1st date, had sex, says she likes me, need insight

March 22, 2016

So I matched with this girl on Tinder two weeks ago. We seemed to get along well and she was rather enthusiastic in our initial chats. She actually suggested we hang out that weekend but I couldn't make it. So we made plans to hang out the following Friday. We didn't talk much during that coming week, but we stayed in touch. She reached out at the end of the week to make sure I was still on for the date and we finalized things. I actually thought she would bail because of the minimal contact and because she said she was coming down with something.

Anyways we met up at this local bar/restaurant and things went ok but not great. It was a place local to her that she was familiar with. We were both a bit nervous and our in person banter wasn’t exactly like our text conversations. There were some awkward pauses here and there, or weird moments where we'd look at one another and laugh. Tbh I couldn’t tell if she was into me initially.

Heck a few times I even said things to give her the chance to cut the night short if she wanted to. Mainly because I didn’t wanna be the one bail early…but I didn’t want to keep her if she felt things weren’t clicking. However I figured things weren’t going badly…and maybe we both had first date jitters. So maybe we'd need a 2nd date or I’d need to kiss her to see if there was anything between us if the moment arose.

So eventually I was ready to leave so I paid the bill and she offered to walk me to my car since I parked across the street. We get there and had a super awkward goodbye lol….like we both didn’t really wanna walk away from each other….but were both too chicken **** to do anything about it. I normally am not so hesitant with women, but I had no idea how to peg his girls interest or how we clicked. I gave her another goodbye hug…then a cheek kiss…then we started really kissing. Eventually later in the night we had sex.

The next day I get a text saying she had fun and that we need to finish more of what we started and that she likes me. We made plans for the middle of this week, but even now I’m wondering if she’s even really into me because communication the rest of the weekend and today was pretty lax. Plus today she said what she started coming down with over the weekend got worse and that she may have to bail on our date. Call me a skeptic, but my experiences have taught me that women use that as an easy way to bail. I’ve actually set up a date with another woman this week as well to keep myself from focusing too much on one person.

But Ive got this feeling that she might end up ghosting. I recently had another girl do that last month, after plenty of kissing and being told she had a great time. So I don’t have high expectations for a so-so date that ended well and with sexual connection. I’m kinda taking everything with a grain of salt lately. Yeah a girl can say she likes you, she had fun, and even have sex with you, but who’s knows what’ll happen?

And yeah maybe Im just overthinking. Its just been a while since Ive dated someone Ive really liked, clicked with, and also had everything run free and smoothly. So I guess I miss that. Dating around has become frustrating.

Thoughts?

PS – and yes I know the reputation Tinder has. But my experience has been the women aren’t usually the ones to want a one and done. Especially not girls who sent me follow up messages like this girl did. But I can’t expect much

March 22, 2016

Dude you're overthinking this way to much. Look at the basics and simplify it.

Do girls kiss and have sex with guys they're not into on a first date? Duh

If she wasn't into you she could've given you a pity kiss and then parted ways with 0 follow up text which would be the easiest thing to do. She didn't do that.

She initiated the next day text with you and straight up told you she wants more of what you did the night before. Would she ask for more sex from someone she wasn't into?

All signs point to her being attracted and interested in you. It sounds like you get in your own head and wonder "is she having fun? She probly wants to leave, I'll give her an out.. She stayed and kissed me but maybe she didn't reallllllly want to" .... Bro just relax. If a girl goes out with you on a date then assume everything is going great until you're told otherwise or she gets up and leaves. Don't show your inner pessimism by giving her chances to cut the night short, or leave early. If dinner is at 7, assume she's invested the next few hours in you and that's that.

If she's saying she's not feeling well then give her the benefit of the doubt for now. A simple "let me know when you're feeling up for date #2 and I'll make sure you leave smiling" and leave it at that. My bet is she'll continue communicating with you. If not..... At least you got laid right?

March 22, 2016

Most people have awkward 1st meetings. You get to pause & think about what you are saying on text; plus you are in a low pressure setting.

If the date progressed to sex something must have gone well. The fact that you haven't been electronically connected through the week is irrelevant. Clearly in person is better for her.

Schedule another date & have fun. Stop overthinking this.

March 22, 2016

Dude, girls are more attracted to guys who's feelings for them are unknown. Yes, the date was jittery because she was interested but unsure how to express it. Not keeping heavy contact with her between dates is actually a good thing and is helping with her attraction to you. Essentially, when you kissed her, she got the affirmation that girls love and that was enough for her to want another date. There are many ways you can keep a conversation lively.

