It's been almost 3 weeks

[Charlie99909]

Hi, I posted once before back in October about a woman that had my mind in a spiral. Shortly after, she started texting me again and we starting dating in November and were exclusive in early Janaury. She's a single mother, so I was always cautious about moving too fast and giving her time to be comfortable. Her daughter loved me, as 2 year olds do, but I always respected boundaries with gifts and the like.

At the end of Janaury, she invited me to meet her dad and we all went camping. It was a great weekend, but due to work, I had to leave early. She started to feel distant in February, to the point of not even being romantic on Valentine's and being more and more passive aggressive. Our last week together in February, we went on a lot of day trips and on the 26th she had dinner with my brother and his girlfriend. After dinner, we went to a wine bar where she had become a completely different person, almost looking down her nose at me. She told me she had commitment issues that she needed to work on but still wanted to see me.

I knew it was over, but she waited a whole week to tell me after no contact that she couldn't be with me because God is important in her life now and not in mine. She wanted to give my stuff back, but she would leave it with a neighbor because she didn't want to be present when I came to get them. I wrote her a letter and slipped it through her door when I came to grey my stuff, her neighbor wasn't even home. I bit the bullet and told her to toss my stuff.

It's been 3 weeks since she broke up with me and every day gets better. I was able to delete her off Facebook, but I miss her.

The mornings are the hardest and I'm trying to keep distracted with school and work.

I find myself pushing to do better because that's how she made me feel when we were together. That I could be better than I was. After 9 months of dating off and on, I feel empty. I feel hurt that she wanted me to meet her family and then could just walk away. I miss having the feel of a family with her and her daughter. We would play and watch movies together. I miss it and it aches me inside to not have it. Before dinner with my brother, I brought her daughter a stuffed crocodile that I thought she would like. She went nuts over it. After dinner, she told that it was inappropriate that I did that. I couldn't believe it. It wasn't a regular thing and she knew I was bringing a surprise.

But looking back, I see her passive aggressive comments toward the end. She resented me for not having my licensing for my career, something I'll have in 3 months. She resented me for not making six figures like she does. She resented me for not knowing what it's like to be a single mom. Something I always tried to help with while I was there. I helped her around the house, set her up with spa days, and always made each night I saw her special with wine and home cooked meals.

I feel very worthless. Like I wasn't good enough for her. I didn't want her car, I didn't want her money, I didn't want her job. I just enjoyed having a family with her and her daughter.

[Bee4Shine]

I am sorry friend. It sounds like you gave everything and have no regrets because you loved her well. Sometimes we cannot control others and their particular issues, nor should we want to. Did you learn somethings about yourself through this? You are giving, kind and generous. You love children and interact well with them. You understand when someone is being passive aggressive, you understand when things are changing. I hope you find healing and comfort.

[sorano]

I know the feeling of just being dumped and left on the street. Thats what my ex did to me. One day I am with her family having sunday dinner, talking about our future, then the next day, I get dumped. I call it the 180.

 

It is very difficult but like you said, it does get better.

[Satu]

Sorry that you're hurting.

 

 

There are lots of wonderful women out there looking for a man like you.

 

 

A man exactly like you.

 

 

Do your grieving, cry your tears, and then go forward in life with an open mind and your loving heart.

 

 

There's somebody out there who will love you and appreciate you.

 

 

 

Take care.

Edited March 23, 2016 by Satu

[Charlie99909]

Thanks for the kind words, everyone. The 180 is what hit me the hardest. She was buying little gifts for me and asked if I wanted to join a gym with her up until she left me. So out of left field.

Though I deleted her from Facebook, I'm still friends with her brother on there but have unfollowed him so I don't run a risk of seeing her in my feed. I'm not as self destructive as the last time we split. I'm not drinking every night and spending my work day in a blur. I'm just pushing forward as best as I can.

