How do I see if she thinks it's a date?

[NebraskaGuy]

I've been friends with this girl for a long time but recently just got in touch with her again. We've hung out casually a few times and text daily. We even went out to dinner and a movie recently (I know movies are no good but she really wanted to see it) and it was a total date vibe with me picking her up at her house, paying for everything, opening doors, etc... all the usual stuff... but I couldn't really tell if she thought it was a date or not. I mean if this was some person I had never met before then it would have obviously been a date, but since we have known each other for awhile maybe she just thought it was friends hanging out again after meeting again.

 

The flip side of this is my friend is on a local dating site and he sees her online all the time. Like she will be texting me and at the same time he's telling me he sees her on the dating site.

 

So now this week I asked if she wanted to go out on Saturday and she accepted and said she could spend all day Saturday doing whatever. This is odd to me because I'd think that Saturday would be the prime day for her to go out with anybody she wants to meet from the dating site, yet she keeps agreeing to do things with me. I mean I'm literally talking to her about the plans for the weekend and my buddy is telling me he's on the dating site and so is she. If my friend didn't tell me about this I guess I just wouldn't know so I shouldn't even be considering that information, but it makes me wonder if I've lost some advantage all these other people have since they can be totally upfront with their questions and profiles and such that she's reading. Meanwhile it's hard for me to just say "Hey, let me tell you all this random stuff about me in case you want to have a relationship".

 

I feel like maybe she's not seeing me as available because I haven't had the chance to give her a profile to read that explains my opinions and how I feel about all sorts of things like she's getting from the dating site people. Maybe she doesn't realize I'm actually seeking a relationship since she hasn't read the words on a screen. Yet at the same time I am reluctant to sign up for the dating site because she'll see me on there for sure and might think I'm out there looking for other people since I'm not into her from our hangouts.

 

I feel like I'm stuck here... Any suggestions? How do I know if she really thinks these are dates or if she's just hanging out with me until she finds somebody online? It seems like my options are:

1. The next time we are out I should go for the kiss. I'm a little reluctant to do this because if she doesn't think it's a date I don't want to ruin a friendship.

2. The next time we are out I should try to explain this situation to her and just say I need to know what the deal is before moving on to other girls.

3. Do something to make sure she knows that our next outing is a date and not just friends hanging out.

4. I could sign up for the dating site and then she'll see me on there and be able to read my whole profile and maybe that will get her more interested in me.

5. I could just do nothing and see how things go on our next outing but then if things continue as they are now I'll just end up going crazy.

 

I feel like I should have just already been on the dating site and she would have at least seen me on there and know what my deal is from the get go but of course it's too late for that now.

 

Thanks for any advice!

[Empire87]

A few observations and comments.

 

1. It's 1000% a date man. Girls don't go to dinner and a movie with their single straight guy friends. If people tell you otherwise, it's the exception and not the rule. You say you've been friends for a while but recently just got in touch again. Which means you're not the "buddy buddy" long time friend who she feels comfortable just palling around with. If you were hanging out in the same social circle and having hang outs together over the last few months/years then you could think it's the friendzone thing, but that's not the case here.

 

2. You decide whether it's a date or not. She doesn't need to confirm it for you to know for sure. When she says yes to going out together by yourselves and you pick her up, pay, and flirt... That's her telling you it's a date. Have the self awareness to know that because asking her to tell you is going to make her think less of you or make her feel like you're completely inept at reading the signals. No girls likes to lead a guy through what their date really means. So whatever you do, don't ask her to clarify if it's a date the next time you go out together.

 

3. Don't sign up for the dating site. Don't continue asking your friends opinion or getting his input on the situation. He's not with her. You are. He might be the guy who doesn't like to see other people getting dates and having prospects while he doesn't have any. If he's on the dating site then he's obviously not the ladies man or expert opinion you need advice from.

She's on the dating site while you talk to her? Ok? So what? You're the one she's gonna be hanging out with right? She flat out told you that she'd spend all day with you Saturday. If she wanted to go out with other guys or had another option then she wouldn't say this to you.

 

4. Make a move. Kiss the girl next time you hang out. Your friendship doesn't mean anything to you because you like the girl romantically. Your not life long "bffs" who are risking a great long term friendship by hooking up. Your basically acquaintances and just call one another friends. So the second she said yes to dinner and a movie, she told you that she's down to hook up at the very least.

