How to discuss unplanned pregnancy.

[upnorth]

So. I am fully aware my life is a bit of a train wreck right now.

 

I had posted a couple of weeks ago about losing my sh*t over an incident with my purse. The crazies continued for a few days until a close friend actually asked me if I was pregnant as in his words " you've gone bat sh*t, are you sure you're not pregnant? You're acting really weird" . I dismissed the idea, but lo and behold, I decided to take a test and it was positive. So were the 7 others I subsequently took.

 

Now. This involves the older gentleman I mentioned in other threads. He is in his late 50's. I am in my mid thirties. I did go to his place and inform him that I was pregnant. I live in a place where access to abortions is restricted. It would involve travelling and I don't drive.This conversation did not go well. He's been avoiding me since the purse incident, and I don't blame him.

 

We are meeting in a few hours to discuss the logistics of all of this. Due to the wait time as well involved in terminating a pregnancy here, my appt puts me at twelve weeks pregnant. The abortion pill is not legal here, so not an option. It's truly an issue here.

 

So. Having more children is not something I wanted in life. However, over the next 6 weeks I'm going to have to sort through this. I'm not sure how comfortable I am with terminating a pregnancy at that stage. Adoption has actually crossed my mind. The other option of course is me raising it on my own. I already have a child I've raised on my own, and I have a career, so yes, I can afford to do so.

 

The original conversation he and I had was me letting him know and my decision to terminate. I am trying to figure out how to broach the subject of me continuing the pregnancy on my own. He will not want to be involved, I am 99.9% certain of this.

 

As to birth control, I have been on depo and yes was four weeks late in getting my shot. I have irregular cycles, and was unsuccessful in getting pregnant while in a ten year partnership in my twenties. He, as I said is older, and had shared with me that during his 27 year marriage, they had not tried to prevent pg. He also has what is referred to as retractable testes, which also inhibits fertility. Becoming pregnant after long term depo use is also usually difficult. He pulls out ( obviously not in time). Suffice to say , this is a shock. We had std testing done before we stopped using condoms. I messed up.

 

I'm not really sure what I'm asking. I am quite emotional over the whole thing. He does not deal well with that. I want to go into this rationally and calmly but I'm not sure how he is going to react.

 

I'm not ready to share with friends due to mixed pro choice views amongst my social circle. If I choose to terminate, I will decide which one to turn to for emotional support. As of now, all I have are Internet strangers.

 

Any advice?

[stillafool]

The abortion pill is not legal here, so not an option. It's truly an issue here.

 

Can he drive you to get the abortion pill?

[elaine567]

YOU have choices here, so you are not obliged to do anything you may not want to do.

It sounds like the "father" has checked out of your relationship and it all seemed a bit of a mess anyway with the crazy ex, so perhaps no real loss.

 

It all then boils down to whether you want to bring up this child on your own, or get a termination.

[elaine567]

Can he drive you to get the abortion pill?

 

Medical abortion at more than 12 weeks usually require hospital admission.

[ses]

Do you think there's a possibility the father could file for custody if the pregnancy is carried to full-term? Some people may act disinterested until the baby is born and then suddenly want parental rights. I would definitely talk to him about your plans and his expectations. I would recommend going to your local abortion clinic and discussing your options. I know my local clinic only offers a surgical D&C up to 12 weeks. You can always go across state lines but insurance may not cover the cost of the procedure. Your obstetrician will probably have more options, including pamphlets for adoption if you choose that route. In the meantime I would get routine prenatal care.

 

Since your periods are irregular, an IUD (effective for 5-10 years) or a tubal ligation (permanent) would be an option if you're sure that you never want to get pregnant again.

 

Best of luck, and take care of yourself.