Feel like I lost progress

[VoidOfEnergy]

My first love broke up with me nearly 3 weeks ago after over 5 years because she wanted to "be independent" "be free to travel whenever she wants" and she "didn't want a boyfriend". She also slipped in that while she eventually wants to "experience other guys". Now she was talking a new male friend a couple of days before, and their flirt conversations are what I believe to be the catalyst for causing the breakup.

 

How is it possible that 5 years of love can be thrown away over the cheap and easy feelings of a new person showing an interest in you?

 

We've been NC for almost a week now. While every day has been a struggle, filled with very difficult lows, I felt I had made a lot of progress. She didnt change her email password, and last night I made the mistake of logging onto it to see some of the emails she gets from FB and from this guy. Their flirting and words like "ill keep you warm" and similar talk was very anxiety provoking. Reading this has brought more anger into my emotions than sadness because before I truly thought we were going to grow as people and both be independent, but apparently she just said that to either make her feel better or me feel better. The worst part is she told all her friends and family this too, and it just seems like a lie now. I really want to send her an email calling her out to show how I feel. It's almost like she doesnt realize she lied to me and herself. She thinks shes being emotionally strong and independent when shes not, shes just replaced me.

 

Is breaking NC to tell her how I truly feel about what she did a mistake? I feel like it can at least help me get stuff off my chest and help me move forward? Or will it have no effect on her because the breakup hasnt hit her since shes being supported by this guy?

[Satu]

My first love broke up with me nearly 3 weeks ago after over 5 years because she wanted to "be independent" "be free to travel whenever she wants" and she "didn't want a boyfriend". She also slipped in that while she eventually *wants to "experience other guys". Now she was talking a new male friend a couple of days before, and their flirt conversations are what I believe to be the catalyst for causing the breakup.

 

How is it possible that 5 years of love can be thrown away over the cheap and easy feelings of a new person showing an interest in you?

 

We've been NC for almost a week now. While every day has been a struggle, filled with very difficult lows, I felt I had made a lot of progress. She didn't change her email password, and last night **I made the mistake of logging onto it to see some of the emails she gets from FB and from this guy. Their flirting and words like "ill keep you warm" and similar talk was very anxiety provoking. Reading this has brought more anger into my emotions than sadness because before I truly thought we were going to grow as people and both be independent, but apparently she just said that to either make her feel better or me feel better. The worst part is she told all her friends and family this too, and it just seems like a lie now. ***I really want to send her an email calling her out to show how I feel. It's almost like she doesnt realize she lied to me and herself. She thinks shes being emotionally strong and independent when shes not, shes just replaced me.

 

****Is breaking NC to tell her how I truly feel about what she did a mistake? I feel like it can at least help me get stuff off my chest and help me move forward? Or will it have no effect on her because the breakup hasnt hit her since shes being supported by this guy?

 

*You are not 'other guys,' so you're disqualified.

 

**Thats a really effective way of hurting yourself, and no matter what you might think, you have no right to violate her right to privacy.

 

***She knows she lied to you, but she lied to spare your feelings.

 

****Yes, it is breaking NC, but you can do it if you want to.

 

The truth is that everyone is free to walk away from a relationship whenever they want.

 

You think she's done something *wrong,* but in reality, she's just made a decision about how she wants to live her life.

 

She's free to do that; just like everybody else, just like you.

 

She hasn't done anything bad to you; she just made a choice based upon her own best judgment.

 

It hurts you; of course it does, but you're not a victim.

 

You will need to grieve; shed your tears and rage against fate, but she's not wrong for making a decision about how she wants to live her life.

 

Let the victim thing go.

 

She didn't do it to hurt you.

 

She did it because she thought it was the right thing to do.

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means she might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media.

*No monitoring of her on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.

 

 

Take care.

[Rachel39]

It hurts to be in a relationship and someone decide it's not what they want anymore. It's feels like a personal attack on us, you question yourself and what your about.

 

What we have to realise it's not about us not been good enough it's about them wanting different things from us. Only when your truly over it you can see clearly that in someways you weren't right for each other and your free when you ready to find someone who wants the same as you.

 

you need to give yourself time to get over it and then move on when you ready and I would not contact her hold your head up high and be proud of yourself for not.

 

If you want to say things to her journal them instead that helps so much