Other women [affair participants]...I need your ...[why's]

March 24, 2016

Why do women enter into these types of relationships in the first place. I know I am lucky that none ended with too much drama or a big D Day, etc.
I struggle at the end to respond to the "You're married" anger that comes from them - they knew it all along.

Help me understand what the thought process is. Please.

It's simple. They thought that what you had together was strong enough that you'd leave your wife, obviously. Who falls in love, makes the effort to woo a woman, and stays married to someone else? Men, that's who! They just hadn't learned it yet. Now they know. And yes, it's angering. They are mad at themselves as much as mad at you. Wasted years and heartbreak.

The good news for you is that there are always vulnerable women who haven't yet learned the lesson, and you can find another OW. The bad news is that you will once again be the cause of heartbreak and anger.

Have you learned?

March 24, 2016

PTL- I didn't read the string of responses- I'm sure you've taken a beating by some but I will give you my OW perspective because I can relate. I am M but I entered into my 19 month A with a MM to fill a void (I'm in a sexless marriage and so was he- less than 10 times a year). I really had no plans to get emotionally involved. I though we could keep it fun, sexual and we could get our emotional needs met at home. However my plans changed the more time we spent together.

We were "all in" for 19 months- texting from sunrise to bedtime, calling, meeting 1-2 times a week, overnights, sharing lives, enjoyed laying together, cuddling and laughing. We never talked about running off into the sunset together but we talked about how he was "done" with his marriage and he had withdrawn from his wife and her family over the past few years in preparation of leaving when his youngest finished high school. He also stopped initiating sex with his wife (which was very vanilla) and would save it for me (he's 50 so we know about refractory recovery) He made many comments to me (intention or not) that told me he was not happy in his marriage anymore. He also adored me, complimented me, prioritized me, made me feel special, never cancelled or made me feel like an option - and he shared all his secrets, told me things he could never tell his wife- I felt we were best friends in a way. You can't do all that to a girl and not get her attached. I fell for it all. I've said in my threads- if he lied - he should win an academy award because I'm not naive or inexperienced, and I never questioned our talks or felt he was lying.... Never once.

Well- We got caught- pushed the A underground but I ended it and went NC 20 days ago. I Was angry with him because he gave me such a mixed message post DD. Despite everything we shared for almost 2 years, I realized it was all words- he wasnt going to just up and leave his 25 year marriage, teenage daughter (and two in college), house, financial security and reputation. I wish he never shared his unhappiness, his secrets, his challenges. I wish we just kept it physical like the initial plan. I think he enjoyed my company and my personality. I was very different from his wife but I wish he didn't get into my mind and heart like he did. I also think he knew it would keep me happy and during the A, that was his goal.

So- if you plan to keep cheating - remember this next time... Laying with her, cuddling her, holding her face when you kiss her, holding hands when you make love, sharing secrets, staring into her eyes, rubbing her back, kissing her nose and forehead, complimenting her, entwining your body with her while watching the news, prioritizing time with her over the W, mentioning anything unhappy about your W - will all give them hope. So if you want to play - I know it sounds cold but "hit and and run"... Keep them on speed dial and call when you are in the vicinity- and don't stay and cuddle. We are just not biologically made to not get emotionally attached.... Damn oxytocin. Good luck!

But if the MM didn't do all the back rubs, forehead kisses, cuddling after sex and share secrets.. as well as saying how special you are ... The OW probably wouldn't stick around that long. You have to treat most woman a certain way to keep her interested and keep the sex coming .... that's how it works in affairs .... you keep each other happy and make each other feel so so special.

The OW is a lovely and longed for escape, especially if the marriage lacks intimacy.

March 24, 2016

I myself am a female and had an off and on again relationship with my ex that eventually got engaged but still cheated on her with me. My reasoning as to why they would be mad is because they were probably hoping that you would end your marriage and be with them.

March 24, 2016

Amazed by the response I am getting to my original thread. Clearly it brings out the passion and anger in many.