 

5. Your not her BF and she's not your gf at this point. Don't look at, think about, or ask if she's seeing other guys or lookin for something casual at all. Doesn't matter either way. If you're confident in yourself and how you treat her, then you can win her over and build it into a relationship by the time you spend together. No one likes being told "I'm looking for. Relationship, how about you?" That kills all the mystery and excitement of the initial stages of dating and finding out about each other.

 

Take her out again. Know it's a date. If you have the confidence to do so, after you pick her up and get in the car, stop before you drive off and playfully ask her "so if I told you I've been wanting to kiss you since the last time we went out do you think I could get one now instead of risking going home kicking myself again?" . If she's got a sense of humor and not stuck up it might work for you and get rid of the tension so you can relax and have fun together afterwards.

 

You're not losing a friend if she doesn't want to hook up either. You went years without interacting regularly so neither one of you is a fixture in the others life at a friendship level. You're a guy she's dating. If one of her girlfriends asked her what she did this weekend, she's gonna say she went out on a date with a guy because girls don't spend time with guys in that manner if they're not interested or attracted to them.

 

Make a move!

[Smoothman]

A few observations and comments.

 

1. It's 1000% a date man. Girls don't go to dinner and a movie with their single straight guy friends. If people tell you otherwise, it's the exception and not the rule. You say you've been friends for a while but recently just got in touch again. Which means you're not the "buddy buddy" long time friend who she feels comfortable just palling around with. If you were hanging out in the same social circle and having hang outs together over the last few months/years then you could think it's the friendzone thing, but that's not the case here.

 

2. You decide whether it's a date or not. She doesn't need to confirm it for you to know for sure. When she says yes to going out together by yourselves and you pick her up, pay, and flirt... That's her telling you it's a date. Have the self awareness to know that because asking her to tell you is going to make her think less of you or make her feel like you're completely inept at reading the signals. No girls likes to lead a guy through what their date really means. So whatever you do, don't ask her to clarify if it's a date the next time you go out together.

 

3. Don't sign up for the dating site. Don't continue asking your friends opinion or getting his input on the situation. He's not with her. You are. He might be the guy who doesn't like to see other people getting dates and having prospects while he doesn't have any. If he's on the dating site then he's obviously not the ladies man or expert opinion you need advice from.

She's on the dating site while you talk to her? Ok? So what? You're the one she's gonna be hanging out with right? She flat out told you that she'd spend all day with you Saturday. If she wanted to go out with other guys or had another option then she wouldn't say this to you.

 

4. Make a move. Kiss the girl next time you hang out. Your friendship doesn't mean anything to you because you like the girl romantically. Your not life long "bffs" who are risking a great long term friendship by hooking up. Your basically acquaintances and just call one another friends. So the second she said yes to dinner and a movie, she told you that she's down to hook up at the very least.

 

5. Your not her BF and she's not your gf at this point. Don't look at, think about, or ask if she's seeing other guys or lookin for something casual at all. Doesn't matter either way. If you're confident in yourself and how you treat her, then you can win her over and build it into a relationship by the time you spend together. No one likes being told "I'm looking for. Relationship, how about you?" That kills all the mystery and excitement of the initial stages of dating and finding out about each other.

 

Take her out again. Know it's a date. If you have the confidence to do so, after you pick her up and get in the car, stop before you drive off and playfully ask her "so if I told you I've been wanting to kiss you since the last time we went out do you think I could get one now instead of risking going home kicking myself again?" . If she's got a sense of humor and not stuck up it might work for you and get rid of the tension so you can relax and have fun together afterwards.

 

You're not losing a friend if she doesn't want to hook up either. You went years without interacting regularly so neither one of you is a fixture in the others life at a friendship level. You're a guy she's dating. If one of her girlfriends asked her what she did this weekend, she's gonna say she went out on a date with a guy because girls don't spend time with guys in that manner if they're not interested or attracted to them.

 

Make a move!

Everything above, except don't say anything about wanting to kiss her, GOD NO!

Just kiss her!

[NebraskaGuy]

Thanks guys. This was very helpful and might just be the motivation I needed. I really appreciate it! Empire87 your advice is solid. I'm so frustrated at this point I'm ready to move on to other girls anyways so nothing to lose in kissing this one. I just wish she'd at least throw a few signals my way but I guess she's just waiting for the kiss as the first signal.

