GenuineAttraction Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 Yeah the mom is.... Ugh. You must likely won't get anywhere with her. Just please the grandparents. They seem to think of her and not themselves. 2
Author PaperCrane Posted March 22, 2016 Author Posted March 22, 2016 When my daughter was 18 I was 38. I would have had a huge reaction to her dating a 30 yo. I probably would not have approved of it and make his life a living hell. It's normal for a young girl to be attracted toward an older man BUT I find it extremely disturbing when a 30 year old dates a teenage girl. To me he must have something very wrong with him to chose to date a teenage girl instead of dating a woman his age and I think he does that because women his age wouldn't date him so he has to look toward much younger and inexperienced woman. I wouldn't show up there if I were you. That's a lot of assumptions going on, but I guess I can see your point. Where I live there isn't a huge pool of people. Low population density and all that. Women my age, which I've posted about before, in my area are either single mothers or completely jaded. I was in a LTR with someone for 8 years. When I re-entered the field it was a mess. I dated women my own age, some a little younger and some a bit more on the younger side. What I found was the ones who were younger still had the thirst for life that I have. They don't have kids. Although I want kids in the future, there isn't that tether there now. They haven't been beaten down by the world yet. I don't decide to or not date someone based on their age, these were just my observations based from where I live. 2
Omei Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 As a parent myself I would severely question your mentally as to why a 30 year old man would date my 18 year old daughter and yes I would bard you from the house and do everything possible to make it not so as I would want to protect my child from possible manipulations and being in situations a 30 yr old man might be able to handle but my 18 yard old may not. Op I do not think you will ever get her guardians blessings on this relationship and it's easy for the grandparents to come round because it's not their say but you bet they have their own concerns as well. 8
Imported Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 18 is just a babe in the woods and yes you are a predator to take advantage of her. 6
dreamingoftigers Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 As a parent myself I would severely question your mentally as to why a 30 year old man would date my 18 year old daughter and yes I would bard you from the house and do everything possible to make it not so as I would want to protect my child from possible manipulations and being in situations a 30 yr old man might be able to handle but my 18 yard old may not. Op I do not think you will ever get her guardians blessings on this relationship and it's easy for the grandparents to come round because it's not their say but you bet they have their own concerns as well. I wouldn't block it because it would only spur it on. Make me look like a controlling nut and like I don't respect my daughter's choices. Frankly, if I didn't do my job effectively, teaching her to find an age-appropriate mate, then I guess she might have to learn the hard way. I would continue to be a sounding board and confidante, and I would not be overly receptive to the guy..... But calling him a pedo in front of my daughter would just be so ineffective. 2
sandylee1 Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 As the mother of a 16 year old , I can understand exactly how they feel. In 2 years time if my daughter had a 30 year old BF I'd be very very angry with the situation. You are years ahead of her with life experience and you have the advantage easily. You have the wisdom to manipulate her without her even realising it. Obviously it's not nice to call you a paedophile... but I'd do my utmost to get my daughter to end the relationship if I were in that position. When I was 19 ... I had a BF who was 7 years older than me .... and though I didn't realise it at the time... he has a great advantage over me.... he suggested certain things and had me do stuff that I doubt a guy my own age (or closer to) would have done... Nothing awful.. but clearly it was because he was more experienced than I was in that aspect. A 30 year old and an 18 year old are in very different places in their lives. One studying and the other working.... too much of a distraction for my little girl thanks very much. 9
Gaeta Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 That's a lot of assumptions going on, but I guess I can see your point. Where I live there isn't a huge pool of people. Low population density and all that. Women my age, which I've posted about before, in my area are either single mothers or completely jaded. I was in a LTR with someone for 8 years. When I re-entered the field it was a mess. I dated women my own age, some a little younger and some a bit more on the younger side. What I found was the ones who were younger still had the thirst for life that I have. They don't have kids. Although I want kids in the future, there isn't that tether there now. They haven't been beaten down by the world yet. I don't decide to or not date someone based on their age, these were just my observations based from where I live. You can excuse it anyway you want. Date women your age, period. Search till you find one that's compatible. Thirst for life? Let me laugh - What you found out is that much younger girls put up with your BS much easier than women your age. You call women your age beaten down by the world, that makes YOU beaten down by the world as well. That's why her parents aren't interested in her dating you. 7
loveweary11 Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 I dated women my own age, some a little younger and some a bit more on the younger side. What I found was the ones who were younger still had the thirst for life that I have. They don't have kids. Although I want kids in the future, there isn't that tether there now. They haven't been beaten down by the world yet. I don't decide to or not date someone based on their age, these were just my observations based from where I live. These observations hold true across the USA, if not globally. This is precisely why I'm always with younger women. 1
