samski3409 Posted June 15, 2005 Posted June 15, 2005 i just have to write something.i'm down in the dumps today. i so want to contact my ex.it's been almost two weeks since we last spoke. i told her that i had to move on with my life if she didn't want me. damn it's been tough! this NC stuff is freaking hard. i can't stop thinking about her today. don't really have any questions,just looking for some encouragement.
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted June 15, 2005 Posted June 15, 2005 Hang in there.....2 weeks is a long time to not talk to your ex. But it will get easier. you need to keep yourself occupied. Go for a walk...watch TV...some thing to get your mind off of her. Keep in the back of your head that she's probably not thinking about you. If you break NC...your only going to hurt yourself. You will start from scratch and your doing so good with NC. It is tough but time DOES heal all wounds and in time, it will get better.
Author samski3409 Posted June 15, 2005 Author Posted June 15, 2005 thanks! i know that i have to do what's right for me:move on and don't look back! it just sucks because i've been trying to have some fun and keep busy,but the second i'm feeling good about stuff,she pops back into my mind and the **** hurts. anyways-- thanks for the advice,i'm really trying to be strong in this.
Taurus1358 Posted June 15, 2005 Posted June 15, 2005 I feel your pain, I haven't talked or seen my ex for over 1 1/2 years after being married for 17. Do things for you now, man, buy something you like, go to the gym, set goals reachable enough and get to them, if she doesn't want you is her loss. I can't stop thinking about my ex but I was the one to blame for the most part. There is a book called " In the Meantime ", it did help me to cope with my situation you may want to check it out. the only thing you can't do is to sit alone and think about your ordeal, I wrote a lot in order to get things out. I hope this helps Good luck
dogood4urself Posted June 15, 2005 Posted June 15, 2005 Hey, I have been there... I know how it feels, after 4 months I am much much much better.... seriously, it will pass, sometimes it feels like a fu*king ocean, but you just have to let it go through you. Just allow yourself to grieve, but try to manage it, don't let it take over your life. Its only been 2 weeks, the withdrawal that you are going through is normal. I tried this thing for a while, where i would allow myself to be upset only at certain times of the day and it worked! I would say, "ok, I am going to allow myself to be upset when I get home from hanging out at the beach today..." So I allocated time in my day to be upset and so it didn't eat me alive all day every day... Keep yourself entertained, movies are a big help, hanging with friends is too... what didn't help me was looking at memories (pics, presents, listening to music) and drinking...It would just make me feel like sh¡t. JUST REMEMBER, YOU ARE NOT ALONE, IT WILL PASS, IT WILL GET BETTER!!
Author samski3409 Posted June 15, 2005 Author Posted June 15, 2005 yo dogood, thanks! any bit of advice works. and i could use any hints i get to try to make it through this. but this just happened and it did not help!!!! i just got this email from my ex.(after NC for two weeks) and i was so down today,this only makes it worse! she dumped me BTw! "i'm sure i could keep pretending it's not driving me crazy....but i'm done. are you alive?" my replay "yeah,i'm here. thanks for checking up." then she writes this "nutty thinking a lot about you. just missing you a lot. it's nothing new. i listened to all my saved voicemails from you a few times. that's pretty nutty, don't you think? i miss the s**t out of you. it's hurting a lot." no freaking way i'm resonding to that!!!!!!!!!
broken guy Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 Yikes! What a weird thing to do to you. Personally, I would have just said "Why the hell did you send me that? What do you expect me to say? Either you want me or you dont so DO NOT send me ANYTHING like that again unless yo want me to be in your life as more than a friend. If you dont, leave me ALONE!" You now have the power, not her. Wish I did...
sanne Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 I think a lot of people here fool themselves into believing that by doing NC they will gain their ex's back. When most people start NC, they are doing it for all the wrong reasons. They are doing it to get some kind of response and affection from their ex's, but let me tell you it's only a fleeting thing. It won't last. Now the only way you'll ever learn is by making these mistakes so don't feel bad, we've all made the same ones. Real NC is when you finally decide that you want to get over your ex and start a new life without her. Trust me, this realization will not come at first. It takes a lot of mistakes to get you to the point where you need to be, but once your there you will realize what we are all talking about and why true NC is the only way to heal. Just remember to take it one day at a time, you WILL have crappy days, but those days will become less and less frequent. You'll wake up one day realizing that you no longer agonize over your ex and then you'll have healed, and you'll realize that NC was all worth it in the end.
