fubu Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 so basically, that title is the whole story. I was in a relationship with this guy who replaced me with my room mate that is beautiful, sexy,... all in all... Miss WOW! here are the points why I'm very much bitter in the situation: 1. he broke up with me because he said he had plans to study overseas which is true. he's leaving on april. the only thing I hate about the break up was it was all sudden. a day before that, he was planning a vacation with me. then the next day, he broke up with me. after some time, I learned from a friend that he started flirting with her a day after our break up. 2. The mere fact that she knew I was crying after the break up while she's happily flirting with my ex. 3. I saved my room mate a couple of times whenever she messed up with work. I treated her good and I always admire her for being beautiful, intelligent, and a lot of suitors. 4. He knew that my room mate betrayed me once for using my name to stop our friend from being the mistress of a certain guy. she ended up everyone's hero but that friend hates me until now. 5. I just learned that the only thing that kept them from being together was me. 6. she told everyone that she was sexually harassed by my ex by constantly asking for some nudes. at first, I tried to protect her because I didn't know they were flirting at that time. then I found out, it was the girl who asked him if he wants some sexy video call. after that, he kept on asking for some nude. the aftermath? he got mad at all our common friends and blamed me for ruining her relationship with her. 7. when I already start to get to know someone, he told me he wants me back and I told him that I'll think about it. but a few days later someone saw them being intimate together. they are still denying whatever relationship they have. Now, I have a dilemma. One of our common friends wants me to organize a farewell party for him and I am required to attend. My ex and my room mate were invited too. I still can't help to be affected you know. it's hard to forgive and forget in the next 4 days.
EatYourVeggies Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 You were dating after all so I don't fault anyone for "Upgrading". Before that, your Ex was a creep and already treating you badly. Aren't you tired of him and your roommate wiping their feet on you (being a doormat). I wouldn't plan a damn thing nor would I attend. Have some self-respect! 3
CarrieT Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 Now, I have a dilemma. One of our common friends wants me to organize a farewell party for him and I am required to attend. Wrong. You are not REQUIRED to do anything of the sort. Who says you can't go to a movie - or anything else, for that matter!?!? - instead? 6
angel.eyes Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 Why would you ever organize anything for your ex? That's just nuts! 4
elaine567 Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 He sounds a creep and she sounds just horrible. Good riddance, and NO do not arrange or go to his farewell party, arrange a weekend/week away doing what YOU want to do and leave them all to it. 1
Author fubu Posted February 28, 2016 Author Posted February 28, 2016 Wrong. You are not REQUIRED to do anything of the sort. Who says you can't go to a movie - or anything else, for that matter!?!? - instead? sorry. my bad. wrong grammar. when I said organize party for him, I was talking about the male friend, not the ex. the male friend, also my coworker, wants me to be there. but he is also friends with the roommate and the ex. 1
Author fubu Posted February 28, 2016 Author Posted February 28, 2016 Aren't you tired of him and your roommate wiping their feet on you (being a doormat). thank you for the word doormat. that really hit me bad but it's true. 1
ChickiePops Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 sorry. my bad. wrong grammar. when I said organize party for him, I was talking about the male friend, not the ex. the male friend, also my coworker, wants me to be there. but he is also friends with the roommate and the ex. Does your friend know about the break up and the roommate? Nif so, your friend is being a jerk. Let him organize his own party! And don't go! 4
Marc878 Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 Here's what you do. ..!.. ..!.. Double bird 2
stillafool Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 Darling you aren't required to do anything unless you want to do it. Don't go to a party that you know they will be at and for goodness sake don't even think of taking this guy back. He has treated you worse than dirt.
Author fubu Posted February 28, 2016 Author Posted February 28, 2016 Does your friend know about the break up and the roommate? Nif so, your friend is being a jerk. Let him organize his own party! And don't go! no. he doesn't know anything. i'm very much obliged to attend because this friend is my mentor at work. he is my friend at professional level only. I don't think it's appropriate to brought up this topic to him.
