Pbunny Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 Hello people on this forum. I got a question for those who have been in a rebound relationship. I currently got out of a relationship that had a really ****ty end to the break up (I wont get into details on that, I have another post if you would like to know about it). I currently believe that my ex is in a rebound relationship and it has got me curious. What does it feel like to be in a rebound relationship? Are the people who jump into aware that it is one? Why does it not work out if both parties seem so happy in a rebound? Does the rebound relationship seem more important then the previous one and why does that change? I found myself thinking about this and to be honesty I am really curious to know how they feel like.
polkadotspots Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 My last relationship was a rebound one. We had both just gotten out of relationships and probably should have taken more time off from dating to heal from them. Although I was over my previous boyfriend since I was the one to have called it off, we had still been together for two years and so I was having a really tough time adjusting to the fact it was over. The guy I was in the rebound relationship with admitted either during or after the relationship was over (I don't remember when exactly) that he had asked me out on a date solely to help him get over his ex girlfriend. We went on a few dates and then both went back home for summer, we texted each other and kept in contact (we were in college) and then when the next academic year started I asked him if he wanted to be my boyfriend. I think he spent a whole week trying to decide if he wanted to be my boyfriend but then finally agreed to it. I definitely had a gut feeling that he wasn't over his ex girlfriend as he was always talking about her and that's probably the biggest sign you're in a rebound relationship. I shrugged it off and assumed she had just left a really lasting impression on him and decided not to do anything about it. One night though when were out drinking he went on a long rant about how her and that definitely cemented what I had previously assumed. Who goes on long rants about their ex girlfriend to their current girlfriend at a bar? Guys who aren't over their ex's obviously. Needless to say, the relationship only lasted for two months and he even brought her up when he broke up with me telling me all about how he missed her but didn't miss the dysfunctional part of their relationship. Anyway, long story short, always know that if your current SO keeps talking about their ex they're probably not over them. 1
Larryville Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 always know that if your current SO keeps talking about their ex they're probably not over them. People who jump into “rebound relationships” will always do so eagerly, because they are trying so hard to erase their exes from the mind but that never works. I was one of those for a time… the thing was EVERY woman I attempted to be with for that time absolutely knew I was still hung up on someone. Luckily they were caring and understanding enough to point that out to me, a couple even said it was written all over my face and body language. One day I finally got the message and knew I had to “heal” before trying to get into another relationship. Are the people who jump into aware that it is one? No I was not aware, kept telling myself I was cool, but dead wrong…
Author Pbunny Posted March 23, 2016 Author Posted March 23, 2016 People who jump into “rebound relationships” will always do so eagerly, because they are trying so hard to erase their exes from the mind but that never works. I was one of those for a time… the thing was EVERY woman I attempted to be with for that time absolutely knew I was still hung up on someone. Luckily they were caring and understanding enough to point that out to me, a couple even said it was written all over my face and body language. One day I finally got the message and knew I had to “heal” before trying to get into another relationship. No I was not aware, kept telling myself I was cool, but dead wrong… Im not sure if my ex is telling her new man about me but I feel that in her head she is indeed comparing us. She got with her new guys 2 days after telling me she loves me. After getting with him she apparently doesn't and everything was fake. She probably thinks the new guy is "the one" and is rushing the relationship. Is that a trait of a rebound?