If I may, I suggest you take a look at coach Corey Wayne on Youtube and his book. This is a classic example of what he teaches in relationships.

March 22, 2016

@Empire87:

I believe what you are saying is well reasoned. However, I just have the oddest luck and lame experiences with women. For example, a few years ago I had been seeing someone for about a month, she would tell me how much she liked me, how much she enjoyed how I made her feel...and we had some pretty good sex. But she still ended up bailing to pursue someone else, and left me really confused at how I may have misread everything (I do think someone from her past popped back up, not sure)

This is why I take everything with a grain of salt....from a woman's words to her actions....things never seem constant and what I think they were. Sometimes I just think I attract the wrong girls for me. Dunno how to change that yet. And Ive dated a variety of women.

And regarding your "at least you got laid" comment. Ive gotten to the point that sex doesn't make a lame situation feel better. I'd rather connect and have some real fun with someone for a while(even if its just casual), rather than simply thinking success is getting laid. I can screw anyone...but I cant get real person-to-person enjoyment from anyone.

@tasev1:

I know how to keep conversations lively and fun. And I know who Corey Wayne is. I dont need coaching on this. Im a very outgoing and lively guy who generally carries conversations. However, there's only so much I can do if Im not being met halfway or if I end up in unusual situations like my date last Friday.

When a girl seems quiet and nervous, I cant always force her to open up with just chit chat. Seems the kiss really changed things though.

Thanks for the input everyone.

Edited March 22, 2016 by anderZ

March 22, 2016

This is very true. I've had several times where a woman said, "I didn't know how strong my feelings where until you kissed me, it really surprised me." Or something to that affect. That's why it's important for the man to lead the romance. He knows what he wants and goes for it affording her there opportunity to be lead. It's also why you shouldn't be afraid to make a move. It makes real the fantasy or the intangible.

March 22, 2016

This is very true. I've had several times where a woman said, "I didn't know how strong my feelings where until you kissed me, it really surprised me." Or something to that affect. That's why it's important for the man to lead the romance. He knows what he wants and goes for it affording her there opportunity to be lead. It's also why you shouldn't be afraid to make a move. It makes real the fantasy or the intangible.

I love it when men can lead. FWIW it's really hard for me to gauge sexual chemistry until we kiss. I can know he's attractive enough and enjoy his company but the kiss is what tells me if I want more.

March 22, 2016

So eventually I was ready to leave so I paid the bill and she offered to walk me to my car since I parked across the street. We get there and had a super awkward goodbye lol….like we both didn’t really wanna walk away from each other….but were both too chicken **** to do anything about it. I normally am not so hesitant with women, but I had no idea how to peg his girls interest or how we clicked. I gave her another goodbye hug…then a cheek kiss…then we started really kissing. Eventually later in the night we had sex.

The next day I get a text saying she had fun and that we need to finish more of what we started and that she likes me. We made plans for the middle of this week, but even now I’m wondering if she’s even really into me because communication the rest of the weekend and today was pretty lax. Plus today she said what she started coming down with over the weekend got worse and that she may have to bail on our date. Call me a skeptic, but my experiences have taught me that women use that as an easy way to bail. I’ve actually set up a date with another woman this week as well to keep myself from focusing too much on one person.

But Ive got this feeling that she might end up ghosting. I recently had another girl do that last month, after plenty of kissing and being told she had a great time. So I don’t have high expectations for a so-so date that ended well and with sexual connection. I’m kinda taking everything with a grain of salt lately. Yeah a girl can say she likes you, she had fun, and even have sex with you, but who’s knows what’ll happen?

My thoughts are that neither one of you are into it.... and the reason why you think she's gonna ghost is cuz you're wanting to ghost yourself.

I mean frankly it just doesn't sound like you're all that into her either. And you're projecting your feelings on to her... although she probably feels the same (that she's not all that into you either).

Forget about this one.... you had a fun one night stand but IMO that sounds like all it was.

March 22, 2016

My thoughts are that neither one of you are into it.... and the reason why you think she's gonna ghost is cuz you're wanting to ghost yourself.

I mean frankly it just doesn't sound like you're all that into her either. And you're projecting your feelings on to her... although she probably feels the same (that she's not all that into you either).

Forget about this one.... you had a fun one night stand but IMO that sounds like all it was.