PogoStick Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 The mom is just jaded and blames her shty life on men, rather than accepting responsibility for her mistakes. You could try explaining to her that the situation with proximity of ages wouldn't have happened if she didn't get knocked up at age 17. 3
Author PaperCrane Posted March 22, 2016 Author Posted March 22, 2016 As a parent myself I would severely question your mentally as to why a 30 year old man would date my 18 year old daughter and yes I would bard you from the house and do everything possible to make it not so as I would want to protect my child from possible manipulations and being in situations a 30 yr old man might be able to handle but my 18 yard old may not. Op I do not think you will ever get her guardians blessings on this relationship and it's easy for the grandparents to come round because it's not their say but you bet they have their own concerns as well. Good protective instincts. I bold the word I did because it stands out to me. As she is 18 she no longer needs a guardian. She is an adult. She can make her own choices. Would it also not be possible that a 18-24 year old could manipulate her? I wonder though, what situations would you be afraid of your daughter being put into? The statement appears vague and I'd like to know so that I can look into them and evaluate. Possible so that I can diffuse some fears the mom might have. Just for the record, I do have proper intentions with my girlfriend. I actually wanted to meet the mother before we dated and get to know her and be 100% transparent with the whole thing because of how some may have reservations about the dynamic. 1
loveweary11 Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 To me he must have something very wrong with him to chose to date a teenage girl instead of dating a woman his age and I think he does that because women his age wouldn't date him so he has to look toward much younger and inexperienced woman. . That's not why. We end up dating younger because we don't want all the broken ones with kids, mortgages, careers, crazy exes they share custody with and other weight holding them down and making them miserable. It's not age that is the factor, it's simplicity. We want women who are free of life's burdens and able to do fun and interesting things. By and large, this usually ends up being younger women, purely due to the arrow of time. It's not that we can't get girls our age. It's that we can do even better and get ones younger, who are much more difficult to get. Age itself isn't the factor though. Show me an older one who hasn't ruined her life yet amd I'm just as interested. 1
Author PaperCrane Posted March 22, 2016 Author Posted March 22, 2016 18 is just a babe in the woods and yes you are a predator to take advantage of her. Interesting conclusion. What brought you to this assumption that I am taking advantage of her?
Gaeta Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 As she is 18 she no longer needs a guardian. She is an adult. She can make her own choices. Does she live in her own place? Does she pay her own rent? Does she pays for her schooling? Is she fully financially independent? I doubt it !! Being 18 only means she is legally capable of signing a contract. That does NOT make her mature that also does not give her judgement overnight. You are dating a teenage girl. I bet if you look in her closet you can find her old dolls and ponies. 7
whichwayisup Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 I'm 30. As extra info I met her through a co-worker buddy whom I'm good friend with. She's a friend of his girlfriend. Okay, fair enough. But would you mind expanding on your reasoning though? It may help me understand the situation a bit better. She's also into older men. She doesn't find guys her age very attractive. Not stating that as some kind of pass, just as extra info. She's not of drinking age, let alone a grown up, adult. 18 is still a teen. You two are in two different places in life, she's just starting out with college and growing, you're at the age of settling down and probably not into partying and going out all the time. Just be aware that you could be taking something away from her, college experiences and being with people her own age. Her friends might be a bit weary of hanging out with a 30 year old, I mean would you feel comfortable going to a party with her and being the oldest in the room? Would your friends embrace her? Is she capable of living a life with a more mature older person? Again, this is where age and life experience gets in the way - You've been around the block a few more times than her, can foresee what's around the corner..She can't yet because she's only 18. She has rules to live by because she still lives at home. I doubt she even pays her own bills yet, let alone has her money. You probably have your own place, responsibilities that she doesn't have yet too. 3
Author PaperCrane Posted March 22, 2016 Author Posted March 22, 2016 (edited) You can excuse it anyway you want. Date women your age, period. Search till you find one that's compatible. Thirst for life? Let me laugh - What you found out is that much younger girls put up with your BS much easier than women your age. You call women your age beaten down by the world, that makes YOU beaten down by the world as well. That's why her parents aren't interested in her dating you. This could come from a bit of difference in places that we live and selection of people we can date. I bolded a portion to expand upon. Everyone has BS in their lives. Although I feel pointing a finger in an accusatory tone isn't the best way to make a statement, I see where your logic lies. Do I not have the freedom to date whom I choose? Does being an adult no longer have any bearing on personal agency? Where I live, it isn't the most affluent nor the prettiest place, although the nature portion is. I can only work with what I've seen and