Author samski3409 Posted June 16, 2005 Author Posted June 16, 2005 sanne, yeah, i know what you're saying.i'm trying to be in the right state of mind and do this for the right reasons:to move on with my life and be happy on my own. but in the back of my mind getting her back is still there and i know that's not the way to go. it all comes from missing her so much. it's not like i've ever had a hard time meeting women but i allowed myself to get so close to her and i loved her so much,which for me is a big deal.
dogood4urself Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 Dude, I just read about your e-mail, that really sucks. I am sorry that happened. I think sometimes people have a hard time letting go. But if she broke up with you.... those reasons still stand for her... and they will come back to hunt her if you get back with her so soon... The same thing happened to me. We broke up and I really wanted her back.... she said she needed to be by herself.... blah....blah...blah.... anyways, the day before valentines day she called me telling me she missed me so much and wanted to see me and kiss me and all that bullsh*t.... I ended up hanging out with her on and off for a month like that.... it was so convenient for her... more than anything she was confused and I got hurt in the process... then I had to end it for good. I loved her but I loved myself more. You have to make your boundaries clear with her.... She can't write you things like that.... it is not beneficial for you. I know its hard... I think it is the hardest thing is to separate yourself from someone you still love, in this case you have to do it! It will be hard but stay strong... really, the day will come when you realize you are better off. You should hide all the things that remind you of her... start a new hobby... change your room around, and remind yourself that you lived most of your life without her before you met her and you will again after her. Write down the things that you didn't like about your relationship with her, write down the things that annoyed you about her.... write...write...write... it really helps! Whenever you want to talk to her, write her a letter and rip it up afterwards, sh*t will get off your chest that way... erase her number from your phone.... This does not have to be permanent thing, but it is what you need to do right now... real NC. Take care of yourself and get lots of sleep, spoil yourself and do what makes you happy.... and trust me IT WILL PASS!
UltimateZen Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 Originally posted by samski3409 "nutty thinking a lot about you. just missing you a lot. it's nothing new. i listened to all my saved voicemails from you a few times. that's pretty nutty, don't you think? i miss the s**t out of you. it's hurting a lot." Careful....she is fishing here. Chances are she doesn't really know how you are taking this and it is bugging the hell out of her. Once she knows that you are worse than her she will move on. Originally posted by samski3409 no freaking way i'm resonding to that!!!!!!!!! you sure as hell better not. Unless you want to hurt more. Best to leave it alone. Go out and buy a Home theater system or take sailing/rock climbing lessons, anything. Remember the movie Swingers? Need I say more.
Author samski3409 Posted June 16, 2005 Author Posted June 16, 2005 DOGOOD, same stuff happened to me. we've been broken up a few months and for awhile it was the same way! it was all so convenient for her..i was there when she needed me: for sex,support, a good laugh, whatever. and BTW she did break up with me for some other guy. but she kept me around to service her needs and when i needed her she was nowhere to be found. i believe she's still seeing this guy.so that's why i made the stand to just end it already.i could no longer be used by her. that's what i'm doing now,NC and trying to get over her.hell,i even have a date tonight with a girl that i know is cool and not looking for anything serious(just hanging out and probably some casual sex,which i could use)i've known her for a while and we've been F-buddy's in the past and she's way hot,so that should be cool. i'm really going to stick to this.i'll keep you posted!!
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