Larryville Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 Im not sure if my ex is telling her new man about me but I feel that in her head she is indeed comparing us. She got with her new guys 2 days after telling me she loves me. After getting with him she apparently doesn't and everything was fake. She probably thinks the new guy is "the one" and is rushing the relationship. Is that a trait of a rebound? Yup… You nailed it… The basic traits of rebound relationships are typically if being with someone new instantly alleviates any anxiety you may have had with your previous relationship, kind of “fake euphoria.” Because you have someone to focus all of your attention on. The newness feels cool. Bad deal for the person you are focusing the attention on because when it quickly wears off they will be like “what happened?” There are countless recent threads that screams this… Another weird trait is the person who got out of the relationship acts kind of nutty and that nuttiness’ is temporarily attractive to the object of affection, bad news is that nuttiness becomes annoying quickly. The other obvious trait is simple time because the rebound person won’t be able to devote the needed attention to this new person because their attention is still wrapped around the ex, making it difficult for them to bond with someone new. This is why you should have no contact, no Facebook friends, not following any social media accounts, nada. Lastly if you came out of a relationship with lots of negatives folks go into their next relationship with lots of hyper excitement with the hopes that the new relationship will provide what the old one did not and that leads to the warped impression that your new significant other and the new relationship is “perfect” but that wears off because of course the person is not perfect then you get the WTF was awesome in the beginning but now nothing… Countless current threads screams this as well…
elaine567 Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 A rebound happens when a person hurt from a broken relationship (usually the dumpee) jumps straight into another relationship. They have not had time to grieve and process the past relationship. They are still emotionally involved with the ex. They often take the first offer they get and they merely substitute their ex with a new person. For the new person it is really great it all goes very smoothly, they feel very loved and cared for, it all gets serious very quickly too. In reality they have unexpectedly landed themselves in the shoes of someone else, someone else who was adored. BUT one day the hurt person wakes up - they realise what they have done, the new person is NOT their ex. So they turn cold and eventually break up with them. It leaves the new person devastated as the actions of the hurt person led them to believe they were "the one". The dumper on the other hand has often had loads of time to process the breakup before they even told the dumpee they were breaking up. They have had weeks/months to think about the split, so by the time of the actual break up, they are no longer emotionally involved. The dumper is often VERY ready to move on and sometimes very quickly too. Their next relationship is NOT a rebound it is just a normal relationship and has all the normal risks of failure/success associated with that. 1
basil67 Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 The dumper on the other hand has often had loads of time to process the breakup before they even told the dumpee they were breaking up. They have had weeks/months to think about the split, so by the time of the actual break up, they are no longer emotionally involved. The dumper is often VERY ready to move on and sometimes very quickly too. Their next relationship is NOT a rebound it is just a normal relationship and has all the normal risks of failure/success associated with that. This perfectly sums up my relationship. I left my marriage and two months later met my now partner of 20+ years. Some could have called it a rebound, but truth is I simply hit the ground running. 1
Standard-Fare Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 OP, it sounds like you're tracking your ex's moves, have seen her starting a new relationship, and, feeling threatened by that, you'd like to be able to dismiss the relationship as a meaningless rebound. A couple problems with that. One, you shouldn't be keeping track of your ex like that and rubbing salt in your breakup wounds by witnessing the launch of her new relationship. You're only hurting yourself by doing that. Beyond that, it's a mistake to try to "get into her head" make assumptions about what she's feeling or not feeling for the new guy. Yes, it might be a meaningless rebound; but it's also possible she's truly ready to start something new. You personally are obviously still dwelling on your past relationship, but don't assume her head's in the same place.
Author Pbunny Posted March 23, 2016 Author Posted March 23, 2016 The dumper on the other hand has often had loads of time to process the breakup before they even told the dumpee they were breaking up. They have had weeks/months to think about the split, so by the time of the actual break up, they are no longer emotionally involved. The dumper is often VERY ready to move on and sometimes very quickly too. Their next relationship is NOT a rebound it is just a normal relationship and has all the normal risks of failure/success associated with that. I definitely see the truth in that. But I dont think thats always the case. I do believe that my ex thought about it before hand but once she actually did it she was very hurt and lost. She was surprised about how much it hurt and would sometimes come back into the picture because she missed and loved me. She cried from time to time and sometimes I was a stranger to her. This routine went on for months until it seemed that she found comfort with someone she met a few months prior. So yes I can see what you mean by the dumper and dumpee but if their was some serious feelings involved I dont think it really matters who did what. I still love my ex but I am conscious of how I feel and I am not the type to redirect my feelings towards someone else to busy myself from dealing with the old emotions.
Author Pbunny Posted March 23, 2016 Author Posted March 23, 2016 OP, it sounds like you're tracking your ex's moves, have seen her starting a new relationship, and, feeling threatened by that, you'd like to be able to dismiss the relationship as a meaningless rebound. A couple problems with that. One, you shouldn't be keeping track of your ex like that and rubbing salt in your breakup wounds by witnessing the launch of her new relationship. You're only hurting yourself by doing that. Beyond that, it's a mistake to try to "get into her head" make assumptions about what she's feeling or not feeling for the new guy. Yes, it might be a meaningless rebound; but it's also possible she's truly ready to start something new. You personally are obviously still dwelling on your past relationship, but don't assume her head's in the same place. The thing with this new relationship with he that its with someone I could have considered a brother to me. My best friend but clearly hes not anymore lol. I call this relationship a rebound because of how she was with me during the breakup until she found comfort in someone else. I have already blocked her on all social media and everything that can get me in touch with her. I just got curious because I envy the feeling in sorts. Shes always been the type to hide her feelings in hope that they go away, I feel that its the same situation her but she has help with it. Shes always been afraid to go out and meet new people and all her friends have moved cities so she really doesnt have that much to cling on to. She may be the dumper in this situation and I am indeed hurt but in so sense I feel as if I'm the dumper.