[Empire87]

Thanks guys. This was very helpful and might just be the motivation I needed. I really appreciate it! Empire87 your advice is solid. I'm so frustrated at this point I'm ready to move on to other girls anyways so nothing to lose in kissing this one. I just wish she'd at least throw a few signals my way but I guess she's just waiting for the kiss as the first signal.

 

You want signals? She's there with you alone. What other signal do you want? She's not gonna present the opportunity for you clearly. Girls don't do that. It's your job to understand that she wouldn't spend time with someone she wasn't interested in or open to kissing if she didn't want to.

 

If I took a girl on 2 dates and at the end of the 2nd date I went in for a kiss and she reacted with a "oh whoa whoa what are you doing!?" Id be like "me? What are you doing? It's 11pm on Saturday night and I just bought you dinner and a show.... You're the weird one for thinking I wouldn't want to kiss you".

 

You're ready to move on to other girls? Dude , you've been out with her 1 time, and she's said she's down to hang out and go on a 2nd date. What is it that's so frustrating for you? Nothing bad has happened. She can be on the dating site because you haven't shown her anything that would make her think you're mature enough to take advantage of the chance she's given you.

[NebraskaGuy]

You want signals? She's there with you alone. What other signal do you want? She's not gonna present the opportunity for you clearly. Girls don't do that. It's your job to understand that she wouldn't spend time with someone she wasn't interested in or open to kissing if she didn't want to.

 

If I took a girl on 2 dates and at the end of the 2nd date I went in for a kiss and she reacted with a "oh whoa whoa what are you doing!?" Id be like "me? What are you doing? It's 11pm on Saturday night and I just bought you dinner and a show.... You're the weird one for thinking I wouldn't want to kiss you".

 

You're ready to move on to other girls? Dude , you've been out with her 1 time, and she's said she's down to hang out and go on a 2nd date. What is it that's so frustrating for you? Nothing bad has happened. She can be on the dating site because you haven't shown her anything that would make her think you're mature enough to take advantage of the chance she's given you.

 

Cool man. I'm with you now. I think the fact that we already knew each other is throwing me off on this whole thing. I've gotta get out of that mode of thinking and just treat her like somebody I just met for the first time.

[Empire87]

Cool man. I'm with you now. I think the fact that we already knew each other is throwing me off on this whole thing. I've gotta get out of that mode of thinking and just treat her like somebody I just met for the first time.

 

My current gf is someone I was " friends" with through college where we texted every now and then and hung out when we were out at the same places because our social circles crossed paths every now and then. She turned me down a few times before I finally got the chance to take her out and after a couple dates I won her over. The key is to put forth the definitive feeling where she knows that you're into her and you're treating her like a romantic option. If you half ass it and talk to her like you would a friend, then she'll follow that lead. If you flirt, compliment her, open doors, etc.. She'll be very aware that you're not a confused nervous guy who feels like the situation is weird or awkward.

 

Don't act like or worry about it being awkward and it won't be. If you doubt yourself or try and think about what she's thinking, you're gonna psyche yourself out and blow it. Like I said before, if she's agreeing to a 2nd date, then she's literally telling you that it's cool to kiss her. (As long as you don't act like an ass or do something offensive obviously) but barring that, you're already in.

[d0nnivain]

I agree. The movies was a date. Movies are fine as a date. You already know each other so you were OK with 2 hours of not talking.

 

 

It was a date because you picked her up & you paid. If you two were hanging out casually as friends she would have met you there & gone Dutch.

 

 

If you are reluctant to go for the kiss, at least try to hold her hand at some point.

 

 

Also manipulate the situation into a romantic situation so you have the opportunity to kiss her.

[Miss Peach]

I agree with the advice here. The other thing is if you want to test the waters before going in for a kiss is to get into her personal space. For example if you are at a bar, go sit at the couch and sit really close to her. Start touching her like grabbing her knee at a funny moment. If she's not into it then she will back off. If she's receptive she will allow it or reciprocate.

[NebraskaGuy]

Hey guys, one more follow up question... Do you think a long "all day" date is good? I mean I'm all about hanging out with her all day but I'm just wondering if that is some kind of thing that makes it more like friends when you hang out and go to multiple places for hours on end as a date.