No Contact I Can't take it anymore!!

March 22, 2016

We've known each other for over a year and we were in a relationship for 6 months. She is 29 and I'm 32. She was previously in a 2 year toxic relationship and finally got out of it about a year ago. We had a LD relationship but we talked on the phone everyday. We took turns visiting each other across the country every other 2 months. She flew to visit me and the next month or so, I would fly to visit her. I lived in Florida and she lived in NY. The relationship started out great, kissing, holding hand, taking pictures, etc.

I loved her and I really thought this was going somewhere. We talked about future plans like buying a house and etc. The last time I visited her During my time there, I felt that she was not showing a lot of affection towards me. I told her about my concerns and she says that she was sorry and would try to improve herself. I also notice that she was depress but wouldnt fully tell me why. During this time, I backed off knowing that I was investing too much and was not profiting much in getting my needs met in return.

I started to not call her as much, and I started pulling away knowing I was doing too much on my end. She got angry and thought that I was cheating on her or doing something bad. I never did any of that. She got upset and broke up with me. I apologized to her and told her the reason for me pulling away. When she broke up with me, she made up excuses like " I have to find myself" etc. It's almost as if I got the impression that she was not ready to be fully committed into a relationship. As if she was scared. She asked to be friends and I declined her offer.

I also got the impression that she wanted me to chase after her after the breakup bc on the day she broke up with me, we were on the phone and she hung up on me during our emotional argument. After she hung up , she sent the last text still trying to argue with me, I ignored her text and immediately went into NC.

I was the best bf I could be to her. I was not being needy, or clingy.

Ever since the NC, Ive been keeping myself busy focusing on my career and since started my own business.

Ive met her family and friends and they all liked me. I got really close to her parents and siblings throughout the relationship. They all said that I was a big difference from her ex that abused her.

I would surprised her on special occasions like bdays, valentines, etc. And I always encourage her to be her best. I was there to help her and support her and she left me when I needed her the most..

I've been coping with the breakup and I'm not sure if and when she will come to her senses and regret her decision.

March 22, 2016

Classic example of a girl who has had bad habits engrained into her from a previous relationship and still carries the way that worked into her next relationship.

It's not your fault. She's just not mature enough to realize what a functional relationship requires. If you're the first guy she's dated since her abusive ex, then you were bound to go through some issues that she hasn't resolved in her self. I'd bet that when she fought with her ex or broke up with him or visa versa, they would follow up with each other continuing to fight and then get back together or he would give in or make her feel bad until she gave in.

You need to continue no contact and show her that is NOT how things work and not the kind of guy you are. If she ends up regretting it, this will be a factor in showing her that. Once her family and friends start on her with "what happened with ____ (you)?, then she'll be forced to think about what you did that was so bad. From what you said it doesn't sound like she'll find a valid answer there.

That being said, I think you should focus on not expecting a reconciliation with her for the time being. Girls who come from a abusive or long term dysfunctional relationships rarely are able to change the way they act in the very next or next few relationships they get into. Add into that the distance between you both and there's just too much time apart for you to be able to instill a positive daily routine with her. You may be amazing when you're with her, and do everything right, but it's not practical for either of your needs. You're expecting her to be thrilled when she sees you, have great "missed you so much sex" and affection, and if she's in a bad mood or you don't get that, it magnifies the day/time together so much because it will be a while until you see each other again.

I'd bet she's either gonna get back with her ex for a short time, get hurt again, or she'll go out with another guy who's less than spectacular/less than you, then she might start realizing "hey, I had a pretty good guy in ___, wtf was I thinking" Thats when you might get a sad face emoji "miss you" text.

All in all though, does that seem like a lot of things to have happen in order for you to be with someone? Seems like more of a hassle in my opinion. The way you become more attractive and more desireable to her or any ex, is to disappear and appear unaffected because you have nothing to be ashamed about or something you wish you could've done differently. The absence will force her to do what girls do - over analyze and panic. (Sry girls, no offense)

Lastly tho. There's also the strong possibility she just didn't like you as much as you liked her and the fact that you live in different states will make it easy for her not to think about you or regret it.

March 22, 2016

If she didn't meet your needs, even after you explained those needs to her, why do you care whether she has any alleged regrets? Move on.

March 22, 2016

Empire87

Thank you so much for your thoughts.

And you're absolutely right about her going back and forth to her abusive ex. When she broke up with him, she said that he would beg and plead for her to give him another chance. He cheated on her, used her for his own gain and she stuck with him even though she didn't love him. When she broke up with him for the last time, he begged again and cried to her.

