hippieswag1 Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 so i met this guy about a month ago at the gym. we've been video chatting, texting, talking every day since. he mentioned to me that he still had confusing feeling when it came to his recent ex. but that he would not want me out of his life, and still saw a future with me. he said if he didnt, he would be honest and let me know. so we actually recent had our first date, everything was amazing, he treated me to dinner and a movie, held me hand as we crossed the street and wouldnt let go, in my mind this was a date, i have close guy friends all my life, and they've never treated me this well. i bet he doesnt chill with own homies this way, smh. when it ended he walked me home, and i thought he was leaning in to kiss me after he squeezed me tight goodnight. thinking he would kiss me, i leaned in too. only for him to reject it, and state that he wouldnt feel comfortable, because he dealing with another person aka his ex. i was embarrassed to say the least. when i called him to let him know i was home, and talked about what happened, when then he finally told me that he had still been messing with the ex, physically. i was instantly hurting and felt like crap. he never told me anything as far as this. if i had known, i wouldnt have put myself out there. its like this girls snapped her fingers and he came running back. feeling like i was just something to pass the time while he figured out what he was doing with her. smh. i told him i couldn't be friends, talk or chill anymore. it wasnt easy. he told me that we would probably never happen. after relentless courting me, he just changed like the weather, like i was making **** up in my head. his last words to me, we. im sorry if i ever did anything to hurt you, i only meant well, take care sweetie. what the hell is this ****???? did i completely waste my time?:mad:
Jame22 Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 (edited) Yeah, he wasted your time. It was only one date, so you have that going for you. It's the worst feeling in the world when you're spinning your wheels over someone who couldn't give two s**** about you. Just learn from this experience and move on. It might take a while to get over it but it will get better eventually. If you haven't already, make sure to delete him from your phone and all social media. Good luck Edited March 23, 2016 by Jame22 1
basil67 Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 Yep, waste of time. Hopefully you didn't put yourself on hold for the month you've been talking with him 1
Sean Yaho Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 Like said above, learn from your experiences like this, and use them for future intuition. No experience is a complete waste of time, so reflect and learn. As for him be thankful it didn't go further, the most common reason people can't get over their ex is because they still see a future with them (They think there's a possibility of being together again somewhere in the future if the stars align), no one deserves to be treated as a plan B, or even feel like they are for that matter. So no you didn't waste your time, we need experiences like this to build our own personal intuition, but he did waste your time and you felt like a backup for a reason, remember that if he ever tries to reconnect. 1
preraph Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 He shouldn't be dating people if he's still going back and forth with his ex, but in my experience, that is common, and it's not usually the ex who gets hurt but the new person. 1
fred123 Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 you were probably friends or he's aw you as a friend and you misread everything..?
Author hippieswag1 Posted March 23, 2016 Author Posted March 23, 2016 you were probably friends or he's aw you as a friend and you misread everything..? no way i could of, maybe i was blind because we connected so fast and easy. it was like we knew each other our whole lives. the ex wasnt back in the picture until later on. but i would of hoped he would of told her about me and that hes moving on, but he wants to stay stuck
hippychick3 Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 Anyone who says they have "confusing feelings" about someone else is someone you should AVOID. That is a huge red flag! Another red flag...that he sees a future with you after talking to you for a month and not having gone on a date with you yet?? Very strange. In the future, avoid guys who have an inkling of a feeling for their ex and avoid getting attached before you have actually gone out on SEVERAL face to face DATES and he has shown you consistency and trustworthiness. You hardly knew this guy and were already invested in him. 1
ff12343 Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 (edited) Happened to me recently too. Be thankful it was only 1 date. Just know, you did nothing wrong. Edited March 23, 2016 by ff12343 3
Methodical Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 Gah, it sucks but yeah, he used you to gauge his feelings for his ex and/or as a fill-in to pass time. You did nothing wrong and he worded it in a way that lets you know nothing is going to come of this, yet he doesn't really acknowledge any wrongdoing. 1
Deidre Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 Every experience, good or bad ...can lead to a learning lesson. So, you learned something with this guy. You learned to never date a guy past a first date, who goes on and on about his exes. I'm engaged now, but when I was dating, if a guy brought up his ex a few times on a first date...NEXT. lol It shows me two things when a guy (or girl) does this...a) they're not over their exes, and b) they want to see if you'll compete. No thanks on both fronts. So, lesson learned. I wouldn't see this guy anymore. He might be a nice guy, but he will string you along, as he either tries to get over his ex or tries to get back with her. But, no you didn't waste your time. Also, be very cautious of guys who tell you they see a future with you, after knowing you a month. That's way too soon to be talking about futures.
whichwayisup Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 no way i could of, maybe i was blind because we connected so fast and easy. it was like we knew each other our whole lives. the ex wasnt back in the picture until later on. but i would of hoped he would of told her about me and that hes moving on, but he wants to stay stuck He did tell you: he mentioned to me that he still had confusing feeling when it came to his recent ex. but that he would not want me out of his life, and still saw a future with me. He isn't ready to be in a committed relationship as he's still got feelings for his ex. Best thing you can do is walk away and don't even be friends with him. 3
Author hippieswag1 Posted March 23, 2016 Author Posted March 23, 2016 He did tell you: He isn't ready to be in a committed relationship as he's still got feelings for his ex. Best thing you can do is walk away and don't even be friends with him. you're right. i know, our friendship is over. i miss our talks tho, but what he did was sloppy and hurtful 1
smackie9 Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 next time as soon as you hear "confused about my feelings" "I do see a future together" when you haven't even been on a date yet.....run away as fast as you can.
Author hippieswag1 Posted March 23, 2016 Author Posted March 23, 2016 next time as soon as you hear "confused about my feelings" "I do see a future together" when you haven't even been on a date yet.....run away as fast as you can. yea your right. it was more like we both agreed on being open to more than friends in the future if all went well. but obviously he changed like the weather, so it didnt lol
katiegrl Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 (edited) so i met this guy about a month ago at the gym. we've been video chatting, texting, talking every day since. he mentioned to me that he still had confusing feeling when it came to his recent ex. This is why these types of situations never happen to me. Because the SECOND a guy (who I haven't even met in person yet) tells me he still has confusing feelings for his ex.... or anything even remotely close to that..... I stop communicating with him immediately! Curious as to why you continued talking to him.... and then went on a date with him? Not to be harsh, but what did you expect? Edited March 23, 2016 by katiegrl
mortensorchid Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 Yeah, I think you did. But hey, it happens. Move on.
katiegrl Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 Yeah, I think you did. But hey, it happens. Move on. I don't think she wasted her time. OP, you learned something right? Life lessons (whether positive or negative) are never a waste of time IMO. 1
Author hippieswag1 Posted March 24, 2016 Author Posted March 24, 2016 I don't think she wasted her time. OP, you learned something right? Life lessons (whether positive or negative) are never a waste of time IMO. i think i did in the end. sadly im more guarded than ever now, i feel foolish, but i didnt make mistakes on my own, he and i both messed up. unfortunately, i miss talking with him, but it wouldn't matter, i still feel stupid & hurt by the situations.
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