I can't respond to everyone and the thread went off on some tangents, but there were some themes that emerged about the OW and the MM that are worth commenting on.

First,and for some context, I know a number of other men who do exactly the same thing as I do, so they are a good way to level set for me.

There were a number of comments in the thread that stated the MM's have the A's clearly shared some of the following characteristics:

Broken, low self esteem, under achievers, anxiety filled, lacking in confidence, etc.

While I am sure this is true of some - it just doesn't hold water with my peer group. By in large , these guys are high achieving, confident, successful, good fathers, highly respected, physically fit, blah blah blah..

The stereotype just doesn't jive with what I am seeing here.

Also, not one of them ever bad mouths their wives or marriage. Those who were truly unhappy got out a long time ago.

Secondly, the most salient point of my original question / post has not really been answered (although a few took a shot at it).

There has been a lot of response around why the OW eventually leaves, why and how she quickly develops feelings, etc - all good insight.

And there was great insight when both participants in the A are married - that one seems obvious.

The big question that no one has really nailed...

Why would a beautiful, sexy, intelligent, confident, never abused, successful, highly sought after, never married, experienced, early 30's woman knowingly enter into an A with a MM?

My final thoughts, everyone keeps asking why guys like me keep doing what we do if we don't plan to leave our marriages and have no real complaints about the marriage...right? you keep asking that.

Well when I talk to my peers about this - we all, independently, come up with a variation of the same theme....

You won't like it...but its the truth...

Because over achievers and success breeds confidence and a desire to maximize every minute of every day. Not only is this massively attractive to the opposite sex (whether they admit it or not), but it has a compounding effect on almost every aspect of one's life.

Think of it like this....you can go to a great restaurant and order an amazing steak. If all you had was the steak that night, you would thoroughly enjoy it all on its own. But instead of just ordering the steak, you also order the best red wine to go with it. Does it mean you think less of the steak? Not a chance. Does the wine make what was already going to be a great experience even better, yes it does. Its about maximizing every minute of every day and getting the most out of every experience. Thats why we do it.

Not one of my peer group ever lie to the AP about their status - ever. They are completely above board. There has never been a D Day and drama has been at a minimum.

I think back to how my last A began (the 9 month one). We met at a business conference. Chatted for about an hour. Laughed and had a drink surrounded by a pretty large crowd of colleagues. No more than 90 minutes into the conversation she straight up asks me what my "situation" is. I said, I am married. She recoils a little, disappears for about 30 minutes. I figure that's the end of the conversation even though the conversation was pleasant, basic stuff, a few laughs and zero indication from me that I was interested in anything more.

45 minutes later she is back and starts talking to me again. Kept telling me that she has a strict no MM policy (attractive woman, 32 yr old, hugely successful, accomplished speaker, already top of her field, gets hit on constantly). I say..." I totally understand. Enjoyed talking to you. Enjoy the rest of the event" Done, right? Nope. Back she came again. Completely pursued me. Had a great nine months together. She moved to another city. Ended amicably.

Thats why we do it. Because had she not come back, I would have been more than happy at home living my life with my wife and family. Instead I maximized that 9 months and made a great thing even better. Steak and wine.

Ok...bring on the nastiness. But don't discount the honesty.

I realize many are not in the same boat, but for me and my peer group - this is our reality.

March 24, 2016

So..women are no different than dinner at an expensive restaurant to you.

Does your wife get to cheat too if she wants to? Does she deserve it as much as you think you do? Are less successful people entitled to do whatever they want regardless of who they're hurting too or is it only rich people?

Edited March 24, 2016 by ChickiePops

March 24, 2016

Why would a beautiful, sexy, intelligent, confident, never abused, successful, highly sought after, never married, experienced, early 30's woman knowingly enter into an A with a MM?.

.

Challenge, competition, personality disorder, mental illness, self destructive tendencies, or just addicted to drama?

