geronimo Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 Hey guys, I haven't posted in a while because I was starting to do really good, however the bad days are upon me again. I know this too shall pass, but I just wanted to get a few things out. Quick backstory; ex and I dated for about 5 years, were eachothers first loves, relationship, etc. she's 3 years younger than me, and we have now been broken up for a year and 5 months. It sucks. Reason for breaking up: According to her it is because we are from different religious backgrounds (are the same ethnic background) and also because her parents do not approve of my religion. Plot twist, both of us aren't even religious. Anyways she sticks to this story and says it is the only reason we broke up. However she jumped into another relationship a few months after and was dealing with the guy while we were breaking up. I went full nc after the breakup but then gave into her breadcrumbs about 6 months post BU. We met up a few times and talked and it was nice, I thought maybe she had broken up with the new bf and it was my chance, however she was probably just feeling me out to see if I was still available and after a few days I gave in (big mistake, I now know). Anyways I have been in complete NC as of mid July 2015. I had deleted her social media and everything and I recently even deleted her friends and sisters from SM. My problem is I still stalk her, I know I shouldn't but I can't help it. and whenever i see that she has deleted pic's of her and her bf I get excited and think that they're broken up and that she'll come back but it never happens. I know I'm doing this to myself and its f*cking pathetic. I just can't help it, I'm still so inlove with her and really would like her back. I have started new hobbies, hit the gym, etc etc. No I haven't started dating again, mostly because I haven't found anyone as interesting/appealing to me and also probably because I'm not really looking. I just wish she would come back, but the worst part is, i feel like she loves him more than me and puts up with more of his sh*t. Also the thing that bothers me these days is that we didn't have sex because she "wants to wait till marriage" but I feel like she was just saying that to me because she didnt want to have sex with me and I feel like she might have with him, which ***ing sucks! Anyways I'm just rambling now any words of wisdom/advice will be greatly appreciated. Thanks for your time.
bluefeather Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 you want her back after she's been with another guy? ew.. just ew. there's your advice. 1
Rachel39 Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 you want her back after she's been with another guy? ew.. just ew. there's your advice. I think maybe your feeling this way because it feels like a personal attack on you. It's awful to not feel wanted you start to question everything about yourself. Reflection is really hurtful. I think if she actually wanted you it would validate that you feel worthy maybe? But you probably wouldn't actually want her when you realise she has dated someone else. 1
smudge21 Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 You feel cheated because you think the relationship ended outside of both of yours control, ie: the religion thing, when in reality, she ended it and is now with someone else. Take that in - she is with someone else, she loves someone else, she is sleeping with someone else. I know how hard and upsetting that can be to think about but after so long we often need to remind ourselves in the coldest possible way. The fact you keep stalking her whilst at the same time deleting all ways she can see you is in a way justifying your own actions; you send her the signal that you're moving on, but in reality you are still there, hanging around, you just don't want her to know it. You haven't truly been NC if you carry on like this. I know how hard it is to let go of hope, but what is the alternative? That you live your life in limbo, chasing that fantasy, only ever living in the past? We all know how hard it is to let go, but until you do, you'll never heal. There are others out there, and there will be someone who takes your heart in much the same way this one did, only instead she'll give you hers too. Stay strong. 2
Joebloggs91 Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 Why don't you take a break from social media? Seems ridiculous right but I was the biggest social media addict ever and a week into deleting it I haven't been tempted whatsoever. Take some time away from it all, it's a different world social media and one that can poison us. I genuinely thought I couldn't live without Facebook or Instagram and Snapchat but truth is I've found so much more stuff to do with my spare time. I'm only 2 weeks post break up and of course I wanna know what she's doing but this is helping 40000% Self discipline is key 1
Author geronimo Posted March 24, 2016 Author Posted March 24, 2016 I think maybe your feeling this way because it feels like a personal attack on you. It's awful to not feel wanted you start to question everything about yourself. Reflection is really hurtful. I think if she actually wanted you it would validate that you feel worthy maybe? But you probably wouldn't actually want her when you realize she has dated someone else. I think you might be right on the money here. It does disgust me to think that she has been with someone else and maybe thats why I keep thinking about the sex factor, that maybe if they haven't had sex I'll be ok with it, but tbh if we were to get back together it would kill me to know she's been with someone else. Also it makes it worse that i haven't been with anyone except her...
