toddpearson Posted June 15, 2005 Posted June 15, 2005 Summary ,for ppl who does not know my story : 2 yold relationship, dumped her because i was mad, after a month send her text saying i love her, got reply "u r too nice person, i do not want relationship right now,i need time, i realized i do not love like before, we can be friends) for 3 weeks, i am trying to get her back with no success. I tried NC, did not work, i cannot risk our love with NC. I tried to be honest, and i am preparing myself for the worst answer. Ok here is my question to all ppl at LS, is this a good letter to say goodbye? Doest it make me look strong? How do you think it will effect her ? (btw english is my second language and original letter is not in english..love is same for every country right ehe) Here is the letter; Ok, you can have the time you want, i tried to contact you and i tried not to contact you, i said i am ready do whatever you want.. I do know we deserve each other and i know i have to change myself(my mistakes). With or without you i will be much more caring person for my next relationship. You know how much i love you, you know i am hurt (for ending it on IM, not face to face). I am taking a big vacation for to clear my head off and to give you the space you need. Before i leave, i am asking you to tell me the real reason, dont give anwers like , i need space, you are nice blah blah.. These kinds of words hurt me. You may saying these for quilt or to make me feel better, it does not help so do not waste your time by saying these words to me. Do not worry babe, i know i can be strong. Just tell me the truth in a way that i can understand.I am not blaming you,i am not mad at you. If i know the truth it will be much easier for me to handle thing and get out of from your life. You are telling me that you love me but your not in love with me, if our destiny is to be together we will eventually, lets see what time will do" Come one you know i wont believe these words, once we do not feel each other, no turning back..i do create my destiny the way i want it to go. I know i act as kid, pushing you so much, but it is the first time that i am feeling this. You are the first who dumped me. You hurt me so bad but you also made reazile my mistakes, in order to learn you need to feel that feeling. I know, next time, when i love i will show my love full throtle and wait same from my partner. There are so many things which can prove my love to you, but i feel like it wont change your mind and there is no point doing that for now. Right now it is not possible to forget about you. Let me know the real you, be honest once, i promise i will be strong, i feel it. As i told you i am leaving, i will have so much time for myself and i will heal. I am draggin you with me to the vacation but when i am back, i will leave you there. BTW please do not talk with my friends about oour ended relationship, do not worry i am telling everyone that you left me even to my family. Kissing your beatiful eyes;
BrotherAaron Posted June 15, 2005 Posted June 15, 2005 I don't mean to be obtuse, but that letter does not seem strong at all. It makes you look needy and clingy, while you're practically begging her for some kind of answer or second chance. I've found that, in most cases, you sound stronger by saying less. Really, saying nothing at all is the strongest - because saying anything implies that you need something. There are things in this letter that are very specifically submissive - completely opposite of strong, such as: i said i am ready do whatever you want.. I do know we deserve each other and i know i have to change myself(my mistakes). Why is it whatever she wants? What about what you want? And how about her mistakes? you know i am hurt She knows you are hurt These kinds of words hurt me She knows you are hurt You hurt me so bad She knows you are hurt be honest once, i promise i will be strong Strong? She thinks your hurt. BTW please do not talk with my friends about oour ended relationship, do not worry i am telling everyone that you left me even to my family. WHOAAAAA... wait a second... why are you doing this?? You've voluntarily put yourself in the position of the one who was dumped! That's too bad. Honestly, I recommend taking some time off of this girl for yourself. You're in the worst state of mind to be getting back together with somebody. Take some time away from her - that's right, it's the feared but widely practiced "No Contact" - until you've cleared your head enough to try and work things out without sounding so needy and pathetic. I'm not just being rude, BTW - I'm speaking from experience here. Man I wish somebody had kept me from saying all the stupid things I said to and about my ex to people.
Author toddpearson Posted June 15, 2005 Author Posted June 15, 2005 BrotherAaron, i hear you and thank you for your comments. My situation is kindof different, because whole 2 years she begged me to show her that i love her. I am sure she has feelings for me and she will till she die. Most of the people here, says NC is good for moving on, forgetting someone. I do not agree with them, because i do not want to move on till i know that she is %100 sure. I feel like she is trying to be strong by dumping me. I do not care, my pride is notting if i compare it with the happines of her. 2 years i hurt her, all the time and i think she deserves to see how misarable i am right now. I want her to feel strong so the speak. I know she will say same things and in couple of months i will be in love again with someone else So this is the goodbye letter, and she should know that i am hurt. Pride is not always important, there are millions of people who lost the loved ones because of damn pride. Love is much more important Maybe i have more experience than you have, i am 29 , i dumped at least 15 woman, and she is young, she should feel good. I have no problems not to be strong.