March 24, 2016

Amazed by the response I am getting to my original thread. Clearly it brings out the passion and anger in many.
I can't respond to everyone and the thread went off on some tangents, but there were some themes that emerged about the OW and the MM that are worth commenting on.

First,and for some context, I know a number of other men who do exactly the same thing as I do, so they are a good way to level set for me.

There were a number of comments in the thread that stated the MM's have the A's clearly shared some of the following characteristics:
Broken, low self esteem, under achievers, anxiety filled, lacking in confidence, etc.
While I am sure this is true of some - it just doesn't hold water with my peer group. By in large , these guys are high achieving, confident, successful, good fathers, highly respected, physically fit, blah blah blah..
The stereotype just doesn't jive with what I am seeing here.
Also, not one of them ever bad mouths their wives or marriage. Those who were truly unhappy got out a long time ago.

Secondly, the most salient point of my original question / post has not really been answered (although a few took a shot at it).
There has been a lot of response around why the OW eventually leaves, why and how she quickly develops feelings, etc - all good insight.
And there was great insight when both participants in the A are married - that one seems obvious.

The big question that no one has really nailed...

Why would a beautiful, sexy, intelligent, confident, never abused, successful, highly sought after, never married, experienced, early 30's woman knowingly enter into an A with a MM?

My final thoughts, everyone keeps asking why guys like me keep doing what we do if we don't plan to leave our marriages and have no real complaints about the marriage...right? you keep asking that.

Well when I talk to my peers about this - we all, independently, come up with a variation of the same theme....
You won't like it...but its the truth...
Because over achievers and success breeds confidence and a desire to maximize every minute of every day. Not only is this massively attractive to the opposite sex (whether they admit it or not), but it has a compounding effect on almost every aspect of one's life.
Think of it like this....you can go to a great restaurant and order an amazing steak. If all you had was the steak that night, you would thoroughly enjoy it all on its own. But instead of just ordering the steak, you also order the best red wine to go with it. Does it mean you think less of the steak? Not a chance. Does the wine make what was already going to be a great experience even better, yes it does. Its about maximizing every minute of every day and getting the most out of every experience. Thats why we do it.

Not one of my peer group ever lie to the AP about their status - ever. They are completely above board. There has never been a D Day and drama has been at a minimum.

I think back to how my last A began (the 9 month one). We met at a business conference. Chatted for about an hour. Laughed and had a drink surrounded by a pretty large crowd of colleagues. No more than 90 minutes into the conversation she straight up asks me what my "situation" is. I said, I am married. She recoils a little, disappears for about 30 minutes. I figure that's the end of the conversation even though the conversation was pleasant, basic stuff, a few laughs and zero indication from me that I was interested in anything more.
45 minutes later she is back and starts talking to me again. Kept telling me that she has a strict no MM policy (attractive woman, 32 yr old, hugely successful, accomplished speaker, already top of her field, gets hit on constantly). I say..." I totally understand. Enjoyed talking to you. Enjoy the rest of the event" Done, right? Nope. Back she came again. Completely pursued me. Had a great nine months together. She moved to another city. Ended amicably.
Thats why we do it. Because had she not come back, I would have been more than happy at home living my life with my wife and family. Instead I maximized that 9 months and made a great thing even better. Steak and wine.

Ok...bring on the nastiness. But don't discount the honesty.
I realize many are not in the same boat, but for me and my peer group - this is our reality.

I doubt very seriously that your posse is really sharing their emotional baggage with you.

What you're describing is more like locker-room bravado. You don't get to see the inner angst.

Frankly, you're wasting your wife's LIFE. You're exposing her to the potential of disease, and if/when she finds out, a traumatic stress injury to her brain. Can you give her back one minute of her youth or any of the time she might have spent in a REAL mature, intimate, loving relationship? But not a peep about that. It's no wonder people have noticed that you've got an emotional deficit.

