nobodiesbuzness Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 hey guys. This is going to sound a bit silly but i need someone else opinion. i met this girl at the bar and ended up hooking up with her. she was a friend of my bestfriend and we ended up at my place the same night. it seemed like a one night thing but we stayed up the entire morning talking about our views of the world and politics (im into politics) and a whole lot of stuff. she wanted to know everything about me which got to me because i am usually the listener. We met up again a few days later for dinner and ended up at my friends house then the bar and her place this time, same scenario the next morning. We met another time and went to the movies and everything. i have been texting her once every few days not be too clingy and because i hate texting. I always text her first and i always end up making plans. she went away for spring break and i texted her once to check up on her. I guess my issue is that whenever i am with her everything seems fine . i mean i do get a lil excited sometimes but that s cause i haven t been trying to go past casual sex with anyone for 3 years now. However when we arent together it always seems dry and she seems not interested. she seems always busy and it makes feel like i am being too needy. i havent texted in about a week and i wonder if i should text her first since she hasnt done so either. the last i text her i asked her to lmk whenever she is free to hang out which she never responded to. what do i do now? help?
scooby-philly Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 Listen, One night stands usually - not always, usually don't work out. From your description (which gives us a limited point of view/reference) she could simply enjoy having sex with you and see you as a fwb type thing. IF.........IF............IF..........IF..............IF you've been the one to always initiate contact and setup plans I'd lay off and see what happens. If she is above a 6/7 on the "physical attractive scale" or has decent looks and a good personality she may be used to having so many offers or so much to do that she's used to guys doing all the work. If you mean a lot to her, she would then respond from the lack of communication. It seems harsh to a certain extent - and I never advocate playing games or being indirect - but in this case if she's not really reciprocating your feelings with anything close to the same level of enthusiasm as you, I'd say better to find out now than later. 1
Grewd Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 The texts between my girlfriend and me has always been relatively dry and we've been together for 8 months now. It's text, it's boring. When we're together it's a completely different story, that's what matters to me. Could be you're facing somewhat the same thing, you might overthink the texting while she might not even care about that. You don't have to worry about the frequency of texting if you keep casual chatting short and focus on why you're texting in the first place. If you can meet in person there's little valid reason to run conversations in text, I recommend using texts primarily to set up dates and make plans. What can you do? Well, a week has passed after you left an open invitation. My experience with open invitations is bad, it's leaving it to the girl to make anything happen. Men are usually expected to take the lead because most women either don't know what to do themselves or doesn't want to. What you can do is to take the initiative to set up a date, a specific one. Find activity, location and time then work out the logistics with her, she'll cooperate if she's interested. She will keep making excuses and make it difficult for it to happen if she's not interested. If she's still always busy then you're not too needy, she's simply too busy for you. If that's the case then let it go, don't chase people who don't have time for you. 1
Author nobodiesbuzness Posted March 23, 2016 Author Posted March 23, 2016 Thank you guys so much for responding to my post. i was not expecting answers this quick. So I ended up texting her yesterday. she apologized for not communicating and blamed it on being busy. we exchanged a few texts then she stopped texting. in my eye she is well over a 7 , she is smart, has a nice personality overall, and isnt "too out there", which i actually enjoy in women. the thing i find confusing is that she was the first to refer to us as "dating", she makes a point to hold my hand in public, introduced me to her friends (she already knew someone of mine) and etc. So i am a little confused as to what exactly is happening. i am pretty sure i am overthinking this whole thing and i wanna find out right away but i also dont want to seem like i am rushing things/being needy
Grewd Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 Fear, it kills love. If you're afraid of rushing and being needy there's a good chance you'll overcompensate by being too slow and distant. Don't make that mistake. You probably are overthinking this, that suspicion is probably correct. She's into you and according to what you say she does she has gone a long way trying to show it. There's nothing to be confused about here. Just get back to her and enjoy being with her, it's not hard is it? All you have to do here is calm down and make plans. 2
Author nobodiesbuzness Posted March 29, 2016 Author Posted March 29, 2016 Hey guys, again thank you for responding to my post. i appreciated it a lot and so i decided i should give you a little update on how things turned out. well, she has not texted me since my last post and i decided i should just keep going with life at this point. i really like the girl but if she doesnt have the time for me then i can easily find someone else. however, we accidentally ran into each other today. She apologized again and explained that things have been crazy lately. i was in a rush to work and was kinda cold toward her and told her we can actually talk about whats happening later when she or i have time. so now i am back to square one wondering if i handled that the right way and whether i should reach out to her and find out whats been happening?
Grewd Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 Honestly there's no way to know what happens if you do A, B or C. There's no way to know if you handled things right either, you'll know when things either turn out as you wanted or didn't. There's no objectively right thing to do here, but some certain consequences exists depending on your decision. If you decide not to talk to her and find out then you with certainty decide to let her go. If you decide to do it however there's a chance of sorting out this mess and continue clean, but there's no certainty here as the outcome isn't entirely within your control. There's also the fact that she continues to seem busy and not have time for you. You get excuses, but how many are you going to tolerate? 2? 5? 10? Don't even know/potentially infinite? You have to know your boundaries here. Why? She might be avoidant meaning she would rather make up excuses (lies) in the hope you'll give up eventually, some do as they lack the courage to just be honest (and save your precious time) telling you they're not interested. Nobody can really make these decisions for you. When uncertain just pick an option, flip a coin if you must.
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