Sal Paradise Posted June 15, 2005 Posted June 15, 2005 Letter made you sound whiney, needy and clingy. I wouldn't send it. I'd just stop contacting her and move on.
Fool In Love Posted June 15, 2005 Posted June 15, 2005 well it's sweet, and It's good that you are in Love, but uh... no you don't sound strong, but sometimes it's good to let a girl know thay you love her so much that it makes you vulnerable. The letter has alot of mistakes in it too, I would edit, I find it hard to understand.
Jadey Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 If you truely believe that this will be a good idea then send it but if you think it will get you nowhereor you dont know,DONT! Youll loose your pride and some pride and self woth is very very important. To be perfectly honest this letter doesnt makre you sound stong, its very sweet but doesnt make you sound strong. The real way to seem strong to your ex is by doing NC. It says more than any any words! Any goodbyes or "im over yous" If someone sent me this id be really touched,but im not your ex. Really think ot trhough before sending her this.Ad dont hear what you want to believe, be real and logical! Listhen to those voices Good luck! Jade
Author toddpearson Posted June 17, 2005 Author Posted June 17, 2005 I sent it, and got reply yesterday. she said she is sorry, she did not want to hurt me. After i brake-up with her, her older ex showed up and they started a relationship. Of course it hurt like hell, i got mad. I wrote her again telling how bitch she is, acted like hoo and all the bad things. It made me feel better, told her that she should never ever ocntact me again. also i know she feels better after seeing me pissed of, because she wont be sorry for me anymore. I know the guy she is with, i emailed him, told him that she should not be aware of my email, told him how great she is, and he should show his love to her, he should make her happy, i told him that i could not make her happy, you are the one for her, and gave my all good wishes, truely. blah blah, he replied saying" i respect you and thank you for your understanding i will care about her, and wont make any mistakes I text her parents, saying that i am sorry for things happened, and thanked them for being nice to me. They replied nicely.. So i got rid of all the feeling all the goodbyes, god i feel alot better now. So the lesson i got is when a woman says "i do not deserve you" we guys should disappear asap these are the words coming from quilt Being strong, and NC is not good, i feel hundred times better now than NC phase. Because i know that she has no feelings for me anymore. I know it wont be so easy but there is no choice...and when you have no choice things are much better. When couples are doing NC without understanding each other compeletly..it is not good, everbody should know do NC when you know that your partner is feeling nothing for you. I wont be on LS las much as before, need to socialize more
miss-gonewest Posted June 18, 2005 Posted June 18, 2005 Well Todd, you got closure, good for you! It wouldn't have been my recommended path, but I can see where you were coming from. I don't agree with telling the world it was over, it should've been between you and your ex but there is no point crying over spilt milk is there? I personally think you may have done what you did, so you could have the last word and I don't think calling her a 'ho' was wise but as I said, its done now. If you wanted to remain civil and friendly you need to be prepared to apologise for calling her names.. but you may just want to move on and forget her. Either way, good for you - now you can move on to the next chapter. Glad you are sticking around, your posts are interesting!
Jadey Posted June 18, 2005 Posted June 18, 2005 Now that youve got closure (which i wish i could say i have ) do NC. Nomore contacting her, her bf, her family anyone Good Luck! xx Youll be ok..
