posted March 22, 2016 Give her the time of day = still keep in contact, not get back together. I don't hate her, just trying to figure out where her head is at. Is this an interrogation or an advice forum? Forreal people gimme some input here.
Zahara Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 Give her the time of day = still keep in contact, not get back together. I don't hate her, just trying to figure out where her head is at. Is this an interrogation or an advice forum?�� Forreal people gimme some input here. I ask because if you don't want to get back with her, then block her so that you're not receiving a mind **** every two days. Then you can focus on moving on. If you want to still give her the time of day at the expense of your mental and emotional sanity, then accept that she's being immature and looking for an ego boost or some kind of validation from you. You speak of her playing games but you are too. Pretending like it doesn't affect you, being cool, acting nice. You're no different from her.
Zahara Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 (edited) And why are you keeping contact with someone that dumps you, tells her friends you're a loser, tells her friends you're bad in bed, and is back with an ex and trying to engage you? Instead of trying to figure her out, turn it around and ask yourself why you're accessible to someone who has little to no respect for you. Edited March 22, 2016 by Zahara 1
Simon Phoenix Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 Give her the time of day = still keep in contact, not get back together. I don't hate her, just trying to figure out where her head is at. Is this an interrogation or an advice forum? Forreal people gimme some input here. Dude, it's a pointless enterprise. There could be a million reasons for her acting the way she's acting. You need to figure out why you are so insistent on trying to get inside of her head instead of continuing on with your recovery. You need to worry about you, not figuring out her. Because, as evidenced by the contradictory statements you've made in this thread, there's a bit of a disconnect. I would go No Contact -- let yourself recover and let her figure out what's going on in her end. But stop the Sherlock Holmes-esque investigation.
Author Juggernut23 Posted March 22, 2016 Author Posted March 22, 2016 Yeah you make some good points, but I would like to know why she's so hateful towards me. I posted this to understand her behaviour. Yes she did me wrong, which is why I don't plan on going back with her. I would just like to know what she's thinking. I'm not emotionally invested enough for it to mentally destroy me. I would just like to find out why she chose to react that way. So I appreciate your input, but I would like to receive a response from someone who has acted the way my ex did/ has some experience with this behaviour just to have a better understanding. Why do I want to know so bad? I just do, I'm curious. It's an event that occurred in my life and I would like to understand it.
Author Juggernut23 Posted March 22, 2016 Author Posted March 22, 2016 There is no "recovery". My thread isn't titled "how can I get over my ex, help my in my recovery". I would just like to understand her behaviour. I have no problem moving on, I'm leaving the city within a month anyways so I won't have a choice. I Would just like to understand her behaviour. If you don't see a consistent pattern in her behaviour or can give me some sort of explanation based on your past experiences, then why feel the need to post?
basil67 Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 There is no "recovery". My thread isn't titled "how can I get over my ex, help my in my recovery". I would just like to understand her behaviour. I have no problem moving on, I'm leaving the city within a month anyways so I won't have a choice. I Would just like to understand her behaviour. If you don't see a consistent pattern in her behaviour or can give me some sort of explanation based on your past experiences, then why feel the need to post? I can only echo that it's pointless trying to understand why someone does what they do. Thing is, all we can do is guess - and we will never know if it's the truth or not. While we may not be able to answer your question, we post because at one time or another we have all asked 'why' and realised that we will never know. We have been where you are. For those of us who are methodical in approach, it's hard to accept not knowing 'why'. Best to just chalk it up to her being a nutter. 1
Scarlett.O'hara Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 From my perspective, this isn't as much about missing you as it is about her need for attention and validation, which is what I think is motivating her behavior. She sounds desperately insecure which is why she needs tries to boost herself up to her friends at your expense, ie: saying you are a loser, bad in bed, and she is better off without you. Also note that she contacted you after the breakup annoyed that you didn't seem more upset about it. Not only does that show her immaturity but screams to how insecure she is. Another sign of her insecurity is her inability to be alone. She HAD to have another boyfriend lined up immediately, even if she was just "using him to get a job". She needed that picture up to show everyone (not just you) that she is wanted, and that STILL isn't enough for her. There are so many examples here that point to need for attention and validation. They are actually big red flags that you are dealing with someone who is extremely insecure, immature, and narcissistic. I appreciate the fact that you had feelings for her and that this is difficult for you (she certainly isn't making it any easier) but for what it is worth, you dodged a bullet. I think it would be a wise decision to go no contact as soon as possible.