experienced. To play a bit of turnabout, I could also say that single women in their late 20's to mid 30's might have something wrong with them. Why can't they have found someone to settle down with yet? Would it be wrong for a woman to date someone when they are ~10 years the senior? Much of it may boil down to conjecture and personal beliefs being projected upon someone else. What I'm getting at, is why make assumptions before you learn more about the dynamic? You've given me some very good insight into this, thank you Also: Does she live in her own place? She has an apartment set for this upcoming fall semester. Does she pay her own rent? Yes. She works ~30 hours a week as well as her studies. Does she pays for her schooling? Yes. The loans are in her name as well as having numerous scholarships. Is she fully financially independent? She has her phone, insurance, food, and rent. She has enough at the end of the month to put away into savings after all her bills. Edited March 22, 2016 by PaperCrane
introverted1 Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 I wouldn't block it because it would only spur it on. Make me look like a controlling nut and like I don't respect my daughter's choices. Frankly, if I didn't do my job effectively, teaching her to find an age-appropriate mate, then I guess she might have to learn the hard way. I would continue to be a sounding board and confidante, and I would not be overly receptive to the guy..... But calling him a pedo in front of my daughter would just be so ineffective. Yep. Ironically, my 17yo daughter was being pursued by a guy at school (she's in college) that she guessed as being 24-25. She found out that he is actually 29, but she was already creeped out when she thought he was 4-5 years younger. She shut it down. I did not say a word, nor would I have for the reasons DOT mentions, but was happy to see evidence of all that parenting work! 3
PogoStick Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 Because an 18 y/o has poor judgement, is the solution to put her with an 18 y/o guy who has equally bad judgement? Makes great sense! In fact, the young girl is lucky to have an experienced, level-headed man by her side. 1
whichwayisup Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 Because an 18 y/o has poor judgement, is the solution to put her with an 18 y/o guy who has equally bad judgement? Makes great sense! In fact, the young girl is lucky to have an experienced, level-headed man by her side. I semi agree with this, but her parents may not see this at all. They may feel eventually age will get in the way, as well as less life experience, plus he has the potential to really hurt her, being the older one. She is inexperienced, young and not emotionally where he is. If her parents eventually DO get on board with this (and they may since it seems she's into older guys anyway) always treat her with respect, love and genuine care. Don't hurt her or make her feel bad, don't play games..Always be up front and honest with her. 1
Gaeta Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 Where I live, it isn't the most affluent nor the prettiest place, although the nature portion is. I can only work with what I've seen and experienced. To play a bit of turnabout, I could also say that single women in their late 20's to mid 30's might have something wrong with them. Why can't they have found someone to settle down with yet? Would it be wrong for a woman to date someone when they are ~10 years the senior? Much of it may boil down to conjecture and personal beliefs being projected upon someone else. What I'm getting at, is why make assumptions before you learn more about the dynamic? You've given me some very good insight into this, thank you You can date women between 20 and 25. As for my personal belief being projected well yes, I am answering this as the mother of daughter, and also answering as a woman that was once 18. We can have this conversation again in 20 years when you have a daughter turning 18. 1
Omei Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 Good protective instincts. I bold the word I did because it stands out to me. As she is 18 she no longer needs a guardian. She is an adult. She can make her own choices. Would it also not be possible that a 18-24 year old could manipulate her? I wonder though, what situations would you be afraid of your daughter being put into? The statement appears vague and I'd like to know so that I can look into them and evaluate. Possible so that I can diffuse some fears the mom might have. Just for the record, I do have proper intentions with my girlfriend. I actually wanted to meet the mother before we dated and get to know her and be 100% transparent with the whole thing because of how some may have reservations about the dynamic.n You "wanted" too but didn't.... even if you did you would have still gotten the same reaction. You basically have the wisdom and power to manipulate her choices without her realizing it so you may get your way good things or bad. Your thoughts your brain activity will be on different wavelengths Is she still living in her parents house? Legal or not if she is all rules apply parents say I don't want you dating that man while your living under my house they have the right to do so if she picks you they may very well ask her to move out (my parents did when I dated a older man) She doesn't have the skill set to maintain a long term relationship with a 30 year old man lol and this where your manipulation can come into play you could tell her "this is what I need in the relationship" and she could comply thinking that's how it's supposed to be. 18 year old girls in relationships tend to be love sick and naive and usually will do most things their bfs ask of them without question and vice versa for 18 year old boys. A 18 year old girl doesn't know what she wants in a man she doesn't have the experience of enough relationships to know, if you guys went off and got married chances are by the time she's 30 she may come to the realization that she really knows herself as a person and knows what she's looking for and her 18 year old decision to be with you could very well no longer come into play. When she's older she could trade you in for someone younger and hotter. You won't relief the mother she's not open to it period if she doesn't want you at the house she's not even open to you warming up to her she's against the relationship no matter your intentions she thinks it in proper. And again a mans mentally is very questionable when he finds a 18 year olds body and mind attractive and befitting to him, like most people have said good intentions or not most men do this knowing that this will be a very easy relationship for them without the hardship of a more mature relationship because this relationship will not be mature. And are you gonna have this 18 year old around your 30 year old friends too? Ugh don't get started there just the thought of a 30 year old oogling his 18 yr old gf in front of his buddies makes me wanna 2