I think you'd do well to read through a copy of I Don't Want to Talk About It by Terrence Real. In it, he describes what he calls "covert male depression". And what you'll see is that men very often don't display anxiety/depression/low self-esteem issues overtly, but rather from a position of grandiosity. IOW, while a woman might feel sad and tearful, a man will buy himself a new sports car and get himself a mistress. THAT's how one copes with inner distress from a grandiose position.

When you take one path, there's another untaken. And on your untaken path, there might have been true partnership, true intimacy, true love. You've chosen to tread this other path though, where you end up alone whether you've surrounded yourself with other women or not, whether your wife and family ever find out or not. Because you're missing that experience of being the other half of something made whole by your presence.

It's not comparable with the hormonal rush of infatuation. Your analogy about steak and wine is off.... because at the core, you're missing the steak. You don't even really know what steak tastes like. You'd have to treat your wife like steak in order for that intimacy to really blossom, and you don't. You're Narcissus at the well, slowly starving himself while surrounded by plenty.

You ask why these OW keep coming back. They might look emotionally healthy to you, but it really sounds like you wouldn't know emotionally healthy if it bit you on the butt. Not saying that to be mean, but frankly, you're looking through a faulty lens.

You want a real rush? Tell your wife everything you've told us. Either you'll finally find out what steak tastes like, or you'll be free to drown yourself in wine without sneaking around like a teenager.

March 24, 2016

The big question that no one has really nailed...

Why would a beautiful, sexy, intelligent, confident, never abused, successful, highly sought after, never married, experienced, early 30's woman knowingly enter into an A with a MM?

Because over achievers and success breeds confidence and a desire to maximize every minute of every day... and getting the most out of every experience. Thats why we do it.

Maybe that's why the OW does it too. Your ex-OWs certainly sound like confident over-achievers to me. You both want to maximize the experience... milk it for everything it's worth, right? Seize the day?

If you were in the OW's shoes - "a beautiful, sexy, intelligent, confident, never abused, successful, highly sought after, never married, experienced, early 30's woman" - would you play it differently? Would you tell men like yourself to get lost?

Here's why I'm asking - I'm sensing a bit of disappointment in your original question, like a woman who would willingly become an OW to you is losing "The Game" - and also your respect - by giving it up to you. You're confounded as to why they would put all their cards out there on the table like that. Something that you would never dream of doing. Am I right?

And for what it's worth - I appreciate your honesty and your willingness to post about this subject here. Even when it's chillingly frightening for me to read.

March 25, 2016

LadyJane - Your response is appreciated and well thought out. The problem is, what you describe is simply not true in my case and many of the others that I speak to.

Emotional immaturity, covering for something else, mid life crisis, etc. They are tried and true responses. The problem is, just repeating and assuming they must be true hides from the real truth.

Consider the perfect family man, who happens to enjoy skydiving. Is he also a victim of emotional immaturity, mid life crisis, etc? He puts his life at risk every time he slaps on the parachute and jumps. He puts the happiness of his family at great peril each time he jumps. Very different and yet very much the same.

Just because you repeat what has been said many times before doesn't make it true in every case.

But I do very much appreciate your input. Keep it coming.

March 25, 2016

Maybe that's why the OW does it too. Your ex-OWs certainly sound like confident over-achievers to me. You both want to maximize the experience... milk it for everything it's worth, right? Seize the day?

Totally agree on this.

Here's why I'm asking - I'm sensing a bit of disappointment in your original question, like a woman who would willingly become an OW to you is losing "The Game" - and also your respect - by giving it up to you. You're confounded as to why they would put all their cards out there on the table like that. Something that you would never dream of doing. Am I right?

Nope - not in my case. The exact opposite is true actually. Complete respect for those who choose to take some risk and live life like it was meant to be lived. Having said that, equal respect for those who walk away. The old "opposites attract" theory has been the death knell for more relationships than anything. I like those who think about life like I do, in whatever form that might take.

And for what it's worth - I appreciate your honesty and your willingness to post about this subject here. Even when it's chillingly frightening for me to read.