See that's the thing....

Before I kissed her I was ready to go home and chalk things up as a missed connection. After we kissed and eventually had sex I felt like there was chemistry there to pursue this. I wanna just give it a shot now.

I'm over quick flings

March 22, 2016

See that's the thing....

Before I kissed her I was ready to go home and chalk things up as a missed connection. After we kissed and eventually had sex I felt like there was chemistry there to pursue this. I wanna just give it a shot now.

I'm over quick flings

Fair enough, even though I thought typically the woman was the one to feel more connected after sex, not the guy.

Many guys want to back away a bit after sex!

Guess I was wrong about that!

Would you explain this comment?

"The next day I get a text saying she had fun and that we need to finish more of what we started and that she likes me"

What did she mean "finish what we started."

Did you guys not finish? Leave her hanging? If so that might explain her attitude now.

Just speculating.... not a mind reader, but many women are fickle and change their minds in early days of dating.

March 22, 2016

This is very true. I've had several times where a woman said, "I didn't know how strong my feelings where until you kissed me, it really surprised me." Or something to that affect. That's why it's important for the man to lead the romance. He knows what he wants and goes for it affording her there opportunity to be lead. It's also why you shouldn't be afraid to make a move. It makes real the fantasy or the intangible.

This explains how I felt after kissing her. Once I did I knew I should give it a shot.

This situation kind of reminds of of the weirdness with my ex when we first tried moving away from being just friends. I wasn't sure if the chemistry was right but after we took time dating a bit more everything just exploded. The sexual chemistry we had was really good and kissing her was great.

If I judged our first couple dates and awkwardness to mean we didn't click, I wouldn't have ever fallen so in love with my ex. And I've only have felt like that twice in my life about a girl. So I'm glad neither of us bailed.

So basically my point is that I try to give things a decent shot if the initial attraction is there.

March 22, 2016

Fair enough, even though I thought typically the woman was the one to feel more connected after sex, not the guy.

Many guys want to back away a bit after sex!

Guess I was wrong about that!

Would you explain this comment?

"The next day I get a text saying she had fun and that we need to finish more of what we started and that she likes me"

What did she mean "finish what we started."

Did you guys not finish? Leave her hanging? If so that might explain her attitude now.

Just speculating.... not a mind reader, but many women are fickle and change their minds in early days of dating.

OP would you address this post and clarify her comment?

Did you guys finish or not? Cuz as I said, if not that would explain A LOT.

Thanks!

March 22, 2016

Fair enough, even though I thought typically the woman was the one to feel more connected after sex, not the guy.

Many guys want to back away a bit after sex!

Guess I was wrong about that!

It depends on the girl how ill feel after. With her Im not necessarily "connected" (depending on how you meant it), but more so Im now motivated to see what kind of friendship or relationship we could have.

Would you explain this comment?

"<b><i>The next day I get a text saying she had fun and that <u>we need to finis

Edited March 22, 2016 by anderZ

March 22, 2016

It depends on the girl how ill feel after. With her Im not necessarily "connected" (depending on how you meant it), but more so Im now motivated to see what kind of friendship or relationship we could have.

Would you explain this comment?

The next day I get a text saying she had fun and that we need to finish

Okay so you had sex but you didn't finish. Yeah this explains why she's ghosting now dude, despite what she said in her text.

Thanks for clarifying!

March 22, 2016

My last post seemed to get cut off in the edit. So I dunno if you got to see it all.

Her and I had sex in a place that wasnt the most private and then had our time cut short because someone kept trying to reach her. She was already supposed to meet a friend before her and I got caught up in our sexy-fun-time.

So it wasnt as if I left the girl hanging or didnt do my best to satisfy her. We just didnt have enough time or the proper setting. Which is why I thought her text in the morning was promising and showed that she wanted to experience a night with me when we had time and the proper setting.

So maybe she is ghosting now, and that'd suck. But hey...I guess it is what it is

March 23, 2016

So based on todays convos I gotta assume she's not into me. She wasn't talkative at all really and didn't provide any feedback really when I hinted at an idea for a next hangout.

I have to chalk this up as a hit and quit. It sucks, but I can't do anything about it. I gotta evaluate my crappy dating experiences though.

