redwhiterose Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 Within the past few weeks I have began feeling irritated by my boyfriend of 6 months. He is absolutely wonderful and I adore him, but all of a sudden it seems like my feelings for him have changed. I find certain things he does irritating and I find I have to talk myself into ignoring the things that bother me. I have noticed myself making excuses for him and reminding myself how great of a boyfriend and person he is. I am wondering if it is just temporary and a phase. I realize people get annoyed of their S/O and that is normal, but when this occurs does anyone every contemplate ending things? Advice is appreciated as I am afraid I have been over thinking the situation. 1
preraph Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 No, you were both on best behavior for the first little while and now you're seeing each other's true selves, the irritating annoying self. This is the truer self than the one you wish you could go back to. This is why you should date a couple years before getting too serious or getting pregnant, because it takes a long time to get to know someone. 7
Author redwhiterose Posted March 22, 2016 Author Posted March 22, 2016 No, you were both on best behavior for the first little while and now you're seeing each other's true selves, the irritating annoying self. This is the truer self than the one you wish you could go back to. This is why you should date a couple years before getting too serious or getting pregnant, because it takes a long time to get to know someone. I definitely appreciate this, but I don't think this is it because I noticed his annoying things before but they never truly irritated me - I think because I liked him so much. Now everything he does that I knew he did before is very bothersome. 1
Quiet Storm Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 Limerance causes people to minimize annoying and unattractive qualities. The limerance stage is wearing off. The fog of new love is clearing. This is when the relationship either dies or morphs into a long term committed kind of love. 3
kztar Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 I think you should end it if you're not planning on working on a long term commitment. Honeymoon stages wear off and all the butterflies are gone. This is when the real work begins in a relationship. It's not going to get any better specially considering the fact that these little things are annoying and you're not even communicating with him. He won't know how to address the issues and they will and believe me get worst. If you are looking for a long term commitment and you want this long term, I suggest you start with communicating and improving things from NOW. Lack of communication is the death to relationships. 1
Author redwhiterose Posted March 23, 2016 Author Posted March 23, 2016 I think you should end it if you're not planning on working on a long term commitment. Honeymoon stages wear off and all the butterflies are gone. This is when the real work begins in a relationship. It's not going to get any better specially considering the fact that these little things are annoying and you're not even communicating with him. He won't know how to address the issues and they will and believe me get worst. If you are looking for a long term commitment and you want this long term, I suggest you start with communicating and improving things from NOW. Lack of communication is the death to relationships. This is all valid and I agree. I want a long term commitment but I do see where you are coming from with the end of the honeymoon. But the things that annoy me seem silly... for instance, he does not pronunciate very well and when he is telling a story or explaining something, he says "like" almost every other word. He is intelligent but just does not come across that way. Anyways, I have subtly mentioned my annoyance by nicely pointing out that he does say "like" too many times, and he does acknowledge this and want to change it but he just hasn't. I know it's difficult to alter, but it does bother me. 1
preraph Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 I definitely appreciate this, but I don't think this is it because I noticed his annoying things before but they never truly irritated me - I think because I liked him so much. Now everything he does that I knew he did before is very bothersome. So you chose to be blind and in denial, but now the new is worn off and you are seeing him for what he is and he is annoying. 2
kztar Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 So you chose to be blind and in denial, but now the new is worn off and you are seeing him for what he is and he is annoying. This is who he IS and who he has always been. A agree with the previous post. I suggest you break it off now rather than later. He's not going to change, and it will be worst in the long run. Speaking from experience here. This is a clear indication that HE is not the person for you. Don't stay with him any longer and a few months down the line you tell him the "it's not you its me" line. he will be much more invested while you're slowly pulling back. My ex did the same to me and you know what my thoughts were?. "I've been the same since day 1, WHY 365 days later it's suddenly a problem?." YEAHHH he decides to overlook who I was for the illusion of his dream girl he wanted me to be. At the end it was much more of a disaster than anything else. 1
katiegrl Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 So you chose to be blind and in denial, but now the new is worn off and you are seeing him for what he is and he is annoying. True, but I think we all do that to a certain extent, I know I have done it before. While in the infatuation and "honeymoon" stage... whatever we wish to call it, we often overlook things about someone that end up irritating us later, when reality sets in and blinders come off. I think this is human nature. Do I wish we (I) didn't? Of course, but again when we're in the throes of new "love" and infatuation... we are essentially on a sort of adrenaline high, and not seeing as clearly as we do when reality hits and we start seeing the person as who they truly are, and not what we fantasized/envisioned them to be. JMO 1
preraph Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 ^ Yes, and if we weren't all young and naive once, many of us would never have given the full well of pure love and joy that is in us. Because as we gain experience, unfortunately, we learn to hold something back so we're not totally destroyed when it all falls apart. It's a sad irony of growing up. But a few people manage to "build" a relationship give their love once it's really been earned. When we're young, we just give it, heart on sleeve, and get hurt when the bubble bursts. It's sad. But I always say "It's my love, and I can take it with me when I leave," because that is true. 3