And yes she doesn't seem to have much life experiencing with what a good and healthy relationship is. In the beginning, I always told her that a good relationship has to be built, not found.

I felt that she was taking me for granted.

I guess I was just wasting my time.

March 22, 2016

Dude! What's wrong with this relationship? Let me count the ways:

We had a LD relationship
The last time I visited her During my time there, I felt that she was not showing a lot of affection towards me.
I also notice that she was depress but wouldnt fully tell me why.
She got angry and thought that I was cheating on her or doing something bad.
She got upset and broke up with me.
When she broke up with me, she made up excuses like " I have to find myself" etc.
she wanted me to chase after her after the breakup
she hung up on me during our emotional argument.
After she hung up , she sent the last text still trying to argue with me

Ah, love! I think you can do a lot better, something along the lines of a local girl that doesn't carry all that drama and moodiness with her. Take some time to grieve, or lament, or whatever, but do not go back for more.

Good luck!

March 22, 2016

Wow im a girl and I love your maturity. I guess it does come with experience along with personality. Well, I think you should move on to better things. Don't expect her to come back realizing she made a mistake because she might or she might not.

However, she seems like she needs to "find herself" which is an excuse. Sounds like she started pushing away for you to break up with her to avoid guilt. You sound too good to be putting yourself through this nonsense. Rather stop the bs now rather than later, things only get worst with time. Keep yourself out of the hole before you invest too many feelings in someone who is not going to reciprocate that. Find yourself a more available girl and I agree a good relationship is built not found and start building an empire with the right girl.

March 22, 2016

There is always some regret on both sides.

Nobody wants the pain that comes with a breakup.

Just accept that this relationship wasn't meant to continue.

Now is your time to focus on yourself.

You'll be OK.

Take care.

March 22, 2016

Dude! What's wrong with this relationship? Let me count the ways:
Ah, love! I think you can do a lot better, something along the lines of a local girl that doesn't carry all that drama and moodiness with her. Take some time to grieve, or lament, or whatever, but do not go back for more.

Good luck!

Thank you so much for the feedback. there is a lot more negative things she did and asked for. But at the same time, I'm not perfect either and maybe I could have done something to prevent this or maybe I couldn't. I wanted to be the best person I could for her.

March 22, 2016

Wow im a girl and I love your maturity. I guess it does come with experience along with personality. Well, I think you should move on to better things. Don't expect her to come back realizing she made a mistake because she might or she might not.

However, she seems like she needs to "find herself" which is an excuse. Sounds like she started pushing away for you to break up with her to avoid guilt. You sound too good to be putting yourself through this nonsense. Rather stop the bs now rather than later, things only get worst with time. Keep yourself out of the hole before you invest too many feelings in someone who is not going to reciprocate that. Find yourself a more available girl and I agree a good relationship is built not found and start building an empire with the right girl.

Thanks you for your thoughts on this. It gave me some closure.

March 23, 2016

Been almost a month since NC. Been a 6 months LDR. I dont know how much longer i can take this no contact method. when she broke up with me, I took it very well. i never beg, never cried or pleaded. I just told her not to waste anymore of my time if thats all it takes for her to break up with me. I never cheated or did anything bad.

after BU, I never posted anything regarding the BU or her. I only posted normal positive things. but deep down inside, I am slowly dieing. I'm taking it day by day. some days i felt good, and some days are really bad. I felt good this morning telling myself that she never valued me and i could do better. but now I'm starting to fall apart again!!

Night times are the worst!!! Bc thats when she gets off work to call me everyday and night. now the phone has since been silent without any contact from her.

She's been on my mind since day 1 of the breakup. I haven't stop thinking about her since. I've been busy helping friends, going to the gym and working on my new business.

I know i should stay strong with no contact bc she broke it off and its her responsibilty to fix it. forget all of this, maybe i should text her and tell her that i wasnt always perfect too . Maybe i should be the man and tell her that i still do care about her. tell her that im also taking responsibilty for this BU as well.

Maybe she is thinking the same.

Talk some sense into me!!

Please help me before i do something i regret.

March 23, 2016

Its also been a month for me. 4 weeks today. She ghosted me after knowing her for almost 6 years and being together for 3 and a half.

I've broken NC oooo about 20 times in that 28 days.