I appreciate you saying this. Interesting to note that I have had variations of this conversation with many women (friends, colleagues, family). Honesty is sometimes shockingly enlightening to many. Edited March 26, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
fixed quote~T

March 25, 2016

Nope - not in my case. The exact opposite is true actually. Complete respect for those who choose to take some risk and live life like it was meant to be lived. Having said that, equal respect for those who walk away. The old "opposites attract" theory has been the death knell for more relationships than anything. I like those who think about life like I do, in whatever form that might take.

Then - why are you here asking the original question??

March 25, 2016

Openbook - Because the insight to how people think about this and the nastiness that comes my was is endlessly fascinating to me. The question almost doesn't matter anymore.

March 25, 2016

Sticking with your original question..... at the time they get into the A. .. perhaps your marital status doesn't seem like such a big deal.. until she sees time passing by and that despite the hot passion between the two of you.. you're not leaving your wife.

On the why a confident 30 + year old woman with everything going her would choose an older MM like yourself ... The attraction to a confident..wealthy...successful..... powerful ... chap like you and your friends maybe. The thinking that they are years younger than you...and so hot to trot... that you'd be pleased as punch to have a PYT on your arm.

I asked one OW why she went for such an older MM (not that age matters.. but I was curious) .... she said she would always look good next to him /better than him.... that people would think he was lucky to be with her.

And you know. ... that's the same reason Jerry Hall gave for marrying Rupert Murdoch in an interview..... that she likes men who she looks good next to/ better than.. .....and you can see a pattern with Mick Jagger as well......

March 25, 2016

Openbook - Because the insight to how people think about this and the nastiness that comes my was is endlessly fascinating to me. The question almost doesn't matter anymore.

The reasons that people engage in affairs and how they think about them is endless fascinating to me. Still, I can't forget that there are real people being hurt in the process.

March 25, 2016

LadyJane - Your response is appreciated and well thought out. The problem is, what you describe is simply not true in my case and many of the others that I speak to.
Emotional immaturity, covering for something else, mid life crisis, etc. They are tried and true responses. The problem is, just repeating and assuming they must be true hides from the real truth.
Consider the perfect family man, who happens to enjoy skydiving. Is he also a victim of emotional immaturity, mid life crisis, etc? He puts his life at risk every time he slaps on the parachute and jumps. He puts the happiness of his family at great peril each time he jumps. Very different and yet very much the same.
Just because you repeat what has been said many times before doesn't make it true in every case.
But I do very much appreciate your input. Keep it coming.

Well, frankly, a "perfect family man" wouldn't make an autonomous decision to skydive without his wife's blessing. This is her life too. She's a living, breathing, woman and you're missing the experience of mature, intimate, love and partnership. Worse, you're causing her to miss that experience too.

You can't be truly loved if you're unknown. It's that sense of being known fully.. and then accepted exactly as you are which creates shared emotional intimacy. You're hiding yourself from your wife, locking her out of your life.

What's sad here is that you think your zest for new life experiences is going to satisfy you. But you're missing one of the greatest life experiences to be had.

March 25, 2016

Clearly there's an answer you're looking for since your question HAS actually been answered by a few people (at least) and yet you keep asking. So what is the reason you think these women do this? Or are you just looking for us to be outraged on your behalf that they get mad at you when you're so clear all the way through that they're wine and you've got the real meat at home?

And I agree that your 'peer group' friends are not telling you how they really feel. My ex-AP had all your same trappings of success in life and yet he still has anxiety, low self esteem, is broken, etc. No ones life is ever perfect and you can't possibly know what truly goes on in their heads or homes.

March 25, 2016

They most likely do it for two main reasons:

1. They don't have any respect for your marriage because your actions show that you don't have any respect for it either. They see it as a cracked, crumbling old building that is about to topple to its death. What they also see is that you're willing to gamble with your marriage and put it on the line. What they see is that winning the OW (i.e., her) is far more important than preserving his marriage.