Author geronimo Posted March 24, 2016 Author Posted March 24, 2016 You feel cheated because you think the relationship ended outside of both of yours control, ie: the religion thing, when in reality, she ended it and is now with someone else. Take that in - she is with someone else, she loves someone else, she is sleeping with someone else. I know how hard and upsetting that can be to think about but after so long we often need to remind ourselves in the coldest possible way. The fact you keep stalking her whilst at the same time deleting all ways she can see you is in a way justifying your own actions; you send her the signal that you're moving on, but in reality you are still there, hanging around, you just don't want her to know it. You haven't truly been NC if you carry on like this. I know how hard it is to let go of hope, but what is the alternative? That you live your life in limbo, chasing that fantasy, only ever living in the past? We all know how hard it is to let go, but until you do, you'll never heal. There are others out there, and there will be someone who takes your heart in much the same way this one did, only instead she'll give you hers too. Stay strong. I know I have thought about that and it makes me sick to my stomach. She is pretty prude tho and last time we talked she told me nothing had gone down between them sexually, but I'm sure thats changed now that they have been together longer. Yea its so hard to let go of this hope. I don't want to hold onto it anymore but its because she meant so much to me that I keep holding and hoping that maybe one day she'll realize what she lost and come back (and I know its most probably never going to happen). I hope you're right about someone else being out there who will take my heart as she did and inturn give me hers too because at this moment it feels like I will never find anyone and that my ex was my "soulmate". Thankyou for your input, i appreciate it!
Author geronimo Posted March 24, 2016 Author Posted March 24, 2016 Why don't you take a break from social media? Seems ridiculous right but I was the biggest social media addict ever and a week into deleting it I haven't been tempted whatsoever. Take some time away from it all, it's a different world social media and one that can poison us. I genuinely thought I couldn't live without Facebook or Instagram and Snapchat but truth is I've found so much more stuff to do with my spare time. I'm only 2 weeks post break up and of course I wanna know what she's doing but this is helping 40000% Self discipline is key You know what man, I might just do that. I have been slacking so much in school and everything and its mostly because of SM and spending so much time on it. Only reason why I don't end up doing it is because I mostly keep in contact with friends using SM and its always nice to randomly flirt with people here and there. But I might do it, even just for a month or two just so I stop with stalking her completely.
Joebloggs91 Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 You can keep the messenger on Facebook to talk to other people, that's fine! I just removed the app off of my phone/iPad. Honestly, it works. Yeah it's hard and it takes time to get used to, but it's helping me so much. When I get tempted, I just log onto here, or a fitness website (getting back into the gym to keep myself busy) You'll get there - you just gotta help yourself
smudge21 Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 I know I have thought about that and it makes me sick to my stomach. She is pretty prude tho and last time we talked she told me nothing had gone down between them sexually, but I'm sure thats changed now that they have been together longer. Yea its so hard to let go of this hope. I don't want to hold onto it anymore but its because she meant so much to me that I keep holding and hoping that maybe one day she'll realize what she lost and come back (and I know its most probably never going to happen). I hope you're right about someone else being out there who will take my heart as she did and inturn give me hers too because at this moment it feels like I will never find anyone and that my ex was my "soulmate". Thankyou for your input, i appreciate it! I've met, fallen in love and lost my "soulmate" or "the one" more times than I can count. With each new person that comes along, I find a new different connection and right at that moment, they become the one. The previous ones just fade away when there's a new one in my headlights. As much as this hurts now and as much as you don't want to believe it, you will find someone else and they will affect you in much the same way. I know how hard it can be to let go, to release that hope, but it will happen when it happens. In the meantime, just do whatever you can to keep yourself occupied - it's the quiet times when we remember them.
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