Author Pbunny Posted March 23, 2016 Author Posted March 23, 2016 Yup… You nailed it… The basic traits of rebound relationships are typically if being with someone new instantly alleviates any anxiety you may have had with your previous relationship, kind of “fake euphoria.” Because you have someone to focus all of your attention on. The newness feels cool. Bad deal for the person you are focusing the attention on because when it quickly wears off they will be like “what happened?” There are countless recent threads that screams this… Another weird trait is the person who got out of the relationship acts kind of nutty and that nuttiness’ is temporarily attractive to the object of affection, bad news is that nuttiness becomes annoying quickly. The other obvious trait is simple time because the rebound person won’t be able to devote the needed attention to this new person because their attention is still wrapped around the ex, making it difficult for them to bond with someone new. This is why you should have no contact, no Facebook friends, not following any social media accounts, nada. Lastly if you came out of a relationship with lots of negatives folks go into their next relationship with lots of hyper excitement with the hopes that the new relationship will provide what the old one did not and that leads to the warped impression that your new significant other and the new relationship is “perfect” but that wears off because of course the person is not perfect then you get the WTF was awesome in the beginning but now nothing… Countless current threads screams this as well… So you're pretty much saying that people who jump into these sorts of relationship bury their anguish if they still had any sort of connection with their ex? The reason rebounds work is that those who succeeded at them really didn't feel anything for their ex when they broke up with them. In my case I think its the opposite. I am a very self conscious person and I observe others actions a lot. My ex was very dependent on me and I was indeed her first everything. Now she though about breaking up ahead of time but was surprised from the shock of how she felt so from time to time she would return and give me love and attention and other days she wouldnt. She kept this up until she found comfort with someone else and began putting all her energy into that. Well thats how I see it. I just want to know how it feels, I envious you can say.
Miss Peach Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 I think most men and women can sense if there is someone else in the relationship. If you go this route it's not likely to last beyond NSA sex IMO.
Elwood Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 I believe I was in a rebound. When I got together with my ex everything was great. However, her ex was not out of the picture. He was in contact with her and she often cried to me about hurting him. One day she just went cold, indifferent. It was like she became somebody else. I don't know exactly what happened, probably never will but I don't think she and her ex were over each other. Left me feeling like crap though.
Larryville Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 So you're pretty much saying that people who jump into these sorts of relationship bury their anguish if they still had any sort of connection with their ex? The reason rebounds work is that those who succeeded at them really didn't feel anything for their ex when they broke up with them. I’m thinking is they did not have any real connection with the ex, that is more like “serial dating” people who have an innate NEED to be with someone. The rebound (which I admittedly engages in for a time) is when you just kinda go “next” and you settle for just any warm body to use them for sex or whatever. The temporary thrill is needed to forget the ex, burying the anguish. When I got together with my ex everything was great. However, her ex was not out of the picture. He was in contact with her and she often cried to me about hurting him. One day she just went cold, indifferent. Serial daters are not necessarily “in anguish” You can tell serial daters because they never really engage, they keep up an emotional wall.
elaine567 Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 I believe I was in a rebound. When I got together with my ex everything was great. However, her ex was not out of the picture. He was in contact with her and she often cried to me about hurting him. One day she just went cold, indifferent. It was like she became somebody else. I don't know exactly what happened, probably never will but I don't think she and her ex were over each other. Left me feeling like crap though. She realised that you were NOT her ex and you could not take his place. She probably went "Who really is this guy?" as she got with you when she wasn't really thinking straight, (she needed someone to take his place and anyone, literally anyone would have done) and so once she made that realisation, she turned cold overnight.
