Gretzky99 Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 I've been dating my new girlfriend for a little over 2 months, now. She is by all intents and purposes a sweet girl whom I can potentially see myself settling down with. I'm in my early 30's and she's in her mid-20's. She is very easy-going, sweet hearted, loving and there are too many positives to say. However, she is a bit on the immature side with a few stuff. Not in a bad way, but in a way where she can be too social with people and surroundngs. I don't really have too much of a problem with it because it's in her personality and she loves to engage in conversations/outreach programs and all that stuff. 2 of my closest friends who met her, saw that and they had a sit-down with me explaining to me that they think it's wrong and that I should "control" her more and they said I'm losing sight. They said they didn't like how she was "disrespecting" me because when she saw her other friend, she spent a good 20 minutes catching up while I was left out. Honestly, to me, it didn't bother me at all, but now they've sort of planted a seed in my head and I'm wondering. These are 2 of my closest friends, and although I know they will always be there for me, it's not the first time where they haven't liked me being in a relationship. In fact, they have never particularly liked any of my previous GF's, mainly because they've for the most part always been single. In a weird way, I get the vibe that they are being overbearingly protective, and in some way envious because I'm in a relationship now. It's not something I came up with the conclusion of in one day, but it's happened through the course of years for me to conclude this. Have any of you gone through a similar thing, and if so, any words of advice??? I understand that there are and will always be advice you should hear from others, but I also feel as though if I take their advice to the fullest and be more controlling and set the tone, I may potentially lose this girl.
salparadise Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 Have any of you gone through a similar thing, and if so, any words of advice??? I understand that there are and will always be advice you should hear from others, but I also feel as though if I take their advice to the fullest and be more controlling and set the tone, I may potentially lose this girl. Don't be controlling- that's definitely bad advice. Not only that, but they are overstepping in trying to tell you how to "handle" your girlfriend. And they have no relationship experience and little standing to be your advisers. If it didn't bother you then don't worry about it. But let's say, hypothetically, that it did bother you. The way to address it would be to say how you feel in a way that can be heard and accepted empathetically by her. For example, you could say "I feel a bit left out when you talked to your friend and didn't include me in the conversation." That avoids blaming, and is not critical or judgmental. You'd simply be saying how you feel and not actually demanding anything at all. Most people will react by saying something like, "I'm sorry for not including you and will try to be more aware in the future." Make sense?
Larryville Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 I've been dating my new girlfriend for a little over 2 months, now. She is by all intents and purposes a sweet girl whom I can potentially see myself settling down with. I'm in my early 30's and she's in her mid-20's. Well first you see settling down potential, cool… 2 of my closest friends who met her, saw that and they had a sit-down with me explaining to me that they think it's wrong and that I should "control" her more and they said I'm losing sight. Control? Horrible word. Any relationship advice from anyone you have to ask yourself what is the relationship history of the person giving the advice, and if good friends what relationship environment did those people come from. They said they didn't like how she was "disrespecting" me because when she saw her other friend, she spent a good 20 minutes catching up while I was left out. Honestly, to me, it didn't bother me at all, but now they've sort of planted a seed in my head and I'm wondering. This is a valid concern, when someone is into you, I mean really into you they don’t separate and disengage. Not knowing scenario but if she saw her friend and pulled you in, introduced you to make you part of conversation that is one thing but separating herself and making you wait, bluntly while she make “like” you is not that into you. Some people segment their relationships and it is only when they truly become close they intertwine those relationships. (kids/close friends/family/even co-workers) These are 2 of my closest friends, and although I know they will always be there for me, it's not the first time where they haven't liked me being in a relationship. In fact, they have never particularly liked any of my previous GF's, mainly because they've for the most part always been single. If they are true friends, your happiness is their happiness unless they are trying to protect you from something much deeper, OR maybe they don’t think she is very attractive and don’t want to hurt your feelings… just sayin’ seen often. In a weird way, I get the vibe that they are being overbearingly protective, and in some way envious because I'm in a relationship now. Are you the “hub” in the friendship? Meaning do they rely on you, come to your crib, drink your beer, do you kind of take care of them, are you the stable one in the friendship... If you do/are then maybe yes jealously. if I take their advice to the fullest and be more controlling and set the tone, I may potentially lose this girl. Will say again get the word “controlling” out of your head, not a cool word. Just have a conversation with your girl. People post so many of these threads about issues and most can be resolved by just communicating with their significant other….
Zippy2000 Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 Hang on a second! Thats why youre in a relationship and they are not. Of course they can give you advice but they arent in control of your destiny. If things bother you then why should you be bothered with your friends opinions.
Tribble Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 However, she is a bit on the immature side with a few stuff. Not in a bad way, but in a way where she can be too social with people and surroundngs. I don't really have too much of a problem with it because it's in her personality and she loves to engage in conversations/outreach programs and all that stuff. 2 of my closest friends who met her, saw that and they had a sit-down with me explaining to me that they think it's wrong and that I should "control" her more and they said I'm losing sight. They said they didn't like how she was "disrespecting" me because when she saw her other friend, she spent a good 20 minutes catching up while I was left out. Honestly, to me, it didn't bother me at all, but now they've sort of planted a seed in my head and I'm wondering. Might be missing something, but can you explain a little more how she is immature? Being too social? Also this disrespecting when she saw someone else. First of all, if you don't feel it was disrespectful, it wasn't. Everyone has different boundaries and ways that they conduct themselves and how they let themselves be treated. If this is OK in your relationship, it's OK. No matter what your friends think. Secondly, did they see her catching up with her friend? If they did, they were there too. Which means she didn't see a friend and leave you standing there for 20 minutes. Relationships that I like to be in aren't joined at the hip. I can talk to someone, he can talk to someone and if we don't talk together for an hour when out in a group, that's fine. When they said disrespecting, I thought she was flirting outrageously with someone in front of you. I could be wrong but some clarification would help. 1
Gaeta Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 (edited) She is very easy-going, sweet hearted, loving and there are too many positives to say. However, she is a bit on the immature side with a few stuff. Not in a bad way, but in a way where she can be too social with people and surroundngs. I don't really have too much of a problem with it because it's in her personality and she loves to engage in conversations/outreach programs and all that stuff. 2 of my closest friends who met her, saw that and they had a sit-down with me explaining to me that they think it's wrong and that I should "control" her more and they said I'm losing sight. They said they didn't like how she was "disrespecting" me because when she saw her other friend, she spent a good 20 minutes catching up while I was left out. Honestly, to me, it didn't bother me at all, but now they've sort of planted a seed in my head and I'm wondering. What you are describing is a trait of personality and not a character fault. This is who she is and it's not keeping you from having a loving fulfilling relationship with each other. Your story made me smile because my father is a social butterfly and my mom always loses him when they go shop together because he's talking to people all the time! So she let him be who he is. They have been married 50 years because she or him don't sweat the small stuff like this. I am sure you do things your girlfriend just let slide cause it's not worth shaking the earth over. What kind of friends are these? Jealous maybe? and suggesting you to 'control' your girlfriend? Men still think like this nowadays! Edited March 24, 2016 by Gaeta
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