BatManuel Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 (edited) So my Ex and I got together in December of 2012. I adopted a dog and she was working at the shelter I adopted him from. It was a week after I moved to a new city and I called her and asked her out. Instant connection, I went on one other date in that city and pretty much went all in with her. She was a few years younger than me (23 to my 29) and I was a bit weird about that. I was afraid she'd grow up and change or something/I was somehow taking advantage of her. Ok, I'm weird. Anyways, in the beginning I did emotionally cheat on her. I didn't actually think emotional cheating was a thing because I was never going to do anything with anyone else, but yeah...you can't decide you didn't hurt someone else's feelings. I was a moderator on OKCupid and would sometimes message girls back. The ex found out and we fought for a bit (30 min?), but it ended quickly and I never imagined actually cheating on her. This was the only fight we ever had. I was an idiot and basically thought she could understand that I didn't love anyone but her. I was also still friends with an EX and she always thought I still had a thing for her. I'm friends with all my EXs and wouldn't be if I wasn't over them. When I first met this girl I knew she was the one. I set a countdown on my phone to our first anniversary and was planning to propose. She spent a bunch of time talking about how she'd never get married and how that wasn't for her because of a personality profile test she had taken. Eventually she told me she could see herself marrying me, by this time I was pretty afraid of commitment. I should have believed her when she first told me she wasn't able to do long haul. Anyways, we lived together for about 1.5 years, though she pretty much moved into my place after three months. I think her cat coming to live with me counts as moving in. We were together for two years and things were great. We met family, spent holidays together and traveled quite a bit. Things were good, but I ended up getting sent to Korea for work for a year. She was willing to come with me, but we decided it was a good time for her to go to grad school. Anyways, she goes to grad school and I go to Korea. We text everyday, several hour skype dates on the weekends, I send gifts and care packages, she does the same. We spend a month together over the summer and she ends up getting a part time job at an accounting firm. Things are going great, I buy her a $2500 ticket to come to Korea for christmas and am planning to propose on our three year anniversary. A week before she's was going to fly out she tells me she doesn't want to have kids. I'm a bit blindsided by this , but the precipitating factor was that I had talked about setting up a college fund with a small inheritance that I had just received (R.I.P. Mom Mom). We're still texting and talking like normal, but the day before she's going to fly out and visit me she dumps me by text. I was on a conference call for work about holidays and family and wonderful things like that, because why wouldn't I be? ANYWAYS, I go no contact for about five days. Think things through and I text her about wanting to talk. Basically I said that I would rather spend a life with her than have kids. Ironically, now that I've thought things through I really don't want kids, I just wanted one with her. Didn't want kids before her, don't want one now. I could have one with the right partner, but that's just because I'm great with kids. So we talk and now she's dumping me because of communication issues. I suggest counseling and reading self help books, explain I'd do anything to make things right. She wasn't a fan of that. The effort to communicate was making her upset, because if she knew I cared about her enough to try she wouldn't have dumped me to begin with. Around this time I notice that a friend/supervisor of her's from work, a friend I encouraged her to have because she didn't get out much, had changed his facebook photo to them together AS SHE WAS DUMPING ME. She says it's nothing. Because, I'm clearly an idiot if I think that means anything. We talk some more, I eventually find clear proof she had been sleeping with him since before we broke up. I snooped a bit, but when you're on a public forum...ok I'm too smart for my own good. In my messed up state I bring it to her and she basically says I pushed her away and was acting weird in November, that she originally thought the guy was gay when he befriended her, that she never trusted me, etc....and cuts contact. 45 days after the breakup she's facebook official with the new guy, a divorced guy with a kid, and I'm left reading this site everyday. So that's me...the girl I was going to propose to is now with someone else. TL/DR: A slightly buzzed rant about how I ended up on this site. Edited March 22, 2016 by BatManuel 2
DreamP Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 Just read your story and curious to know how you are doing now. 1
LovelyJoey Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 Hey I just read your story and I am so sorry to hear that. You're a great guy with good intentions and a lot of potential let me tell you that, you love and care for her and did your best to do what it took to make things right. She was the one who messed up by cheating on you, especially while you're both still in a relationship. Don't blame yourself for needing to leave, sometimes life throws things in our way and we cannot blame ourselves for it. You've done all you can and as hard as it may be you must break contact with her at all costs and give yourself the time you need to heal. Everything will be alright and you'll find that perfect someone one day who loves you and wouldn't dare cheat on you. You're worth isn't defined by other's decisions, and I can tell you're a great guy who did your best man. Please stay strong and it will all be alright, now is a good time to come here for help, and/or lean on family and friends. Everything will be okay believe me, it just takes time. Have a wonderful day and know you're not alone.
Weathersf1 Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 (edited) I'm sorry bro. My deal fell apart at the 3 year mark as well. I don't know if its just me but I'm noticing a pattern as I continue to read more stuff on here. It seems that most chicks if not all that dump guys happen to first start off by complaining about some long standing issue which the guy is not even aware of. As he tries to resolve that, they jump to a different issue thats also been troublesome to them. You try to address that and they'll find another one. In most cases it appears that its usually cause women have already got someone lined up to replace the man. They don't have the courage to tell and would rather put them in a corner and make them feel as if they were the reason for the BU. I have read this so many times and am starting to really believe thats what happened to me as well. My ex started a new job and next thing she's going to Vegas with friends, gets back and tells me, we are over cause she's not happy. Would you men (and women) agree that this fairly common practice? Find a replacement and cut the person loose but tactfully, make sure to list all the reasons so they believe its for the best while you sit there with a deer in the headlights look Edited April 5, 2016 by Weathersf1 1
LovelyJoey Posted April 6, 2016 Posted April 6, 2016 I'm sorry to hear that happened to you man, it really doesn't make sense. Though I'm not really sure about that, could be but I just believe sometimes relationships don't work out or can end, for the strangest of reasons, but that's just my thought. Stay strong you guys, we'll all be okay!
Recommended Posts