Author Pbunny Posted March 24, 2016 Author Posted March 24, 2016 (edited) The rebound (which I admittedly engages in for a time) is when you just kinda go “next” and you settle for just any warm body to use them for sex or whatever. The temporary thrill is needed to forget the ex, burying the anguish. You experience that thrill yourself and how long did that thrill last you and while you were experiencing it? Was your ex out of your head during the period of excitement? I guess you can call this thrill the honeymoon phase of a new relationship? I've read stories about how people jump into relationships where the new guy was better and they seemed very happy but somehow one day they just start suddenly missing their ex even though they treated them like ****. Edited March 24, 2016 by Pbunny
Larryville Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 You experience that thrill yourself and how long did that thrill last you and while you were experiencing it? Was your ex out of your head during the period of excitement? I guess you can call this thrill the honeymoon phase of a new relationship? Absolutely was not over the ex, lasted about a 2 months, in my case was NOT a thrill, was more numb and eventually the new temp GF saw thru the facade, much longer story but she knew I had not healed from prior relationship, she ended it, good thing she was understanding but I knew I had to get myself together. I've read stories about how people jump into relationships where the new guy was better and they seemed very happy but somehow one day they just start suddenly missing their ex even though they treated them like ****. Using a quote I found again, "you can't fix what you don't acknowledge is broken" too many people use other people to fix or band-aid (via sex) their own mental and emotional crap, why this site is full of seemingly simple relationship fixes but people repeat the same mistakes over and over. Best to figure out how to fix yourself before getting with someone else so you don't waste their time and screw with their lives and emotions.
health Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 A rebound happens when a person hurt from a broken relationship (usually the dumpee) jumps straight into another relationship. They have not had time to grieve and process the past relationship. They are still emotionally involved with the ex. They often take the first offer they get and they merely substitute their ex with a new person. For the new person it is really great it all goes very smoothly, they feel very loved and cared for, it all gets serious very quickly too. In reality they have unexpectedly landed themselves in the shoes of someone else, someone else who was adored. BUT one day the hurt person wakes up - they realise what they have done, the new person is NOT their ex. So they turn cold and eventually break up with them. It leaves the new person devastated as the actions of the hurt person led them to believe they were "the one". The dumper on the other hand has often had loads of time to process the breakup before they even told the dumpee they were breaking up. They have had weeks/months to think about the split, so by the time of the actual break up, they are no longer emotionally involved. The dumper is often VERY ready to move on and sometimes very quickly too. Their next relationship is NOT a rebound it is just a normal relationship and has all the normal risks of failure/success associated with that. I see what you're saying, but I look at it a bit different. I see it as person rebounds. Rebound is fun. Person realizes rebound was a band-aid. If person dumps rebound - and jumps into a new relationship fast - that new relationship is now rebound relationship #2. That person did not process all the pain while in a relationship rebound again and find a normal relationship with all risks of a normal one etc. If that person stays alone, grieves and learns - then moves on - they catch a normal relationship with a clean slate. If that person rebounds, and rebounds, and rebounds then suddenly finds themselves alone - what happens is they now have to process and grieve 3 rebounds all at once. People can say it doesn't count. Emotionally though it can. It shows on people and their characters. Processing grief the right way is everything. Rebounds are a quick fix to a deep problem - that end up causing more problems. Oh well. 1
2.50 a gallon Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 About 3 months after I caught my Ex cheating and broke up with her, I met another lady who had also recently broke up with her EX. She was about the fourth sex partner I had after my break up. We really clicked, it was like it was too good to be true. All my friends and some of hers kept telling us a rebound never works. I finally forced myself to go against my feelings and break up with her. She was extremely good looking and out going so I left thinking it would not be long before she found another guy. About a year later, we once again crossed paths, and no she had not found any body to replace me, but there was no way she would ever chance seeing me again. It took another 13 years before I once again met some one special. Our first date was about 3 weeks after she broke it off with her live in BF of several years. Second date, first kiss, cupid shot me in the tuckas. My first thought was to once again run, but it was too late. Up until then I relished living alone, but that night when I went home, I realized how lonely my life was. My choice was to either run and be hurt or to stay and probably be hurt, but just maybe there was a chance it might work. She even warned me that she was still in love with her former BF and thought that she could never love any one like that again. That was 20 plus years ago and the love is still growing. Some times you just never know 1
Author Pbunny Posted March 25, 2016 Author Posted March 25, 2016 In truth anything can happen in life. I guess you just need to be prepared for anything in a sense
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