Almond_Joy Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 This is all valid and I agree. I want a long term commitment but I do see where you are coming from with the end of the honeymoon. But the things that annoy me seem silly... for instance, he does not pronunciate very well and when he is telling a story or explaining something, he says "like" almost every other word. He is intelligent but just does not come across that way. Anyways, I have subtly mentioned my annoyance by nicely pointing out that he does say "like" too many times, and he does acknowledge this and want to change it but he just hasn't. I know it's difficult to alter, but it does bother me. How long have you been feeling irritated? A couple days or a week? 2 weeks plus? Has anything else in your life changed? Stress at work, diet change, lack of sleep, tiff with a friend? This seems like such a small thing to end a relationship over. If the way he talks is more important to you than all the other good things about the relationship, then end it. But think about the things that irritate you about him and compare them to all the good things about this relationship. I mean sit down with a pen and paper for 10 minutes and do a pro and cons list. If the pros far outweigh the cons, I think you should reassess your stance here. MY bf does a bucket of things that irritate me, but at the end of the day I can say I have a loving relationship with someone I trust and can depend on. That's more important to me than how he talks or having someone who will close cabinet doors in the kitchen after opening them . I agree with the other posters, this isn't something you can change about him. If you stay, you'll have to get over it. 1
spiderowl Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 This is all valid and I agree. I want a long term commitment but I do see where you are coming from with the end of the honeymoon. But the things that annoy me seem silly... for instance, he does not pronunciate very well and when he is telling a story or explaining something, he says "like" almost every other word. He is intelligent but just does not come across that way. Anyways, I have subtly mentioned my annoyance by nicely pointing out that he does say "like" too many times, and he does acknowledge this and want to change it but he just hasn't. I know it's difficult to alter, but it does bother me. Are you perhaps seriously wondering if he is intelligent enough for you? Feeling your partner is a 'worthy' match is important. You obviously think he's a great guy but not being an intellectual match is likely to bug you and has long-term implications for your relationship. But you are aware that intelligence takes many forms and 'accents' are not the way to judge it. Maybe your unconscious mind is letting you know you need to think about this a bit before making any decisions.
acrosstheuniverse Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 I've had this happen fairly often in relationships, a few times I've found that after four to six months the shine has worn off and all of a sudden all I can see is that person's flaws, they irritate me, they make me feel embarrassed in company, the things I easily overlooked about them previously are now glaring and I'm always having to mentally make excuses or tell myself something isn't a big deal. Once I got dumped around that timeframe by someone I was crazy about and I think similar happened to him. It's just infatuation wearing off. I've never known anyone successful work through this as it's a gut feeling you can't shake or intellectualise, it's just you realising that this isn't the person for you. I know people say that it's just reality kicking in and time to decide whether to work through the hard times or not but I disagree. Even in long relationships, I've never felt that feeling with partners who've gone the distance. Occasionally on the forum I've seen some poor sod who felt what you're feeling at the start but pursued the relationship through to marriage, usually due to social pressure or not wanting to pull the trigger. But it's a perfectly normal and healthy thing that indicates the relationship isn't right for you. Don't feel guilty about it, you deserve to be with someone who you love and think is awesome, and when you find someone who is amazing and you love despite the niggles you'll know that continued this relationship would have been trying to jam a square peg into a round hole. 2
elaine567 Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 This is all valid and I agree. I want a long term commitment but I do see where you are coming from with the end of the honeymoon. But the things that annoy me seem silly... for instance, he does not pronunciate very well and when he is telling a story or explaining something, he says "like" almost every other word. He is intelligent but just does not come across that way. Anyways, I have subtly mentioned my annoyance by nicely pointing out that he does say "like" too many times, and he does acknowledge this and want to change it but he just hasn't. I know it's difficult to alter, but it does bother me. Truth is, you do not respect him, he embarrasses you in public. He may be intelligent, but other people will not know that by the way he speaks and expresses himself. You feel it reflects badly on you, hence the annoyance.
Cherryz Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 When people fall inlove they alot of times kind of ignore seeing the things in the other person that they dont like. I think once those inlove feelings are start getting less you start getting back to earth and deal with the reality of things. If you see now and feel this is not the guy for you, dont force it or fake it. Its part of life that things dont work out, and that people grow or people fall out of love. Just be women/men enough to end things the rigth way and respected way towards the other person. Not by cheating or true text or true third partys and stuff.
Cherryz Posted March 26, 2016 Posted March 26, 2016 This is all valid and I agree. I want a long term commitment but I do see where you are coming from with the end of the honeymoon. But the things that annoy me seem silly... for instance, he does not pronunciate very well and when he is telling a story or explaining something, he says "like" almost every other word. He is intelligent but just does not come across that way. Anyways, I have subtly mentioned my annoyance by nicely pointing out that he does say "like" too many times, and he does acknowledge this and want to change it but he just hasn't. I know it's difficult to alter, but it does bother me. What? this is so childish! I really think you not like this guy atall. You may have fall for his looks or so 6 months ago but now not anymore. You cant be like this to someone. Its sad to read you correcting someone and tell them to change their way of speak if its not rude or really a issue. You need to leave this guy so he can find someone that accept him and respect him the way he deserve! Stop wasting his time! You coming across like a mean condescending b****. Break up with him in a respectful way and leave him alone!
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