Venting, need to implement NC.

[Lunay]

I don't know if anyone has read any of my previous threads but if you have you know that my boyfriend doesn't treat me very good and today he called me a slu* because I slept with someone while we were broken up. He said he can't even look at me without thinking "ugh". We had been broken up 3.5 months before I slept with this guy!

 

I need to remind myself that losing this guy is not a bad thing, and that the way he treats me and makes me feel about myself is horrible. He said the counselor we went to said it was my fault he cheated on me. I don't believe those are the words she used, he just heard it that way.

I am not responsible for his actions! He treated me horribly and I did nothing wrong.

I spent the morning crying at work because of the things he was saying. I feel like maybe I should go to IC to help me get over this toxic circle I keep finding myself in but after the counselor we had I feel less than excited about it.

 

He is leaving for 2 months (hopefully longer) on Saturday and I am taking care of the house we own together. I do not want to speak to him at all, but I know once some bills come up I will have to. Is it safe for me to only contact him when it comes to bills? Once I am financially okay to handle everything on my own I won't want anything to do with him. I feel like I am at an all time low right now.

[Steven1]

Probably best to wait until bills come up if you are going to go down the NC route. It's inevitable that since you have a home together you will have to talk at some point anyway to discuss everything.

 

Ignore what he says about you as best as you can, just puts him on a low level tbh and you not reacting to it puts you a level above.

[Zahara]

I feel like maybe I should go to IC to help me get over this toxic circle I keep finding myself in but after the counselor we had I feel less than excited about it.

 

I believe you should seek help. You may have to meet a few to decide which one fits your needs. If you can't do it for yourself, then do it for the sake of your daughter. She's learning from your behaviors and the last thing you want to do is instill in her life that a relationship such as yours is acceptable. Commit to working on yourself for her sake.

 

He is leaving for 2 months (hopefully longer) on Saturday and I am taking care of the house we own together. I do not want to speak to him at all, but I know once some bills come up I will have to. Is it safe for me to only contact him when it comes to bills? Once I am financially okay to handle everything on my own I won't want anything to do with him. I feel like I am at an all time low right now.

 

If you have to communicate with him, then it should be strictly business. Isn't he going to come home once he's done his 2 month stint? Then what happens?

[Satu]

Go NC, and life will be sweeter.

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means he might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media.

*No monitoring of him on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying.

[Lunay]

If you have to communicate with him, then it should be strictly business. Isn't he going to come home once he's done his 2 month stint? Then what happens?

 

I asked him that and he said he will come back for his job, but considering he may not have anywhere to come back to he might not. I don't care where he goes but he won't be living with me. Am I allowed to do that? He owns half the house.

Also - I agree I need IC. The last counsellor we had didn't use social media and had no idea what a screenshot was. I couldn't explain to her all the ways he betrayed and cheated on me. She said my lack of attention lead him to look elsewhere. Really???????

 

 

Satu - I can't go strictly NC until all financial things are settled but I plan on doing most of that.