Philosopher Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 In the past when I have been dating, I have always had the view that it is best to call someone once you have got their number and have a conversation over the phone. I have generally found that dates go better if you have heard their voice first before meeting up. Over the past few weeks, a couple of incidents of women not going through with plans to meet up in person have questioned that view. A few weeks ago, I got a women's number from on online dating site. I called her and she missed the call, however she texted me back asking who is this. I texted back saying whom I was and asking whether it was OK to call. She then called me. We had a three to four minute conversation about how our days had been and then I suggested meeting up and she agreed. From the phone conversation however, I got the impression she was a bit lukewarm about meeting up. The day of the meet up come and when I got to where we were supposed to meet, I texted her saying I had arrived. She texted back saying that she could no longer make it that evening due to work issues and asked to postpone it to the week later, which I agreed. When I texted her a few days later asking if she wanted to meet she never replied. Yesterday I called another women after getting her number from an online dating site. She answered and we spoke for a couple of minutes about how our days had been. She then said she had to go. At that point I asked if she was free to meet up. She said she was probably busy this week, however she would text me back within 20 minutes. She never however got back to me. Therefore I would like to know if there was there anything I did wrong during these phone calls. My post mortem is that I made a bad impression during both the phone calls, hence why the first women flaked on me and the second women never got back to me. In the past though, when I had a phone conversation and arranged the date that way, the women have generally gone through with the date. Secondly would I have been better off only texting them and arranging the first date that way. In general I think I tend to do better at conversations in person than over the phone. A part of me thinks therefore I would have made a better impression on them if the date had been arranged over text and we had waited until actually meeting each other before talking. The other part of me thinks though if these women did not like how I sounded on the phone, then they would not have liked how I sounded in real life either, therefore resulting a bad date.
Sean Yaho Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 This is one of the problems with online dating; going from a profile picture and a small conversation to an in person meet up is a fairly nerve-wracking experience for many people, especially those newer to online dating and/or meeting people from online. Added to that even talking over the phone for the first time can cause some anxiety and it takes a lot of comfort for many people to actually meet in person. Can you blame them though? We go our whole lives being told not to trust strangers, and a few simple messages back and forth will, most likely, not get you out of the "stranger danger" catagory. Is this bad? No, with online dating being one of the less safe options, building some decent trust before meeting inperson, or even handing out a phone number is almost a must. Now saying that, I've noticed that many people will give out their phone number before trusting the person enough to talk to via phonecall. I don't know why exactly but I think it's because texting is just a step up on the comfort meter, messaging back being below it and phoning above, so I'd suggest you text them and build that trust before phoning. Many people will also accept an arrangement to meet in person before being comfortable with it simply because they believe it's the right thing to do. Like I said it's a downfall with online dating, but in my eyes a good one. It could also be how you bring up "the meet-up." So when and how do you normally bring it up? I apologize for the messy sentences, my keyboard broke and I wrote that on my tablet.
Miss Peach Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 I think in your case the woman didn't want to go but wanted to be 'nice' and not tell you no. So even though it sucked she doesn't sound like she she can be straight forward or has any kind of backbone since she took the passive aggressive approach. Part of this may be due to age. I tend to notice younger people want to text and older people want to talk. Since phone calls seems so rare I actually respect men more when they call and ask me out. My BF actually got me over the other guys trying to get my attention partly because he called and asked me out for dates. It made him stand out against the other guys. 1
Toodaloo Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 You actually did RIGHT! You managed to screen out 2 women who wasted your time and were not really interested in you. I would say all you need to do is listen more to your intuition and trust your gut more when talking to these women. Men and women often get others going absolutely bats at them when they say no so they ghost and fade like those described. So at least you get pre warning with your phone calls.
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