rexal Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 (edited) My girlfriend and I have been together for close to 4 months and we've had a lot of issues within the last few weeks. 2 weeks ago I had an issue with her and I confronted her about it. Not much was resolved, so I had to bring it up a few more times throughout that week. Last week I talked to her about that issue among others it created almost every day of that week in an attempt to resolve them/understand them. She told me she feels weird talking to me because we've talked about issues so much that talking in general makes her feel uncomfortable now. She talked to her friend and sounded extremely uncertain about it from what I heard, and she seemed worried if that feeling will ever go away, or what it means. My girlfriend has depression and anxiety, so she has a hard time talking to a lot of people because they make her anxious or it drains her, similar to how I make her feel now. She told me it's weird how talking to me is draining now, and she shouldn't feel that way. Will giving her time and space resolve this, or could it be something else? Edited March 21, 2016 by rexal
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 If you know how your GF feels being pressured, and you know she suffers from depression and anxiety, why on earth would you behave in that way towards her? That is a sure-fire way of both increasing those traits AND driving her away.... 4
Author rexal Posted March 21, 2016 Author Posted March 21, 2016 If you know how your GF feels being pressured, and you know she suffers from depression and anxiety, why on earth would you behave in that way towards her? That is a sure-fire way of both increasing those traits AND driving her away.... Because nothing can be resolved if she responds solely with "I don't know" and there's no conversation about things.
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Well if she now feels pressured and has expressed that you stimulate the same feelings in her as others do - something isn't working. Is it? Your approach may need modifying. Or the whole relationship might... 1
Author rexal Posted March 21, 2016 Author Posted March 21, 2016 Well if she now feels pressured and has expressed that you stimulate the same feelings in her as others do - something isn't working. Is it? Your approach may need modifying. Or the whole relationship might... Yes, I understand that. We talked and I told her I won't bring up issues as much anymore and apologized. I still think it's going to be extremely difficult to solve problems in the future, but I can confide and take it easy now. Is that a feeling that'll fade as time goes on?
Author rexal Posted March 21, 2016 Author Posted March 21, 2016 Well if she now feels pressured and has expressed that you stimulate the same feelings in her as others do - something isn't working. Is it? Your approach may need modifying. Or the whole relationship might... Also, how would you recommend approaching issues in the future? She typically just says she doesn't know when I ask her anything in these situations.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 OP, what is the issue you're trying to resolve with her? And how are you phrasing it? Answering these questions will give us some important information and we can probably give you more constructive feedback. 2
Author rexal Posted March 21, 2016 Author Posted March 21, 2016 OP, what is the issue you're trying to resolve with her? And how are you phrasing it? Answering these questions will give us some important information and we can probably give you more constructive feedback. She kept canceling our plans, yet she was going out with her friends constantly and didn't make any time to be with me. So I asked her if there was something wrong between us, and she said no. I asked her if her feelings faded or anything, and she said no. I couldn't get her out to go on a date for 3 weeks, and when I finally did, she ditched me for her friends after an hour and we're just unable to get together to do stuff anymore and she blames it on depression, when she goes out with everyone but me.
basil67 Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 You haven't even been together for 4 months and she no longer cares to prioritise you. This isn't the type of problem to be resolved - this is the type of problem which should send you packing. ' Time to break up and find someone who wants to be with you. 2
Tahirthegreat Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Ouch, sounds like she loves her friends more than you. When someone wants to be with you, they will make time to do things with you. You are justified in being mad. Since its only been a few months, I would end the relationship now, that way it saves you further heartbreak, and allows her to spend all the time she wants with her friends. Find someone thats into you.
d0nnivain Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 No I don't think things will get better. If she has anxiety & depression she wouldn't be able to go out with anyone, you or her friends, when she's in the throws of feeling bad. If she can see them but can't make time for you, her condition is an excuse. If she can't talk to you about why she can't make time for you, what do you think will happen when real issues arise?
TXGuy Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 She broke up with you. She just hasn't told you yet.
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 She broke up with you. She just hasn't told you yet. Agreed. It sounds like you're a prop, not a partner.
preraph Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 She's afraid to tell you her feelings about whatever it is, so I would just assume that she definitely doesn't agree with you and either accept it or move on. Not everyone likes confrontation. You sound too pushy bringing same thing up over and over. If she agreed, you'd know by now. She doesn't agree and isn't under any obligation to agree with you. 1
Author rexal Posted March 22, 2016 Author Posted March 22, 2016 She broke up with you. She just hasn't told you yet. When I confronted her about these issues each time she was afraid I was going to break up with her. The one time she stopped me and told me she wants things to work out. She doesn't want to break up from my understanding. I just don't know what's going on.
d0nnivain Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 What's going on is she is in denial. Her behavior doesn't match her words. Behavior doesn't lie as easily as words do. If she is not being the GF you want, then guess what you get to break up with her.
basil67 Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 If she wanted things to work out, she'd give you a much higher priority.
morrowrd Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 Time and space will create a gulf between you, and at 4 months could very well bring the relationship to a close. My recommendation, let the issue go for awhile and take her out and have some fun with her. Do NOT bring it up, focus on something else. Make her smile, laugh, and that will help break the awkwardness. 1
Author rexal Posted March 22, 2016 Author Posted March 22, 2016 Time and space will create a gulf between you, and at 4 months could very well bring the relationship to a close. My recommendation, let the issue go for awhile and take her out and have some fun with her. Do NOT bring it up, focus on something else. Make her smile, laugh, and that will help break the awkwardness. How often do you think a normal couple should see eachother? How long should I let this go for, before ultimately bringing it up and deciding if I want to end it? I think the above poster might be right; she might just be in denial or want things to go back to how they were. She'd constantly tell me how happy I made her and how nice I was to her, something she never really had with anyone else, so she might be clinging onto that idea or feeling.
morrowrd Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 There is no rule on "how often" - go with the flow is the best way to go. What's normal for you two. Call or text her, tell her you miss her and ask if she'd like to go do something fun. Then do it, and focus on just that.
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