[sorano]

Thanks for the kind words, everyone. The 180 is what hit me the hardest. She was buying little gifts for me and asked if I wanted to join a gym with her up until she left me. So out of left field.

Though I deleted her from Facebook, I'm still friends with her brother on there but have unfollowed him so I don't run a risk of seeing her in my feed. I'm not as self destructive as the last time we split. I'm not drinking every night and spending my work day in a blur. I'm just pushing forward as best as I can.

 

Your situation is like identical to mine. Like spot on. My mind still can't wrap around how a person can change in a heart beat. I just don't know and I think trying to figure out what happened why things like this happen, is just a waste. I am using my energy to figuring out negative situations when I can be using this energy for doing soemthing good

[loveiswar101]

It sounds like you have given everything here. But like my experience we can be who we are kind, thoughtful, warm, affectionate the list goes on but if the other person wants more than this or something you don't have which is no fault of ours you simply can't do anything except learn from the experience and move on and forward.

 

As everyone tells me one day you will find someone you click with, but what ever you do don't change you to please someone who doesn't want you for you.

 

There is only one way from this...forward.

[Charlie99909]

Your situation is like identical to mine. Like spot on. My mind still can't wrap around how a person can change in a heart beat. I just don't know and I think trying to figure out what happened why things like this happen, is just a waste. I am using my energy to figuring out negative situations when I can be using this energy for doing soemthing good

 

I know, I do well for a few hours and then I think about her. You try and focus on other things to build yourself up, but it's not fully sinking in. Things with her and I fell into place really well. I met her through my job, asked her out a few months later, dated for two months, was split up for two months, dated for 4 months, and now I haven't seen her in almost a month. It plays havoc with your brain.

I hated that before the end she told me about the guy's she had been with and I almost resented her for bringing it up. Especially because she had been a month of no intimacy. I'd never told her about the women I'd slept with and it was like she was always prying to find out and rubbing here in my face.

Then telling me that she she could have been married to a lot of guys who were well off and she could have been happy with them but didn't. It made me feel like crap. Like I had nothing to bring to the table.

 

What happened in your situation?

[sorano]

I know, I do well for a few hours and then I think about her. You try and focus on other things to build yourself up, but it's not fully sinking in. Things with her and I fell into place really well. I met her through my job, asked her out a few months later, dated for two months, was split up for two months, dated for 4 months, and now I haven't seen her in almost a month. It plays havoc with your brain.

I hated that before the end she told me about the guy's she had been with and I almost resented her for bringing it up. Especially because she had been a month of no intimacy. I'd never told her about the women I'd slept with and it was like she was always prying to find out and rubbing here in my face.

Then telling me that she she could have been married to a lot of guys who were well off and she could have been happy with them but didn't. It made me feel like crap. Like I had nothing to bring to the table.

 

What happened in your situation?

 

It sucks man. I know. what you said at the end, also happened to me!! Its crazy how similar! lol

 

so I am from an old school italian family ok. we take things a little more personal and family is HUGE. so when you come into a family like this, you better know before hand what you are getting yourself into.

 

so check this out.............First time I met her, It was like love at first site. I saw this beautiful woman standing right in front of me and I said to myself, this is the one. we spoke for hours over drinks at this cute little bar by the water. I am from long island, ny. The setting was perfect, it was summer, it was a friday night, nothing was better. It was PERFECT.

 

we hung out bunch of times, of course with any new relationship, you hit bumpy roads and little arguing. But all was good. Now remember these three things I am about to tell you and keep them in the back of your mind.

 

I asked her to be my girl friend. she said the word gf brought back bad memories and she didnt want that title. Now im freaking out bc I am like ok this is trouble. But I stuck around. so being someone's girl friend was a HUGE HUGE deal. SHE HAD a bad past. so I came in, mr nice guy and she just didnt know how to handle it.

 

Number two. Meeting her family. she did not bring back guys to her house bc of her abusive past. she wanted to make sure they were the right one.