contel3 Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 so basically, that title is the whole story. I was in a relationship with this guy who replaced me with my room mate that is beautiful, sexy,... all in all... Miss WOW! 2. The mere fact that she knew I was crying after the break up while she's happily flirting with my ex. 3. I saved my room mate a couple of times whenever she messed up with work. I treated her good and I always admire her for being beautiful, intelligent, and a lot of suitors. 6. she told everyone that she was sexually harassed by my ex by constantly asking for some nudes. at first, I tried to protect her because I didn't know they were flirting at that time. then I found out, it was the girl who asked him if he wants some sexy video call. after that, he kept on asking for some nude. the aftermath? he got mad at all our common friends and blamed me for ruining her relationship with her. Now, I have a dilemma. One of our common friends wants me to organize a farewell party for him and I am required to attend. My ex and my room mate were invited too. I still can't help to be affected you know. it's hard to forgive and forget in the next 4 days. Several things. 1) Just because she is beautiful (or you consider her beautiful) doesn't mean she's an upgrade. Just read some of the stories on this board about what men have to put up with from crazy women. 2) She told everyone she got sexually harassed by your ex while pursuing him- like seriously, Miss WOW indeed. I have no words. 3) If there's any way, move out and cut her out from her life. You don't need that kind of trash. Same goes for your ex and any "friends" who won't accept your decision. And don't EVER do them a favor again. Cutting off people is hard but worth it in the long run. 4) There's no need to forgive and forget. It's been four days. You're probably going to be angry and hurt for several more months. Trying to ignore your feelings and acting like a "mature adult" will hurt you even more. If you don't feel at ease going to this party don't go. 1
EatYourVeggies Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 thank you for the word doormat. that really hit me bad but it's true. Fubu, most of us got our asses handed too us at one time too. It not fun at all but I assure that if you learn from this experience it really can be turned into a positive. I bet most of the people here giving you all this great advice and to be strong all learned it on the other side of going through what you did. It is in my case.
basil67 Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 Tell your friend who's having the party that you are not currently able to either organise a party or to attend it. If he's a good friend, he will understand. If he doesn't understand, then good riddance to him. Consider this your first lesson in not being a doormat. It will only get better from here. 1
kgcolonel Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 no. he doesn't know anything. i'm very much obliged to attend because this friend is my mentor at work. he is my friend at professional level only. I don't think it's appropriate to brought up this topic to him. Okay then, go, be polite, make an appearance and wish him well and depart...one of those adult things in life that suck but need to move on. PS do not let the EX or the B***h see you emotional or distressed. If they try to address you, just use one word....KARMA
pidgeon1010 Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 no. he doesn't know anything. i'm very much obliged to attend because this friend is my mentor at work. he is my friend at professional level only. I don't think it's appropriate to brought up this topic to him. You can politely decline and come up with a reasonable excuse. My mentor had a get-together at his house and I had a personal matter come up the day-of which made it impossible for me to attend. I called him and let him know and he was very understandable. Unless you have a pivotal role at the party, you are not obligated to go to your ex's farewell party. Yes, it usually recommended to attend such events for professional development/networking purposes but considering the circumstances, I would not attend. If you feel compelled to go though, you can make a quick appearance and make sure your mentor sees you before you leave (make an excuse about not feeling well, etc. the are ways out of such things and I doubt your mentor will make a fuss about it). 1
Author fubu Posted February 29, 2016 Author Posted February 29, 2016 Several things. 3) If there's any way, move out and cut her out from her life. You don't need that kind of trash. Same goes for your ex and any "friends" who won't accept your decision. And don't EVER do them a favor again. Cutting off people is hard but worth it in the long run. 4) There's no need to forgive and forget. It's been four days. You're probably going to be angry and hurt for several more months. thank you for this suggestion. I can't move out but this serves as an eye opener for me. actually, since they are still hiding their relationship, I have to act cool and pretend that I'm ok. I am still thinking whether I should delete the guy in fb. but i'm still thinking whether this is a bad move because he might think I'm bitter. I made a promise before that I will not delete him no matter what. he broke up with me mid of January. the 4 days I am talking about is my friend's party.
Author fubu Posted February 29, 2016 Author Posted February 29, 2016 (edited) Okay then, go, be polite, make an appearance and wish him well and depart...one of those adult things in life that suck but need to move on. PS do not let the EX or the B***h see you emotional or distressed. If they try to address you, just use one word....KARMA I'm planning to do that too. thank you. I have to admit, for two weeks, the bitch and the ex already saw me emotionally distressed. but since the guy who supposed to court me (I asked him to stop because he's a good guy to become my rebound), I can at least fake everything. but sometimes, I just have to excuse myself and burst out crying. there's no room to be myself. at our house, the bitch is there, at the workplace, she's there too. same shift and same department sitting next to each other. and I can't just help but see his name pops out on the screen of her phone or hear his voice on the phone whenever they are talking. I caught him once sneaking flowers and salad at her desk. Edited February 29, 2016 by fubu
stillafool Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 You can politely decline and come up with a reasonable excuse. My mentor had a get-together at his house and I had a personal matter come up the day-of which made it impossible for me to attend. I called him and let him know and he was very understandable. Unless you have a pivotal role at the party, you are not obligated to go to your ex's farewell party. Yes, it usually recommended to attend such events for professional development/networking purposes but considering the circumstances, I would not attend. If you feel compelled to go though, you can make a quick appearance and make sure your mentor sees you before you leave (make an excuse about not feeling well, etc. the are ways out of such things and I doubt your mentor will make a fuss about it). ^^^THIS!^^^^I completely agree OP doesn't have to go. Are you perhaps wanting to be there because you know they will be there? Why continue the drama, make other plans that night.