2. Women make the mistake of thinking that men put the same value on love as they do. It doesn't occur to them that a person would stay in a bad marriage (they assume it's bad because you're cheating) when they're in love with someone else. Women underestimate that a man's priorities have more to do with money, reputation (even if it's a lie), money again, and responsibility. Love falls very low on the list. This is the downfall of most women in these situations -- they make the mistake of thinking that men think like they do.

Edited March 25, 2016 by bathtub-row

March 25, 2016

They most likely do it for two main reasons:

1. They don't have any respect for your marriage because your actions show that you don't have any respect for it either. They see it as a cracked, crumbling old building that is about to topple to its death. What they also see is that you're willing to gamble with your marriage and put it on the line. What they see is that winning the OW (i.e., her) is far more important than preserving his marriage.

2. Women make the mistake of thinking that men put the same value on love as they do. It doesn't occur to them that a person would stay in a bad marriage (they assume it's bad because you're cheating) when they're in love with someone else. Women underestimate that a man's priorities have more to do with money, reputation (even if it's a lie), money again, and responsibility. Love falls very low on the list. This is the downfall of most women in these situations -- they make the mistake of thinking that men think like they do.

So it's all the mans fault and the OW is an innocent participant?

Sorry but no. Life doesn't work this way.

March 25, 2016

So it's all the mans fault and the OW is an innocent participant?

Sorry but no. Life doesn't work this way.

Hmmm. I'm not sure what part of what I said indicated that I think it's all the man's fault. OP asked why women get involved with MM and I was simply explaining the perceptions and assumptions that the OW can have.

March 25, 2016

So it's all the mans fault and the OW is an innocent participant?

Sorry but no. Life doesn't work this way.

No, but not all OW are blood thirsty vampires who feed on MM.

Me, even though I already had been with involved guys, when my neighbor mentioned his fiancé, I was done. I even posted about it on LS. But, then like a few days later is when I caught him staring at my house at midnight...since then it's been two years of me trying to interpret what he does, thinking "something" was there.

And, that's where part of my "venom" came from...from me not knowing what this guy wants, is he playing a game. I mean, I thought if he just wanted sex, he wouldn't have changed his mind about the hook-up. All the "mirroring" was me thinking he's into me on a deeper level cuz hello, guys who are interested in women "peacock" (show off their feathers).

So, I do think while some OW enter into a situation just for kicks, an "itch" or whatever, the MM (while not intentionally) may lead the OW to believe that there's more and IMO, MMs have a responsibility to keep it clear.

But, think about it, women need to be wined and dined to get us wet. Guys - even those wanting something casual - just can't hump/dump you like a hooker on the corner. So thing that happen in normal RLs are gonna take place and wires get crossed.

My FWB would bring me flowers all the time. We went out to eat, shop, etc. I don't think he did it to "keep the sex flowing", his ego, cuz it was a game/manipulation. I think he genuinely just wanted company that he wasn't having with wifey anymore.....so, yes, it was a harsh reminder that he didn't want more upon his divorce from her. Eh, besides, he was right...after a divorce, people need to go and sort out themselves instead of jumping into another serious RL.

March 25, 2016

Well, my wh told me he gave the mow attention to get sex, and she gave him sex to get attention. Maybe she misread the enthusiasm behind the attention, he certainly enjoyed the enthusiasm of the sex. It did blow up a lot of lives, 6 months or so of ego stroking, and no one falling in love. Wh stopped the affair when it became clear she was pushing too far to be in his life. Dday came later, but she pursued him with offers of sex for another year, according to the emails I saw. Wh was a complete and utter idiot the entire affair - at work, at home, several trips to the dr for stress, he was unrecognizable. It was about winning - her last email to wh was "so I guess YOU win." I sent it to her bh.

The dynamics of all this are interesting. I'm curious, PTL if you're a religious man judging by your handle. I do think a dday in your case would humble you incredibly, you really are playing with fire. Do you allow your wife the same liberties or would you leave if she cheated?