 

Number three. Meeting her friends and spending time with her family. HUGE HUGE. like more than your average girl. Again, bc of her past.

 

I broke down her wall and she said yes to the girl friend. I met her family, I met her friends, and every single damn person APPROVED ME. everyone. They knew I was a great guy and would go above and beyond for this girl.

 

I had to fight for me to get past those three things. she even invited me to her nieces baptism, we spent the holidays together, you name it. She even told me how much I meant to her, wrote me letters, talked about marriage, showed me rings, THE LIST GOES ON. all that stuff you hear and see in a fairy tale, happened to me.

 

Life was good. without going into full detail because it will take a very very long time, she said we werent growing. words were said but nothing bad. Nothing that couldn't be resolved. we were supposed to go out on a date, have some fun, and right in the car, she said, I am not happy anymore its over. we did stop seeing each other for a week. Then I got dumped.

 

This was all within a few weeks. she was writing me love letters, spent the holidays, then two weeks went by, and bam. I get the axe. If I tell you the full story on how and what happened and why in those two weeks, you will think I was dating a bipolar twisted individual.

 

she said she was in a fairly tale and finally woke up. so all that stuff she wrote, said, were all lies. I was dragged along and used. Like she said, it was a fairy tale. The marriage talk, saying she wanted to be with me, how she was falling in love with me, etc etc. ALL LIES. out of nowhere bro, I got dumped. Lied to my family, hurt them, me and even held my brothers first born child. we trusted her. she came into my life, my families life, turned it upside down and left.

[Charlie99909]

It sucks man. I know. what you said at the end, also happened to me!! Its crazy how similar! lol

 

so I am from an old school italian family ok. we take things a little more personal and family is HUGE. so when you come into a family like this, you better know before hand what you are getting yourself into.

 

so check this out.............First time I met her, It was like love at first site. I saw this beautiful woman standing right in front of me and I said to myself, this is the one. we spoke for hours over drinks at this cute little bar by the water. I am from long island, ny. The setting was perfect, it was summer, it was a friday night, nothing was better. It was PERFECT.

 

we hung out bunch of times, of course with any new relationship, you hit bumpy roads and little arguing. But all was good. Now remember these three things I am about to tell you and keep them in the back of your mind.

 

I asked her to be my girl friend. she said the word gf brought back bad memories and she didnt want that title. Now im freaking out bc I am like ok this is trouble. But I stuck around. so being someone's girl friend was a HUGE HUGE deal. SHE HAD a bad past. so I came in, mr nice guy and she just didnt know how to handle it.

 

Number two. Meeting her family. she did not bring back guys to her house bc of her abusive past. she wanted to make sure they were the right one.

 

Number three. Meeting her friends and spending time with her family. HUGE HUGE. like more than your average girl. Again, bc of her past.

 

I broke down her wall and she said yes to the girl friend. I met her family, I met her friends, and every single damn person APPROVED ME. everyone. They knew I was a great guy and would go above and beyond for this girl.

 

I had to fight for me to get past those three things. she even invited me to her nieces baptism, we spent the holidays together, you name it. She even told me how much I meant to her, wrote me letters, talked about marriage, showed me rings, THE LIST GOES ON. all that stuff you hear and see in a fairy tale, happened to me.

 

Life was good. without going into full detail because it will take a very very long time, she said we werent growing. words were said but nothing bad. Nothing that couldn't be resolved. we were supposed to go out on a date, have some fun, and right in the car, she said, I am not happy anymore its over. we did stop seeing each other for a week. Then I got dumped.

 

This was all within a few weeks. she was writing me love letters, spent the holidays, then two weeks went by, and bam. I get the axe. If I tell you the full story on how and what happened and why in those two weeks, you will think I was dating a bipolar twisted individual.

