Purposeful-Porpoise Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 Hey there, My life has changed this year taking a new job that I love that happens to be overnight. I find it very hard to be social and interact with women when I sleep during the day (like some kind of vampire). I have been trying my luck with some dating apps. I have had varying levels of luck with them. I am currently talking to a single mother who works a schedule similar to mine. We messaged back and forth for a couple days and last night I asked her if she wanted to grab coffee or dinner. She stated that she works really hard to care and support her and her daughter and she was not looking for anyone to take care of her. I understand where she is coming from as having a relationship while having a child can be tricky and there are alot of guys out there, that I hate to say it, but she needs to shield her kids from. I told her that I fully understand, and that she seems interesting and I would just like to get to know her. My question is how do I proceed? She is still at work so haven't got a response back yet. Did I maybe ask her out to early? Is there someway to convey to her that I am just a decent guy who would like to take her out without being some hero for a damsel in distress that she is clearly not?
The_Dork_Lard Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 You've made your intentions clear to her, she replied in a less favorable way, and then you told her that you fully understand, and that she seems interesting and that you'd like to get to know her. So, leave it at that. She knows where to find you, and how to take things forward if she so wishes. Let her come to you. Don't put any pressure on her, or even suggest anything else, otherwise she'll perceive it to be pushy and it will definitely drive her away.
smackie9 Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 Single mom or not, the same applies....ask her out for a coffee date, and see where it takes you.
Miss Peach Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 I'm a single mom. Just ask her out and plan the date the same way your would a non-parent. Find a time and a place that works for both of you. Get to know her. She will let you know when it's the right time to bring in the kids and start building a relationship with them. All you need to know right now is that they exist and are part of her life. I think it's also really important to understand what her custody schedule is like, what relationship the dad has in the kid's life, whether the situation is hostile/civil, etc. From my perspective, the main things I look for is that someone likes kids my age and that they don't need to be the center of attention all the time. I think the last one is actually a good one for any women thinking of having kids too because there will be times when the kid and the man will want something at the same time. When the kids are young they can't take care of themselves. The adult can. The other thing to bring up at some point as things progress is what role she sees a man having if things progress. This varies a lot among single women. Some don't have a male role model for the kids so they want someone to take on the dad role. Some still have the dad around. Some dads are more active and positive in the kids lives than others. Some dads are around but are overgrown children or never see their kids so they want a positive male role model. In my case my child has a dad. I'm looking for someone who fits in our lives and who can have a good relationship with the kid. He needs to be a good male role model and capable of having a healthy relationship as that is what I want to model for the kid. The man won't always by my first priority but he will be a close second as things progress.
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