March 23, 2016

An update:

So we made plans to go out this Saturday. And then she asked me if I wanted to get a room still over the weekend. This was an idea I floated to her earlier so we could "finish what we started" (she lives at home still, and I don't live alone either). Then when I said Id still be down for that she says "Nevermind. Im trying to be good...forget I mentioned that. Lets just go with our original plans for Saturday"

And then when I asked what she meant, she said shes been drinking to much lately and needed to cut back. So then I asked her if she felt we moved to fast last weekend. Because its my experience that when a girl says shes "trying to be behave" after moving fast with a guy...that maybe shes having regrets.

She said she didn't feel that way, and that shes just concerned about over drinking, and her health...especially since she loves her beer. So I didn't know what to make of that at all.

Im guessing she drinks a lot, and maybe often gets into similar situations like we had. Who knows. This girl Im not reading well.

Edited March 23, 2016 by anderZ

March 24, 2016

Go on your date. See how much she drinks. Then you will have a better idea of who you are dealing with.

March 25, 2016

Go on your date. See how much she drinks. Then you will have a better idea of who you are dealing with.

Thanks for the reply. I doubt she will drink much. I mean, she didnt drink much last time. Maybe 3 beers spread out over 4 hours.

So tbh, Im kinda getting the vibe that she's unsure about me still (despite her text the day after)...or possibly regretting how fast we hooked up (even though she says thats not the case). Its confusing to tell me she wants to go somewhere for the night, but then take it back.

This girl throws me off a bit...because she's shy, was in an LTR for years, and seems cautious....however shes an alternative rocker girl, and we did hook up fairly quickly. So tbh, Im expecting her to be more forth-coming and less hard to read....but I get the cautious, good girl vibe a bit.

Oh well lets see how the date goes.

Edited March 25, 2016 by anderZ

March 25, 2016

An alternative rocker girl? Hooking up first night?

She doesn't sound shy to me... sorry.

I know many people just love using that excuse -- she's shy, he'shy, everyone who acts shifty , confusing, dis-interested is shy!

It's an epidemic! There should be a book about it!

The whole world is going shy! LOL

Lame excuse imo.

March 25, 2016

She's just a flaky girl. Most likely the kind of girl who has too much fun. She will be hard to pin down because she likes partying and fking around with guys. Probably hard to get her to commit and when she does take a boyfriend, it will be with an Ahole. Even if you snatch her up for a month or three, don't expect it to last very long.

Please let me know how this turns out! I'd love to find out if I nailed this one.

March 25, 2016

An alternative rocker girl? Hooking up first night?

She doesn't sound shy to me... sorry.

I know many people just love using that excuse -- she's shy, he'shy, everyone who acts shifty , confusing, dis-interested is shy!

It's an epidemic! There should be a book about it!

The whole world is going shy! LOL

Lame excuse imo.

I'm talking about her overall personality, communication style, and how I've had to lead everything. She does very much remind me of shy girls that I've dated before, aside from the fact that we did have sex on the first night

March 25, 2016

She's just a flaky girl. Most likely the kind of girl who has too much fun. She will be hard to pin down because she likes partying and fking around with guys. Probably hard to get her to commit and when she does take a boyfriend, it will be with an Ahole. Even if you snatch her up for a month or three, don't expect it to last very long.

Please let me know how this turns out! I'd love to find out if I nailed this one.

I do think it's likely that she's a flake. And she very well may be a party girl who hooks up with different guys often or quickly. But I have a hard time being sure of who she is because of her personality.

She seems rather shy in terms of how we get along. Plus she does not seem as outgoing and confident as Party Girls I've dated in the past. Then there's also the fact that this girl was married for several years at a young age.

So who knows, I'll have to wait and see. But you're right that this likely won't really go anywhere.

March 25, 2016

I'm talking about her overall personality, communication style, and how I've had to lead everything.

That's called being passive, not necessary shy.

Big difference... but one I think many people make.

Anyway, I was just joking around with ya mostly.... as it seems we hear a lot of this "he/she is shy" excuse around here.

When the most likely reason someone is NOT acting as interested as we would like/hope/expect is....well.... simply put, they are just not all that interested.

Good luck though.... hope is works out!

March 25, 2016

That's called being passive, not necessary shy.

Big difference... but one I think many people make.

Anyway, I was just joking around with ya mostly.... as it seems we hear a lot of this "he/she is shy" excuse around here.

When the most likely reason someone is NOT acting as interested as we would like/hope/expect is....well.... simply put, they are just not all that interested.

Good luck though.... hope is works out!

Yeah you're probably right. Oh wells.

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1st date, had sex, says she likes me, need insight

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