I am a mess. I can't go out, I can't stop sobbing, I can't do anything other than lurk on these forums and thinking of her. I'm not sleeping or eating well

Every time she ignores me my heart breaks all over again. I've gotten more and more desperate as the weeks have rolled by with her completely ignoring my increasingly desperate pleas to talk to me.

I last sent her a message at 11:30 this morning, 2 hours ago. I feel weak, pathetic, desperate, needy, and generally a complete disaster zone.

Do you want that?

(Hope this helps!)

PS - If it makes any difference I'm in my 40s and have been through plenty of break ups before, for some reason this one is way worse than anything I've ever experienced.

March 23, 2016

I know i should stay strong with no contact bc she broke it off and its her responsibilty to fix it.

No. The reason you should stay strong with NC is because it's over, and you are just going to make a fool of yourself with someone who has some room to dislike you even more than she does right now.

Right now, she probably thinks you're an ok guy, you're just not a match for her. When she broke up with you, that was the lowest she's ever thought of you. Since then, your stock has either stayed the same, or maybe even risen just a little. But when you start your doomed campaign to accept blame, to claim how much you've changed, to worm your way back in where you're not wanted, then her opinion of you is going to go in the opposite direction that you intend. The reason you're not in contact is because she doesn't want contact with you. If she did, you'd have heard from her by now.

If you must, send her a nice postcard from your next trip that says something like

I was hoping that our split wasn't going to be permanent, but I see that's not the case. Goodbye and good luck to you. No hard feelings, and I'll always fondly remember our time together.

If you want to see if you can yank her chain, get someone from fiverr to send it to her from a fabulous destination. But either way, whether you send such a thing or not, do you see the difference in tone from what you want to send?

March 23, 2016

No. The reason you should stay strong with NC is because it's over, and you are just going to make a fool of yourself with someone who has some room to dislike you even more than she does right now.

Right now, she probably thinks you're an ok guy, you're just not a match for her. When she broke up with you, that was the lowest she's ever thought of you. Since then, your stock has either stayed the same, or maybe even risen just a little. But when you start your doomed campaign to accept blame, to claim how much you've changed, to worm your way back in where you're not wanted, then her opinion of you is going to go in the opposite direction that you intend. The reason you're not in contact is because she doesn't want contact with you. If she did, you'd have heard from her by now.

If you must, send her a nice postcard from your next trip that says something like If you want to see if you can yank her chain, get someone from fiverr to send it to her from a fabulous destination. But either way, whether you send such a thing or not, do you see the difference in tone from what you want to send?

Thank you. and youre right.

And from seeing the difference in tone from what i want to send, i dont quite understand what you mean. could you elaborate more on this. Thank you

March 23, 2016

Its also been a month for me. 4 weeks today. She ghosted me after knowing her for almost 6 years and being together for 3 and a half.
I've broken NC oooo about 20 times in that 28 days.

I am a mess. I can't go out, I can't stop sobbing, I can't do anything other than lurk on these forums and thinking of her. I'm not sleeping or eating well

Every time she ignores me my heart breaks all over again. I've gotten more and more desperate as the weeks have rolled by with her completely ignoring my increasingly desperate pleas to talk to me.

I last sent her a message at 11:30 this morning, 2 hours ago. I feel weak, pathetic, desperate, needy, and generally a complete disaster zone.

Do you want that?

(Hope this helps!)

PS - If it makes any difference I'm in my 40s and have been through plenty of break ups before, for some reason this one is way worse than anything I've ever experienced.

Thank you!! thats helps. cause no i dont want that pain. I dont want the possibility of her rejecting me again or her ignoring my text. since i havent sent one since the BU, i can see how even more painful it could be if she ignored it. also even if she text back with a neutral response, it would still be painful.

I guess i amsweres my own question in a way.

March 23, 2016

Pls do not do it

You will only make it harder for yourself because for the last 8 weeks I have sent messages in desperation to try and get him to talk to me or meet me. Some days it would be just the one other days it would be quiet a few ...

I wasn't aware of how bad I was untill someone said if you don't stop it he might change his number or contact the police.

I felt sick to my stomach that someone had said that to me and made me realise how desperate and stalkerish I had come across.

I am humiliated and think it's added to me feeling worse because I have never done that before.