Simon Phoenix Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 (edited) Yeah you make some good points, but I would like to know why she's so hateful towards me. I posted this to understand her behaviour. Yes she did me wrong, which is why I don't plan on going back with her. I would just like to know what she's thinking. I'm not emotionally invested enough for it to mentally destroy me. I would just like to find out why she chose to react that way. So I appreciate your input, but I would like to receive a response from someone who has acted the way my ex did/ has some experience with this behaviour just to have a better understanding. Why do I want to know so bad? I just do, I'm curious. It's an event that occurred in my life and I would like to understand it. Waste. Of. Time. The results matter, not the process. She's acting like a petulant child -- who cares why? There is no "recovery". My thread isn't titled "how can I get over my ex, help my in my recovery". I would just like to understand her behaviour. I have no problem moving on, I'm leaving the city within a month anyways so I won't have a choice. I Would just like to understand her behaviour. If you don't see a consistent pattern in her behaviour or can give me some sort of explanation based on your past experiences, then why feel the need to post? To try to get the point across -- IT DOESN'T MATTER! Let's say that you know the real reason somehow -- what are you going to do about it? I mean, either you're being intentionally obtuse or you aren't being completely honest about being "over her." I think it's the latter personally. Trying to figure out why someone is acting like a nutbar is a good way to become a nutbar yourself. Don't become a nutbar. Edited March 22, 2016 by Simon Phoenix
Author Juggernut23 Posted March 22, 2016 Author Posted March 22, 2016 Thanks for the input. To be real she treated me wrong, and is generally not a good person by the way she treats other people. I don't have those love feelings for her for that reason, I was just curious to see if she had some personal issues going on that someone could understand. She has had some issues with mental health in the past. Either way, her current bf could help her out with that. Thanks for the great advice everyone, No Contact it is 1
Deidre Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 Sounds like a narcissist...they dump people, but keep contacting them because like toys in a toy box, you might come in handy some day, but until then, she put you back in the toy box with all the other broken toys. I dated a narcissist in the past, and it was the same text book behavior. It's as though they all read from the same play book lol Seriously. My advice? Block her phone number, and delete her everywhere. On facebook, all social media...have NO CONTACT with her, because she wants to keep you around 'just in case' she needs something, or like I said...you come in handy, someday. That's why she was upset you took it so lightly. Another narcissist trait...they like lots of attention, etc. Truuuust me...go no contact, and move on. lol 1
Deidre Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 lol I should have read the other posts...where people suggest no contact. I will read the entire thread next time! 1
Author Juggernut23 Posted March 24, 2016 Author Posted March 24, 2016 Hey guys, A few days ago I posted asking for clarification about my ex. She dumped me, went back to her ex. She continuously texted me after the breakup, and some people here advised me to go no contact completely, which I have been. This morning she calls me to tell me her dad passed away, and the only person she wanted to talk to was me because I "know how to calm her down". She has an estranged relationship with her father, and she told me I'm the only one who knows the full story (which is funny because her and her ex dated for 3 years..yes, the one she went back to and is currently with). So basically I gave her my condolences and calmed her down. She called me w couple of hours later to talk about it more, then said she was going to go pay her mom a visit. I told her to call me if she needs anything. I didn't hear from her for the next 5hrs or so so I give her a call to check on her- no answer. I then text her "Doing alright?" Yes she's an ******* and Im not her biggest fan, but her dad died..I'm not a bad-hearted guy. My question is where should I go from here? What should I do if she continues calling me to talk about it? Thanks for any help!
Zahara Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 (edited) You offered your support and condolences. She will now have to find solace in her boyfriend, her friends and her family. You need to step away and focus on your healing and NC. You are not her support system anymore. Your well-being comes first so step away and do you. Edited March 24, 2016 by Zahara 2
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