 

she said she was in a fairly tale and finally woke up. so all that stuff she wrote, said, were all lies. I was dragged along and used. Like she said, it was a fairy tale. The marriage talk, saying she wanted to be with me, how she was falling in love with me, etc etc. ALL LIES. out of nowhere bro, I got dumped. Lied to my family, hurt them, me and even held my brothers first born child. we trusted her. she came into my life, my families life, turned it upside down and left.

 

 

Dude! The same woman on two different coasts! That's crazy. The exact same thing except she dumped me before I was to meet her friends. She'd told her best friend that she was grappling with her bad past and me being her boyfriend she told her to get over it because it sounded like she had a good guy. What a trip! She loved interior design and we were talking about how our house would look and gradually designing it. I knew it was heading south because all she kept thinking about was money and as soon as she heard how mu big I made and that I loved her, it was a week later. Blam-o.

 

 

That's a total trip.

[SoThatHappened]

In my experience, women like this want a man who treats them like dirt.

 

You're not that guy, hence, she's not that girl for you.

 

You're better off, even though your heart doesn't understand that yet.

 

At least you have no regrets.

[Charlie99909]

It was weird because I've never felt an attraction to anyone like I did for her. I thought about reaching out to her brother, but I decided against it. I'm still friends with him on Facebook.

 

I miss the good family dynamic we had. I didn't have that with my previous ex. I never met her family properly. Here, here I thought I was doing it all right. I feel bad for her daughter because she's 2 and was getting to where she would recognize me and giggle. She'd call me by name, grab is by our hands and pull us into her bedroom to play. I feel robbed.

[sorano]

Dude! The same woman on two different coasts! That's crazy. The exact same thing except she dumped me before I was to meet her friends. She'd told her best friend that she was grappling with her bad past and me being her boyfriend she told her to get over it because it sounded like she had a good guy. What a trip! She loved interior design and we were talking about how our house would look and gradually designing it. I knew it was heading south because all she kept thinking about was money and as soon as she heard how mu big I made and that I loved her, it was a week later. Blam-o.

 

 

That's a total trip.

 

It that some ****! lol!! Bro, she was even hung up that I didnt have my own house, my job, this and that, how she is used to going on vacation, how she was raised with money blah blah blah.

 

I said............HUN, when two people meet? you are a TEAM. you work together as a team, combine salary, ideas, and you buy a nice little starter home, eventually have kids. she wanted everything fast, furious, kids, all that stuff TOO FAST.

 

Let me tell you, my brother is a doctor and specializes in two fields. The damn kid makes MONEY and lots of it. even with his money, he is STILL BUYING A STARTER HOME!!! wtf did my ex want???

 

You have to start somewhere. It takes time. Get the house, then have kids, settle down, etc. EASY. easy. relax and take a deep breathe I would tell her.

[sorano]

It was weird because I've never felt an attraction to anyone like I did for her. I thought about reaching out to her brother, but I decided against it. I'm still friends with him on Facebook.

 

I miss the good family dynamic we had. I didn't have that with my previous ex. I never met her family properly. Here, here I thought I was doing it all right. I feel bad for her daughter because she's 2 and was getting to where she would recognize me and giggle. She'd call me by name, grab is by our hands and pull us into her bedroom to play. I feel robbed.

 

I also feel robbed. lol Its like your me telling the story.

[sorano]

In my experience, women like this want a man who treats them like dirt.

 

You're not that guy, hence, she's not that girl for you.

 

You're better off, even though your heart doesn't understand that yet.

 

At least you have no regrets.

 

100%

 

Our hearts don't understand that yet.

[Charlie99909]

It that some ****! lol!! Bro, she was even hung up that I didnt have my own house, my job, this and that, how she is used to going on vacation, how she was raised with money blah blah blah.

 

I said............HUN, when two people meet? you are a TEAM. you work together as a team, combine salary, ideas, and you buy a nice little starter home, eventually have kids. she wanted everything fast, furious, kids, all that stuff TOO FAST.

