Mizz Layta Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 I was talking to guy about 6 months ago who made it plain the first time around he only wanted a hook up through his actions. He didn't verbally tell me but his actions indicated that he just wanted to hook up. He brought up sex in our first conversation and wanted to come over at my place. Needlessly to say, I told him that I'm looking for more than just a hook up. I proceeded to tell him that I want to keep our interactions outside our homes as we get to know each other. He never responded back and that was it. Then last month after being in no contact for 5 months, he contacted me and started talking like nothing happened. I have to admit that I was lonely so I succumb to his contact .We are hanging out this week. So my question is, why would you return when I explained to him clearly how I felt the first time if he just wants a hook up?If a hook was all he wanted then you'd know he can get a hook up just about anywhere..?
Emilia Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Because he doesn't have other options at the moment 7
Tahirthegreat Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 To try his hand again. This time he'll make sure to take it slow so he could have a better chance at getting some. 1
Zahara Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 He's run out of options. So circling back to see if you're available for NSA. 3
TXGuy Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Agree with the above. Also, it could be something like this: Him: Wanna have sex with me putting in almost zero effort? You: No, I don't want that. Him: Wanna have sex with me just putting in a little effort? You: ??? 7
TXGuy Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 So my question is, why would you return when I explained to him clearly how I felt the first time if he just wants a hook up?If a hook was all he wanted then you'd know he can get a hook up just about anywhere..? One more point. I think you vastly underestimate how much more difficult it is for a man to get a hookup compared to a woman (at least for those 25 and younger). A man generally has to make a concerted effort to make it happen. As demonstrated by your post, a woman generally only needs to let it happen. 1
SunnyWeather Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 I'm curious OP, when you say "started talking" is that over text or with an actual phone conversation? It would seem to me, if you were "talking" over the phone-having a conversation-you could suss out what his intentions were without having to actually meet. --and another thing I've found is that guys who just want a hook up are reticent to have real human interaction as a phone call requires. which is related to an earlier posting about how much effort one is willing to put into meeting someone. 1
Versacehottie Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 Well I do agree that one possible scenario is as TXguy and most of the others are saying: that he is circling back around to his options. The other possibility is that by being direct with him about not wanting to be NSA with him, you actually raised your value with him and it got him thinking. I think the "truth" is probably a combo of both scenarios: that you raised what is perception of your value is with your answer 6 months ago AND that he's circling back around to his options. The real questions is: circling back for what? If you have raised your value in his eyes, and he is in a different place in life, there actually may be a shot at something real. Or he could just be trying again and be willing to put in a "little" effort to have something that he leads you to believe is more than NSA but is effectively NSA!! -- made all the more attractive "get" for him since you turned him down already/rejected his initial offer. I'd say there is no foregone conclusion but that you will have to keep this guy on his toes for SURE! I think a lot of the people who don't assign you a high value to begin with, don't actually evaluate people in the most normal terms or from a level playing field. They want what has been denied them. So proceed with caution and don't think that will be over until you are well, well, well into a relationship with him. Make sense?
Empire87 Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 So I'll fill you in on a little secret about men. We have very short memories and unless a girl flat out refuses to answer or hang out with us, we will see it as an open option that she's still interested and can be won over with a little bit of effort and smoothness. You know this guy is looking for a physical fling. When you didn't go for that the first time, he disappeared. Odds are that he's going through a dry spell and thought "eh what the heck I'll text her and see if she replies". Then as soon as you reply and engage in texting back and forth, he's gonna think "nice, she's definitely into me a little bit still, just gotta play it cool and I'll get her into bed". Don't be naive and think all of a sudden he realized he needs to put in the time and effort to build a relationship with you. That's not the case no matter what you might be hoping in your head. If you want to experiment and get proof... Then accept a date with him and go out to dinner. Don't do anything more than kiss him at the end of the night.(if you really want to see if he's being genuine, then don't kiss him at all). If he pouts or tries to convince you to do more or turns the conversation into sexual innuendo, then you have your answer. He's not the guy you're looking for. 2
Deidre Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 Because he doesn't have other options at the moment This. And when you don't give him what he desires this time around, he'll disappear again...find women who will...and then, during a dry spell...come back again. I'd go no contact. Don't lower your dignity to spend time with a guy who treats you like an option. 1
tasev1 Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 (edited) Also it is the common that sex often happens by the 3rd date. Perhaps it is his style to get intimate fairly quickly; something he's used to. Or maybe he really likes you enough. For example, here is how some may think: "I'd hate to spend months dating a girl only to find out that we are incompatible in bed. Sex is important in a relationship - I could have spent the last few months dating somebody that rocks my world". So it can be like a test drive. People love sex - you can have sex without love, but not love without sex. If your personal values don't allow you to do this, then you really need to meet a man that will meet those values with you - and that will typically be people within your culture or commonality. Here's my current case - I always thought as you have. I would never have imagined having sex for several months with a girl, let alone kissing her within 3 dates. Where did that get me with women? NOWHERE BUT THE FRIEND ZONE. I want now a woman that can rock my world, push my beliefs where they have never been, and be someone that can help me grow as a man. So currently, if/when I go on a date, I would certainly like to get laid at least by the third date (and makeout on the first with whatever in between). EDIT: If I really like a girl, and she turns me down - and I would have to really like her - I would do what I can to keep in touch without being needy. In other words, I would still be dating around in the meantime without forgetting about her. But there comes a point where I have to drop the lead because an assumption has to be made that with enough resistance there isn't enough interest to keep investing. Attraction is hugely important - and a woman sufficiently attracted generally makes it much easier for the man to date her. Edited March 22, 2016 by tasev1
Jabron1 Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 So my question is, why would you return when I explained to him clearly how I felt the first time if he just wants a hook up?If a hook was all he wanted then you'd know he can get a hook up just about anywhere..? One more point. I think you vastly underestimate how much more difficult it is for a man to get a hookup compared to a woman (at least for those 25 and younger). A man generally has to make a concerted effort to make it happen. As demonstrated by your post, a woman generally only needs to let it happen. I think most women massively underestimate the effort required to be a 'player'. Probably because they have never went through the grind of making many approaches. Be under no illusions, OP. This guy is trying his luck. And, you are probably one of many.
preraph Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 He has nothing better to do at the moment and a lot of guys like to chase someone. Once you give in, he'll be done.
Omei Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 Nailed it. Sometimes persistence pays off, or so I am told. I've never been the persistent type. Either way, this guy obviously doesn't mind being rejected, and since you know what he is about and still made plans to see him, his hopes are going up. I agree you could go on two or three dates in his mind he's just hanging out and then you open up and have sex. Since he vanished the first time I wouldn't put in too much effort.
Miss Peach Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 He's seeing if the door is still open. He will try for NSA again if you continue talking to him. He's already pegged you as a 'good time girl'. Most men categorize women. If he pegs you as 'good time girl' he won't suddenly change you to 'marriage material girl' 5 months later.
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