introverted1 Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 That's not why. We end up dating younger because we don't want all the broken ones with kids, mortgages, careers, crazy exes they share custody with and other weight holding them down and making them miserable. It's not age that is the factor, it's simplicity. We want women who are free of life's burdens and able to do fun and interesting things. By and large, this usually ends up being younger women, purely due to the arrow of time. It's not that we can't get girls our age. It's that we can do even better and get ones younger, who are much more difficult to get. Age itself isn't the factor though. Show me an older one who hasn't ruined her life yet amd I'm just as interested. What does "ruined her life" mean? That she has kids? That she's had prior relationships? That she's been in jail? Something else? LW, when I read your posts, I get the sense that big boobs (untouched by gravity), a rockin' body, and a party lifestyle are your main requirements. Am I wrong? 3
Summer3 Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 An 18 year old girl can be very young. I don't know how mature she is but I remember 18 well: -At 18 I got an allowance and did chores for it. -My little pink room was always a mess. I couldn't/wouldn't didn't keep it clean and my mommy yelled at me all the time to keep my door closed because my room was such a mess. -I would spend most of the day sleeping and talking on the phone about boys with my friends. -I still had stuffed animals all over my room and continued to get new ones. _____________________________________ At 30 I was a full grown adult living with my fiancé and working full-time. 7
d0nnivain Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 Just for the record, I do have proper intentions with my girlfriend. I actually wanted to meet the mother before we dated and get to know her and be 100% transparent with the whole thing because of how some may have reservations about the dynamic. If you are wiling to do this. . . to basically court the mother to see that you are not a bad guy, you have a chance. But a 30 year old guy dating an 18 year old is a little odd. It's not like she can take you to her school dance. The deck is stacked against you because you are almost old enough to be her father & while she still has the word "teen" in her age, that is a real issue. Be courtly to the mother. By that I mean show up for dinner with flowers for the mom & the grandmother & an Easter basket for any children who will be present. Bring a dessert for all to share. Since your GF is not legally old enough to drink, don't bring wine & curtail your own drinking. In a month or two take the mother & your GF out to dinner. Hold open doors. Pull out chairs. Ask the mother about her concerns & genuinely listen to her. Do get the mother a mother's day card or at least buy her a tulip or something. You need to do whatever you can to win over the mother. Good luck. 2
Omei Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 I wanna ask...do you not have this massive fear that she's going to grow out of her 18 year old mentality? and oh she will, what if you are no longer in that picture for her people change...and they change most between 18-30 what if down the road she decides you are not the type of man she wants in life or that she doesn't want a man at all she has created dreams and goals for herself and decides a relationship is currently not what she's needing, when you're going on 35/40/50 however long it takes you want to waste time on finding someone to be with where 80% chances are the relationship won't end up being successful? Do you see the benefit of dating someone your own age then having this one where good chances it will end and you'll be left in the dating pool again but this time at a much older age? You willing to waste all that time? 1
Author PaperCrane Posted March 22, 2016 Author Posted March 22, 2016 I wanna ask...do you not have this massive fear that she's going to grow out of her 18 year old mentality? and oh she will, what if you are no longer in that picture for her people change...and they change most between 18-30 what if down the road she decides you are not the type of man she wants in life or that she doesn't want a man at all she has created dreams and goals for herself and decides a relationship is currently not what she's needing, when you're going on 35/40/50 however long it takes you want to waste time on finding someone to be with where 80% chances are the relationship won't end up being successful? Do you see the benefit of dating someone your own age then having this one where good chances it will end and you'll be left in the dating pool again but this time at a much older age? You willing to waste all that time? If you remove the ages of even tighten them in that example, it could be said of almost any relationship out there. It's a fear anyone could have about their partner. People can change at any time. It's a risk we all take when dating. Is the risk potentially higher? Maybe. Although a pose a counter question: is someone you love worth the risks if you truly love them? That's what most people seek to answer when dating, courting, and up to and sometimes throughout marriage.
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