I have immediately gone nc and although it's only beem my 3rd day I really want to get that label from myself

The girl he met was fun strong confident, not a stalking desperate mess which is the last image he has of me and for that I have to get over too now

Do not do it

March 23, 2016

dont break NC. My ex gf also was in really bad relationships in the past and guess who had to pay for them? Me. I know the feeling. Its tough. Keep no contact

March 24, 2016

Pls do not do it

You will only make it harder for yourself because for the last 8 weeks I have sent messages in desperation to try and get him to talk to me or meet me. Some days it would be just the one other days it would be quiet a few ...

I wasn't aware of how bad I was untill someone said if you don't stop it he might change his number or contact the police.

I felt sick to my stomach that someone had said that to me and made me realise how desperate and stalkerish I had come across.

I am humiliated and think it's added to me feeling worse because I have never done that before.

I have immediately gone nc and although it's only beem my 3rd day I really want to get that label from myself

The girl he met was fun strong confident, not a stalking desperate mess which is the last image he has of me and for that I have to get over too now

Do not do it

Im so sorry to hear your story. lets both be strong together with this no contact. i am listening to an audiobook called, "its a breakup bc its broken" its helping me. ive paid and downloaded it to my phone so i can listen to it all day long. i want to share it with you so you can be strong too. let me know

March 24, 2016

Thanks, I'm struggling this morning..Im really tearful and this whole breakup has really effected me.

Iv made myself so sick over it all, I have suffered with depression in the past so I'm trying to do things as I don't want to sink back to that but it's so hard when I just want to talk to him and have some communication.

I was driving a long a lil while ago and wanted to reach out to him but I thought what's the point he said he doesn't love me or want to be with me and for me to move on.

Iv started to not be able to sleep well and I'm 10 weeks in, I can't concentrate but Iv been so consumed in trying to get him to talk to me or meet me that it's now taken its toll on me and I feel quiet I'll.

I have 2 months of damage that I have done to my mind to try and fix I don't know we're to start because I just feel quiet empty today

March 25, 2016

Contacted my ex yesterday after 30 days of no contact. Since we both changed our numbers it was threw an email. Then today i get an email from a guy. Saying dont contact her anymore. I guess the no contact rule doesn't work at all. Now im hurt and wishing i never reached out.

March 25, 2016

Im so sorry to hear your story. lets both be strong together with this no contact. i am listening to an audiobook called, "its a breakup bc its broken" its helping me. ive paid and downloaded it to my phone so i can listen to it all day long. i want to share it with you so you can be strong too. let me know

Hi Lasko,

Do you mind sharing the ebook with me? I need all the help I can get...

March 25, 2016

Contacted my ex yesterday after 30 days of no contact. Since we both changed our numbers it was threw an email. Then today i get an email from a guy. Saying dont contact her anymore. I guess the no contact rule doesn't work at all. Now im hurt and wishing i never reached out.

No contact is about healing and moving on from a break-up. It's about self-preservation.

What you did was hope that maybe 30 days would make her change her mind.

March 25, 2016

No contact is about healing and moving on from a break-up. It's about self-preservation.

What you did was hope that maybe 30 days would make her change her mind.

It's unfortunate that there are so many people who have tried to capitalize financially on the brokenhearted to the point where if you were to do some Google searching for information about NC, a fair amount of the top hits are going to be these shysters hocking their eBook or program that centers on the misconception that NC is a method to get your ex back.

March 25, 2016

It's unfortunate that there are so many people who have tried to capitalize financially on the brokenhearted to the point where if you were to do some Google searching for information about NC, a fair amount of the top hits are going to be these shysters hocking their eBook or program that centers on the misconception that NC is a method to get your ex back.

So true. I was one of those suckered into those 30 day NC programs to get your ex back. When you're in desperation and pain, you'll try anything! I had to learn the hard way. There was only one site that I stumbled upon that helped me move forward and it was Baggage Reclaim.

March 25, 2016

So true. I was one of those suckered into those 30 day NC programs to get your ex back. When you're in desperation and pain, you'll try anything! I had to learn the hard way. There was only one site that I stumbled upon that helped me move forward and it was Baggage Reclaim.

I discovered Baggage Reclaim recently and I'm loving it.

March 25, 2016

Contacted my ex yesterday after 30 days of no contact. Since we both changed our numbers it was threw an email. Then today i get an email from a guy. Saying dont contact her anymore. I guess the no contact rule doesn't work at all. Now im hurt and wishing i never reached out.

What caused the break up. must have been really bad reason otherwise theres no reason for her to sabatoge you like that. unless she is has an u healthy personality. and also. the other is just using her. so it wont last long.

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No Contact I Can't take it anymore!!

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