 

Let me tell you, my brother is a doctor and specializes in two fields. The damn kid makes MONEY and lots of it. even with his money, he is STILL BUYING A STARTER HOME!!! wtf did my ex want???

 

You have to start somewhere. It takes time. Get the house, then have kids, settle down, etc. EASY. easy. relax and take a deep breathe I would tell her.

 

I told her the same thing. I'd planned on getting a duplex to supplement income and renting the remodeled side for maximum income and she was mad because she made it sound like we would be living in a construction zone. I was surprised because she was only looking short term and not the long term. She never was like that before.

She used to tell me that it takes a year to see your true blue and in 9 months she managed to show hers. I was very disappointed in her. I feel that she may be bipolar like her mom. Especially the look she gave me, it was almost a kind f snarl. She said once before that I'm not the first person to tell her, she does really well for the first few months and then gets distant. She opened up and told me about her darkest parts of her life including assault, her abusive mother, and her ex that just abandoned her. I thought I had made it in.

I didn't care about the baggage because I loved her.

[sorano]

charlie you want to hear some **** too? Iv told this to many people, including strangers at bars. Been going drinking on the weekends, not good but it does and did help a bit.

 

so her friend comes up after thanks giving each year to hang out with her for like 3 to 4 days. They go into nyc, have dinner, go out, you know, all that ****. so she said hey, I want you to meet my friend when she comes up here. so I said, of course. Its the right thing to do. Id love to meet her.

 

so we decided to take her out to dinner and the other days, she was free to hang out with her and I would step back. Do my own thing.

 

Friday comes along. My job is wild. Its very hectic and stressful. Very. so I worked 10 hrs and I had a little virus that was going around. Get home around 6pm, and she text me and said, are you coming out and seeing us? I said yea let me take some advil and rest. I feel sick and very tired from work but I will make it. I was NOT going to break a promise.

 

so I woke up around 730ish? I hear my phone go off and said oh my god, so sorry, I slept but I feel way better. sorry that I woke up late. I passed out. I said I will take a quick shower and run right over there. she said ok.

 

Now I thought, I was going to pick them up at my girl friends house. she told me, oh we are at the bar already having a few drinks. so me being old school, I got upset. we are a couple, we do things together. Friends meet up, not couples.. BUT............................. I said ok, I am sick, over slept, they wanted to go, fine. whatever.

 

Driving there, I was still 50/50, still a little upset. I was two minutes away from the bar and said hey I am trying to find parking. she texted me back and said...........

 

OH WE ARE NOT THERE ANYMORE, MEET US HERE.

 

Now my blood is boiling. she drove, so she made the decision to leave the bar and go somewhere else.

 

I said, you couldnt have waited two more minutes for your boy friend? I have to follow you? she got all mad and said to me, when my friend is here, its not about me, its not about you and its NOT ABOUT US.

 

I went alpha on her ass, turned around and drove home.

 

who the hell is her friend???? the pope? the president? GOD HIMSELF? so dramatic and over the top. I was raised different. If it was the other way around??? I would have waited for MY GIRL FRIEND. we are a couple and we are the ones who have to get married and spend our lives togheter. Not her and her friend. I would have waited. I would be by my girls side. Hey, this is my girl. A team, a couple.

 

so it was my fault, everything was my fault.

 

But at the end of the day, I cant expect people TO HAVE THE SAME CULTURAL VALUES, MORALS AS ME. I can't. so I finally realized she was not for me. my compassion in a relationship is at a 11, hers was at a 5. I cant work like that. In her mind, she was a saint and sweet. Not even close. again, I was raised different. This is the **** that bothers me. It may not for all but for me? I dont play that way

[sorano]

I told her the same thing. I'd planned on getting a duplex to supplement income and renting the remodeled side for maximum income and she was mad because she made it sound like we would be living in a construction zone. I was surprised because she was only looking short term and not the long term. She never was like that before.

