ExtraSpice Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 So I definitely messed up. About two weeks ago I contacted my ex, despite resisting the urge and almost everyone on here telling me not to do so. Well the response was positive but vague. The decision was to take it day by day and not to decide anything. No real goal or timeline for the future. What a mistake that was. But in my state of euphoria I decided to go along with it. Well as time has passed and I have had some interactions with her (through text and in person) it is slowly becoming evident that she has no intentions of taking things any further. I am getting the feeling that I am being used, for whatever purpose, and then will be tossed to the side once she has moved on to someone new. Problem is I don't have anything concrete to back that up. Mostly just my intuition. She has been hot and cold, sometimes she engages in conversations (mostly when she wants to) and says things that lead me to believe that there is a chance. But then other times she has very dead end responses, doesn't seem too enthused to hangout or talk. So I have a feeling that she knows that this is not going to go anywhere but she doesn't want to come out and say it. Not sure if she is playing a game, can't bring herself to say it because it may sound mean or this is happening at a subconscious level. Either way I put myself in a bad situation and I need to get out of it. Completely flipping my decision and saying no contact just makes me look like the bad guy. But then again why do I care? Not sure but I know that will play on mind. I think I just need to straight up ask her if her intentions are only to maintain a friendship. And if so tell her that that is fine but we need to back off slightly. I want to word the question as such that it doesn't sound like an ultimatum. I believe if I say all or nothing she may go in defense mode and not give an honest answer. Where as if I word where it seems that whichever direction she takes, it is okay and not wrong. Then she may be more at ease to be honest. I sort of know what to do but I just feel like an idiot for putting myself in this situation. Knowing full well where it would have led, yet I decided to do. Infuriates me and makes me feel like I don't even respect myself. Quite disappointed.
Emilia Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 Just bite the bullet and go no contact. I was in a similar situation recently. It sucks that the other person doesn't want what you want but you have to draw the line now. No contact. 1
privategal Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 Yes, shes using you to get over you. She figures if your still talking to her she might as well so she doesnt feel guilt and look like a jerk...then when she dumps you she already built in the alibi "I said no promises" She doesnt respect you thinks you will hold onto her instead of moving on. Your on the just in case list. If she finds no one else...your still there. She shouldnt dump you and still get to keep you around. She made her decision. Time for you to dusappear and go strict dark NC no questions no convo no texts or fb or run ins. Let her go as hard as it is you gotta trust your gut. 1
elaine567 Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 YOU hurt her by dumping her she is not gong to make that same mistake again easily. If YOU truly want her back then you are going to have to work for it.
Author ExtraSpice Posted March 25, 2016 Author Posted March 25, 2016 YOU hurt her by dumping her she is not gong to make that same mistake again easily. If YOU truly want her back then you are going to have to work for it. Oh I completely agree. I did break up with her and that fault is mine. Nothing can change that part of the past. But at what point do you stop "working" for it. Like I have been chasing and working for it for months now. She doesn't want to risk it again and end up hurt. I get that. But I can't exactly just leave myself completely open for months on end without any real indication of another chance.
Simon Phoenix Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 Oh I completely agree. I did break up with her and that fault is mine. Nothing can change that part of the past. But at what point do you stop "working" for it. Like I have been chasing and working for it for months now. She doesn't want to risk it again and end up hurt. I get that. But I can't exactly just leave myself completely open for months on end without any real indication of another chance. I mean, if you haven't already you have to stop beating around the bush and just tell her you made a mistake and you want her back. Don't throw out breadcrumbs, don't try to "time it up" and try to inch your way back. Come correct, then let her decide.
Author ExtraSpice Posted March 26, 2016 Author Posted March 26, 2016 I mean, if you haven't already you have to stop beating around the bush and just tell her you made a mistake and you want her back. Don't throw out breadcrumbs, don't try to "time it up" and try to inch your way back. Come correct, then let her decide. I have already told her all that. I didn't throw any breadcrumbs. I came straight out said I made a mistake, explained why and asked for a second chance. Gave her time to decide. She said no. I said okay. She came back after a week asking to reconsider. I said okay. She said no again after a few days. Went no contact after that. One and a half month later I stupidly decide to contact her again. And after that is what my post is about. Obviously I summarized the crap out of it all but that is the sequence of events.
Mcnulty Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 So is it a definite no from her then? If you have this from her, time to stop dwelling on getting into the situation again and time to focus on a new chapter..shut the door and open another maybe yes?
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