kgcolonel Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 I'm planning to do that too. thank you. I have to admit, for two weeks, the bitch and the ex already saw me emotionally distressed. but since the guy who supposed to court me (I asked him to stop because he's a good guy to become my rebound), I can at least fake everything. but sometimes, I just have to excuse myself and burst out crying. there's no room to be myself. at our house, the bitch is there, at the workplace, she's there too. same shift and same department sitting next to each other. and I can't just help but see his name pops out on the screen of her phone or hear his voice on the phone whenever they are talking. I caught him once sneaking flowers and salad at her desk. Wow...that has got to be tough. I would love it to be able to tell both of them that they deserve each other.....They are two of a kind...not the good kind either....I am very sorry you're going through this....but....better now than after a marriage and children....the do actually deserve each other and you deserve better. Wouldn't hurt if you told them that...once you can reveal that you're aware of their relationship or whatever it is....just say, you two make a really good match....and leave it to them to figure it out.... Be Classy and Dignified....no weepy and don't let them see you distressed any more, you can do this.....look forward not back. 1
Author fubu Posted February 29, 2016 Author Posted February 29, 2016 ^^^THIS!^^^^I completely agree OP doesn't have to go. Are you perhaps wanting to be there because you know they will be there? Why continue the drama, make other plans that night. I will definitely go and leave early. thank you for the two of you.
Toodaloo Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 Fubu. The grown up thing to do is to ignore both but go to the party for a short time then leave. I think that you need to find better room mates and a better type of people to hang with. People like this just are not worth your bother. They are already doing nasty stuff to each other and spreading rumours about each other with the pics and stuff like that. Let them go dig their own holes and find yourself a better class of person to surround yourself with. Just put this behind you as one of those things. Let them do what they do but keep it as far away from you as possible. Chin up! 1
elaine567 Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 I will definitely go and leave early. thank you for the two of you. Do NOT start drinking at the party, the last thing you want would want is to get upset/angry in front of your mentor, and your friends. Alcohol will loosen your inhibitions and may also unleash deep emotions. Best stay calm, cool and sober instead of drunkenly throwing punches (verbally or physically) and/or end up sobbing in the toilets... 2
Author fubu Posted March 3, 2016 Author Posted March 3, 2016 Hi! It's me again. I'm the one who posted few days ago whether I should attend the party where I expect my ex andhis new gf are there. Thank You for your advice. Party went well. I am supposed to leave early but since they're the one who left early, I chose to stay. Thank you for your advice. I'm starting to change myself of being a doormat. Just a little brief of a story: My ex traded me for my room mate. We are all workmates in one department. NC is not possible. As you know, they are hiding their relationship but after the party, curious people are now starting to ask why the ex is with her instead of me? this question rubs salt to the injury. I really need to move on. My progress so far: 1. It's been a week since I deactivated my fb so I could stop myself from bitter posts and stalking them on fb. 2. Ex and I ignores each other except the times we need to talk that is related to work. 3. Followed the advice, fake it til you make it. 4. Accepted the fact that it's not my room mate's fault that he flirted with my ex 1 day after breaking up with me. I remembered that she has a crush on him before we start dating but I didn't know she's that serious to my ex because she's flirting with someone else before. 5. Developed a healthy hobby, planting and dancing what I'm dealing now: 1. Needs more advice in fake it til you make it. 2. Being involve in the gossips of coworkers who took pride and joy for the agony of others. 3. Still bitter of the fact that shouldn't have been my concern: a. Most of their shifts are together. especially at night, it just haunts me... knowing how "opportunistic" he is b. Counting her blessings from him and comparing how he treated me when we were together 4. My only trusted friend is on maternal leave. Others were just curious people who just wanted to grab the story. 5. Sometimes I couldn't help but think whether he loved me or he just used me. 6. someone adviced me from my former post that I need to be classy and refined. I need to do this when I'm with them or with my ex but I need more advice on how to do this.
privategal Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Im just going to say...do NOT talk about your relationship at work..I didnt read the replies so sorry if this was mentioned but you need to not mention it at all and also JOB SEARCH not because you should HAVE to leave, but ut would feel great and healing and less stress to just make a new start for YOU. When people ask just say "its personal, Id rather not talk about it" and move on. Great job on the dancing and planting. Keep going, head high, chin up, job search...this too shall pass.
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