zack121 Posted June 19, 2005 Posted June 19, 2005 comment on pride pricked my ears up... Pride will kill you so they say.. and yes people have lost people becuase of pride... let me be one that says that pride is based on someting tangible but also has an air of wishing. lack of pride to get the one you want , only feels better if you do, ITS a b**ch if you do it, and don't get her back... you will feel bad trust me. as you now have created the "salt in the wounds" senario. I lliked the letter thoough I did not think you sounded to needy, I actually found it to be as you said a goodbye letter, a little perhaps emotional for a goodbye letter, aka about being hurt. but I liked it. and to be 100% honest no offence, after she gave you "closure" you then rang and called her names, I understand you were maybe in shock about hearing what you heard/was told, But perhaps you should have respected it, now becuase you went off (no critising you), the letter seems to be invalid. or not as intended. Good that you can handle and feel better though
Author toddpearson Posted June 20, 2005 Author Posted June 20, 2005 Here is interesting update, my older ex is trying to contact me all the time, she is saying that if you are hurt i can help you, i want to be with you forever, we can try this after 6 years, i miss you , your ex will be mad blah blah.. and i said no thanks, i cannot use you for this situation and i wont be available to date. Maybe later... 5 days.... everyday i feel better, i even have desire to date with someone new. i agree with everyone, i should have respected and walk away, calling her names was not a wise choice and i regret it so badly. I want to apoligize but i am afraid that she will get the idea of me trying to contact and want her back. Which is not true because really do not want her back, she made her choice. Is it good idea to apoligize? Maybe couple of months later, maybe never?... i dont know..i dont like to feel like ahole, and if i write an apoligize for calling her names what should i say?
miss-gonewest Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 I don't think apologising down the track will do any harm... she can take it or leave it but at least you will know you behaved honourably. I wouldn't contact her right now, but sure - send her an email in a month or two apologising for calling her names. If my ex did that to me, I'd appreciate it.
zack121 Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 only opol, if thats what you feel is right to do. else leave it alone. Some people are honorble some are not. YOU have to choose which you want to be. If you truely don't won't her back, and even though I don;t think you should have "mouthed" off. I'd almost say leave it alone..
XNemesisX Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Don't apologize. You said how you felt at the time...leave it at that. Apologizing will make you look like a wuss..stick to your guns. Btw...I actually really liked the letter. I agree with you that pride f***s a lot of relationships up.
Author toddpearson Posted June 22, 2005 Author Posted June 22, 2005 miss-gonewest, i agree with you, it wont harm, i will apolgize when i feel %100 healed. XNemesisX, love is not a war you do not need guns , love is good memories that you have.. zack121, i do not want her back, but that does not mean that i do not want to be remembered honorable.
XNemesisX Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 There is a certain appeal to a bad boy....the fact you called her out on something and said how you felt might HELP you not hurt you. My ex (before the last one) got mad at me when I left him for someone else. He called me every name in the book and it actually left me thinking, "wow he actually has some balls for once" but then an hour later he called back and apologized and cried profusely....he killed the effect with that. I always say what's on my mind. If that means calling a guy a bytch who I think did me shytty then so be it!
Author toddpearson Posted July 1, 2005 Author Posted July 1, 2005 Hello, I just want to write what happened in last 15 days. As you know i got my closure and kinda moved on, somehow she or her family does not let me move on. 7 days ago her father called me, and we had 1 hour phone conversation. He was telling me that i should leave the door open, he was telling me how great personality i have. she may be back to me. He was thanking me and saying me that i made her different person, i made her more responsible, and i deserve her i should have patience. I thanked him and said sorry it is over she left and a month later she is with her older ex. He told me that he did not know, and her daughter does not know he is calling me. I told him that not to mention ouur conversation because it may effect her happiness, he said ok. Well... after talk, i wrote a letter to her (i was calling her names on my previous email), apologized. "I am sorry babe, i was so mad when i hear who you are with. I regret the things i said, i truely apoligeze. I really want you to be happy whoever you are with. I wish that you will find love that you could not find in me. You deserved my love, my heart and i believe everything you said balh blah... i said so nice things about her. End of the email i said, i want to end this nicely, i appriciate if you do not reply and leave it nice. Yesterday she sent an email: You already said what you feel with your previous email, i just want to tell you that, i did not leave you for my older ex, the reason is,when you dump me i realized that i dont love you. Even if my older ex did not showed up, i would not be with you. We started with him after a month, 2 days later you heard. I do not deserve anything thats why i did not reply your email, and i wont say anything whatever you write next. I do not think i did something bad to you at all. Before your previous email I was respecting you as a person, and i our relation was valuable for me. Take care. I decided not to reply, but not sure what she is trying to do? Is she honest or playing games? Why she does not let me end it nicely, does she need to hear from me? Is she doing all these because i hurt her? is it a revenge? Does she fele quilty? Whats the deal with her father? confused again, maybe thats what she wants... what do you think? Thanks
Recommended Posts