TaraMaiden2 Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 No. It's the dread of the ordeal putting you off. Do things right, and you'll feel relieved once it's all over.
Zahara Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 When I'm looking up places to live, I feel this huge sense of dread...is that me simply not looking forward to this whole ordeal, or is it me wanting to stay with her? I don't think it's you wanting to stay with her. I think you're struggling with guilt and eventhough you're not emotionally invested in her anymore, there is still that discomfort of detaching from someone you've been familiar with, someone that's become a habit to you. Then the fear of whether the grass is actually greener or if it would best to stay with what's safe. I'm sure it's a bag of mixed emotions but it's certainly not about her. You've created a few threads about your relationship and it sounds like it would be best for both of you to part ways. It would be selfish to keep taking your time to help you figure your transition while she sits there believing you're invested. I hope you move quickly. 2
losangelena Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 Thanks to everyone for the replies, especially LifeNomad. I appreciate it. I moved to our city for her - so I know very few people here that aren't her friends or family. Those that I do know, I would be uncomfortable staying with for more than a night. I don't know them well enough. For that reason, I've been researching apartments. Might go see a couple in the next day or two. When I'm looking up places to live, I feel this huge sense of dread...is that me simply not looking forward to this whole ordeal, or is it me wanting to stay with her? I've gotten a lot of judgment on this thread, which is understandable, but I would just like some advice. I already feel bad enough. My advice is to find a new place, then pay your share of the rent at your current place so when you leave, she has a month to find somewhere new to live, or if the place is big enough, a roommate. The reason I say that is because you need to be able to leave the situation quickly when she gets emotional, because you start to feel so guilty when she cries, and you start to backtrack. I get it, seeing her upset is upsetting, but there is no way you're getting out of this relationship without her being devastated. But trust me, ripping the bandaid off is better in the long run. Looking back at my last relationship, I'm pretty sure my ex was on the verge of breaking up with me about three months before he did, but then I got the news that I'd gotten laid off, and he backed out of his decision. As much as it would have sucked to have lost my job and my BF in the same week, in hindsight I wish he'd just done in then, because another three months together just made me think we had a stronger relationship than we did, and I was even more devastated. Breaking up is hard on both parties. But you can do it. You'll both get through this. 1
Author teacherman Posted March 29, 2016 Author Posted March 29, 2016 Many of you have read my previous posts and know my story. If not, check them out. I just broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years. There's another girl and we have established that we like each other, but no promises were made on either end. I feel like the fire went out with my now ex girlfriend, and I just broke up with her a couple of hours ago. I am now sitting in a hotel room. The breakup went like I expected, some curse words, tears, and pleading...all from her. I myself was surprisingly strong and teared up but did not cry (I cried plenty leading up to it). She was telling me that she was mad that I didn't fight for her more. Part of me feels some sense of freedom and liberation. I also have a different feeling...like I just made the biggest mistake of my life. Part of me wants to run back to our apartment and apologize and go back to normal. Am I feeling this way because I'm not used to being alone and it's the closing of a chapter of my life? Or am I feeling this way because I really did not make the right decision for my happiness? I'm really afraid that I just broke up with the one I am supposed to be with.
CarrieT Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 You are feeling this way because you are not used to being alone and this is all very new to you. Even those that end relationships hurt, so give yourself time to heal from the wounds (i.e., don't jump into dating right away!) The last relationship I ended still took me two years to get over and I was the Dumper. Find some friends, break up your routine, exercise (keeps endorphins moving), and try to stay away from vices....
Author teacherman Posted March 29, 2016 Author Posted March 29, 2016 My heart and mind don't agree. My mind says that I made the right decision. My heart wants to forget the breakup and get her back.
Zahara Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 (edited) My heart and mind don't agree. My mind says that I made the right decision. My heart wants to forget the breakup and get her back. It's normal to doubt yourself but the reality is that you've been detaching from her for awhile now. You've tried to end it 5 times. It's pretty evident this isn't the relationship for you. Dumpers will feel the discomfort of an ending as well. You're letting go of what's been familiar and comfortable for you. It was safe. You're alone now and this is unfamilair territory so you're going to feel this way. Just as she will have to grieve, heal and move on, you too will have to go through the process of detaching. Don't run back to her because you're afraid of the unknown. Edited March 29, 2016 by Zahara 1
ilovemefirst Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 You should take some time to think about it. If you run back now, you may end up with the same feelings again..and well thats not fair to her at all. Let her heal in the meantime. She will get through it.
hippychick3 Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 Also, whatever led you to this point of breaking up will lead you right back there again if you were to get back together.
Author teacherman Posted March 29, 2016 Author Posted March 29, 2016 Also, whatever led you to this point of breaking up will lead you right back there again if you were to get back together. I was told by a friend that running back or talking to her will just make me relive the breakup over and over again. My mom told me that what is meant to be, will be. She said if I decide I made a mistake and try to get her back, and she accepts me, then maybe we were meant to be. If she's done and doesn't, then it wasn't meant to be. I know they're both right...but it's hard. It's very, very hard when all I want to do is go back and hug her and tell her I'm sorry.
hippychick3 Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 I was told by a friend that running back or talking to her will just make me relive the breakup over and over again. My mom told me that what is meant to be, will be. She said if I decide I made a mistake and try to get her back, and she accepts me, then maybe we were meant to be. If she's done and doesn't, then it wasn't meant to be. I know they're both right...but it's hard. It's very, very hard when all I want to do is go back and hug her and tell her I'm sorry. I know it feels bad right now. But, your gut was telling you you needed to end things. Take the time to figure out what it was that caused you to have those feelings before you attempt to reconcile.
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