March 25, 2016

Hello all,
Hoping to get some insight into the mind of the OW.
I am married 49 yr old, successful man who has had 3 separate A's.
All were with women in their early to mid 30's.
All knew that I was married from the very beginning - never any deceit.
I never promised a future with any of them.
One lasted almost 4 years
One lasted 3.5 years
The latest one lasted officially for about 9 months (but some of it was long distance due to her moving to another city mid way )
All were great experiences
Never a D - Day with any of them.

So here is where I need the insight:

When each one of them ended, it was always some variation of them ending it because there was no future and getting "mad" at me for being married.
There we no big fights. No dramatic endings for the most part. I know I was pretty luck. These were all great. The women were amazing. We spend a lot of time together. Great conversations. Great sex. Great everything.

Why do women enter into these types of relationships in the first place. I know I am lucky that none ended with too much drama or a big D Day, etc.
I struggle at the end to respond to the "You're married" anger that comes from them - they knew it all along.

Help me understand what the thought process is. Please.

With that, I also ask that you refrain from the judgement part of it. That has been well documented. Just hoping for some real insight.

Many thanks.

You're perplexed by your affair partners anger toward you when the affair ends, when all along they knew you were married and you were upfront about not leaving your marriage. Perhaps it's the subtle game that's being played....in the sense that the challenge of making them fall in love with you and vice versa was left unspoken and it was the real game with the pretence of two sophisticated individuals who could keep the emotions in check and enjoy the experience.

I do believe that the "contest" is won by whomever can walk away when the affair expires.

I doubt you are truly confused by the anger that your other women feel toward you who seem to suddenly make issue of you being married when they knowingly chose to be with you despite it.

The ego plays a huge part in an affair, it can build it up but can also tear it down.

You have the trump card, the safety of your marriage and family life, it is constant and it allows you to conduct your serial cheating without loss.

Both affair partners play the game, saying one thing and feeling another thing. It's a contest and maybe the anger toward you is realizing they lost the contest.

I get the feeling you are pleased with yourself and you played by the rules and your other women got burned by the rules.

March 25, 2016

There's also the mixed signals, and actions vs words. My wh told the mow he was not ending his marriage, but his physical affair showed her he was willing to risk it all in order to sleep with her. Perhaps that was a cue to step up her game....

That's very much a mixed message for 2 selfish people to bandy about.

March 25, 2016

Why would a beautiful, sexy, intelligent, confident, never abused, successful, highly sought after, never married, experienced, early 30's woman knowingly enter into an A with a MM?

I don't think all OW get into a A for the same reasons. It's the same as men. Even though your group get into As for the same reason I don't think it will hold true across the board.

I am in your OW criteria except I've been divorced for awhile. I will tell you attention is addicting. Sometimes it's hard to think 2-3 steps ahead and see whether it's a good deal for you. I know many people don't look 2-3 steps ahead. Or they can in business but not in their personal life. That has been the temptation for me in the past at least to get into bad relationships. Sometimes I know they'll be bad and I think it will fade out or I can handle not getting attached.

Well when I talk to my peers about this - we all, independently, come up with a variation of the same theme....
You won't like it...but its the truth...
Because over achievers and success breeds confidence and a desire to maximize every minute of every day. Not only is this massively attractive to the opposite sex (whether they admit it or not), but it has a compounding effect on almost every aspect of one's life.

I think this is probably part of why 2 MM sought affairs with me but not all of them. I suspect with the last one it was because he was a virgin when he married and wonders what he missed. I work in a male dominated industry and many of our coworkers are quite promiscuous and their 'talk' probably didn't help matters.

March 25, 2016

I haven't read the 4 previous pages of responses so fore give me if this has been said but the reason they did this was in part their own arrogance and selfishness.

They too simply wanted the excitement and rush and simplicity of someone that stroked their ego and asked very little in return.

Eventually that rush wore off and they got bored and in realizing there was no future they broke it off to go graze in greener pastures themselves.

[]

Edited March 25, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Post edited and member suspended.

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