She used to tell me that it takes a year to see your true blue and in 9 months she managed to show hers. I was very disappointed in her. I feel that she may be bipolar like her mom. Especially the look she gave me, it was almost a kind f snarl. She said once before that I'm not the first person to tell her, she does really well for the first few months and then gets distant. She opened up and told me about her darkest parts of her life including assault, her abusive mother, and her ex that just abandoned her. I thought I had made it in.

I didn't care about the baggage because I loved her.

 

yea man, thats crazy. I think my ex was also bipolar. I can so relate to you dude.

[Charlie99909]

Yeah, she balled me out once because her precious Audi needed 91 octane at the pump and I said that I figured, I use it in my HiPo 289. The signs are there, we choose not to see them because of how we feel, and then we still miss them.

[sorano]

100%

 

The signs were all around. I chose to ignore them. I will let karma finish up what I couldn't.

 

I don't wish her any harm, but I DO NOT WISH HER WELL and or peace. I feel so so bad for the next guy she meets. He is going to have his hands full with that beast. Damaged goods. You can have her.

[Charlie99909]

It's weird. Tomorrow is 30 days since I last saw her. It's felt like a year. I feel very indifferent about it. I miss her, but I can't explain the indifferent feeling. Is this normal?

[sorano]

can you explain a bit more?

[Charlie99909]

Like, I thought I didn't miss her and I went out with a coworker and got ****faced. She's all I think about. I have a pic of us together and Christmas. I don't wanna delete it but it's a great feeling it brings me. We were all family in this picture. She's living her life and I'm living line. I'm so tired of it. I talked to a woman and she said I was annoying. I just talked to her about herself. I'm just

Tired of everything. I felt she was my soulmate and I treated her well. She didn't care and I won't see her again. I just want to live alone now. Build my empire and never deal with people in this capacity again.

[sorano]

I am feeling the same way as you. AS much as I am moving on, trying to do better, make myself into a better person and tell myself, this woman was NOT for me, there are times where I get weak and miss her. Our mind and heart still cant get that feeling to go away. I wish I knew how long this would take.

 

Like I said in my previous threads, the gym, is helping me big time. Not only is the gym scientifically proven to reduce stress and depression, but, its something that saved my life in the past way before I was into girls like this. The gym was here before my ex and it will be there after. It was there when I was about to break down in life years ago and it saved me. If it wasn't for the gym, I have no idea where I would be. I got into bodybuilding, changed my eating habits, started haning out with different and more positive people, and just felt more confident. Total life changer.

 

so my theory is, we have to find something that we enjoy, helped us out or made us feel good that has always been there. some kind of hobby or interest. Not sure if I am explaining myself the right way.

 

I also broke down and started drinking when she broke up with me. I would get **** faced. But I have to stop that bc its not good. Not the answer. I should have known better but.

 

I am not looking forward to easter tomorrow. I had plans to be with her and her family and mine. we were a happy couple and in my eyes, we were moving in the right direction. Heck, I got broke down her huge walls and passed all her test. she was in bad situations in the past and I thought I was the man for her. But I was not good enough for her.

 

I honestly lost count on how long its been since we broke up. Im going to say maybe 3 months? Not even done with 3 months? Its all a blur. I just have to face the fact that its over and will never see or meet each other again.

 

when we broke up, she told me your going to be fine, you will love again this and that. Yes I will eventually be fine. But when she said that, it was as if I didnt mean anything to her. Nothing. I was just a number. She gave me pain that I didnt need in my life. Like you, I do not know if I can PUT MYSELF INTO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP. I cant trust anyone anymore and I do not want to get hurt again.

[sorano]

speaking of easter, praying is also helping me out. I have no idea if anyone is even listening or if anyone is there. But you have to believe in something. I don't care what people follow. I am not that religious but its helping. Tomorrow I am going to church. say a few prayers in gods house. I will bring my rosary beads that I wear everyday for protection and helping me through this tough time and put some holy water on them. I will also send out a prayer to her, my ex. she needs it more than I do.